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It's a Wonderful Wife

‘It's a Wonderful Wife’

Season 9, Episode 21 -  Aired February 28, 1991

Norm is horrified when Rebecca helps Vera land a job at Melville's. Meanwhile, Sam decides to treat Frasier to the birthday party he never had.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Another layer for the winter, Wood.

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Quote from Lilith

Lilith: I always have such trouble trying to figure out what to get Frasier for his birthday.
Sam: Mm-hmm.
Lilith: Do you think perhaps he'd like a photograph of me?
Sam: Why? I mean... Of course he would. Why would any man not want a picture of his wife?
Henri: I agree. A picture of you is what every man wants. May I have the honor of taking it?
Lilith: Well, perhaps. But I must warn you. I've had bad luck with photographers. It seems they always overexpose the film, and I come out looking white as a ghost.

Quote from John Allen Hill

Norm: Hey, do you want to tell me why you fired Vera?
John: Who are you?
Norm: I'm her husband, Norm.
John: Oh, yes. I didn't recognize you without a bar growing out of your chest.

Quote from Norm

Rebecca: Hi, guys.
Norm: Oh, Rebecca, there you are. I've been looking everywhere for you.
Rebecca: What are you talking about? You're just sitting there on your bar stool.
Norm: I know. This is where I look from.

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: Uh, I was thinking more of a photograph of me he could put in his office.
Henri: Mmm-hmm.
Lilith: A nice formal portrait.
Henri: Ah, with just a hint of smoldering sensuality dancing behind your eyes.
Lilith: Well, that goes without saying.

Quote from Norm

John: My good man, you have my sympathy. To be married to her must be quite an ordeal.
Norm: [grabs John] Hey, take that back!
John: What?
Norm: Take that back! You're talking about the woman I love! I want you to take that back before I turn you into a pretzel!
John: Well, that's a shape I'm sure you're familiar with.
Norm: I am not kidding!
John: All right, all right. I take it back. I apologize.
Norm: All right. Now just go on back upstairs before I pound you into a a beer nut!
John: Well, thank you. I'm tiring of the theme.

Quote from Norm

John: Well, I fired her because she wasn't paying attention to her work.
Norm: What are you talking about? She's a very conscientious worker.
John: How would you describe a woman who spends all her time on her hands and knees looking through a knothole in the floor?
Norm: I knew it! [looks up] Yep, there it is! There it is!

Quote from Norm

Rebecca: It went great. I just love her. And guess what? I think I landed her a pretty good job.
Norm: You're joking.
Rebecca: No, no, I still have the touch. I helped her with her resume.
Norm: Where is she working?
Rebecca: Then I got her prepped for the interview.
Norm: Where's she working?
Rebecca: I even loaned her my lucky scarf.
Norm: Yeah, but where is she working?
Vera: [o.s.] Norm!
Norm: Vera! What are you doing up there?
Vera: [o.s.] Check your hat, Mister?
[Norm screams as he runs out of the bar, knocking the balloons out of Frasier's hands again]

Quote from Norm

Sam: Hey, Norm, we need you. Pete just hit a bull's-eye and doubled off. You're our last hope. Norm? Norm?
Norm: She's up there.
Sam: What?
Norm: Listen. [steps thudding above] You hear that?
Sam: Hear what?
Norm: Vera. She's crossing over to the coffee machine. No, wait, they could be moving the piano. Nah, it's her.
Sam: Come on, man.
Norm: I know that walk.
Sam: You can't hear her all the way up there.
Norm: I wish I couldn't, Sam, believe me, but that walk is burned into my brain. I've heard it in snow boots. I've heard it in flip-flops. I've heard it in bare feet. Click-click, click-click, click-click.

Quote from Norm

Rebecca: Norm, Vera's doing a really good job up there. She is just terrific! And funny! Listen to this. How many fat guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
Norm: I don't know.
Rebecca: You can't get a fat guy to change a lightbulb. You can't even get him to come home on Christmas Eve. [laughing hysterically] Oh, she was telling some real cute stories about you, too, Norm. Hey, why didn't you ever tell us that your real first name was Hilary?
Norm: Oh, who cares about that?
Carla: Hey, guys! Norm's real first name is Hilary! [laughter]
Cliff: Hey, wait a minute. Isn't that a girl's name?
Norm: Hilary was my grandfather's name and he once killed a man who laughed at him.
Cliff: What, he just up and killed somebody for laughing at his name?
Norm: Not exactly. He was a surgeon. He sort of botched an operation.
Rebecca: Norm, you don't have to be defensive. I think Hilary's a very masculine name. In fact, I think you ought to have it monogrammed on your purse.

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