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‘Ma Always Liked You Best’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Cheers: Ma Always Liked You Best

905. Ma Always Liked You Best

Aired October 18, 1990

When Cliff doesn't want to give up his bachelor's paradise when his mother returns to town, Woody invites Esther to stay with him. Meanwhile, Rebecca's refusal to grease the wheels of commerce leads to construction gridlock outside Cheers.

Quote from Esther Clavin

Esther Clavin: Oh, all right. Clifford, we'd be delighted to have you join us for Police Academy tonight.
Cliff: Oh, no, that's okay, Ma. I'm just gonna have a lot of fun right here. I'm as happy as a lark.
Woody: Well, actually, Mr. Clavin, the lark is a very depressed bird. It has one of the highest suicide rates in the entire ornithological kingdom. Interestingly enough, its song is...
Both: more of a dirge.
Cliff: You've been teaching him bird trivia, haven't you, Ma?
Esther Clavin: Woody is the best student I've had, bar none.

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Quote from Cliff

Woody: Oh, Knight of the Pentacles. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, Mr. Peterson.
Carla: Woody, are those Tarot cards?
Woody: Yeah.
Carla: What are you doing? You have to be careful with those things.
Cliff: Ah, yes, the awesome power and dreaded prophecy of the Tarot. So ancient and mysterious that no one knows its history, not even me.
Norm: Well, that's a relief.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Well, that was Ma. Her flight got in a little bit early, and, uh, she'll be by as soon as she grabs a cab.
Norm: Your mom's in town?
Cliff: Yeah.
Norm: Why don't you go pick her up?
Cliff: Oh, Normie, that would set exactly the wrong tone for this visit. You know why she's here. She wants to move back in with me. Well, she can just forget it, I tell you. She's not gonna be running my life like she did when I was in my mid-30s, no, sirree, sir. No, no. I'm a new Cliff Clavin, new man. Oh, hey, yeah, I'd be happy to see her. I'd take her out to dinner, give her a perm, but that's about it.
Woody: I don't get it, Mr. Clavin. I thought you liked your mom a lot.
Norm: A whole lot.
Frasier: Too much to be healthy, really.

Quote from Norm

Rebecca: No, you see Sam, no, no, you made me the manager. You gave me the authority to handle these problems. So let me just do it my own way.
Sam: Okay, Manager, what are you gonna do?
Rebecca: Well, I think we'll just make an entrance through the alley.
Sam: Oh, you've got to be kidding. What are you gonna do, bust a hole in my wall?
Norm: Well, actually, Sam, you know that window, the leaded stained glass window is in a single wooden frame, so I think you could pop it out fairly easily with a crowbar. I think the opening's like four by eight, which is perfectly good for a standard entrance. You build a little staircase and you've got yourself a nice little doorway.
Sam: Well, you've put a lot of thought into this.
Norm: It's always been a dream of mine to someday retire and build a little apartment back there.

Quote from Esther Clavin

Cliff: So, uh, Ma, what made you decide to blow into town all of a sudden?
Esther Clavin: Well, you know how much I enjoy the historically rich sport of dog racing.
Cliff: Who doesn't?
Esther Clavin: It turned out I enjoyed it a bit too much last Friday, and, uh, let's just say I owe some people some money.
Norm: Whoops.
Esther Clavin: Well, the dog I put all my money on, apparently had a parasitic condition. He scooted the last 75 yards. He got the most laughs, but they don't pay on laughs.

Quote from Esther Clavin

Woody: Thanks for giving me a lift, Ma Clavin.
Esther Clavin: My pleasure, Woody. Here's your lunch. I cut the grapes in half, but should one lodge in your esophagus, remember the international sign for choking is this.
Cliff: Uh, how come you never taught me that, Ma?
Esther Clavin: Oh, Clifford. With that windpipe of yours, it would take a knockwurst to cut off your air.

Quote from Esther Clavin

Cliff: I know what you're trying to do, Ma, and it's not going to work. You're trying to make me jealous. Huh. Well, I'm not going to be asking you to move back in with me. Don't you worry. I know your wily ways. You see, you're forgetting, I am a graduate student of the Esther Clavin School of Emotional Blackmail.
Esther Clavin: Well, that, and a nickel will get you a civil service job.
Cliff: Back off, Ma.
Esther Clavin: Clifford, I'm not trying to get you jealous. I don't have to. I found a wonderful companion in Woody. He's like the son I never had.
Cliff: Well, what about me?
Esther Clavin: You are the son I did have.

Quote from Norm

Norm: I think that ought to do it.
Rebecca: What do you mean "that ought to do it?" You need to cut another bar out of there. People have to squeeze through there.
Norm: Rebecca, trust me. I've spent a lifetime learning how to do the least amount of work for any given task. This'll fit the bill.
Rebecca: I- I just don't think anybody's really gonna be able to fit through there.
Norm: Even I could fit through there. Watch this. Look. You just you just sort of... [grunting] up and through... Well, that's it.
Rebecca: That's it what? You're not halfway through.
Norm: No, that's it, I'm stuck. I'll be in Cheers the rest of my life. Guess you have to be careful what you wish for.
Rebecca: Let me see if I can get you unstuck. [grunting] Oh, gosh. That's it, you are stuck. Sam! Carla!
Norm: You'd better hurry, Rebecca, 'cause I think I see that damned Chihuahua again. Hey, there's a whole pack of Chihuahuas. I hope they're Chihuahuas! Oh, my God!

Quote from Esther Clavin

Esther Clavin: Well, is there room for me in that singles' paradise of yours?
Cliff: I'll, I'll make room.
Woody: Well, I made room for you, Mother Clavin.
Cliff: I'll make room in your face!
Esther Clavin: No, no, no, no. Now, now, boys, let's not get into a Cain and Abel situation here. I can love you both for different reasons. Woody, I can love you because you're generous and kind and strong. And Clifford, I can love you because I'm your biological mother, and nature dictates there be a bond.

Quote from Esther Clavin

Esther Clavin: Now, boys, I've got plenty of love for both, and Lord knows I've got plenty of shelf paper. I'll tell you what, let's get cracking. We can do both of your apartments before dark.
Cliff: Got to do mine first.
Woody: Not if I get to the car first.
Cliff: Yeah, well, you're not going to do that until you beat me.
Woody: I can.
Cliff: No, you can't!
Esther Clavin: Boys, watch out for the hole! [Woody and Cliff yelling] [loud crash] Yes, they are my children all right. Both dumb as dishwater.

Quote from Woody

Woody: You can stay with me.
Esther Clavin: Are you sure you don't have a lifestyle I'd be intruding on?
Woody: Not that I know of.
Esther Clavin: Well, then I'd be glad to. What's your name?
Woody: Woody.
Esther Clavin: Woody. Oh, that's the name of a boy whose mother raised him right.
Woody: Really? 'Cause I looked it up and all I could find was "treelike."

Quote from Frasier

Sam: Boy, you really are wedged in there.
Frasier: Is that Norm? Geez, you know, I didn't recognize you without the bar stool attached. [laughs]

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Yeah, so I told her, "Pack your bags. Go on, hit the skids. I don't need you anymore."
Pete: What's the matter with him? Girl trouble?
Paul: Well, sort of.
Cliff: Now I'll just have to raise myself. Well, the hard work's already done though.

Quote from Rebecca

Police Officer #1: Where is the child that's stuck in the fence?
Sam: Oh, good, you're here. Uh, back this way, in the poolroom. [to Rebecca] "Child stuck in the fence?"
Rebecca: Well, every time I said, "Accountant stuck in a window," they just laughed and hung up.

Quote from Woody

Esther Clavin: Excuse me, Woody. I'm gonna go powder my nose.
Woody: Your nose looks fine, Mother Clavin.
Esther Clavin: That's just an expression, son.
Woody: Ah.
Cliff: Son? She's, uh, calling you "son" now?
Woody: Well, that's just an expression. You know, like "powder my nose."

Quote from Woody

Carla: Woody, you idiot. Don't mess with the supernatural. Have I taught you nothing about bad juju?
Woody: Relax, Carla. I've done this before. Now, where were we, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Have you got any Grim Reapers?
Woody: Nope. Go fish.

Quote from Carla

Norm: [shouting] Carla, can I have a beer, please?
Carla: [shouting] What?
Norm: [shouting louder] Can I have a beer, please?
Carla: [shouting louder] What?!
Norm: [noise stops] Ca- [normal voice] Can I have a beer, please?
Carla: [shouting] What?!
Norm: They stopped the hammering, okay?
Carla: [shouting] I know, I'm just torturing you!

Quote from Esther Clavin

Esther Clavin: Anyway, it gives me a chance to catch up with my little boy. I'm looking forward to seeing what you're doing with your life and how we can go about fixing it.
Cliff: l, uh, appreciate the thought, Ma, but, I don't have anything that needs fixing. See, l, uh, I've got a new lifestyle. l, uh, I like it.
Esther Clavin: Clifford, is it really a new lifestyle, or is it just an excuse to walk around your apartment half naked?
Cliff: It's, uh, not an either-or situation, Ma.
Esther Clavin: [mouths to Norm] Naked.

Quote from Esther Clavin

Esther Clavin: I suppose there's no room in this playboy pad of yours for somebody's mother?
Cliff: Thank you for, uh, being so understanding, Ma.
Esther Clavin: Oh. Well, I certainly don't want to be a burden to you, Clifford. Lord knows you weren't a burden to me when I was in labor with you for 72 hours.
Norm: Whoa. 72 hours?
Esther Clavin: He had those wide hips.

Quote from Esther Clavin

Woody: Well, let's get you settled in, huh, Mrs. Cla-
Cliff: No, no, hey, hey, Woody, my mother doesn't want to impose on anybody.
Esther Clavin: Oh, suddenly he's an expert on my desires. I certainly do want to stay with Woody. I like him. He's sweet and thoughtful, and look at those nice, narrow hips. I'll bet you shot out like a bullet.

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