Frasier: Hey, Wood, what you working on?
Woody: Cheers newsletter.
Frasier: Wood, Cheers doesn't have a newsletter.
Woody: Wow, there's a scoop. I'll make that my lead story.

Norm: Well, Sammy, it's not like we're not for the guy. I mean, especially with Carla going out with him. But, you know, the guy's in a major slump, let's face it.
Cliff: Hey, I can tell you an interesting thing about slumps, too. Uh, statistics show that they can be grouped into four categories.
Norm: Yeah?
Cliff: Yeah, that's right. Uh, 65 percent physical, yeah, 17 percent emotional, 15 percent psychological and, uh, three percent dental.
Norm: Cliffie, you know something, man? You're a walking encyclopedia.
Cliff: Oh, thank you, Normie.
Norm: Unfortunately, you're also a talking encyclopedia.

Woody: Sam, I don't understand. Why does Carla want Eddie to screw up?
Sam: [sighs] Well, you see, if Eddie loses, then Carla wins, because it proves she's no longer a jinx. But if he wins, then Carla loses, 'cause it reinforces the jinx theory.
Woody: Ah, the old "boy loses, girl wins, boy wins, girl loses" jinx reinforcement theory. If I've seen it once, I've seen it...

Diane: Well, Sam, you'll be happy to know that you have me back full-time now.
Sam: Oh.
Diane: The trial is over.
Sam: Well, good. Who won?
Diane: Certainly not justice. I'm afraid the wife decided to drop all charges. But I say the husband is a con artist who somehow managed to convince that naive woman that he loves her. How can a man tell a woman that he loves her and yet try to kill her?
Sam: I can see it. I can see it.

Carla: [on answering machine] Hi, Sam, this is Carla. I'll be in a little late today. Eddie's really down about his losing streak, and I want to cheer him up. It may take six or seven hours. You know hockey players. Bye. [beeping]
Diane: [on answering machine] Hi, Sam, it's me. I'm on a little break from the trial. We had some of the most fascinating testimony today. Of course, I'm not at liberty to discuss it. Suffice it to say... [tape fast-forwarding] and the defendant had the unmitigated gall to get... Oh, uh, they're calling us back in. I have to go. Love you. Bye. [beeping]
Woody: [on answering machine] Uh, this is Woody. Sam, uh, I got home tonight and remembered Diane called after you left and wanted me to give you a message. I love you. Bye. [beeping] Uh, Sam, this is Woody again. That message I just left, you understand it was Diane saying I love you, not me. All right, bye. [beeping] This is Woody again. Uh, don't misunderstand me, I really like you a lot. [beeping] This is Woody again. Uh, I've been thinking it over, Sam. I do love you.

Cliff: Hey, uh, Normie? Are you going to do my taxes again this year?
Norm: Sure thing, bud.
Cliff: Yeah, boy, I'm going to need some help shuffling through these new tax laws, I'll tell you.
Norm: What new tax laws?
Cliff: Maybe, uh, maybe I'll just short-form it this year.

Cliff: Hey, uh, I don't know if you guys have the same feeling I do, but I think it is just more than a coincidence that Eddie LeBec's, uh, bad run started when he began dating Carla. I say she's a jinx.
Sam: Oh, come on; hey, don't say that. I mean, Carla's finally found someone she really likes.
Norm: But what else could it possibly be, Sam?
Sam: Aw, it's ridiculous. I- I don't believe in that. Yeah, hey, Frasier, come here. Listen, tell these guys, will you, that there's nothing to the idea that Carla might be jinxing Eddie.
Frasier: Well, Sam, technically, there is no such thing as a jinx, unless someone thinks there is. Now, we know that Eddie's very superstitious. If he believes that Carla's a jinx, I'm afraid it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sam: All right, so Carla's a jinx. What are we going to do about it?
Cliff: Well, I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I am not going to let that woman kiss me.
Norm: Yeah, right. Like there's a real danger of that happening.

Sam: Pretty gutsy thing to do.
Carla: Gutsy? Nothin'. I'm going to prove to all you yutzes and to myself that I'm no jinx. If Eddie loses tonight, it's not my fault. You'll see. He can stink just as bad without me as he stunk with me.
Diane: It's not Romeo and Juliet, but it has a certain charm.

Carla: Well... For a refreshing change, Carla Tortelli ends up without the guy.
Sam: This shirt's drip-dry if you want to give it a...
Carla: No, no, come on. It's happened so many times, my tear ducts are all dried up. Why don't you go on home, Sam? Come on. I'll clean up here.
Sam: Is that what you want?
Carla: Yeah, yeah, I think I want to be alone for awhile.
Sam: Okay but if you want someone to talk to, I'll be over at Diane's. So, you know, if you want to call, just go ahead. Please call.
Carla: Thanks, Sam. Good night.
[After Sam leaves, Carla puts the tape Eddie gave her into a tape recorder. "O, Canada" plays on a pipe organ]
Male Singer: [on tape] O, Canada, our home and [Carla joins in] native land True patriot love ? [male singer only] In all thy sons command With glowing hearts, we see thee rise The True North strong and free

Eddie LeBec: Say, Carla, you sure you don't want to go to the game with me tonight? I'm really on a hot streak.
Carla: You're tellin' me you're on a hot streak. For the past few weeks, you've been fantastic. Not bad on the ice, either. Hey, Eddie, do me a favor and beat it!
Eddie LeBec: What's the problem?
Carla: Problem is we just don't work anymore. It's been a lot of grins, but we both knew it wasn't going to last forever.
Eddie LeBec: I don't get it. I thought things were great between us.
Carla: Well, they were, but they're not anymore, so hit the bricks.
Eddie LeBec: All right, whatever you say.
Man: Say, I was in here a couple of weeks ago. Didn't Carla and her boyfriend break up then?
Sam: Yeah. They do that before every game. It's kind of a ritual.
Eddie LeBec: Hey, Carla, that's it! We're finished! Through! Good-bye!
Carla: Good-bye!
Eddie LeBec: Red Wings Thursday night. See you then, eh?
Carla: Superstitious little guy, but he's mine.