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‘Adventures in Housesitting’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Cheers: Adventures in Housesitting

711. Adventures in Housesitting

Aired January 19, 1989

Rebecca agrees to dog sit for one of her superiors down in corporate. Meanwhile, Carla gives Frasier some advice on how to overcome fear of public speaking.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Sammy to the rescue!
Rebecca: Sam, get that mutt out of here!
Sam: What?
Rebecca: Sheridan's in the kitchen with Satan!
Sam: This is no time for folk singing.

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Quote from Rebecca

Mr. Sheridan: I'd like to ask you a favor.
Rebecca: I see.
Mr. Sheridan: I'm going to New York on a business trip for a few days, and I'd like you to take care of my dog while I'm away.
Rebecca: Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Sheridan, but I have plans for the entire week, and I could not possibly break them. I hope you understand.
Mr. Sheridan: That's fine. I realize this is short notice. Thanks, anyway. [walks away]
Rebecca: [shakes] My plans could be changed. Please, sir, let let me do this for you.
Mr. Sheridan: Well, if you don't think it would be any trouble. Thank you, Miss Howe.
Rebecca: Oh, no, sir. Thank you for the opportunity of knowing your dog. God, I make myself sick!

Quote from Rebecca

Sam: Hey, there, Rebecca. How do you like living with Sheridan's pooch?
Rebecca: Sir Bronwyn the Gallant from Fairhaven Manor, better known as Buster, is fine. l, on the other hand, am a nervous wreck.
Alan: What's the matter, Rebecca?
Rebecca: Well, I knew I was going to have to take care of the dog, but I didn't know it was going to be in a place that was huge and kind of like a mausoleum and is stuck way out in the middle of the moors.
Cliff: There are no moors in Massachusetts.
Rebecca: I think they had them flown in or something.

Quote from Cliff

Rebecca: Did anybody find the dog?
Cliff: Listen, little lady, we're not looking for Aunt Fannie's amethyst pendant here. This is a highly organized search party. We're gonna conduct this debriefing by the numbers. All right. Alpha Sector report.
Tim: Negative.
Cliff: Bravo Sector?
Alan: Negative.
Cliff: Charlie Sector?
Rebecca: Shut up, Cliff.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Let me see here. Rebecca Howe, all alone and scared in a big old house. Sounds to me like a job for Sammy's Security Company. We get in before the burglars do.
Carla: That's what I like about you, Sam. Your pants are always thinking.

Quote from Sam

Rebecca: I was doing pretty good till the lights went out. Then this house really started giving me the creeps.
Sam: Oh, well, hey don't worry. I've got some candles here.
Rebecca: You brought your own candles?
Sam: Well, yeah. This kind of thing happens in big, old, spooky houses a lot. I like to be prepared. Sammy carries whatever he needs.
Rebecca: Sam, did you come out here because you were concerned I was scared, or did you come out here to get me in the sack?
Sam: Hey, I came out here because I was concerned and scared that I'd never get you in the sack.
Rebecca: You know, Sam, I really am glad you're here. It makes me feel a lot better. But a man and a woman can be together in an evening without ending up rolling on the floor.
Sam: Well, I know that's true of some people, but, sweetheart, we're good-looking.

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: Frasier, darling.
Frasier: Hello, there, Peanut Butter Cup. You know, you're late for lunch.
Lilith: Yes, I know. I'm sorry.
Frasier: Well, I'm sure you have a very good excuse.
Lilith: Well, actually, I do. I started having lunch at another restaurant, then remembered we had a date.
Frasier: Oh. Well, would you like to watch me eat?
Lilith: I wouldn't miss it.

Quote from Sam

Rebecca: Sit down here a minute. I want to tell you something.
Sam: Okay.
Rebecca: Now, believe this or not, even good-looking people can spend an evening together without having sex. Have you ever heard of conversation?
Sam: Yeah, I've heard of conversation. You know, contrary to what a lot of people think, I'm not that dumb. Here, come on. Try me. Sit down. Let's conversate.

Quote from Norm

Cliff: Remember the hours you spent sticking those tracks together?
Norm: Getting the little houses just so, and making sure those tunnels were all straight.
Cliff: Yeah. Smelling the electricity burn up that transformer. Hey, hey. Did you ever have one of those electric cattle cars where the cows come vibrating down the chute?
Norm: I can move 40 head in ten minutes, pal.
Cliff: Go on! Get out of here.
Norm: You get out of here! I could, too. I got to get rid of that thing though. It's taking up lots of space. I want to sell it.
Cliff: Yeah, yeah. You'd get a good price for it, I bet you.
Norm: Yeah. It's a collector's item. Shoot a little stick?
Cliff: Yeah, yeah. [the guys turn around as they approach the back room] I'm the engineer!
Norm: Like hell you are! It's my train! It's my train! Hey!

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Sam, give me a double.
Carla: A little early for that, huh, Doc?
Frasier: Well, maybe you're right. Cancel that double. Make it a single. Oh, skip it altogether. No, on second thought, you know, make it a single, a little extra nip.
Sam: Frasier, what's your order?
Frasier: Cup of coffee.

Quote from Frasier

Sam: You got troubles?
Frasier: Well, I've- I've just been invited to deliver a paper at the State Psychiatric Convention this week, and I've got a first-class case of the jitters.
Carla: You know, I have a a sure-fire way of keeping yourself calm. Picture your audience naked.
Frasier: Oh, thank you, Carla, for that old chestnut from Speech 101.
Carla: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I got a twist on it. Picture them naked and wearing black socks.
Frasier: Oh, Carla, that's ridiculous. I can't see that that would... [laughs as he looks at Carla]
Carla: I told you. It works. Okay, now try this angle. [Frasier laughs] Now shut up.
Frasier: Fine. You know, I do see your point though. That could do just the trick. Thank you, Carla.
Carla: Sure. Oh! Here comes a likely candidate. Try it out on her.
Rebecca: Hello, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Miss Howe. [Frasier dries his forehead with his handkerchief] It doesn't work with everyone.

Quote from Sam

Woody: Miss Howe, I have a message for you. Mr. Sheridan is having lunch up in Melville's, and he's gonna be coming down to talk to you when he's through.
Rebecca: Oh, great. Sheridan. Another one of the legions of presidents, vice presidents and consultants this corporation belches forth every five minutes.
Sam: Boy, it seems like you have to be a real loser not to be at least a vice president in that company, doesn't it? [off Rebecca's look] I'm sorry.
Rebecca: He is undoubtedly here to ask me some humiliating, menial favor that he couldn't palm off on some other flunky. You know, today I draw the line. Today, this gal is going to shoot down her first corporate bigwig.
Sam: Oh, please. The first time you try to stand up to this guy, you're going to crumble like a bag of potato chips.

Quote from Woody

Rebecca: The point is, this place is big and scary and I really hate it. Oh, and to make matters even worse, last night, the only thing I could get on television was this movie about this young, beautiful, dark-haired woman, that was all alone in this deserted house.
Woody: Hey, what about that scene where the guy cuts her head off?
Rebecca: Woody, please.
Woody: There's no way her head's gonna come off in one clean cut like that. Believe me, I've seen my uncle butcher hogs, and you have to hack and hack and hack. And when the gardener got it?
Rebecca: Woody, that's enough!
Woody: All right. Don't spoil the ending for everybody else. Yeah, but when you see it, take my advice and turn away when you hear, vrooom-mm-mm-mm! Vrooom-mm-mm-mm!
Rebecca: Woody! Woody. I am just a tiny bit on edge.
Woody: Oh. Sorry, Miss Howe. [blender whirs]
Rebecca: Stop it, Woody!
Woody: Some bar manager, afraid of a blender.

Quote from Frasier

Lilith: What's so funny?
Frasier: Oh, it's nothing, really. It's just this relaxation exercise I've been doing. I've been imagining people naked and wearing black socks, you see, to relieve my anxiety over my speech. Frankly, it's worked miracles. I've been doing it all week. I haven't even thought about it once.
Lilith: When do you present that?
Frasier: My, God. [runs out]

Quote from Cliff

Rebecca: Oh, God, he came home early. He's on his way home from the airport!
Cliff: All right, men, I suggest we fall back to our original positions.
Norm: What are you talking about?
Cliff: To the bar! Back to the bar!
Norm: Yes, sir! Right away, sir!

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