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‘Tan 'n' Wash’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Cheers: Tan 'n' Wash

506. Tan 'n' Wash

Aired November 6, 1986

Against his better judgment, Norm allows his friends at Cheers to invest in a tanning/laundromat start-up.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Paul: Hey, Norm, how's the world been treatin' ya?
Norm: Like a baby treats a diaper.

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Quote from Woody

Carla: Hey, Wood, do you want in?
Woody: I don't think so. You know, when I left home, my father gave me some very sound advice. "Never trust a man who can't look ya in the eye. Never talk when you can listen. And never spend venture capital on a limited partnership without a detailed, analytical fiduciary prospectus."

Quote from Woody

Norm: Tell you the one I hate. You know, you're back in college, right? And you haven't been to class the entire semester, and the teacher's about to give the final exam.
Carla: Oh, yeah, that one's the worst.
Cliff: What're you talkin' about, Carla? You never went to college.
Carla: It's a dream, stupid.
Woody: Well, how about the one where you go to this fancy restaurant, and before they let you in, they make you leave your legs at the door? Then the girl gives you claim check number six. So you go in, but instead of food, everyone's eatin' their silverware. Only you can't really enjoy your fork because you're so worried that whoever got claim check number nine might finish first and pick up your legs by mistake.
Carla: Yeah.
Sam: Oh, yeah.

Quote from Diane

Carla: I think you're all crazy. But if Clavin makes big bucks and I don't, I won't be able to live with the shame. Give me a share.
Diane: Oh, me, too! Me, too!
Carla: You, Diane? Laying bets on a laundry?
Diane: Well, in my case, it's not a gamble, but rather a show of faith in our great free enterprise system. Yes, even Diane Chambers is not immune to the renaissance of American patriotism in the 1980s. Although I hasten to remind you this does not imply any shifting of my support toward the current administration.
Sam: I hope nobody was looking for a silent partner.

Quote from Carla

Diane: Frasier, a sunburn?
Frasier: No, I'm doing my impression of a blood blister.
Carla: Hey, Frasier. You know, there's something I've always been meaning to ask you. What was your reaction the first time you saw Diane naked? [Carla slaps Frasier on his sun-burnt back]
Frasier: [screams in agony]

Quote from Cliff

Norm: Well! Hey I tell ya, is that Cliff Clavin or is that Don Ho, huh? Where ya been, buddy, some, uh, faraway island resort?
Cliff: Oh, easy mistake, Norm, but, no, I got this tan right here in Beantown.
Norm: Is that at the new Tan 'N Wash I've been hearing so danged much about?
Cliff: That's right, Normie. And, by the way, did you realize that the tan first gained popularity in what is now known as the Bronze Age?
Norm: Great, great. Well, I'm sold.
Cliff: Oh, and, by the way, look how white I used to be. [pulls down his sock]
Sam: You wore your socks in the tanning booth?
Cliff: Well, l, I gotta be careful, Sammy. The Clavin men have, uh, feet like a baby's bottom.
Carla: With faces to match.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Now, "Tan 'N Wash", guys. The ultimate marriage of luxury and convenience. A combination tanning salon and coin-operated laundry.
Carla: Get real.
Norm: Come on. The timing's right on this. Summer tans are fading. Winter's coming. It's always dirty clothes season. It's gonna be the hottest place in town.
Sam: I'm glad you're already thinking about arson.
Cliff: [laughs] Yeah, arson.
Diane: Don't listen to them, Norman. And never be deterred by the mindless jibes of the ignorant masses.
Norm: Those ignorant masses are gonna be our customers.
Woody: Hey, I'll be there will bells on.
Norm: Everyone'll be there, buddy, fluffing, folding, relaxing happily beneath the healthful rays of a federally-approved UVA bronzing unit.

Quote from Carla

Carla: You know, Diane, you shouldn't be investin' in a tanning salon. You oughta be usin' one. You got skin the color of Elmer's glue.
Diane: I happen to have what Restoration poets refer to as "alabaster skin."
Sam: Well, at least your hair looks nice.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: No, no, no, come on, Norm. You gonna let us in or not?
Norm: Let's just change the subject, all right?
Carla: Hey, he's tryin' to sidetrack us. This thing must be a gold mine.
Cliff: Yeah, yeah, hey, Normie, uh, correct me if I'm wrong, but yesterday you had a letter you needed mailed. I did it, and you can at least return the favor.
Norm: Cliffie, that's your job.
Cliff: Well, all right. Then, as one professional to another... Come on, Norm!

Quote from Carla

Carla: So what's the deal with the, uh, "Tan 'N Wash"?
Norm: For a new business, I'd say Tan 'N Wash is doing as well as could be expected.
Carla: Oh, yeah? I dropped by this morning and the only customer in the place was a lonely woman kicking the hell out of a jammed change machine.
Norm: Oh, come on.
Carla: By the way, you owe me a quarter and a new pair of shoes.

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