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‘Strange Bedfellows, Part 3’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Strange Bedfellows, Part 3

426. Strange Bedfellows, Part 3

Aired May 15, 1986

As Sam's relationship with Janet Eldridge (Kate Mulgrew) makes headlines, she pushes him to make a firmer commitment. Meanwhile, Diane causes a scene at a press conference held by Councilwoman Eldridge in the bar.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Woody: How you feeling today, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Poor.
Woody: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Norm: No, I meant, pour.

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Quote from Woody

Norm: You sending another recorded message home to the folks, Wood?
Woody: Oh, yeah. It's a lot cheaper than a phone call. [recording] Hi, folks. This is your son, Woody... Boyd. But enough about me. You know, things have been getting really crazy around Cheers lately. Remember I told you that Sam was going out with this real pretty politician lady named Janet Eldridge? Well, things are still going hot and heavy. Oh, Miss Chambers quit. Yeah, I think this stuff between Sam and Miss Eldridge finally got to her. Anyway, she says she's never coming back in here again. Gee, I'm gonna miss her. Well, that's it. Bye. [stops tape] Let's hear how it sounds.
Winston Churchill: [on tape] We shall fight on the seas and the oceans. We shall fight in growing confidence and growing strength in the air.
Woody: You know, I guess it's true. You listen to the sound of your own voice, it always sounds different.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Hey, whitey. About that dye job crack... I'm sorry.
Diane: You're sorry? I don't think I've heard you say that before. [Woody hands Diane drinks] Thanks, Woody.
Carla: Yeah, I know. But I figure it's about time. I mean, now that you're Boston's number-one loser, I'm feeling... I'm feeling kind of different about you.
Diane: I'm flattered.
Carla: In fact I wanna apologize for all the crummy things I've said to you over the years.
Diane: Why, thank you, Carla.
Carla: Except for that one about your lizard lips. I like that one.
Diane: Exception noted.
Carla: And you know, the one about you having a personality you could store meat in. I'd like to keep that one alive too.
Diane: This is so like you. Covering up what are obviously some very fine, warm feelings. But I happen to know what you're really saying is you like me.
Carla: You're touching me.
Diane: It's called communication.
Carla: No, it's called a death wish.

Quote from Woody

Diane: Woody? Woody? May I ask you a question?
Woody: Sure, if you're not fussy about the answer.
Diane: Has Sam ever talked to you about his feelings toward Miss Eldridge?
Woody: Well... I heard him say that he kind of likes her. But in my opinion, you and Sam make a much better couple.
Diane: Really?
Woody: Yeah. You're my two favorite people in the whole world.
Diane: Oh, Woody. [hugs him] Thank you.
Woody: Except for my parents.
Diane: I know.
Woody: And my teachers at school. Oh, wait a minute. I can put you ahead of my 8th grade teacher, Mr. Thorndike. He always had chalk on his suit and he smelled kind of funny. But, you know, I don't wanna hurt Mr. Thorndike's feelings, so let's just forget this conversation.
Diane: I was planning to, Woody.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Hey, hey. Didn't you see the sign outside? We reserve the right to refuse service to skinny ex-waitresses with bad dye jobs.
Woody: Oh, Carla, couldn't we make an exception just this once?
Diane: Thanks, Woody.

Quote from Woody

Diane: But I'm not here for the potables. I'm here to see Sam.
Woody: Oh, he should be down in a few minutes. He's upstairs at Melville's with Miss Eldridge. She's telling him what to say and what not to say at the press conference today.
Diane: Oh, there's a press conference?
Woody: Yeah, and it's gonna be right here in the bar.
Diane: Oh, that's quite unorthodox.
Woody: No, I think it's open to all faiths.

Quote from Woody

Woody: I just wanted to remind you again. When are you gonna replace Miss Chambers? You haven't put an ad in the paper.
Sam: I'll get to it, Woody.
Woody: Well, you keep saying that.
Sam: Would you stop bugging me, please?
Woody: Okay, Sam. Sorry. By the way where is Miss Chambers?
Sam: Hey, how should I know where she is, Wood? Give me a break, will you?
Woody: She came in here to wait.
Sam: She what?
Woody: Yeah. [seeing Diane] Wait on, uh... tables here at Cheers, and you fired her. And you know the rest.
Sam: Thank you for the recap, Woody.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Miss Chambers? I covered for your eavesdropping this time, but you know, I think you have a real problem. I think you ought to get some help.
Diane: I will, Woody. I promise. Do me one favor, will you? Please, just tell me when Sam steps into the men's room.
Woody: Oh, God, it's worse than I imagined.

Quote from Woody

Woody: I can't believe this. Cameras, reporters, government officials. And to think, only a few short months ago, I was back in Indiana pumping suds for a bunch of bozos.
Steve: Hey, goober, how about pouring us another round?
Woody: Oh, coming right up.

Quote from Cliff

Norm: Hey, Woody, give us a couple of beers, will you?
Tim: Hey, where you guys been?
Cliff: Ah, Normie took me to meet Donna, the alleged Lolita.
Norm: Yeah, maybe she's not quite as bad as I made her out to be.
Cliff: Are you kidding? She's the sweetest, most innocent freckle-faced youngster I ever wanted to meet. And for you to imply she was unwholesome and behaved in a salacious manner towards you is unbelievable.
Norm: Well, maybe my imagination's a little overactive, I guess.
Cliff: Especially if you think that that young lady is coming on to you. She's coming on to me like gangbusters.
Norm: Cliffie, you know, you're really kind of a handy guy to have around. Just when I think I've gone completely off the deep end, I look over at you, and there you are diving off the cliffs at Acapulco.
Cliff: Yeah, but looking mucho primo in my bikini briefs, eh?

Quote from Cliff

Woody: Boy, looks like Sammy got his walking papers. I know how he feels.
Norm: Yeah, I think we've all been there before, Woody.
Cliff: Well, it's never happened to me, so I guess I'll just have to imagine it, huh?
Norm: Cliffie, I think you actually have to go with someone before you can get dumped.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Boy, Sam, you had a rough day today. You lost two great gals in one day.
Sam: Two?
Woody: Well, yeah, you know, I always thought that someday Miss Chambers would be Mrs Malone. That's crazy, huh?
Sam: Well, Woody, there are more where they came from.
Woody: You know, I'm glad you said that because there's this girl in my building I wish you could meet. She's really cute. She's got a great personality. She's really fun to be with, and she has got a gorgeous figure. And if I were a young single guy in this town... See you tomorrow, Sam.

Quote from Sam

Sam: [on the phone] Hi, it's-- It's me. Look I've been thinking about you. Oh, what the hell. Will you marry me?

Quote from Norm

Cliff: Oh, trouble in paradise, Norm?
Norm: No, at home, Cliffie. I just put Vera on the train to Springfield. I have to spend the next few days at home alone with her oversexed, exhibitionist sister, Donna.
Steve: You know, maybe she's an innocent kid, and you misinterpret her friendliness.
Norm: Maybe you're right. You tell me, is it normal for a girl to get dressed on the front lawn?

Quote from Diane

Cliff: Hey, Diane, I understand you're hitting the bricks in Unemployment City there along with Normie.
Diane: Oh, actually, I've found other employment.
Cliff: Oh, yeah? See that, Norm? What's the job that you landed there?
Diane: Well it's only temporary until I hear about this other job. In fact, it's so temporary I don't even bother to take my coat off when I'm there, if you get my point. I'm a [mumbles] checkout clerk at Hurley's Market.
Norm: What?
Diane: A checkout clerk at Hurley's Market. Are you deaf?
Alan: Hey, Diane, that's where I shop. Next time I come in, I'll say hi.
Diane: If you don't, I'll be angry.

Quote from Norm

Alan: What did she want, Norm?
Norm: "What did she want, Norm?" What she wanted was, she wanted me to come home early. She's making a turkey dinner, all right? And then she paused and said there'd be no dressing. Do you suppose she meant the bird or us?
Cliff: Well, either way, there's gonna be some plump, succulent thighs at that table.

Quote from Diane

Woody: Hi, Miss Chambers.
Diane: Hi, Woody.
Woody: I thought you left.
Diane: No, no, I'm waiting for Sam. I have a call to make.
Woody: Well, he's up in the restaurant. I can go get him if you want. I mean, he's probably just eating or something.
Diane: No, that's okay. Thank you. I have calls to make. Actually, Woody, I'm not really in here to make phone calls. I came back to apologize to Sam. I loathe to admit that I eavesdropped on a conversation he had with Janet the other day, and that's inexcusable. My conscience was bothering me, so I came back to confess. Thus allowing me to close this chapter in my life.
Woody: Okey-dokey.

Quote from Sam

Janet Eldridge: Sam, this is serious.
Sam: So is this.
Janet Eldridge: We have this press conference today, and I just want you to know that it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to answer questions about what our future plans are.
Sam: Why?
Janet Eldridge: Because I don't know what our future plans are.
Sam: Wait, wait, what are you saying?
Janet Eldridge: Well, this may sound a little old-fashioned, but I guess I'm asking what your intentions are toward me.
Sam: Intentions?
Janet Eldridge: Well, I mean, haven't you ever thought about you and me tying the knot?
Sam: Oh, now, you told me you didn't go in for that kinky stuff.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Excuse me.
Carla: Well, if it isn't Rebecca of Skinnybrook Farm. Shouldn't you be out collecting shopping carts?
Diane: Well, I was in the neighborhood, and I thought I'd drop by and unwind.
Carla: Sure. It just happens to be five minutes before Sam and Janet's press conference.
Diane: Oh, is that today? Mercy. Well, I'm a concerned citizen. Perhaps I'll just stick around and see what happens.

Quote from Sam

Reporter: Councillor, in view of your re-election to city council, I'd like to pose a question that I'm sure is on everybody's mind here today. How do you think the Red Sox are gonna do this season?
Janet Eldridge: Why don't I turn this over to my special consultant on this issue, Mayday Malone.
Sam: Whether the Red Sox do well or not is not the point. I think they're gonna bring a lot of money into this city, and that can do nothing but help the tax base of our fair city.
Janet Eldridge: In layman's terms, the Sox are gonna clean up this year.

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