Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso Quotes Page 1 of 22    

Quote from Give Me a Ring Sometime

Coach: I'm knocking off, Sam. Home to my book.
Sam: Still working on that novel, huh, Coach?
Coach: Yeah, coming on six years now. I just got a feeling I might finish it tonight.
Diane: You're writing a novel?
Coach: No, reading one.


Quote from Snow Job

Carla: That was Ann Marie's teacher. Said she's gonna have to hold her back.
Diane: Oh, that's too bad, Carla.
Coach: Oh, don't worry about it, Carla. It's just as bad to skip a grade.
Carla: You skipped a grade, Coach?
Coach: I skipped four. High school, I think they called it.

Quote from Snow Job

Sam: Okay, well, I got to skedaddle. I got a funeral waiting for me.
Coach: Don't we all?

Quote from Peterson Crusoe

Diane: You know, it took a great deal of courage for Norman to do what he did. I admire and envy him. He has heeded Thoreau who admonished us that, quote, "Life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify."
Coach: Why didn't he just say one 'simplify'?

Quote from Whodunit?

Coach: Boy, am I exhausted.
Norm: Not much sleep, huh?
Coach: No, Normie, I slept like a baby. It's just that I dreamed I had insomnia all night.
Cliff: You know, someday that man's head is gonna open up and a prize will pop out.

Quote from Teacher's Pet

Sam: Coach, I'm just taking geography. It's the last thing I have to complete so I can get my diploma.
Coach: Well, Sam, it would only be a start for me, you know. As a matter of fact, as I remember it now, I was very good in geography.
Sam: Really?
Coach: Yeah. Or was it geometry? Diane, give me a question in geometry.
Diane: What is the sum of the angles in an isosceles triangle?
Coach: It was geography.

Quote from Cheerio, Cheers

Coach: You know, Sam, I got to tell you. I can't see Diane going off with Doc like that. I always figured that you and her would get married, you know?
Sam: No, come on, Coach.
Coach: No, no, I'm not kidding. I pictured you moving to a little home in the country with a rose garden out in the front and a nice little room in the back for me. You know, every Sunday night Diane would make us a fried chicken dinner and we'd sit on the porch and listen to the ball game. I'd bounce your kids on my knee... God, it was going to be a happy house.
Sam: Well, I guess that's going to be Frasier's house now, Coach.
Coach: Well, you can come by any time, Sam. But call first.

Quote from Sam at Eleven

Coach: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You wanna talk about excitement, huh? Sam, tell 'em about opening day in New York. You come out of the bullpen on the seventh. The bases are loaded with pinstripes. Bobby Mercer's at the plate.
Sam: He hit a 400ft home run off me, Coach!
Coach: My God, it was the most exciting thing I ever saw!
Carla: Coach, this is Sam's interview. Why would he wanna talk about something bad happening to him?
Coach: You're right, Carla. I don't know what it is. You know, sometimes I just think of the smartest thing to say, and then it comes out so stupid.
Carla: That doesn't make any sense.
Coach: Well, you should have heard it before I said it!

Quote from Truce or Consequences

Diane: How dare he chastise her? She can barely scrape out a living. How much suffering does the poor woman have to do? She's raising four children, not to mention that one of them is Sam's...
Coach: One of Carla's kids is Sam's kid?
Diane: No. No, I didn't say that.
Coach: Wait a minute. Let me figure this out, now. Uh... Sam knows Carla five years, right? And Carla's youngest kid, Gino, is seven and a half. That's it. It works out.
Diane: Wait a minute. Gino is seven and a half years old?
Coach: Yeah.
Diane: And Sam and Carla have only known each other five years?
Coach: Right, but who would ever figure that Gino was Sam's kid?
Diane: She lied. She deliberately lied.
Coach: You mean that Gino's not Sam's kid?
Diane: No.
Coach: Holy mackerel! This is gonna break Sam's heart when he hears this.

Quote from Old Flames

Carla: You know, Coach, every night you walk out of here and forget your keys. Have you got them this time?
Coach: It's OK, Carla. I got it all figured out. I left them in the car.
Carla: Aren't you afraid somebody's gonna steal it?
Coach: I locked the doors.
Carla: How are you going to get in without your keys?
Coach: I made a duplicate set.
Carla: Well, where are they, Coach?
Coach: Holy mackerel! Sam. [Sam hands him his keys] Carla, we've really got to make a scramble. Looks like rain. Come on. I left the windows open.

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