TV Quotes

Coach: Carla, what are you looking for? A sign from God? Religious belief is based on faith.
Carla: Yeah, well, I never thought I'd say this, Coach, but I think I've lost faith.
Frasier: Hey, listen up, everybody. I have an announcement to make. Diane here is leaving for Europe and she's not coming back to Cheers ever.
[Carla drops to her knees and prays]
Carla: [sings] I believe for every drop of rain that falls a flower grows. I believe that somewhere in the darkest night a candle glows.

Coach: You know, Sam, I got to tell you. I can't see Diane going off with Doc like that. I always figured that you and her would get married, you know?
Sam: No, come on, Coach.
Coach: No, no, I'm not kidding. I pictured you moving to a little home in the country with a rose garden out in the front and a nice little room in the back for me. You know, every Sunday night Diane would make us a fried chicken dinner and we'd sit on the porch and listen to the ball game. I'd bounce your kids on my knee... God, it was going to be a happy house.
Sam: Well, I guess that's going to be Frasier's house now, Coach.
Coach: Well, you can come by any time, Sam. But call first.

Sam: What got you in such a bad mood today?
Carla: Oh, I don't know. Everything. You know, this morning I was thinking I'm not married, I'm carrying my sixth kid, I'm broke, I live in squalor... I'm having a crisis of faith.
Coach: Oh, come on, Carla. Don't talk like that.
Carla: Well, would a just God be putting me through this, Coach?
Cliff: Well, I know it looks sort of bleak out there. But you just have to have patience. Remember Job.
Coach: Cliffie's right, honey. You got a good Job here. You're in great health...
Carla: I don't know. I don't know. [walks away]
Coach: Cliff, I didn't want to embarrass you in front of Carla, but you pronounce the word "job".

Diane: No, Sam, I'm glad you said it. What exactly is it you have in mind? Is it a beginning or an ending? Hello or goodbye? One night of passion or something that will last beyond tomorrow?
Sam: I got a feeling this conversation will last beyond tomorrow.
Sam: What's happening here? Just a minute ago we were hot for each other.
Diane: No, I wasn't hot. I was insane. I was insane. I was about to abandon the most brilliant, sensitive man I ever met for one with the morals of a rutting sea-elephant and the intelligence of lint.
Sam: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's just stop right there before we start insulting each other, huh?
Diane: Good idea, Sam. Goodbye.

Coach: [answers the phone] Cheers. No, sorry, Diane's not here. Oh, you're Diane? Then you're definitely not here. No, he's right here. Sam, it's Diane.

Carla: Well, last I saw, you and Diane were here alone. Did you give her a goodbye boink?
Sam: Carla! Your language. I haven't heard you talk like that in a long time.
Carla: Oh, yeah, I know. But this morning, after mass, the priest said that he didn't think that Diane's going to Bologna constituted a true miracle.
Sam: No?
Carla: No, I told him I had witnesses and everything. He said he wouldn't even take it to the bishop.

Carla: Hey, listen, Sam, I'm sorry I'm late. I realize I left you here without a waitress.
Diane: What am l? Chopped liver?
Carla: No, some people enjoy chopped liver.

Sam: Come on, Frasier. That again?
Frasier: Well, yes. You should have seen the look on her face when I asked her to go to Europe with me just now.
Sam: Ah-ha. Boy, yeah, she is a great cure for happiness, isn't she? Well, now, wait a second. You can't expect her to jump up and down with joy about this thing right off the bat.
Frasier: I'd love to know why.
Sam: Well, because Diane is Diane. I mean, she's never done anything in her entire life without thinking about it. She analyses the blood out of everything. If you were to go up to her right now and say, "Can I offer you a million dollars?" she'd say, "No, no, no. That's may I offer you a million dollars?"

[After Diane turns to leave, grabs her coat and heads towards the door, she drops her coat and turns back. Sam moves towards her and they kiss.]
Diane: How could we have ever denied ourselves for so long?
Sam: Come on. Let's go back to my place, huh?
Diane: Come on, Sam. Let's go back to your place. We have to make up for a lot of lost time. Oh, Sam, wait.
Sam: What? What? What? What?! I knew you couldn't be spontaneous. I knew you'd have to over-analyse this. What- What- What- What is it?
Diane: I was just going to say I almost forgot my purse.
Sam: Oh. Well, let me get that for you, sweetheart.

Diane: Frasier, what a surprise to see you here today.
Frasier: Diane, I've got the most exciting news. It just couldn't wait.
Diane: Well, what is it? You're positively tingling.
Frasier: Come and sit down. I have been awarded an honor that surpasses anything I could have hoped to achieve at this point in my career. It goes beyond even my most wild and ambitious dreams.
Cliff: Oh, hey, Doc. What are we talking here, a Nobel Prize?
Frasier: No, we're not talking Nobel Prize.
Norm: What? A Pulitzer? Come on.
Frasier: No, I didn't win the Pulitzer Prize.
Diane: Oh, a Guggenheim Fellowship.
Frasier: No, it's not a Guggenheim Fellowship.
Cliff: Oh, what'd you win, a canned ham? You lost all the big ones.