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‘Sisterly Love’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Sisterly Love

721. Sisterly Love

Aired April 27, 1989

When Rebecca's estranged sister, Susan (Marcia Cross), visits Cheers, Sam senses an opportunity to get closer to both of them.

Quote from Cliff

Woody: I swear I've seen her someplace before.
Sam: Well, she asked for Rebecca. Called her Becky. Must be old friends.
Cliff: Yeah, that could explain a lot.
Carla: What's that supposed to mean?
Cliff: Well, figure it out. Rebecca, who doesn't date, suddenly has this good-looking friend show up. A slender, boyish, female friend, with whom she probably, uh, sunbathed nude somewhere, perhaps on the Isle of Lesbos.
Norm: They ever get the tests back on that dog that bit you?

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Quote from Woody

Woody: I just remembered who she is. That's Susan Howe.
Sam: I know, she's Rebecca's sister.
Woody: No, the actress. I saw her in Night of the Mutants.
Carla: What, is that a movie, or your family reunion?
Woody: A movie, Carla.
Sam: I don't remember, uh, Rebecca saying anything about having a sister who was in a horror movie. Are you sure about that?
Woody: Let me check. [Woody covers his eyes with his hands] Yeah. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. You know, if she had another, smaller head growing out of her neck, I'd be positive.
Sam: I got to check this out.
Woody: Hey, ask her if they let her keep the little head.

Quote from Cliff

Sam: She's missing the point. Can you imagine what the reward might be for anybody who would act as a peacemaker between these two tragically estranged but perky-bottomed sisters?
Norm: Ah. To Sammy, the man who keeps the dream alive.
Carla: Wait a minute. What makes you think you can get the both of them? It's taken you two years to get a polite kick in the teeth from number one.
Cliff: [chuckling] Carla, Carla, Carla. Am I gonna have to teach you about women?
Carla: Yeah, Cliff, why don't you?
Cliff: Nah, you better take this one, Sammy. I don't want to hog the spotlight.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: You got to help me, Sam; come on. Come on, take a hold of her. Come on.
Sam: Oh!
Rebecca: Everybody does at least one bad thing in their life. Sam, take her hands. There. All right, now, make sure nobody sees us. [Sam whimpering] Stop being a baby!
Sam: Oh! Oh, boy, oh, boy...
Rebecca: Move.
All: Sammy!
Sam: She did it.
Carla: Boy, Sammy, when you said you were going to knock 'em off one at a time, you were serious.
Sam: Oh, no, no, no, you don't understand. I mean, she... She's real...
Susan: I'm dead. [Sam gasps] [laughter]

Quote from Sam

Sam: Guys, guys, I know I've accomplished some truly legendary feats in my day, but this this is my masterpiece. This is my Moaning Lisa.
Norm: Okay, tell me: what's the plan and how are we involved?
Sam: Well, here it is and you're not. Turns out that these two sisters are very competitive - especially when it come to guys. So all I had to do was let the little one know that the big one had the hots for me and bingo, she was eating out of my hand.
Cliff: Was she wearing a cowboy hat?
Norm: It's a figure of speech, Cliffie.
Cliff: Well, she could have been.
Sam: What I need to do now is make sure that the big one knows that the little one is interested and I will be ping-ponging between the two of them until they bury me with a smile on my face.

Quote from Woody

Carla: Oh, boy. Yeah, it's not fair. All the chicks in that family are loaded with great faces, hair, bods. What'd my family get?
Woody: Look at the bright side, Carla. Probably takes them hours to get ready every morning, whereas you look the same with or without makeup, and your hair practically combs itself.
Carla: Thanks, Woody.
Woody: Never hurts to spread a little sunshine.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Hey, everybody! I have a great new way to promote the bar. [others groan] No, no, no, no, you're gonna like this one; it's different. It not only demonstrates social concern, but it is also contemporary and hip. Now, Cheers is the bar that cares. Therefore, if you are not in condition to drive yourself home, we will appoint a designated driver, free of charge.
Sam: Oh, that's nice, that's really nice.
Rebecca: So is anybody a little tipsy? Come on, don't be ashamed. Does anybody feel that they might have the slightest difficulty driving themselves home?
Man: I might.
Rebecca: Well, hi. I'm Rebecca Howe. And I would be happy to drive you home myself.
Man: That's very nice of you.
Rebecca: Where do you live? Philadelphia.
Man: Well, what's your address?
Rebecca: Eh, it's a blue house; I'll know it when I see it.

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: Frasier? It's time to take mother to her hair appointment.
Frasier: Oh, well, then we'd better hurry up before they run out of her special shade of blue.
Lilith: Frasier, how many times have mother and I asked you to cease and desist with the snide, cliche, battle-axe, mother-in-law jokes? You know mother's not like that.
Frasier: You're right, dear, I'm sorry. Uh, I was just trying to amuse my friends.
Norm: Geez, it wasn't very funny.
Cliff: [chuckles] Well, you-you know what was funny, when you said you could hear her perfume coming a mile away.
Norm: Yeah, yeah, or the one where you said, uh, she's had so many facelifts, if she wants to smile, she has to cross her legs.
Frasier: Lilith, you understand, it was all in-in good humor, you know.
Lilith: Of course. You know I have a sense of humor about mother. Now, say good-bye to your friends. You're grounded for six weeks.
Frasier: Shoot!

Quote from Sam

Sam: Oh. Well, so, you're, uh, you're here to see Becky, huh? How long has it been since the two of you saw each other?
Susan: Ooh, it must be three years. We had a little falling out. I only hope we're grown up enough now to kiss and make up.
Sam: Grown-up sisters, kissing and making up. That warms my cockles. [chuckles] Let's get you two gals back together, shall we?

Quote from Carla

Cliff: So, uh, what's the bone, Jerome?
Norm: Any late-breaking bulletins here?
Sam: Yeah, oh, yeah. I think I'm on to something here, fellas. Carla, you hate your sister, don't you?
Carla: Sure, why?
Sam: Well, what would I have to do to get the two of you back together again?
Carla: Simple, Sam, ask me to come down and identify her body.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Carla, I know you don't have a lot of experience with this, but sometimes women get really happy. And when that happens, they get all emotional and vulnerable. And that's when it's time for a fella like me, who's very sensitive and caring, to move in and give new meaning to the words, "triple-decker Sam-ich."

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: You know, I really don't think this was such a good idea, Sam. And I hope you'll excuse me, Susan, if I don't clean your table scraps.
Sam: Oh, wait a minute, sit down, will you, pl? Girls, girls, girls, what is the big problem between you two anyway?
Rebecca: Sam, it is one of those complicated issues that you can't just pin down into one certain thing.
Sam: Well, try.
Rebecca: [sighs] All right. Dan Buddinger. Mike Dietz, Jeff Carnahan, Ron Allen, Steve Melman, Terry Toban, Clay Fisher...
Sam: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Does this have anything to do with boy trouble?
Rebecca: Yes. The trouble is, she can't keep her hands off my boys.
Susan: If it bothered you that much why didn't you just take them back?
Rebecca: Because I didn't want to stoop to your level! Besides, I tried and it didn't work.
Susan: Look, the point is, that was back when we were kids. A million things have changed.
Rebecca: No, no, no, the fact still remains that every time I am attracted to a guy, you are on him like white on rice. So excuse me if I don't leap over there and say forgive me, please, please, please, for breaking my heart over and over and over and over. Excuse me, I have to get out of here. I have work to do.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: I snuck out of the house. So don't tell Lilith. Gee, where's Sam?
Woody: Oh, he'll be here any minute. He's still up having lunch with Miss Howe's sister, Miss Howe.
Frasier: Oh, you mean Rebecca's sister's in town.
Cliff: Susan Howe, the, uh, movie star.
Frasier: You mean, the Susan Howe, the star of Night of the Mutants? Wow.
Carla: You saw it?
Frasier: Well, yes. Lilith and I rented it last week.
Norm: Oh, really? You two don't seem the slasher-movie type.
Frasier: Oh, well, purely for scientific purposes of course. But, you know, this may surprise you, I rather enjoyed it. See, I think films with scenes of graphic disembowelment and mutilation can, in some cases, help people to, well, release some of the fears and aggressions of modern society. Also, it's the first time Lilith's mother went home before 9:00... screaming.

Quote from Sam

Susan: No, please stop. I'm too young to die. [screams]
Frasier: Breathtaking!
Susan: Thanks. You guys are a great audience.
Sam: What'd I miss?
Woody: Have you had her scream for you, Sam?
Sam: Later, Woody. Later.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Well, fellas at this very moment, Rebecca Howe is in her house spending two hours getting into an outfit she's going to spend two minutes getting out of.
Norm: Hey, what are you going to do about that sister, huh?
Sam: Oh, I already made a phone call to postpone our date.
Cliff: Oh, you going to take her out tomorrow night?
Sam: No, I'm going to take her out in a couple of hours. No, don't worry. We'll be back here in the morning for our usual debriefing. By that time, I'll be able to compare and contrast them. And that's when this stuff gets really interesting.
Carla: Sammy?
Sam: Yeah?
Carla: Sorry I was a little hard on you before, but you know, I was just trying to make you reach. Push out the edges of the envelope.
Cliff: We're all proud of you, Sammy.
Norm: God bless you on this night, Sam Malone.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Sam, I'm ready for our date. Susan!
Sam: Uh, Rebecca, I can explain this. Wait, just- Ow. My finger's caught in your bra. Listen-
Rebecca: You don't owe me an explanation. It's Susan. It's always been Susan. My entire life, it has been Susan.
Susan: I'm glad you saw us. You deserve to be hurt.
Rebecca: Oh, no, sister.
Sam: Come on.
Rebecca: I don't hurt anymore; I am way beyond hurt.
Sam: Don't be silly, now, girls, please, please.
Rebecca: And now it is Susan Howe's turn to hurt. [Susan gasps]
Sam: Hey, that's a gun.
Rebecca: It ain't licorice.

Quote from Rebecca

Sam: No, come on, let- Let's talk about this. Now, this is silly.
Susan: No, please, I'm too young to die.
Sam: Rebecca. [Susan screams] [gunshot]
Sam: Oh! Holy cow!
Rebecca: That was for Dan Buddinger. And this is for Jeff Carnahan. [gunshot]
Sam: Oh!
Rebecca: And Mike Dietz. [gunshot] And Sam Malone. [three gunshots]
Sam: Oh, boy, oh, boy! What did-?
Rebecca: What is it, Sam?
Sam: Oh!
Rebecca: What, because I killed my sister?
Sam: Uh-huh!
Rebecca: I didn't mean to do that anyway. Oh, well, it's done. All right we got to get this body out of here.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Hey, Woody, what's new?
Woody: Well, nothing much. Oh, your car alarm's going off.
Sam: What? Someone's breaking in my car and you don't run in here to tell me? We're not talking about any car here, man, we're talking about my 'Vette! It's a classic, it's irreplaceable! [passes Susan] Hey, why don't you come in and sit down here.
Woody: Sam, what about your alarm?
Sam: Well, you're taking care of that, Woody, aren't you?
Woody: I was? Oh, I must be off in another world.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Sammy's done it again. How come he always spots the gorgeous ones first?
Norm: 'Cause he doesn't spend all his time peeling dead skin off his elbows?
Cliff: What, are you gonna do it for me?

Quote from Sam

Sam: So, how can I help you?
Susan: I'm looking for Becky Howe.
Sam: Wow, well, Becky'll be here in a minute. In the meantime, can I interest you in a Sam Malone?
Susan: No, thanks. But I will have a Perrier with lime.
Sam: Ah. Sworn off the hard stuff, huh? Yeah, coming right up.

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