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‘Bar Wars VII: The Naked Prey’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Bar Wars VII: The Naked Prey

1119. Bar Wars VII: The Naked Prey

Aired March 18, 1993

Sam is hopeful that after ten straight losses to Gary's Olde Towne Tavern on Saint Patrick's Day, this will finally be the year they win one over on their archrival.

Quote from Sam

Norm: Sammy, what's up? I thought you wanted to get an early jump on Gary.
Sam: Yeah, I did. That's why I'm here at 9:00.
Norm: 9:01, Sam. Some of us were here at 9:00.
Sam: Hey, relax, will you. It's in the bag. I fixed it so Gary can't ever win.
Norm: Yeah? Yeah? What'd you do?
Sam: Yeah, you're gonna love this. You know that- That sign he's got outside his window there, "50 cent beer, Saint Patrick's Day Special?"
Carla: Yeah.
Sam: Yeah, well I added a zero. I mean who's going to pay $5 for a beer, huh?
Carla: Good one, Sam.
Sam: Yeah. [laughs] Sometimes I scare myself.
Norm: It's 9:02, Sam. Let's go.
Sam: All right. Sorry. $5 beer. Yeah, let's see him top that, huh?

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Quote from Sam

Norm: Oh, Sammy, look who's here. Harry the Hat.
Sam: Aw, man, how many times am I gonna have to chase that guy out of here? Grab your wallets, everybody. Hello, Harry.
Harry: Hey, Sam.
Sam: What you doing, trying to sell some bogus watches, some knock off's to my customers and try to cheat 'em?
Harry: Sam, that hurts. This is no knock off. That's a $5,000 Rolex. But it's on sale for $2,500.
Sam: Is this a real Rolex, Harry?
Harry: Yeah.
Sam: Whoa. [hits it against the table] Hey. Sounds like a Rolex, doesn't it? Oh, look at that... [drops it in a beer] Still ticking, too.
Harry: Uh, Sam.
Sam: Hey, do me a favor. Just, just take your bogus goods and peddle them someplace else, will ya?
Salesman: [walks over] So Harry, are you interested in buying the watch?
Harry: No, but I think my friend Sam might be.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Hey, everybody, I've got great news. I applied to the Boston League of Businesswomen, and they might let me join.
Woody: Oh, who are they?
Rebecca: Oh, it's this very prestigious organization that helps raise the stature of women in society and that kind of crap.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Can you believe it? The League rejected me.
Frasier: Why?
Rebecca: Because they said I was too self-involved and that I wasn't community-minded enough. So now I have to spend the next six months doing community service. Yawn. Woody, get me a charity on the phone.
Woody: Which one?
Rebecca: Well, how the hell do I know?! Just make sure it's close by. And I don't want one that's real depressing. And no weekends!

Quote from Sam

Sam: [on the phone] All right. All right. But now, the band I'm looking for is gonna have to be able to do all the old Irish standards. Yeah. "Danny Boy," "Galway Bay," "When Irish Eyes are Smiling", that kind of thing. You think you can handle that? All right then. Okay, I'll get back to you. Yeah, adios to you too, Manuel. [hangs up]

Quote from Sam

Frasier: Oh, well, I see you're getting an early jump on Saint Patrick's Day.
Sam: Yeah. That's right. You know, this time tomorrow when Gary's still decorating Olde Towne Tavern, this place's gonna be open, people are gonna be flooding in.
Frasier: That's a good idea, Sam.
Sam: You're damned right. Hey, finally, for the first time, St. Patrick's Day, Cheers is gonna do more business than Gary's Olde Towne Tavern. Yes!
Woody: Yes!
Frasier: I wouldn't be too sure about that. He's beaten you ten years running.
Sam: I know but I've got a feeling. You know, lucky 11?

Quote from Norm

Woody: We can't lose this time, Dr. Crane. We're pulling out all the stops. We've got, a two for one special, we've got balloons, we've got a live Irish band, we've got Mr. Peterson mixing up some green beer.
Sam: Oh, hey, how's that beer coming, Norm?
Norm: You want it fast or you want it good?
Sam: Come on, you've been working on it for three hours.
Norm: And I'm prepared to work on it all night long, Sam, because damn it, I care.

Quote from Carla

Sam: Hey, Carla. You- You through in there?
Carla: [o.s.] Hold your horses. I'm coming. [comes out dressed like a leprechaun] Shut up, everybody.
Cliff: Hey, look, everybody. It's our little leprechaun, Brill O'Head.
Carla: Keep talking, Clavin, you'll lose your left Blarney Stone. This outfit is ridiculous. I mean, I want to beat Gary as much as the next guy, but I'm not wearing this, okay?
Sam: I think it kind of looks nice.
Paul: Yeah, I think it looks kind of sexy.
Carla: That's it.

Quote from Sam

Frasier: Sam, may I have a word with you?
Sam: Yeah.
Frasier: I strongly urge you to reconsider. Listen, why do you think Gary's so willing to up the stakes? I mean, it stands to reason that he thinks he's going to win.
Sam: No, no, he's bluffing.
Frasier: What makes you think that?
Sam: Well he- he's beaten us ten times in a row. And not one of those times has he raised the stakes. He's running scared.
Frasier: Well, don't I feel stupid.
Woody: All those degrees really don't do much, do they, Doctor?

Quote from Norm

Sam: See now, that, that's not right.
Carla: Gary did it to us again.
Norm: Walled off from the keg. I want him dead, Sam. His family, dead. His friends, dead!
Sam: Oh, now see, this... This is... This is the lowest thing a person can do. This is pure evil.
Carla: Yeah. Why can't we think like that?
Sam: Tell me about it.
Norm: I thought you left Woody here to guard against things like this.
Woody: [o.s.] Sorry, Sam. I fell asleep.
Carla: They walled Woody in the bar.
Sam: Woody, you all right in there?
Woody: Well, I'm feeling light-headed and woozy, Sam.
Norm: That's the way I want to feel. Somebody tear this thing down!

Quote from Norm

Norm: Yep. Crisis solved.
Sam: Where'd you get the beer?
Norm: I've got a few squirreled away around the bar for emergencies. I always kind of figured it would be a nuclear thing, but I think this qualifies.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Hey guys, bad news. I just came from Gary's. He's raking in the money, hand over fist. And then again why shouldn't he? I mean, he's charging five bucks a beer.

Quote from Sam

Gary: Sam, I hope you don't mind, but since I don't have a bar anymore, I invited the developer over here to, you know, help me celebrate. Sam, I'd like you to meet your new neighbor, Rutherford Cunningham.
Harry: Real nice place you have here. [offers his hand] Nice to meet you. Sam, is it?
Sam: Yeah.
Gary: A bottle of your finest champagne.
Woody: [answers phone] Cheers. Oh, Gary, uh, phone for you, the bank.
Gary: Oh, yeah. Sam, do you mind if I take that in your office? It's big business, that sort of thing.
Sam: Sure.
Gary: Bank's not used to million-dollar deposits. [laughs]
Harry: So, Sam! It's good to see you again. Now what's that I heard about the finest champagne?
Sam: Did you do this? Did you, did you destroy his bar?
Harry: No, I didn't. Gary did. He's the one hired the bulldozer. Me? I'm just an interested land developer who's gonna come up a little short on funds... say about a million bucks short.
Woody: I have the same problem with a decimal point. [Gary screams off-camera]
Harry: Excuse me. I believe that's the sound of my check bouncing.

Quote from Sam

Gary: Mr. Cunningham? Uh, where's, uh, Mr. Cunningham?
Sam: Uh, he left. Uh, why, Gary?
Gary: Uh, no reason. [runs out]
Sam: Oh, man! Oh, you are terrific!
Harry: If you guys ever need any more help, you just give me a call.
Sam: Oh, thank you, Harry.
Harry: Ah, don't mention it. I guess I've always had a soft spot for you lunkheads.
Sam: Hey, how are we ever gonna pay you back?
Harry: Sam, you already have.
Sam: Aw, what a guy, huh?
Cliff: Yeah, boy.
Norm: Wonder what he meant by, we already have paid him back, though?
Sam: Oh, I don't know. You know, probably that warm spirit, the camaraderie, something like that. [opens register] Yeah, yeah, he stole all my money.

Quote from Sam

Rebecca: Sam, I need a couple hours off tomorrow because they want to interview me.
Sam: Honey, it's the busiest day of my year.
Carla: What difference does it make? She doesn't do anything anyway.
Sam: You know what? Why don't you take the whole day off?
Rebecca: You're a peach.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: New Armani, new hair. Am I ready for the Boston League of Businesswomen or what? I just have to get my resume and then I'm on my way. Is this in any way my fault?
Sam: No, sweetheart.
Rebecca: Okay then wish me luck. Bye-bye.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Hey, come on, Norm, Carla, listen we can still win this thing, right? We, we've got the green beer, we've got the band. All we've got to do is get rid of this wall somehow and hustle like there's no tomorrow. All we need is, uh, well, a little winning attitude, right?
Carla: There you go.
Sam: A little positivity. Hey, fellas, do me a favor, play us a little something to get us in the mood.
Norm: Yeah.
Irish Band: [sing] They broke into our Dublin home The dirty English dogs They took away my sister And they beat my da with logs Limey scum, limey scum I toss a bomb and still they come...
Irish Singer: Everybody!
Irish Band: [sing] Limey scum, limey scum...
[time lapse:]
Irish Band: [sing] And everywhere I looked Was death, death, death Everywhere I looked Was death, death, death. [Woody is the only person to applaud]
Irish Singer: And now, for a sad song. [mournful melody]
Irish Band: [sing] 'Twas a baby's crib that floated
Sam: No! No! No! No! No baby's crib! Stop it. Here, get the hell out of here, will you? Take your money. Go on, get out.
Irish Singer: Go to hell.

Quote from Woody

Sam: Let's face it; It's over, huh? Might as well tally up and see what we've got there.
Carla: Yeah, Woody, what's the total?
Woody: Well... [adding machine keys clicking] $1 million, five hundred thousand.
Frasier: Decimal point, Woody.
Woody: Oh. Hold everything. $150 even.

Quote from Paul

Carla: Looks like we lost again.
Norm: Well, Sammy, guess you're gonna have to fork over that 150 to Gary.
Sam: Uh, actually, we raised the stakes, remember fellas?
Norm: Oh, yeah, how much do you have to pay?
Sam: Well, it's... It's not money. It's uh... It's more like a, a little favor, actually.
Paul: Oh, yeah? What is it?
Sam: It's... It's something that people do everyday. Uh, uh, I'm going to, uh, need, uh, you three guys to help me out here.
Paul: Hey, just once I'd like to be included, huh?
Sam: All right, Paul, you're in.
Paul: Thank you. Thanks, I owe you Sammy.

Quote from Sam

Norm: Well, what do we have to do?
Sam: Uh, it's no big thing, really, Norm. We've just got to go over to Gary's and... [mumbles]
Norm: What?
Sam: Uh, it's no big deal. Fellas, all we've got to do is, is let him... [mumbles].
Norm: What?
Sam: Just get your coats and follow me. I'll tell you on the way over.
Cliff: Hey, Sam, what's the big deal. Why don't you just tell us what we have to do?
Sam: All right, you got to... [all screaming]

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