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‘Smotherly Love’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Smotherly Love

1020. Smotherly Love

Aired February 27, 1992

Frasier drowns his sorrows when Lilith's controlling mother, Betty, comes to town and wants them to reenact their wedding. Meanwhile, Rebecca hopes Norm will pay off his bar tab when he wins big on a bet.

Quote from Sam

Norm: What the heck, you know, easy come, easy go, Sammy. It was found money, I figured, so why not do something that I always wanted to do with it. So, I went down, and I bought a boat. Isn't it a beauty?
Sam: I can't believe that, man.
Norm: What?
Sam: You spent it?
Norm: Hah...
Sam: After all those years of me carrying you while you were unemployed?!
Norm: Well yeah, but...
Sam: You're my friend? I- I listen to all your stupid little comments every day? I- I let you run up the largest bar tab in history, and then you come into some money and you tell me you don't pay me back? You- You spend it on a stupid boat?! Well, I hope you and the stupid boat sink! You big deadbeat!
Norm: Sammy, l... I bought the boat for you. See, it's, it's the Mayday Malone, see?
Sam: I mean, thank you.

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Quote from Norm

Cliff: Uh, how come, uh, black 17, Norm?
Norm: Oh, uh, well, 17 is 'cause, uh, Vera and I were married on the 17th.
Cliff: Oh.
Norm: And black is because Vera and I were married on the 17th.

Quote from Lilith

Frasier: Oh, hello, dear.
Lilith: You caught me. I'm hiding.
Frasier: Yeah, well, this is as good a place as any. This is where I always come to hide from my problems. I mean, my- my work problems, of course. You know, my- my domestic life is just, well...
Lilith: Things are looking up, Frasier. I've been researching the problem of how to deal with an overbearing mother. I think you'll be delighted to learn that I've hit upon the perfect course of action.
Frasier: Oh, darling, how exciting! A breakthrough! What's the plan?
Lilith: To acquiesce totally. Yes, I'm going to let my mother run roughshod over me. It's time to cut our losses. I'm at the third from final turn in the maze and unbeknownst to me, the researcher has removed the cheese.
Frasier: Your analogies always bring it home, dear.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Yeah, still can't get your mother off your back, huh? It's very difficult for me to relate to.
Lilith: Really?
Cliff: Oh, yeah. Ma and I don't have any problems. You know, in fact, most people find it's hard to tell that we're even related. [chuckles] Folks down at Club Med are very surprised when they find out we're mother and son. Shocked even.

Quote from Woody

Woody: You know, Dr. Sternin-Crane, I always heard that you should tell your mother exactly how you feel.
Frasier: Is that what you do, Woody?
Woody: Yeah, right, like I want a whopping.
Lilith: Well, thank you very much, Woody. I appreciate that.
Woody: You know, I have another idea.
Lilith: Thank you very much, Woody. I appreciate that.
Woody: You didn't let me tell you the idea yet.
Lilith: Woody, in certain company, when someone says, "Thank you very much. I appreciate that." It means, "I don't thank you. I don't appreciate that. And I want you to shut your mouth."
Woody: Oh, thank you very much, Dr. Sternin-Crane. I appreciate that.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: So you see, that's why Shamu cannot really be considered a killer whale.
Dr. Bramwell: Hello, I'm Dr. Bramwell, a colleague of Frasier's. I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. You must be one of his patients.
Cliff: No, no. I'm one of his friends, uh, Cliff Clavin.
Dr. Bramwell: Oh, well, then I wouldn't be poaching if I... Well, uh, here's my card.
Cliff: Huh. Uh, thank you. Thank you very much. That's the third one I got tonight. I must have a sign on my back or something.

Quote from Frasier

Lilith: Whenever I'm in her presence, I revert to being a little girl again.
Frasier: But you're not. You're a grown woman. You have a successful career and you're well respected in your field. Now, darling, you must go over there to your mother, look her in the eye, and, for God's sake, tell her that we're not going to reenact our damn wedding!
Lilith: You're right, Frasier. Incidentally, why do you always refer to it as our "damn wedding"?
Frasier: One hurdle at a time, Lilith.

Quote from Sam

Norm: You know, I know how bad you felt when your boat sank and, well, it's something I always wanted to do, big guy.
Sam: Oh, man. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.
Norm: Yeah.
Sam: Hey, listen, about that bar tab...
Norm: Yeah, I know.
Sam: I've broken it down into 36 easy payments.

Quote from Norm

Rebecca: Hey, Norm, that's quite a little sum of money you've got there.
Norm: Yeah, well...
Rebecca: Maybe you'd like to apply some of this to your bar tab.
Norm: [laughs] That's very good. [chuckles] You know, you're starting to fit in here. That's great.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Sam, let me have a Scotch. Oh, make it a double. Oh, what the hell? Just pound me over the head with the bottle.
Sam: Whoo! Tough day, huh?
Frasier: No, I'm not unwinding, Sam, I'm... I'm bracing up. You see, Lilith's mother is coming up from the city for our fifth wedding anniversary, meeting me here. I thought I'd come in a little early and marinate.
Sam: Yeah, mother-in-laws, man, they're tough.
Frasier: Oh, she's demanding, Sam. She's unreasonable, cold, sarcastic, bitter. Nothing is to her liking ever.
Carla: Yeah, we know. What's her mother like?

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Ah, I suppose it's wrong of me to blame Betty for all our problems. I'm sure I'm not the way she wants me to be either.
Woody: Well, how does she want you to be, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Well... dead.

Quote from Woody

Frasier: The thing that really drives me crazy is the unrelenting tension between Lilith and her mother. You know, Lilith just holds it all in, she has to unload it somewhere, and guess who gets to listen to it endlessly.
Woody: Apparently me, Dr. Crane.

Quote from Frasier

Betty Sternin: Thanks for helping me with my bags, Frasier, but I see you've got that big, heavy drink to lug around.
Frasier: Hello, Betty.
Betty Sternin: So this is where you spend all of your time, while my grandson crawls around in open stairwells and electrical outlets.
Frasier: Well, actually, Frederick is walking now.
Betty Sternin: If my daughter had any sense, so would she.

Quote from Carla

Betty Sternin: Hey, waitress, you want to turn up the heat in here? I am not a fish stick. Or maybe I should ask someone who can reach the thermostat.
Carla: Hey, hey. Lady, you can't just waltz in here, insult people, and start ordering everyone around.
Betty Sternin: Why not?
Carla: 'Cause that's my job.
Betty Sternin: I would have thought your job was to live under a bridge.
Carla: Yeah? Well, unless you want some bridgework, you just better shut up! [to the guys] Look, she rattled me, okay?

Quote from Sam

Norm: Hey, Sammy, how'd it go in Atlantic City? You get lucky?
Sam: Yeah, you bet I did.
Cliff: So, uh, how much you win?
Sam: Not a cent.

Quote from Norm

Rebecca: Now that Norm's come into all this money, don't you think it's time that somebody reminds him that he has a pretty hefty bar tab?
Sam: Oh, sweetheart, he's my friend. I can't mention that. He'll come through.
Rebecca: I don't know, Sam.
Sam: Hey, hey, trust me, trust me. I've known the guy for a long time. He'll do the right thing.
Norm: Sammy, this calls for a celebration. Let's have a round on me, okay? Drinks for everybody! Sammy, put it on my tab, please.

Quote from Frasier

Lilith: She's written vows?
Frasier: Yes. Apparently with the recurring phrase "shiftless alcoholic."

Quote from Carla

Frasier: Darling, for the hundredth time, why are we going through with this ridiculous wedding re-enactment?
Lilith: Because every time I try to say "no," it comes out "yes." My behavior is solely to please my mother. Why does she always try to turn me into something I'm not?
Carla: Maybe, deep down, she always wanted a girl.

Quote from Norm

Sam: Hey, rich guy, mind if I do a little reading here?
Norm: Oh. Oh, Sammy, my tab.
Sam: Tab? Oh! Thought it was the Yellow Pages here.
Norm: Yeah. Boy, we've had that thing a long time, haven't we?
Sam: Sure have, buddy. Look at that, we go all the way back to when we didn't even know your name. "Skinny guy at the end of the bar."
Norm: Yep. Yep. It's gotten awfully big. Kind of a disgrace, really.
Sam: That it is, Norm. That it is.
Norm: Tell you what I'm gonna do. Since I've come into all this money, I'm gonna buy you a new book.

Quote from Carla

Betty Sternin: Is anyone else hot in here? Say, waitress, do you mind? I'm not a rotisserie chicken.
Carla: Yeah? Well, you... You look like one. Sam.
Sam: Huh?
Carla: I just gotta take a couple of days sick leave.

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