Season 7, Episode 16 - Aired March 2, 1989
Rebecca forces Woody to use his vacation days. Meanwhile, Lilith is overcome with feelings of motherhood.
Quote from Lilith
Sam: How's she handling her pregnancy?
Frasier: Oh, same as any other woman. Perfectly normal, nothing unusual. Well, true, she does experience the occasional temporary hormonal imbalance, but you know Lilith, she's so repressed emotionally that only her husband would notice.
Lilith: [enters] Lay your hands upon me, everyone. I am life.
Frasier: Oh, boy.
Lilith: I am mother. My man's seed is nourished within me. Touch my breasts, my friend. I am lactating.
Sam: Boy, I tell ya, this is kind of a first for me, um... but I'm gonna pass.
Quote from Woody
Rebecca: So, Woody, where were you all week?
Woody: The airport. Oh, it was great. I met people from all over the world.
Rebecca: You spent your entire vacation at the airport? [Sam chuckles]
Woody: Well, yeah. You know, I mean, at first I felt terrible about missing my flight, but then I started talking to this really nice guy, and it turned out he's from India. [chuckles] Can you imagine that? I'm from Indiana and he's from India. We laughed about that for hours. At least I think that's what he was laughing at.
Rebecca: Well, l- l'm glad you had a good time, Woody. I- I didn't expect you back today. I thought you'd need a rest, so I didn't schedule you until tomorrow.
Woody: Great! I'm out of here!
Rebecca: Where you going?
Woody: I hear great things about the bus depot.
Quote from Lilith
Lilith: Forgive me for bursting in on you, but the little bud couldn't bear to be parted from his/her daddy another instant. Whisper to him/her through my navel.
Frasier: Um... later, after I finish this drink perhaps a few more.
Lilith: Oh, Carla, sister woman. Why didn't you ever share with me the religious wonder of this experience when you were great with child?
Carla: I was too busy puking.
Lilith: A small price to pay for becoming a fountain of life. A moist, nourishing acre of loam from which shall spring the future of the human race.
Carla: Speaking of puking, would you excuse me for a moment?
Lilith: I am a cradle of life. My womb is the Tigris and the Euphrates. I am a slender tendril reaching back to the primordial ooze.
Frasier: I'm planning on having her committed.
Norm: Must have been a very difficult decision for you.
Frasier: Oddly enough, no.
Quote from Woody
Woody: What's this, Miss Howe?
Rebecca: Oh, they just want to know who to notify in case of death or accident.
Woody: What do they think is going to happen to me over there?
Rebecca: They don't think anything is going to happen, Woody. Just calm down.
Woody: What's this about not smuggling foreign meats into the country? What's wrong with foreign meat? And if there is something wrong with it, what's going to happen to me after I've been eating it for a week? And look, it says here if I mutilate this passport, it renders it invalid. Suppose I'm just about to go through U.S. Customs and some crazy person breaks into my luggage, mutilates my passport and fills my suitcase full of meat?
Rebecca: That's the chance all travelers take.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: Why there's my Kanga and her little Roo. Do you feel the butterfly of life fluttering within you?
Lilith: It's either that or gas. Could I speak with you for a moment in relative privacy?
Frasier: Of course.
Lilith: Now I know you don't want me carrying on about the pregnancy, and believe me, I don't intend to. But I thought as a doctor, you might like to hear one thing. [Lilith pulls out a stethoscope]
Frasier: What is that? It sounds li- It is! Is it? A little heartbeat? My child's heartbeat. Life! I am a giver of life! I have planted my seed.
Lilith: I am your fertile ground.
Frasier: Lo! See what we have wrought!
Lilith: Let's go sleep on the roof nude, my dear, and let the rain nourish our child.
Frasier: Yes, why not? Nude, and unashamed. Why should we be ashamed? Our child will never be ashamed.
Carla: Want to bet?
Quote from Sam
Sam: Don't you think you guys are getting a little carried away? I mean, all of us want to chuck it all sometimes, but you can live to regret that kind of thing. I mean, believe me, I know what I'm talking about.
Norm: Excuse me. You're not going to tell that long, boring story about how you sold the bar and bought a boat to sail around the world, and then the boat sank, are you?
Sam: No, Norm. I'm not. I'm perfectly aware how that turning point in my life means nothing to you. So I'm going to tell a story about a friend of mine who bought a truck to drive around the world.
Quote from Carla
Whitley Morris: Excuse me. Does a Carla Tortelli LeBec ne Lozupone work here?
Carla: You're talking to her. What's it to you?
Whitley Morris: My name is Whitley Morris. I represent the estate of your late grandfather, Antonio Lozupone. No doubt you know that Antonio deserted your grandmother in 1921. What you may not know is that he hopped a freight to Los Angeles that year, taking with him only his lucky quarter. He worked packing fruit until he raised enough capital to open his own business selling candied peaches. With the profits from this he invested in oil, and through judicious management of his funds, amassed a fortune well in excess of $20 million.
Man: Miss? Can I order a beer?
Carla: What do I look like, a waitress? [to Whitley Morris] Go on, go on.
Whitley Morris: On his death bed, Antonio felt remorse for the family he left behind in Boston, and he made out a will leaving his entire fortune to the surviving Lozupones, of which you are one.
Carla: Yeah, yeah?
Whitley Morris: Unfortunately, this was not discovered until the death last month of Antonio's unscrupulous illegitimate son Paolo, who suppressed the will and in ten short years, squandered the entire fortune on fast horses and loose women.
Carla: What does that leave me?
Whitley Morris: Grandfather Lozupone's lucky quarter. Congratulations.
Quote from Rebecca
Rebecca: Woody, the comptroller found out that you have been working at Cheers for four years and you have never taken one vacation.
Woody: That's true. I have a perfect attendance record.
Rebecca: Well, you have to take one now. It's company policy.
Woody: Well, I don't like vacations. I like working here. I like the people. Why should I leave? What's the point?
Rebecca: [shouts] The point is a happy workplace! The point is dealing with stress. Look at you, Woody. Can't you see that you're on the verge of an emotional burnout?
Woody: Gee, I am beginning to feel a little on edge.
Rebecca: I'm sorry, Woody.
Quote from Cliff
Rebecca: I'm going to call the corporate travel agent and have her create a wonderful trip for you, Woody. You're gonna love it.
Woody: If you say so, Miss Howe.
Cliff: Eh, look, Woody. Travel is great. You know, when I left the country to go see the Expo, it gave me a whole new slant on life.
Cliff: Oh, yeah, you haven't lived until you seen Bonanza dubbed into French Canadian.
Quote from Lilith
Carla: I don't know what they did with the birth goo and I don't want to know.
Lilith: But the placenta is the tidal pool of life. I'm planting mine under a tree in the backyard, so my nutrients can feed its roots. I shall become one with the planet. I shall suckle the Earth itself. I shall unite with the universe...
Frasier: Oh, for God's sake, woman, get ahold of yourself! You're having a baby. Big deal. A fly is a mother a thousand times, you don't see her making an ass of herself in front of her husband's friends.
Lilith: I beg your pardon.
Frasier: Well, Lilith, i- It was fine in the privacy of our own home, but I mean, now you're embarrassing me in front of people who would like to be my peers.
Lilith: I'm sorry, Frasier. I thought you were as enraptured by this life force we're creating as I am.
Frasier: Well, I am, in theory.
Lilith: Oh, yes, well, that's right. For the man, it's all theory. For the mother it's the deepest, richest, most moving, all-encompassing love you'd ever hope to imagine. But I'll suppress it for you. Are you happy?
Frasier: That's my girl. [Lilith walks out] Lilith, you misunderstood. I loved it. Darling? Angel face? Pea pod?