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‘Old Flames’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Old Flames

207. Old Flames

Aired November 17, 1983

Sam's old friend, Dave Richards, can't believe his buddy is now in a relationship with Diane. Missing his right-hand man, Dave vows to break them up within 24 hours.

Quote from Coach

Carla: You know, Coach, every night you walk out of here and forget your keys. Have you got them this time?
Coach: It's OK, Carla. I got it all figured out. I left them in the car.
Carla: Aren't you afraid somebody's gonna steal it?
Coach: I locked the doors.
Carla: How are you going to get in without your keys?
Coach: I made a duplicate set.
Carla: Well, where are they, Coach?
Coach: Holy mackerel! Sam. [Sam hands him his keys] Carla, we've really got to make a scramble. Looks like rain. Come on. I left the windows open.

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Quote from Norm

Norm: Arlene Horsley. Yeah, she's a typist at that firm I got fired from. I gave her a slice of my pizza one day during a coffee break, and things kind of took off from there. Anyway, we caught a little movie this afternoon.
Coach: What was playing?
Norm: I finally got around to seeing Gandhi, Coach.
Cliff: Whoa. Gandhi. A fine piece of cinematic art there.
Norm: Well, I'm out of here.
Carla: Where are you going?
Norm: I gotta get back before Arlene starts to me.
Carla: Where is she?
Norm: She's watching Gandhi. I'm just out for popcorn. I'll see you in an hour when I go out for jujubes.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Even you, Carla, cannot ruin our mood. Sam and I had a wonderful afternoon gallery haunting. We saw the work of New England's finest artists.
Norm: What'd you lose a bet, huh, Sam?
Diane: As a matter of fact, Mr. Malone is on his way to developing an appreciation of non-representational art.
Sam: That's right.
Carla: Name any piece of art you saw today.
Sam: Well, gee, there were so many, uh...
Carla: Name any piece of art in the world.
Cliff: [to Norm] A buck says he gets this one.
Norm: You're on.
Sam: Michelangelo's "Two Muscular Guys Touching Fingers".
Cliff: Pay up.
Carla: Fooled me.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Hey, Diane, I wouldn't try too hard to domesticate the guy. You're going against eons of biology on this one.
Diane: What are you talking about?
Cliff: Well, you know, early cavemen went out and hunted for the food that graced their simple table. The women stayed in the cave and developed art, culture, what have you. But men, down through the centuries, have always been hunters. You know, doers. Adventurers. Cogito, it is not in man's nature to sit alone and be passive and docile.
Norm: [groans]
Cliff: What's the matter, Norm?
Norm: Oh, nothing, just my shorts are binding up on me.
Cliff: Just, you know, stand up and straighten them out a little bit.
Norm: No, I'll give them five minutes. Sometimes they self-correct.

Quote from Diane

Dave: See you, gang. Oh, and, moonbeam... [to Diane] Seeing as you'll be split up tomorrow, and you'll probably like to be free, maybe you and I could...
Diane: I'd rather be staked out on an ant hill, naked.
Dave: See, Sam, how they always get the word "naked" in?
Sam: Go on. Go on.

Quote from Diane

Diane: I'm just saying it would be a wonderful gesture to me if you destroyed the book.
Sam: Are you nuts? It took me years to meet all these people!
Diane: And even longer to alphabetize them.
Sam: All right! I knew you'd bring this around to stupid.
Diane: Oh, any argument with you begins and ends with stupid.
Sam: Listen, you can put up with this book if I can put up with an afternoon of paint splatters.
Diane: Paint splatters? Sam, if brains were money, you'd have to take out a loan for a cup of coffee.
Sam: I got that one! I got that one!
Diane: You're making marvelous progress.

Quote from Coach

Sam: I don't know. Maybe me and Diane being together just doesn't make any sense.
Coach: Uh, love, Sam. Who can explain it? Fools have tried.
Sam: Yeah, you're right, Coach.
Coach: I've got this theory...

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Coach: How's life, Normie?
Norm: It's not going to win any awards, Coach. Better put a brew in my face, please.
Coach: Right up.

Quote from Diane

Sam: Just so I don't mistake this for you being deep in thought about how much you love me, you're not talking to me, right?
Diane: I hate you with the white-hot intensity of 1,000 suns.
Sam: [singsong] Somebody's cranky.

Quote from Coach

Carla: Hey, Coach, I thought it was your turn to drive today.
Coach: Oh, did I forget to pick you up, Carla? I'm sorry, honey. I'll make it up to you.
Carla: It's OK.
Coach: No. Tomorrow, you forget to pick me up.

Quote from Carla

Diane: We did. Thank you for a wonderful afternoon.
Sam: Yeah, right. My heart's still pounding.
Diane: Sam. [kisses him]
Carla: Yuck.
Diane: Carla, if you have something to say, come right out and say it.
Carla: All right. Yeuch!
Diane: What is your problem?
Carla: Look, everyone knows there is no bigger romantic than Carla Tortelli.
Diane: Mmm.
Carla: But if you two are going to do stuff like that, at least have the decency to do it out by the garbage.

Quote from Coach

Diane: Where were you going with him?
Sam: Oh, where am l? Last thing I remember, I was standing behind the bar. I must have blacked out. Coach, I'm having blackouts.
Coach: Kind of a nice break in the day, isn't it?

Quote from Diane

Dave: Sam, what gives?
Sam: Uh, Dave, there's no way I'm going to make it to the aquarium with you today. I'm sorry.
Diane: I know where you were going. You were going trollop hunting.
Dave: That sounds like fun. Can you do that with women?

Quote from Carla

Carla: What a sleazy, egotistical, greasy, rotten sewer rat.
Sam: You're right.
Carla: I think I'm in love.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Diane, I'm glad that jerk came by today. It's moments like that that make me realize what a good thing we got going here.
Diane: Why do you still have that thing?
Sam: What's that, babe?
Diane: The book. Why are you keeping it?
Sam: Sweetheart, this is my address book. I've got emergency numbers in this.
Diane: What emergency service does Wanda Mendelsohn render?
Sam: She's an all-night plumber.
Carla: She's the only plumber in Boston you have to go to her house.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Oh, Sam, got a minute?
Sam: Yeah, Carla?
Carla: Listen, I just wanted to congratulate you on your recent falling-out with Miss chicken-parts. I suggest you take this opportunity to make it permanent.
Sam: You know, Carla, whenever we fight, you just love to gloat.
Carla: No, Sam. As a matter of fact, I feel a little sad about this one.
Sam: Why?
Carla: I wasn't the cause of it.

Quote from Coach

Diane: Coach, is Sam in yet?
Coach: No, he's not here.
Carla: What's a matter, you feel a case of the nags coming on?
Diane: I deserve that. No, actually, I wanted to apologize to him. I made too big a deal of that address book. [Coach nods] But he was being insensitive himself. [Coach nods] I guess I should learn to control myself, huh? [Coach nods] But I still think Sam was wrong.
Coach: [picks up the phone] Cheers.
Carla: Coach, that ringing is in your head.
Coach: Oh, I'm sorry.
Diane: Coach, I don't blame you for being confused. My relationship with Sam is making me a little crazy.
Carla: Oh. And you used to be so together.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Ooh, the big guy's chair, huh? Tell me. Tell me.
Sam: Diane, last night, I took a beautiful woman back to my place. She was ready, willing and able, you know what I mean, and so was l. We were right in the sack, and then all of a sudden - get this - I stopped, I thought about you, I thought about how much you mean to me, and I said, "Didi, l can't do this. I got a chick." [laughs] What do you think about that, huh? [Diane stands up and spits at Sam] Well, I was expecting a hug or a kiss, but this is more personal, I guess.
Diane: [voice cracking] How could you?
Sam: Hey, Diane, this is good news!
Diane: Oh, this is good news? You go to bed with another woman and this is good news?
Sam: You're not getting the big picture here. This is the first time I said no. And she was gorgeous. There's not a man in the world would say no to her. Not many women either, I'll tell you that. Besides, at that point, you and I were as good as broken up.
Diane: The only thing as good as broken up is being broken up. And we are.
Sam: Oh, come on. Don't you see what this means, here?
Diane: [sees Dave] Damn it!

Quote from Sam

Dave: Hey, you two, your 24 hours is about up. Do I sense tension in this room?
Sam: You know, that was a really crumby thing you did, pushing Didi on me like that. If Diane and I didn't have such a... such a good thing going here that might have split us up.
Dave: Oh, come on. You two? Good thing going? I get along better with my wife and we've exchanged gunfire.
Diane: David, you'll be very happy to hear that Sam and-
Sam: Wait! Now, whatever Dave hears, he'll hear from me. I made a mistake last night, Dave. I almost made a mistake. Now, I've admitted this to Diane and now I'm telling her that I'm finally convinced. I mean, I'm crazy about this woman. She is the best thing going and I care about no one else. I'm not going to let anything come between us.
Diane: Oh, Sam.
Dave: Oh, puke.
Sam: Dave, you're just going to have to find someone else to waste your evenings with cos I'm gonna be wasting mine with this little filly right here.
Diane: Oh, Sam.

Quote from Sam

Dave: Well, I know when I'm beat.
Sam: Hey, wait a second, here. I want you to watch me kiss my woman here. You might learn something.
Diane: Oh, that's great, Sam. Yeah, Didi said you were the best kisser she ever had.
Sam: Really? [Diane bites Sam's lip as they kiss]

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