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‘Strange Bedfellows, Part 2’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Strange Bedfellows, Part 2

425. Strange Bedfellows, Part 2

Aired May 8, 1986

As Sam's relationship with Janet Eldridge (Kate Mulgrew) becomes serious, she tells him to fire Diane from the bar.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Evening, everybody.
All: Norm!
Woody: What's going down, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: My cheeks on this barstool.

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Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Welcome to the losers' club, baby. Now that you've paid your dues, here's your membership card. Yeah, we're a pair, aren't we? A couple of chumps that life just kicked in the teeth, and why am I talking like Broderick Crawford?
Diane: Frasier, I know you think I'm jealous of Janet and Sam's relationship, but I'm not. I just don't want to see him get hurt. That's really all there is to it.
Frasier: I think you're kidding yourself, Diane. We both know the reason you've been down in the dumps. But believe me, there's no need to be. Sam is not really happy with that woman. Just imagine the mental strain it must be trying to use the right fork all the time. Don't give up hope. I haven't.
Diane: You're a lovely man. I'm sorry I hurt you. I wish there was some way I could make you forgive me.
Frasier: Well, marry me. Bear my children. Let me die in your arms.
Diane: I was thinking more along the lines of making fudge.
Frasier: Well, I like your fudge.

Quote from Diane

Diane: The last time we had an official parting of the ways there was some question as to who left whom. That is why this time I've gone to the trouble of tendering my resignation in the written form. Legal precedent states that the written document always supersedes the spoken word, especially when it's spoken by a goof.
Sam: Oh, fine. Fine. Who cares? See you in the funny papers.
Diane: Oh, that's perfect. The funny papers. Don't say another word. Let that be the last utterance I remember. And now I'm off to begin a new life. I shall forget you in a trice.
Sam: Oh, a trice? Please, let that be the last word I hear from you.
Diane: You troglodyte.
Sam: That's even better!

Quote from Diane

Diane: Attention, everyone. May I have your attention, please? I have resigned. I know this comes as a shock, but I've decided that I no longer fit into the scheme of things around here. I go willingly with a gladful heart, for it has been my pleasure to serve you, and my privilege to know you, lo, these many years. I shall miss you all. But weep no tears for Diane Chambers. She's tougher than you think. She's going to be okay. You bet she is. So this is goodbye. For there's one thing I know: You will never, ever see me again. Farewell.
[After Diane leaves without her coat, she sticks her hand back through the door, facing away from the crowd, to try grab it from the coat rack. As Diane reaches for the coat, Carla pulls the coat rack away from her, until Diane is forced to lean back into the bar and face everyone]
Carla: Hey, look, everyone. It's Diane.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Oh, puke.
Sam: What?
Carla: Will you cut it out? I mean, that is the sappiest junk I've ever heard. Look, you've proven your point. You can go out with classy dames like her. You can go out with anybody. Now, you've had your fun. I want you to just quit fooling around, march right out there, and find yourself an airhead with big casabas.
Sam: What the heck has gotten into you, Carla?
Carla: Sammy, it's just not right. You are not a one-woman guy. I mean, it's like the time of your great sickness.
Sam: When I went out with Diane.
Carla: That's right. You're starting to get me worried.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson. Can I pour you a beer?
Norm: Well, okay, Woody, but be sure to stop me at one. Make that 1:30.

Quote from Diane

Sam: Is she here yet? Oh, good, good. You're just the person I wanna see. Sweetheart, you are far too bright, talented and lovely to waste your--
Diane: Before you go any further, read this.
Sam: All right. Well, does this--? Does this mean you're quitting?
Diane: Isn't that what it clearly states on page five?
Sam: But why? I mean, I don't understand why.
Diane: My reasons are enumerated here above the graph.

Quote from Carla

Sam: Hey, Carla? Carla, is Diane here yet?
Carla: [mocking] No, Diane is not here yet. That is the third time you've asked me that. Why would you, or anyone for that matter, want to see her?
Sam: Well... Just curious. No reason.
Carla: Well, when she gets here, I'll make an announcement, okay? What's your problem?
Sam: Carla, has it ever occurred to you that Diane doesn't really belong here?
Carla: You mean this bar or this planet? Either way, it's yes.

Quote from Sam

Sam: I'm sorry I'm late. Oh, hey, I bet you can't guess who I met at Janet's house last night.
Diane: Sam, please.
Sam: What?
Diane: This is really getting out of hand. In the month that you've been dating the lovely Councillor Eldridge you've done nothing but drop names. You'd think you'd never seen a celebrity before. So spare me your stargazing. [exits]
Norm: Hey, hey, Gary Hart. Gary Hart, there he is.
Sam: Oh, hey, senator.
Gary Hart: Hi, Sam, you left your coat in my car last night.
Sam: That's sweet of you to bring it by. Thank you.
Gary Hart: Least I could do for a Trivial Pursuit partner. By the way, thanks for your help with those sports questions.
Sam: Well, that's my strong point. Thank you for helping me with everything else.
Gary Hart: That's my strong point.
Sam: Yeah.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Gary. What say you park her down here, and I'll buy you a brewski, eh?
Gary Hart: Thanks. I think I'll take a rain check.
Norm: Oh, well, in that case you can buy me one. Just kidding, you know. Sort of.

Quote from Diane

Gary Hart: Sam, I better run. Thanks. Good to see you again.
Sam: Yeah. Thank you. Thanks for dropping by.
Diane: Oh, my God, it's Gary Hart. Did you see Gary Hart? I saw Gary Hart. [runs after him] Senator Gary Hart.
Could have been President Gary Hart. Could still be President Gary Hart. Gary Hart, that's... Gary... [to Sam] I was just showing you how silly it looks. Please, don't do it again.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Hey, Diane, I'm leaving.
Diane: [o.s.] Okay.
Carla: I'm gonna shut off the light and lock you in.
Diane: Okay.
Carla: Don't forget to cover the pool table.
Diane: Okay.
Carla: Make sure you pull your arms off and stuff them down your throat.
Diane: Okay.

Quote from Woody

Cliff: Oh, Normie, you're as white as a sheet. What's cooking?
Norm: Oh, that was Vera. Her aunt's taken sick. She has to go to Springfield for a few days. That leaves me at home alone with Donna.
Cliff: Just you and the siren.
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, maybe you can use that siren thing to scare off your sister-in-law.

Quote from Frasier

Diane: Sam thinks he's going to fire me. But I have a little surprise for him. I'm resigning.
Frasier: You're leaving Cheers?
Diane: That's right.
Frasier: Well, great. You can work for me. I need a new receptionist.
Diane: Frasier, you have a wonderful receptionist. Mrs. McGrady has worked for you and your family for 20 years.
Frasier: Well, yes, but I caught her in a typo the other day, so she's history.
Diane: Thank you, Frasier. I don't think so.
Frasier: Okay, but one word from you and that blue-haired head rolls.

Quote from Woody

Jim Fleener: Frasier, it was awfully nice of you to invite me out for a drink.
Frasier: Oh, well, it's my pleasure, Jim. I just couldn't bear to see you so down in the dumps after you lost the election. I thought this might cheer you up.
Jim Fleener: I'm sure it will.
Frasier: Woody let me get a Scotch on the rocks.
Jim Fleener: Oh, well, make that two.
Woody: Coming right up. Say, aren't you that guy that Janet Eldridge whipped in the election?
Frasier: Woody.
Woody: Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I guess you just look like him. Hey, did that Fleener guy take a shellacking or what? [laughs]

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