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Two Girls for Every Boyd

‘Two Girls for Every Boyd’

Season 8, Episode 9 -  Aired November 23, 1989

When Woody gets the lead in a play, he has trouble achieving chemistry with his co-star Emily (Lisa Kudrow). Meanwhile, the guys at the bar have a beard-growing contest.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Yeah, I got to hand it to you guys: You are good. Not in the ballpark of Nick Tortelli, though.
Norm: Yeah?
Carla: Now, that was a hairy man. Yeah, you know, the first time I saw him naked, I couldn't even tell he was naked. But then who would've expected it at a Bob's Big Boy?


Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Sam? Sam, get this. Who do you think I look like with my beard this way?
Sam: Oh. Well, that's easy. You look like that little guy on the cans of deviled ham.
Frasier: No, no. Sigmund Freud, the father of modern psychoanalysis and one of the greatest minds of the 20th century.
Sam: He gave all that up to sell deviled ham?
Frasier: The man had to live. You know, lately, when I'm in my office taking notes about some patient who's pouring his guts out, I imagine I'm Dr. Freud and I'm back in Vienna, hobnobbing with the great minds of the era, exchanging quips with Jung, developing the original theories of psychoanalysis. Before I know it, the hour's up. I've discovered I haven't even listened to a single thing the patient's been saying. It makes a nice change.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Evening, everybody.
All: Norm!
Sam: What can I get you, Norm?
Norm: Got any flea powder? No. Just kidding. Actually, give me a beer. I think I'll drown the little suckers.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: I can't believe it!
Woody: Oh, wait, Kelly. It's not what it looks like.
Kelly: Don't make excuses, Woody. Now I see what's going on. You're busy every night and you won't tell me why. I walk in here and find the two of you kissing in the back room of a bar. It all adds up... You're in a play and you didn't even tell me!
Woody: Wait! Maybe I was just cheating on you!

Quote from Norm

Cliff: What do you say there, Norm? You want to put your peach fuzz on the starting line?
Norm: Like I've got nothing better to do than sit around a bar all day and watch my hair grow. Yeah, I'm in. Yeah.

Quote from Norm

Sam: Woody, Woody, you got to tell Kelly you're rehearsing a play.
Norm: I'm afraid Sammy's right. You can't go sneaking out at nights on somebody you love. Woody, you have to believe that truth and...
Carla: Norm, it's Vera.
Norm: I'm not here! ...honesty are the cornerstones of any relationship.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Carla? Beer, please. Friends, circle the day in red. Today, Lilith and I are off on our first outing sans baby.
Norm: All right. Congratulations, Frasier.
Frasier: And well deserved, too. I feel like a free man. You have no idea how an infant can dominate your life. Fortunately, Lilith and I have seen to it that we can get away and enjoy ourselves independently.
Carla: Where you going?
Frasier: Well, first, we're off to the crib store to buy a new liner, and then it's a Lamaze reunion.
Cliff: Wait, wait, wait. So who's taking care of the little papoose?
Frasier: Oh, we've lucked into the most fabulous au pair. You know, one of those foreign-exchange students who, in return for room and board, take care of the child? Ours happens to be large, blond, and from Sweden.
Norm: Ooh! Now, Lilith doesn't object to having a spicy little Swedish meatball around the house?
Frasier: She's been so busy being a mommy, I don't think she's even noticed.
[Lilith enters with a tall, muscular, blonde Swedish man carrying Frederick]
Lilith: Come on, Frasier. We don't want to cut into Torsten's exercise time.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Sammy, say, you shouldn't be so surprised. You know, women really can't resist a thick crop of jaw hair. It goes back to, uh... It goes back to Androcles.
Norm: Wait a second. Wasn't Androcles the guy who pulled the thorn out of the lion's paw?
Cliff: That's what he told his wife when she found the scratches on his back, huh? I'm telling you, guys... Babes and beards.
Carla: Yeah? If beards are such a babe magnet, why don't you have one?
Cliff: Well, as a matter of fact, Carla, in my family's history, I'm the first Clavin to go without a beard.
Carla: You're the first Clavin to go without a tail.
Cliff: You know, Carla... you know, one day without giving the old Norelco a face ride, this chin would outshine Sammy's.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Can you believe this pathetic display?
Lilith: It pleases me that you're secure enough in your masculinity to forego these never-ending rites of passage.
Frasier: No, no, I mean that this convention of babies' bottoms think they can grow better beards than me. All right, you bald-faced debutantes, I'm in.

Quote from Woody

Sam: Hey, guys. I thought you were out on a date.
Woody: We are, Sam. I'm topping off the evening by bringing Kelly here to Cheers.
Sam: Why do that? You spend all your time here.
Woody: Well, I know, but tonight I'm here as a customer, and that means I get to order you around. Two ginger ales, big guy, and don't try to slip us any of that house stuff. Look at him run.

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