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‘Never Love a Goalie, Part 2’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Never Love a Goalie, Part 2

517. Never Love a Goalie, Part 2

Aired February 5, 1987

Carla worries she is the reason Eddie LeBec (Jay Thomas) is in a slump. Meanwhile, Diane completes her jury service.

Quote from Woody

Frasier: Hey, Wood, what you working on?
Woody: Cheers newsletter.
Frasier: Wood, Cheers doesn't have a newsletter.
Woody: Wow, there's a scoop. I'll make that my lead story.

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Quote from Cliff

Norm: Well, Sammy, it's not like we're not for the guy. I mean, especially with Carla going out with him. But, you know, the guy's in a major slump, let's face it.
Cliff: Hey, I can tell you an interesting thing about slumps, too. Uh, statistics show that they can be grouped into four categories.
Norm: Yeah?
Cliff: Yeah, that's right. Uh, 65 percent physical, yeah, 17 percent emotional, 15 percent psychological and, uh, three percent dental.
Norm: Cliffie, you know something, man? You're a walking encyclopedia.
Cliff: Oh, thank you, Normie.
Norm: Unfortunately, you're also a talking encyclopedia.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Sam, I don't understand. Why does Carla want Eddie to screw up?
Sam: [sighs] Well, you see, if Eddie loses, then Carla wins, because it proves she's no longer a jinx. But if he wins, then Carla loses, 'cause it reinforces the jinx theory.
Woody: Ah, the old "boy loses, girl wins, boy wins, girl loses" jinx reinforcement theory. If I've seen it once, I've seen it...

Quote from Woody

Carla: [on answering machine] Hi, Sam, this is Carla. I'll be in a little late today. Eddie's really down about his losing streak, and I want to cheer him up. It may take six or seven hours. You know hockey players. Bye. [beeping]
Diane: [on answering machine] Hi, Sam, it's me. I'm on a little break from the trial. We had some of the most fascinating testimony today. Of course, I'm not at liberty to discuss it. Suffice it to say... [tape fast-forwarding] and the defendant had the unmitigated gall to get... Oh, uh, they're calling us back in. I have to go. Love you. Bye. [beeping]
Woody: [on answering machine] Uh, this is Woody. Sam, uh, I got home tonight and remembered Diane called after you left and wanted me to give you a message. I love you. Bye. [beeping] Uh, Sam, this is Woody again. That message I just left, you understand it was Diane saying I love you, not me. All right, bye. [beeping] This is Woody again. Uh, don't misunderstand me, I really like you a lot. [beeping] This is Woody again. Uh, I've been thinking it over, Sam. I do love you.

Quote from Norm

Cliff: Hey, uh, Normie? Are you going to do my taxes again this year?
Norm: Sure thing, bud.
Cliff: Yeah, boy, I'm going to need some help shuffling through these new tax laws, I'll tell you.
Norm: What new tax laws?
Cliff: Maybe, uh, maybe I'll just short-form it this year.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Hey, uh, I don't know if you guys have the same feeling I do, but I think it is just more than a coincidence that Eddie LeBec's, uh, bad run started when he began dating Carla. I say she's a jinx.
Sam: Oh, come on; hey, don't say that. I mean, Carla's finally found someone she really likes.
Norm: But what else could it possibly be, Sam?
Sam: Aw, it's ridiculous. I- I don't believe in that. Yeah, hey, Frasier, come here. Listen, tell these guys, will you, that there's nothing to the idea that Carla might be jinxing Eddie.
Frasier: Well, Sam, technically, there is no such thing as a jinx, unless someone thinks there is. Now, we know that Eddie's very superstitious. If he believes that Carla's a jinx, I'm afraid it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sam: All right, so Carla's a jinx. What are we going to do about it?
Cliff: Well, I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I am not going to let that woman kiss me.
Norm: Yeah, right. Like there's a real danger of that happening.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Well, Sam, you'll be happy to know that you have me back full-time now.
Sam: Oh.
Diane: The trial is over.
Sam: Well, good. Who won?
Diane: Certainly not justice. I'm afraid the wife decided to drop all charges. But I say the husband is a con artist who somehow managed to convince that naive woman that he loves her. How can a man tell a woman that he loves her and yet try to kill her?
Sam: I can see it. I can see it.

Quote from Carla

Sam: Pretty gutsy thing to do.
Carla: Gutsy? Nothin'. I'm going to prove to all you yutzes and to myself that I'm no jinx. If Eddie loses tonight, it's not my fault. You'll see. He can stink just as bad without me as he stunk with me.
Diane: It's not Romeo and Juliet, but it has a certain charm.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Well... For a refreshing change, Carla Tortelli ends up without the guy.
Sam: This shirt's drip-dry if you want to give it a...
Carla: No, no, come on. It's happened so many times, my tear ducts are all dried up. Why don't you go on home, Sam? Come on. I'll clean up here.
Sam: Is that what you want?
Carla: Yeah, yeah, I think I want to be alone for awhile.
Sam: Okay but if you want someone to talk to, I'll be over at Diane's. So, you know, if you want to call, just go ahead. Please call.
Carla: Thanks, Sam. Good night.
[After Sam leaves, Carla puts the tape Eddie gave her into a tape recorder. "O, Canada" plays on a pipe organ]
Male Singer: [on tape] O, Canada, our home and [Carla joins in] native land True patriot love ? [male singer only] In all thy sons command With glowing hearts, we see thee rise The True North strong and free

Quote from Carla

Eddie LeBec: Say, Carla, you sure you don't want to go to the game with me tonight? I'm really on a hot streak.
Carla: You're tellin' me you're on a hot streak. For the past few weeks, you've been fantastic. Not bad on the ice, either. Hey, Eddie, do me a favor and beat it!
Eddie LeBec: What's the problem?
Carla: Problem is we just don't work anymore. It's been a lot of grins, but we both knew it wasn't going to last forever.
Eddie LeBec: I don't get it. I thought things were great between us.
Carla: Well, they were, but they're not anymore, so hit the bricks.
Eddie LeBec: All right, whatever you say.
Man: Say, I was in here a couple of weeks ago. Didn't Carla and her boyfriend break up then?
Sam: Yeah. They do that before every game. It's kind of a ritual.
Eddie LeBec: Hey, Carla, that's it! We're finished! Through! Good-bye!
Carla: Good-bye!
Eddie LeBec: Red Wings Thursday night. See you then, eh?
Carla: Superstitious little guy, but he's mine.

Quote from Cliff

Norm: See there's a little more Eddie LeBec trade talk here.
Cliff: Oh, yeah? Oh, terrific. Uh, Bruins are playing Gretzky at Edmonton tonight. Boy, another chance to see Eddie "Come on in and bring your puck" LeBec.
Norm: [chuckling] Yeah.
Cliff: Boy, I tell you, that zuke is a disgrace to his teammates and this fair city.

Quote from Diane

Juror #1: Motions, recess, motions, recess. When is this thing going to end?
Juror #2: Two weeks, and the wife hasn't even taken the stand yet.
Diane: Sorry. I missed a couple words of testimony. I wanted to go back and double-check it with the court reporter.
Juror #3: Why do you keep your own record of the testimony? They write down everything that's said.
Diane: They don't write down emotions attitudes, telling facial glances.
Juror #1: Study my face. What am I thinking?

Quote from Diane

Diane: I can't believe that I'm hearing this. These are your grounds for acquittal? Well, pardon me my objectivity, but I don't happen to agree. He did it! I'm sure of it. I can tell just by looking at him.
Juror #1: Oh, yeah?
Diane: Yes. I was in a very similar situation to the wife in that my fiance has the same disarming brand of charm.
Juror #2: Are you saying that you're about to marry a murderer?
Juror #4: No, don't stop her. Let her do it.
Diane: Ha-ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha! Laugh if you will. I'm not fooled by Mr. Grand, and neither should you be.

Quote from Carla

Cliff: I tell you, the guy's a bum!
Carla: Sammy, two, uh, drafts and a Manhattan. And who's a bum?
Woody: Eddie.
Norm: Fisher. Eddie Fisher. The guy hasn't had a hit record in years.
Carla: Well, you better be talking about him and not my Eddie.
Sam: Are you worried about the game tonight?
Carla: Of course I'm worried about it. I know Eddie's had a couple of bad games. Seven.
Norm: Nine. Seven. I've never been very good with numbers.
Carla: Yeah, well, I got a really good feeling about tonight's game, you know? The weather's cleared, it's a full moon, and it's an even-numbered day in an even-numbered month. He'll turn it around tonight, you'll see.

Quote from Sam

Norm: Sammy, uh, could you, uh, step down to my office for one second, please? Listen, uh, we were thinking maybe someone's got to tell Carla that she's jinxing Eddie.
Sam: And what suicidal idiot did you have in mind to do that?
Norm: You know, your name kept coming up in the discussion...
Sam: No, no, no, no, no...
Norm: Come on, Sammy. Look, it's just for all us guys whose lives are so damn shallow that we depend upon the success of our local sports teams to give us a little identity around here. Am I right? Huh?
Sam: No, no, no, no way. Listen, if you want to do this, then we'll do it fair and square. We'll draw straws. Don't look.
Cliff: Oh, that's fair, Normie.
Sam: Now, I want the person who has to tell Carla to know that there's a choir job waiting for them in Vienna. [Norm gets the short straw] Sorry, Norm.
Cliff: Well, on the upside, Normie, you're in for some great strudel.
Woody: Oh, damn. I've never been to Europe.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Listen, uh... Carla, uh a few of the guys and I have been thinking. Now, this probably has, like, absolutely nothing to do with anything, but, uh...
Carla: You know, Norm, I've been thinking about Eddie and what's happened to his game and all that, and do you think it's possible that I could be jinxing him?
Norm: You? Jinxing Eddie? That's silly. No way! [chuckling] No. [whispering] Thank you, God.

Quote from Sam

Carla: Hey, Eddie!
Eddie LeBec: Hi.
Sam: How's it going?
Eddie LeBec: Well, after my last game, a fan sent me some new equipment. Dark glasses and a white cane.
Sam: Oh, you're just having a slump. You'll get out of it.
Eddie LeBec: I don't know, Sam. I've tried everything. I've been watching game films, taking extra practice. I don't know what to do. What did you used to do to break out of slumps when you were pitching, Sam?
Sam: Me? Well, l, uh, drank myself into a coma.
Woody: Did it work?

Quote from Carla

Carla: Hey, Eddie.
Eddie LeBec: Hey, hey, Carla.
Carla: Tonight's your night; I know it.
Eddie LeBec: Yeah, well, facing Gretzky, eh?
Carla: Hey, forget him. You carrying that lucky clove of garlic I gave you?
Eddie LeBec: Yeah.
Diane: Yes, he is.

Quote from Carla

Eddie LeBec: I don't know, Carla. I'm starting to get that choking feeling I usually get a day or two before they send me down to the minors.
Carla: No, no, no, come on! I don't want to hear any of that. There's got to be an explanation for this, and we're going to figure it out right now. Let's take it from the beginning, okay? When was the last time you won?
Eddie LeBec: Well, let's see. I think that would be the Canadiens game, eh? Um, that's right, because I remember that's the night we met.
Carla: Yeah, could've been somewhere around then. Yeah, so, um, when did things start going bad?
Eddie LeBec: Well, I guess that would be the next game.
Carla: Right. All right, now think really hard. Have you been doing anything different during that time? Um, eating different foods, taking a different route to the Garden, buying different magazines? I mean, anything, anything at all?
Eddie LeBec: No, no, nothing at all. I... I've been living my life the same way as I've always lived it. Except for one thing. [kisses Carla]

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Penalty?! What? He calls that slashing?
Norm: Well, Frasier, he nearly cut Curry in half there.
Frasier: Oh, ticky-tack. It's a wussy call. Let the guys play the game.

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