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Don't Shoot... I'm Only the Psychiatrist

‘Don't Shoot... I'm Only the Psychiatrist’

Season 10, Episode 13 -  Aired January 2, 1992

Frasier regrets bringing his therapy group to Cheers when they bond with the regulars at his expense. Meanwhile, Woody gives Sam a haircut, and Carla celebrates Elvis' birthday.

Quote from Woody

Woody: I can't believe it. I'm being shunned. Just like back in Hanover. Just like with the Amish.
Norm: Wood? Who, uh, who shunned you back in Hanover?
Woody: The Amish. Weren't you here for this part?


Quote from Woody

Woody: Yeah, I took my fair share of ribbing back in Hanover.
Norm: Yeah?
Woody: "Little Einstein" they called me. "Mr. Smarty Pants." "Brainiac." Yep. I've heard 'em all.
Norm: Before I die, I got to see that town.

Quote from John Allen Hill

John: Ah, good afternoon, Miss Tortelli.
Carla: Oh, Hill. What, are you on an ugly break?
John: Oh, my. Someone certainly got up on the wrong side of town this morning.
Carla: What's the matter, Hill, your scalp on too tight?
John: Very funny.

Quote from Cliff

Rebecca: So what about you, Cliff?
Cliff: Well, sorry I can't help you. Happy childhood. Well-adjusted, well-liked. Class valedictorian. I'd show you my yearbook, but Ma apparently thought some of the inscriptions were off-color. So she made me eat it. Nope. No problems here.

Quote from Norm

Norm: I hope we weren't too hard on Fras. Well, his being ridiculed in here is one thing, but out in public, that's got to be humiliating.
Rebecca: I know what you're saying.
Norm: Yeah.
Rebecca: You know, when I was a kid, I was the first one in my class to... you know, develop breasts. They teased me the whole year.
Norm: Oh, yeah, me, too.

Quote from Cliff

Frasier: Look, all I'm asking, guys, is that you treat them as if they were at home. You know, they've all been wounded and they're vulnerable, and, well, the truth is, you'll never find a sadder group of people.
Cliff: Oh, yeah? How about the Donner party? Well, you know, they- they got lost in the mountains and had to watch their limbs freeze off while they ate each other.
Frasier: Well, you caught me. Cannibalism is sadder than low self-esteem.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Hey, guys. I brought in some leftover birthday cake from the party. Thought you might like to share it.
Rebecca: Whose birthday, one of your kids?
Carla: Yeah, right. You see a file in it? Today happens to be Elvis Presley's birthday.
Norm: Oh, celebrating the birthday of a dead guy? That's kind of ghoulish, isn't it? I don't know how you could stomach something like that.
Carla: It's double mocha chocolate fudge.
Norm: Long live the King.
Carla: Those of us who keep the faith believe that on this day he's going to make his presence known.
Cliff: Yeah, uh, how's he going to do that?
Carla: Well, it could be anything: song on the radio, whisper in the wind, just something that unmistakably says "Elvis." [Norm belches] The early Elvis.

Quote from Sam

Sam: I can't believe it.
Woody: What is it, Sam?
Sam: [clearing throat] Oh Tony, my hairstylist. He's making a left on Boylston and this bus cut him off. Car jumped the curb, and he slammed into this hot dog stand and ended up in the middle of the pond in the public gardens. He's at the hospital now with two broken legs. Got to cancel my hair appointment. I hate it when stuff like that happens to me.

Quote from Rebecca

Frasier: Greetings, all. I have a brief announcement. You may recall last year I brought in my dysfunctional men's group. Well, unfortunately, my low self-esteem group heard about it and now they think they're not good enough.
Rebecca: So you're bringing them here?
Frasier: Well, I'd like the group to get used to a normal, healthy, social environment.
Rebecca: So you're bringing them here?

Quote from Carla

Rebecca: Carla, what's the date?
Carla: Don't you know? [chuckling] Rebecca, on this date in 1935, Elvis Aaron Presley was born. A man who was destined to change the shape of popular music. A man who captured the hearts of America. A man who, through his music...
Phil: Can I have my drink?
Carla: [throws Phil's drink in his face] ...taught us all the meaning of love.

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