John: Sa-am, we have a problem.
Sam: You know, I got to be honest with you, John. The way you pronounce my name really bugs me.
John: How would you like me to pronounce it?
Sam: Sam, just Sam. You try it.
John: Sa-am...
Sam: All right, John, uh... What would you say if you were going to order a ham sandwich?
John: I don't eat ha-am.

Rebecca: Boy, Cliff, I am so jealous. I used to love horses. You know, when I was a little girl, every weekend I would ride my pony, an-an-and I would feed my pony sugar cubes and little bits of chocolate and, and Snickers. They really like that. And sometimes I would give my pony some Snickers, and then I would eat some Snickers. And then other times I would eat all the sugar cubes and the chocolate and the Snickers before I ever got to the stable. And then one time my riding instructor told me I couldn't ride my pony anymore.
Woody: Why, Miss Howe?
Rebecca: Well, he said that I had... outgrown it. I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Rebecca: You had sex with Hill? John Allen Hill? Upstairs John Allen Hill?
Carla: It was so crazy. I marched into his office and I started calling him bald and wrinkled. And he started calling me short and ugly. And before I knew it, our clothes were off and we were insulting each other against the filing cabinet.
Rebecca: But Carla, I mean he is, he's a...
Carla: You know what I call him? The Bullet.
Lilith: Carla, I... I believe I understand what happened. You two have a classic attraction/repulsion relationship. It's really a fairly common phenomenon. People who are constantly at odds with one another very often have rivers of passion raging between them until one day the banks overflow in a torrent of unthinking, unreasonable emotion.
Carla: Plus the guy's practically a contortionist. I can't believe I did this. I betrayed Sam. I went up there to take on his worst enemy, and I ended up having a nooner with him.

John: [sing-songy] Sa-am.
Carla: What are you doing down here, Hill? Hair Club For Men meeting?
John: Oh, I didn't see you down there, Miss Tortelli. Although frankly you do... [sniffs] announce your presence.
Carla: So, have you decided what color you're going to dye your head for Easter?
John: Why don't you just scuttle under the office door and get Sam?
Carla: [shouts] Sam, Hill's here!
John: Don't tell me. Pizza for lunch?

Sam: What, what do you want?
John: My busboy informs me that the Dumpsters are full.
Sam: Our Dumpsters are full. What's the big problem?
John: Aha! They are not our Dumpsters. They are my Dumpsters. If that's confusing, perhaps I'll have a likeness of your face painted on the Dumpster with a bold line drawn through it. In fact, I'll do that anyway just for a giggle. Perhaps I'll have buttons made up. I'll make it a whole thing.

Carla: Okay. I just did a really, really, really bad thing. When I was up there with Hill, I just kind of lost control.
Rebecca: [gasps] You didn't break something really expensive, did you?
Carla: Oh, no, worse than that.
Lilith: Did you hurt him?
Carla: Worse.
Lilith: Oh, no, did he have a heart attack?
Carla: No, worse.
Rebecca: Oh, he's dead?!
Carla: Oh, you guys! You don't get it! I didn't kill him. I slept with him.
Lilith: Yikes.

Carla: Stop it! Stop! I have never once said anything about anyone you have ever slept with!
Sam: Oh, right! What about Diane?! Every morning you threatened to stick a hand grenade in her mouth and pull the pin! You hated her!
Carla: I disapproved of her.
Sam: Oh, come on, Carla, you hated her! You hate everyone!
Carla: That's not fair!
Sam: Oh, right! I'm sorry, I forgot. You don't hate John Allen Hill!

Woody: Hey, uh, Dr. Crane, after you're done with that paper, can I have it?
Frasier: Well, actually, I planned on saving it, Woody. See, there's an article here on the ins and out of buying diamonds and I was thinking of buying Lilith a brooch.
Woody: Oh, okay, uh see, I was wanting to clip the coupons 'cause I'm trying to make it to my next paycheck, but, uh, I don't want to cut up your article on jewels and diamonds.
Frasier: Here's the paper, Woody. You know, Lilith and I are actually making some economic concessions as well. Well, for instance, I decided not to buy that new BMW.
Woody: Really?
Frasier: That's right. So, uh, what are the coupons for?
Woody: Food.
Frasier: You know what? I'm going to stop talking now.

Carla: Hey, Hill, you can't order us around like that. Sammy can do anything he wants with his trash.
John: Yes, I see today he's dressed it up in an apron.
Carla: I guess you know all about dressing up, huh, Hill?

John: Sam, if any more of your refuse is deposited in my Dumpsters, I'll have them emptied in the center of this bar, and if it happens again, I'll do something your customers will notice.