Sam: Good night, Woody.
Woody: Oh, hey, uh, listen, Sam. You know, don't worry about that bug killer stuff. They say to stay out for 24 hours, but that's just overcautious. They sprayed my building once. I went right back in.
Carla: Come on.
Woody: Okay, let's go. Oh, by the way, Sam, uh, listen, uh, I was meaning to tell you. Don't worry about that bug killer stuff. They tell you to stay out for 24 hours. That's just overcautious. They sprayed my building once. I went right back in. You ready, Carla?

Sam: Ho-ho! What's the rush, man?
Norm: I almost forgot. It's 6:00, and today's my fifteenth wedding anniversary.
Sam: Ah, you're going out and buy Vera a present before the stores close?
[A woman's hand waves through the sun roof of a car as it drives by]
Norm: Happy anniversary, honey. Sorry, Sammy, you were saying?

Cliff: Hey, Sam, you know what's fun?
Sam: What's fun, Cliff?
Cliff: Well, when you take the letters of somebody's name and make another word out of it. You know, like if it were my name- Clifford Clavin. Well, first word that comes to mind, I'd say: Ford. Well, there's also cliff. You know, like the geo... geographical structure. There's almost clavicle. [long pause] Livid.
Sam: Cliffie, please.
Cliff: Oh, can't think of any?
Sam: I'm trying to sleep here, Cliff.
Cliff: Sure thing, Sam. Good night. [turns light off] How 'bout florid?
Sam: [turns light on] Cliff, damn it, man! I'm tired! I'm really, really tired! I'm trying to sleep here! Can't you just stop talking for once?! Please, stop talking?! [turns light off]
Cliff: I'm sorry, Sammy. I was just, it's a problem I have- l, uh... You know, I try to stop talking and and I just keep on talking. You know, it's kind of like those people who live near Niagara Falls, and after a while they just don't hear it anymore. I mean I read an article about this couple they've lived near the Falls for about 40 years or so, and they moved away and the, uh silence was, you know, just deafening. They had to move back. Couldn't stand it. Why are some people like that and and just other people aren't, Sammy? You ever think about that? Sam? Sammy? Sam?!
Esther Clavin: [o.s.] He's gone, isn't he, Clifford?
Cliff: It's all your fault, old woman!

Sam: Hey, guys, I... I'm serious, man. I've got some I've got a real problem with insects in my place. As a matter of fact, uh, they're, uh, tenting the whole building, you know, and fumigating it for, like, 24 hours.
Norm: Ouch! Where are you gonna sleep?
Sam: I happen to be spending the night with a very close friend of mine. [Norm & Cliff grunting salaciously]
Cliff: Close friend!
Norm: Hey!
Rebecca: Sam, you don't have to spend the night with one of your bimbos. You can come over to my house. I have a fold-out couch. [Norm howls, Cliff snickers]
Sam: As nice as that offer sounds, uh, the alternative is to spend the night with a stewardess who's offered to bump me up to first class.
Cliff & Norm: Ooh
Cliff: Oh, yeah, hey, I had a stew once. Yeah, used to go out with her. Boy, was she wild in the sack.
Norm: What airline?
Cliff: Shut up.

Sam: [rings doorbell incessantly] Carla! Carla! [John Allen Hill opens the door] Oh. I'm... I'm sorry. You know, I didn't know you were going to be here.
John: And now you do. [closes door]
Sam: Uh... Wait a minute. Come back! Hey, let me in, will you? I locked myself out of the bar. I need to borrow Carla's keys.
John: Fine. Carla! Sam's here.
Sam: Hey, you know what? I could borrow your keys to Melville's.
John: Yes, you could. Carla!

Carla: Hey. What's up, Sammy?
Sam: Oh, well, l, uh... My date didn't turn out, and I locked myself out of the bar, and so I need to borrow your keys.
Carla: You have my set.
Sam: No, I don't.
Carla: Yeah. Remember? Woody lost his, so you gave him yours, and then you took mine, and then he lost yours again.
John: [yawns] Oh, I do hope you haven't sold the movie rights to this fascinating story.

Carla: Hey, why don't you go over to Rebecca's? I mean, she offered, right?
Sam: No, no, no, no. I said some stuff. I don't want her to throw it back in my face.
Carla: Well, I guess you could stay here for the night.
Sam: Yeah! Yeah! All right, thanks. Yeah.
Carla: Look, Sammy...
Sam: What?
Carla: No matter what you hear, no matter how much I scream or call for help, do not open the bedroom door, got it?
John: Ditto for me, too, Sam.
Sam: Oh, no, no, no, uh, listen maybe, uh I... I tell you what. I know a guy who's got a hotel near...
John: Fabulous idea! [closes door]
Carla: [opens hatch] Good night, Sam.

Norm: No problem, Sam. Mi casa es su casa.
Sam: Oh, bless your heart, man. I think I'll just stretch out on the couch here.
Norm: Oh, no, no, no. I'm gonna sleep on the couch tonight.
Sam: You're sleeping on the couch?
Norm: Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes, when I come home late from Cheers, I don't like to wake Vera up, so I just crash out on the couch here.
Sam: But you're always late at Cheers.
Norm: Yeah. How about that?

Frasier: Okay, Sam, there're some extra towels by the sink in the guest bathroom.
Sam: Oh, God!
Frasier: If there's anything else you need, just let me know. Don't worry about disturbing Lilith. [chuckles] She's, uh, sleeping in the cellar.
Sam: In the cellar?
Frasier: Yes. You can take the girl out of the Eco pod, you know...

Sam: [wearily] I'm so sorry to come so late like this, Cliff. It's just that I'm so very, very exhausted. Oh, thank you! You know, with the key and everything?
Esther Clavin: No apologies needed, young man. You poor thing. So cold and no muffler! You could have caught your death.
Sam: Oh!
Cliff: Yeah, you're always welcome here, Sammy. You should know that, buddy.
Sam: Oh, Cliffie, man, you're the best. And you, too, Mrs. Clavin.
Esther Clavin: Oh, what a dear. Now, I'll bet you're anxious to get some sleep.
Sam: [giddily] Oh, yeah! Yeah! Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Cliff: Good. Well, that's a pretty comfy bed there, isn't it, Sammy, huh? [takes off robe]
Sam: Am I sharing the same bed with Cliff?
Esther Clavin: Well, of course, silly. You didn't expect to sleep with me! [laughs]