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‘Cheerio, Cheers’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Cheerio, Cheers

322. Cheerio, Cheers

Aired April 11, 1985

Frasier invites Diane to travel to Europe when he is offered a teaching position in Italy for six months.

Quote from Carla

Coach: Carla, what are you looking for? A sign from God? Religious belief is based on faith.
Carla: Yeah, well, I never thought I'd say this, Coach, but I think I've lost faith.
Frasier: Hey, listen up, everybody. I have an announcement to make. Diane here is leaving for Europe and she's not coming back to Cheers ever.
[Carla drops to her knees and prays]
Carla: [sings] I believe for every drop of rain that falls a flower grows. I believe that somewhere in the darkest night a candle glows.

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Quote from Coach

Coach: You know, Sam, I got to tell you. I can't see Diane going off with Doc like that. I always figured that you and her would get married, you know?
Sam: No, come on, Coach.
Coach: No, no, I'm not kidding. I pictured you moving to a little home in the country with a rose garden out in the front and a nice little room in the back for me. You know, every Sunday night Diane would make us a fried chicken dinner and we'd sit on the porch and listen to the ball game. I'd bounce your kids on my knee... God, it was going to be a happy house.
Sam: Well, I guess that's going to be Frasier's house now, Coach.
Coach: Well, you can come by any time, Sam. But call first.

Quote from Coach

Sam: What got you in such a bad mood today?
Carla: Oh, I don't know. Everything. You know, this morning I was thinking I'm not married, I'm carrying my sixth kid, I'm broke, I live in squalor... I'm having a crisis of faith.
Coach: Oh, come on, Carla. Don't talk like that.
Carla: Well, would a just God be putting me through this, Coach?
Cliff: Well, I know it looks sort of bleak out there. But you just have to have patience. Remember Job.
Coach: Cliffie's right, honey. You got a good Job here. You're in great health...
Carla: I don't know. I don't know. [walks away]
Coach: Cliff, I didn't want to embarrass you in front of Carla, but you pronounce the word "job".

Quote from Diane

Diane: No, Sam, I'm glad you said it. What exactly is it you have in mind? Is it a beginning or an ending? Hello or goodbye? One night of passion or something that will last beyond tomorrow?
Sam: I got a feeling this conversation will last beyond tomorrow.
Sam: What's happening here? Just a minute ago we were hot for each other.
Diane: No, I wasn't hot. I was insane. I was insane. I was about to abandon the most brilliant, sensitive man I ever met for one with the morals of a rutting sea-elephant and the intelligence of lint.
Sam: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's just stop right there before we start insulting each other, huh?
Diane: Good idea, Sam. Goodbye.

Quote from Coach

Coach: [answers the phone] Cheers. No, sorry, Diane's not here. Oh, you're Diane? Then you're definitely not here. No, he's right here. Sam, it's Diane.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Well, last I saw, you and Diane were here alone. Did you give her a goodbye boink?
Sam: Carla! Your language. I haven't heard you talk like that in a long time.
Carla: Oh, yeah, I know. But this morning, after mass, the priest said that he didn't think that Diane's going to Bologna constituted a true miracle.
Sam: No?
Carla: No, I told him I had witnesses and everything. He said he wouldn't even take it to the bishop.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Hey, listen, Sam, I'm sorry I'm late. I realize I left you here without a waitress.
Diane: What am l? Chopped liver?
Carla: No, some people enjoy chopped liver.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Come on, Frasier. That again?
Frasier: Well, yes. You should have seen the look on her face when I asked her to go to Europe with me just now.
Sam: Ah-ha. Boy, yeah, she is a great cure for happiness, isn't she? Well, now, wait a second. You can't expect her to jump up and down with joy about this thing right off the bat.
Frasier: I'd love to know why.
Sam: Well, because Diane is Diane. I mean, she's never done anything in her entire life without thinking about it. She analyses the blood out of everything. If you were to go up to her right now and say, "Can I offer you a million dollars?" she'd say, "No, no, no. That's may I offer you a million dollars?"

Quote from Sam

[After Diane turns to leave, grabs her coat and heads towards the door, she drops her coat and turns back. Sam moves towards her and they kiss.]
Diane: How could we have ever denied ourselves for so long?
Sam: Come on. Let's go back to my place, huh?
Diane: Come on, Sam. Let's go back to your place. We have to make up for a lot of lost time. Oh, Sam, wait.
Sam: What? What? What? What?! I knew you couldn't be spontaneous. I knew you'd have to over-analyse this. What- What- What- What is it?
Diane: I was just going to say I almost forgot my purse.
Sam: Oh. Well, let me get that for you, sweetheart.

Quote from Frasier

Diane: Frasier, what a surprise to see you here today.
Frasier: Diane, I've got the most exciting news. It just couldn't wait.
Diane: Well, what is it? You're positively tingling.
Frasier: Come and sit down. I have been awarded an honor that surpasses anything I could have hoped to achieve at this point in my career. It goes beyond even my most wild and ambitious dreams.
Cliff: Oh, hey, Doc. What are we talking here, a Nobel Prize?
Frasier: No, we're not talking Nobel Prize.
Norm: What? A Pulitzer? Come on.
Frasier: No, I didn't win the Pulitzer Prize.
Diane: Oh, a Guggenheim Fellowship.
Frasier: No, it's not a Guggenheim Fellowship.
Cliff: Oh, what'd you win, a canned ham? You lost all the big ones.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Frasier, I'm serious.
Frasier: All right. I was Sam's therapist. I'll tell him about this and observe his reaction. If he shows any anxiety whatsoever, I'll be here to assuage it. Sam, can I have a word with you for a second?
Sam: Sure, Doc. What's up?
Frasier: Diane and I are going to Europe.
Sam: Europe? Overseas?
Diane: Well, we were going to go to the local one, but it's all booked up.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: You see, I'm going to be teaching there for six months and Diane is going with me. And you may never see her again.
Sam: Well, that's... I'm happy for you guys. Maybe I should throw you a bon voyage party or something, huh? What do you think?
Diane: You're not bothered?
Frasier: Not bothered? How delightfully naive. He's repressing on all twelve cylinders. Come along, Sam. I want to have a little chit chat with you.
Sam: What are we going to talk about, Frasier?
Frasier: We're going to talk about the emotions that you're repressing right now. I'm here for you, Sam, and I promise I won't leave until you can deal with this. [Frasier closes the door of Sam's office] She doesn't want to go to Europe with me, Sam. She doesn't love me. She's still harboring feelings for you.

Quote from Diane

Diane: How I hate you! I'd love to smack that smug look off your face. You're pretending not to care because you believe that Europe will be the death-knell for my relationship with Frasier Crane. Either because I won't go at all or because the stress of travelling together for six months will break us up. Right?
Sam: Listen to me. I'm sincere about this. I like you two. And I want to see you both happy.
Diane: Thank you, Sam.
Sam: I mean, after all, just because us two didn't travel well-
Diane: When did we ever travel?
Sam: Are you kidding me? We went through hell together.
Diane: Oh, yeah. Well, it helped that you knew the language.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Well, Diane. I'm not going to pretend that you're my favorite person in the world. But now that it's all over... I guess I wish you a happy life.
Diane: Thank you. [Diane holds out her hand, but Carla doesn't shake it]
Carla: Oh, and I thought I'd do you a little favor before you left, so I wrote down a helpful phrase in Italian.
Diane: Mmm.
Carla: You carry that with you wherever you go.
Diane: "Scusi, signor farmacista. Dove tieni il perossido?"
Carla: Yeah, it means, "Excuse me, Mr. Pharmacist. Where do you keep the peroxide?"

Quote from Coach

Diane: Oh, Coach, I'm going to miss you. [they hug]
Coach: Oh, I'm going to miss you, too, honey. Listen. Thank you for coming back.
Diane: Will he be OK?
Coach: Well, I hope so.
Diane: Coach, do me a favor.
Coach: Sure.
Diane: Stand by him. [Coach starts to walk over to Sam] No, Coach. Coach, come back. Um... I tell you what,m instead of standing by him, why don't you just sort of watch over him?
Coach: Of course. Of course. Bye, sweetheart.

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