Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Diane: Norman.
Coach: What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?
Norm: Going down.

Hester Crane: I understand you used to date that woman. I want to know how much you'd charge to start things up again.
Sam: You don't have enough money.
Hester Crane: How would you know?
Sam: There isn't enough money.
Hester Crane: I know what you mean.
Sam: No, I don't think you do.
Hester Crane: I think I do.
Sam: Oh, no.
Hester Crane: Oh, yes.
Sam: Oh, no.

Coach: Hi, what can I get you?
Man: I'm a phone company repairman.
Coach: Oh, hi, I'm a bartender. Ernie Pantusso.
Man: Phil Ryan. I got a call to come down here.
Coach: Gee, there must be some mistake, Phil. I didn't call for any repairman.
Carla: I think Sam put in a call, Coach.
Coach: He did? Gee, that's strange. He didn't say anything to me about it. I'd better give him a call and find out what this is all about. [dials phone] Bum luck, Phil, phone's out.
Carla: Give him a couple of seconds.
Coach: Say, Phil, I hate to impose on you, but since they got you down here on this royal goose chase, would you mind taking a look at the phone?
Man: Sure.
Coach: Thank you. Lucky thing he happened by here, huh, Carla?
Carla: Sometimes fate takes a hand, Coach.

Cliff: Eh, boy, did you see that?
Carla: What?
Cliff: Well, Frasier purposely avoided drawing me into the conversation.
Coach: You know, I noticed that, too, Cliffie. What's his problem?
Cliff: Well, he knows how well versed I am in his field, Coach. I've embarrassed many a professional so-called expert.
Carla: Actually, Cliff, I think you've embarrassed everybody you know.
Cliff: Well, as long as you're saying it, it's not bragging.

Diane: Sam, I have to ask you a question. And promise me you won't make a joke out of it. OK? Promise.
Sam: Yeah, I promise. What's up?
Diane: Do you think I'm crazy?
Sam: Yes.
Diane: Ha ha! Now we've gotten the joke out of the way, will you help me? I know this is a strange question, but it's important. Do you think I'm crazy?
Sam: Yes.
Diane: I should have known better. You're incapable of a rational conversation. Everything has to be some flip remark.
Sam: Well, wait a minute. Do you mean are you crazy, like seriously unbalanced, like losing your grasp on reality?
Diane: Yes.
Sam: Oh, well, then yes.

Diane: Hester, I've been thinking a lot about our little talk last night.
Hester Crane: I hope you've been thinking long and hard.
Diane: I have. Frasier, I came to a decision last night. When and if we marry, I think we should commit mommy dearest here to a rest home, making sure that beating and starving are the only forms of recreation.
Frasier: Diane!
Hester Crane: I beg your pardon?
Frasier: Diane.
Diane: In fact, I feel like slapping your face right now.
Hester Crane: Take me out of here this moment.
Diane: Well, it's a joke, come on. I'm obviously kidding. We're not going to put the woman in a rest home, we'll have her with us always. We're going to have her stuffed. [As Diane laughs, Sam gives her a "cut it out", throat slash gesture] And I'll even slit her throat in the process. Thank you, Sam. [laughs]

Sam: What are you doing here tonight?
Diane: I'm having dinner upstairs with Frasier and his mother. She's a seafood aficionado, we think she'll like the bouillabaisse at Melville's.
Sam: You're having dinner with Frasier's mother?
Diane: You actually deduced I'm having dinner with Frasier and his mother when all I did was say it in your presence. No flash cards, no crib notes on your sleeve? Uncanny.

Cliff: Wait a minute, Sammy. The primary symptom of postprandial trauma is the blurring of the metatarsals. [shines a light in Norm's eyes]
Sam: Cliff, shut up.
Cliff: Oh, okay. Fine, I'll shut up. Go ahead and wallow in ignorance. I think we're re-entering the Dark Ages here.
Coach: Do we gain an hour or lose an hour?

Diane: A lot of people miss the whimsy in Jung. He's given me many a chuckle. I wrote one of my favorite papers about it. It's entitled, tongue in cheek of course, "Hello, Jung Lovers."
Hester Crane: How clever.
Diane: Oh, dear. Something just struck me. I hope I haven't dominated the conversation tonight.
Frasier: Oh, nonsense, Diane, the wine and your verbiage were the perfect compliment to our meal.

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Coach: What's up, Norm?
Norm: Everything that's supposed to be.