Norm: Sammy, what's up? I thought you wanted to get an early jump on Gary.
Sam: Yeah, I did. That's why I'm here at 9:00.
Norm: 9:01, Sam. Some of us were here at 9:00.
Sam: Hey, relax, will you. It's in the bag. I fixed it so Gary can't ever win.
Norm: Yeah? Yeah? What'd you do?
Sam: Yeah, you're gonna love this. You know that- That sign he's got outside his window there, "50 cent beer, Saint Patrick's Day Special?"
Carla: Yeah.
Sam: Yeah, well I added a zero. I mean who's going to pay $5 for a beer, huh?
Carla: Good one, Sam.
Sam: Yeah. [laughs] Sometimes I scare myself.
Norm: It's 9:02, Sam. Let's go.
Sam: All right. Sorry. $5 beer. Yeah, let's see him top that, huh?

Rebecca: Hey, everybody, I've got great news. I applied to the Boston League of Businesswomen, and they might let me join.
Woody: Oh, who are they?
Rebecca: Oh, it's this very prestigious organization that helps raise the stature of women in society and that kind of crap.

Rebecca: Can you believe it? The League rejected me.
Frasier: Why?
Rebecca: Because they said I was too self-involved and that I wasn't community-minded enough. So now I have to spend the next six months doing community service. Yawn. Woody, get me a charity on the phone.
Woody: Which one?
Rebecca: Well, how the hell do I know?! Just make sure it's close by. And I don't want one that's real depressing. And no weekends!

Frasier: Oh, well, I see you're getting an early jump on Saint Patrick's Day.
Sam: Yeah. That's right. You know, this time tomorrow when Gary's still decorating Olde Towne Tavern, this place's gonna be open, people are gonna be flooding in.
Frasier: That's a good idea, Sam.
Sam: You're damned right. Hey, finally, for the first time, St. Patrick's Day, Cheers is gonna do more business than Gary's Olde Towne Tavern. Yes!
Woody: Yes!
Frasier: I wouldn't be too sure about that. He's beaten you ten years running.
Sam: I know but I've got a feeling. You know, lucky 11?

Woody: We can't lose this time, Dr. Crane. We're pulling out all the stops. We've got, a two for one special, we've got balloons, we've got a live Irish band, we've got Mr. Peterson mixing up some green beer.
Sam: Oh, hey, how's that beer coming, Norm?
Norm: You want it fast or you want it good?
Sam: Come on, you've been working on it for three hours.
Norm: And I'm prepared to work on it all night long, Sam, because damn it, I care.

Sam: Hey, Carla. You- You through in there?
Carla: [o.s.] Hold your horses. I'm coming. [comes out dressed like a leprechaun] Shut up, everybody.
Cliff: Hey, look, everybody. It's our little leprechaun, Brill O'Head.
Carla: Keep talking, Clavin, you'll lose your left Blarney Stone. This outfit is ridiculous. I mean, I want to beat Gary as much as the next guy, but I'm not wearing this, okay?
Sam: I think it kind of looks nice.
Paul: Yeah, I think it looks kind of sexy.
Carla: That's it.

Frasier: Sam, may I have a word with you?
Sam: Yeah.
Frasier: I strongly urge you to reconsider. Listen, why do you think Gary's so willing to up the stakes? I mean, it stands to reason that he thinks he's going to win.
Sam: No, no, he's bluffing.
Frasier: What makes you think that?
Sam: Well he- he's beaten us ten times in a row. And not one of those times has he raised the stakes. He's running scared.
Frasier: Well, don't I feel stupid.
Woody: All those degrees really don't do much, do they, Doctor?

Sam: See now, that, that's not right.
Carla: Gary did it to us again.
Norm: Walled off from the keg. I want him dead, Sam. His family, dead. His friends, dead!
Sam: Oh, now see, this... This is... This is the lowest thing a person can do. This is pure evil.
Carla: Yeah. Why can't we think like that?
Sam: Tell me about it.
Norm: I thought you left Woody here to guard against things like this.
Woody: [o.s.] Sorry, Sam. I fell asleep.
Carla: They walled Woody in the bar.
Sam: Woody, you all right in there?
Woody: Well, I'm feeling light-headed and woozy, Sam.
Norm: That's the way I want to feel. Somebody tear this thing down!

Norm: Yep. Crisis solved.
Sam: Where'd you get the beer?
Norm: I've got a few squirreled away around the bar for emergencies. I always kind of figured it would be a nuclear thing, but I think this qualifies.

Cliff: Hey guys, bad news. I just came from Gary's. He's raking in the money, hand over fist. And then again why shouldn't he? I mean, he's charging five bucks a beer.