Frasier: Carla, it's all right.
Carla: He's over there! He's over there!
Frasier: Carla, listen to me. Carla, Carla, listen to me. Listen to me. Open your eyes and look around. Now, you see? Nobody's there.
Carla: [screams] Oh, the dead!
Frasier: No, no, Carla, Carla, that's Lilith! Granted, she could use a little sun.

Frasier: Carla, this psychic business is just a crutch to avoid reality. It's very easy for people to get hooked on this hocus-pocus. And, well, before you know it, this woman'll be holding your hand once a week, charging you $100 an hour, and filling your mind with all sorts of confusing jargon.
Carla: And how is that different from you?
Frasier: Well, um... I can prescribe drugs.

Rebecca: [on TV] And, obviously, Dennis, I am not alone in my belief that the company that manufactures the Lady Baldy is irresponsible, unconscionable, and simply out for a quick buck.
Woody: He's being way too easy on her. I'd have had her in tears by now.
Dennis: [on TV] Well, Ms. Howe, as you know, our crack staff has traced through numerous false fronts to unearth the culprit.
Rebecca: [on TV] Fine. I say we have them hunted naked through the streets by dogs.
Dennis: And we have succeeded in learning that the makers of the Lady Baldy is Lesco ventures.
Rebecca: [on TV] Ladies and gentlemen, write that down. Boycott all lesco ventures products.
Dennis: [on TV] Which is merely a subsidiary of a major conglomerate owned by millionaire financier Robin Colcord.
Woody: Nailed her, yes!
Dennis: [on TV] Ms. Howe, you'll be pleased to know we've submitted a formal complaint in your name to Colcord Industries.
Rebecca: [on TV] Oh. [looks back at a picture of Robin] I didn't want to complain. Why would I complain? This is a wonderful product. Look. Now, you see that? [straining] You see how smooth and silky... There.
Dennis: [on TV] Um, Ms. Howe...
Rebecca: [on TV] And another thing, Dennis, if you don't quit harassing the good people who work for Lady Baldy, well, then, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to take action against you. Dennis, do you have a styptic pencil?

Lilith: Well, kudos to Carla. It's healthy after a time to curtail one's grieving and recommence an interest in the opposite sex. I know if my Frasier were taken from me in an unforeseen tragedy, I would certainly date again after an acceptable period of bereavement.
Frasier: That gives me a warm fuzzy.
Lilith: There'd be no sense in being overly emotional, darling. You'd be dead and rotting in a box.
Frasier: Woody, may I have another beer, and would you check on the robot over there, see if it's thirsty?
Woody: Hey, Dr. Crane, that's your wife. Don't talk about her like that. What can I get you Dr. Sternin-Crane? Another quart of valvoline?
Lilith: Oh, look, you people, stop it. [robotically] I am not a robot.

Woody: Now, when you purchased the Lady Baldy, you knew full well that it pulls hairs out by the root, correct?
Rebecca: Yes, I did.
Woody: Then wouldn't you have to be a complete idiot not to expect some irritation or discomfort? [Rebecca is silent] Come on, what's your answer? We're on television. Thousands of people are watching.
Rebecca: Okay, okay. Well, I guess...
Woody: Oh, you guess? Great, great. You guess.
Hey, this is a news show. We're here for the facts.
Rebecca: All right, so, the facts are...
Woody: Eh! Too late. They've gone to commercial. You're what was.
Norm: Woody, that was a mean, vicious streak. I've never seen that side of you. Where does that come from?
Woody: Well, our theater's doing a production of 12 Angry Men.
Norm: Yeah?
Woody: We've only got six, so we have to be, like, twice as furious.

Frasier: Madame Lazora, I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, a scientist and a rational human being. I feel it's my duty to warn you that I am going to be watching you, madame, with a jaundiced eye, ready to expose you at the sign of the first floating head.
Madame Lazora: Ooh, I'm shaking.

Madame Lazora: Wait, wait, wait. I sense something. l... I feel a presence. [shaking and glasses rattling]
Carla: Oh, my God! It's Ed! Eddie's returned. [glasses jingling]
Frasier: Made you look, made you look!
Lilith: Frasier, don't be such an insensitive clod.
Frasier: Oh, come on! This is ridiculous! You know, there is a reason why she can't contact him. You've all overlooked one important thing. The man is dead, people! Was I the only one at the funeral? I mean, this is a sham. This woman is a fake, a charlatan, a mountebank.

Carla: How dare you criticize my spiritualist! Do you think it's easy to communicate with the dead? Has it ever occurred to you that maybe it isn't her fault? Maybe Eddie doesn't want to be raised. Maybe he doesn't have anything to say to me. Maybe he hasn't been spooking me at all. How do you know that the problem isn't all in my head? Did you ever think of that, Mr. Big Time Shrink? Maybe I'm just conjuring up all these images of Eddie because I'm afraid to go out on my first date in three years.
Madame Lazora: Eddie... Eddie is here. Eddie says you are right, Carla.
Carla: Oh, it's a miracle. You're a genius.
Frasier: Oh, for the love of God.
Carla: You saw it. You just choose not to believe.

Madame Lazora: Eddie has passed over. The spirits have left us. May they rest in peace. The seance is over.
Norm: Well, thank you. That's really something, huh, Cliffie?
Cliff: Boy, yeah, I'll say. Boy, I've seen fire, and I've seen rain.
Norm: Cliff, everyone's seen fire and rain.
Cliff: Oh. Well, then, I guess I got nothing to say.

Norm: I tell you, tonight really made a believer out of me.
Cliff: Really?
Norm: Yep. From now on, it's beer through a straw.