[on film:]
Woody: You don't have to worry about me going hungry if I stay here in Boston. This town is famous for its finer health food restaurants. Hi. And the best of them all is the Hungry Heifer.
Norm: That's right, Woody.
Woody: I found out about this place through a guy who's helped me plan my life here in Boston, a good friend and my financial advisor, Mr. Norm Peterson.
Norm: Hi. Are you hungry?
[As Norm enters the restaurant:]
All: Norm!

[on film:]
Corinne: What can I get you, Norm?
Norm: The, uh, Feeding Frenzy Special for two.
Corinne: How about you, honey?
Woody: Well, I think he was ordering for both of us.
Norm: No. No.
Woody: Oh, well, give me just one.
Corinne: Anything for you, Sam? [the camera shakes side to side] Smart move.

Woody: Well, I guess this is good-bye, then.
Cliff: I just can't believe you're leaving us, Woody.
Diane: Are you sure my film had no effect on your father?
Sam: Oh, come on, face it. All that weird stuff wouldn't mean anything to a guy like Mr. Boyd.
Woody: Yeah. Besides, he thought it was too derivative of Godard.

Woody: [on the phone] I know, Dad, but still... Well, whatever you think is best, Dad. Right. Bye, Dad. [hangs up] That was my dad.
Frasier: Really.
Woody: Yeah, he's threatening to make me move back home to Indiana. He's been talking to my Uncle Fergie.
Norm: The guy who was here last week? I thought he had a great time.
Woody: Well, he did. But all he told them about was the two times he got mugged.
Frasier: Oh, that was just bad luck.
Woody: Yeah.
Frasier: Woody, you've lived here two years. How many times you been mugged?
Woody: Ten. But You know, that's including the two times with Uncle Fergie.
Frasier: Oh.
Woody: So now my parents are convinced that Boston is a dangerous town and all my friends are seedy lowlifes.
Frasier: Well, surely they don't want you to go back to Indiana because we're a corrupting influence.
Woody: Well, who knows? Somehow, they got the idea that every guy in Boston is some lonely, pathetic weirdo.
Cliff: Look, is this or is this not the spitting image of George Schultz?
Norm: So, uh, Woody, what time does your bus leave?

Sam: This part was my idea. Look at this.
Diane: Startlingly original use of the subjective camera.
Sam: No, not really. They use it in all your finer chain saw movies.

[on film:]
Woody: Hi, Mom! Dad! What a surprise! I was hoping you'd get to see where I worked. Welcome to the best bar in Boston. Pretty wholesome and unseedy looking, huh? And here are the best and most uncorrupting friends a guy could hope to have.
All: Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Boyd!
Woody: First, I'd like ya to meet my boss and good friend, Sam Malone. Sam used to be a relief pitcher for the Boston Red Sox. Now he owns Cheers. Hi! This is Sam's office. And over there, that's Sam. He's more than just a boss to me. He's like the big brother I never had. Well, except for Tom.
Sam: Hi, Woody. Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Boyd.
Woody: Another good friend, Mr. Norm Peterson, has been kind enough to run the camera for us today. So, uh, Sam, you're, you're reading the Bible again huh?
Sam: Well, yeah, I didn't think I was gonna get caught. Yes, I was just, uh, enjoying St. Paul's, uh, Epistle to the Galatians. Boy, those Galatians. When will they listen, huh?

[on film:]
Sam: Woody, uh, what's going on?
Woody: Oh, well, I have a little dilemma here, Sam. My father might call me back home and, uh, if he does - and I sure hope he doesn't - what am I gonna do with this? [puppy whimpering] I mean, after all, what kind of a place is a small farm to raise a puppy? I was hoping you could take him, Sam.
Sam: Well, gee, Woody, I don't have the room. I guess you'll just have to put the poor little fella to sleep.
Woody: Put this poor puppy to sleep because I have to leave Boston? Well, if that's what my father wants.
Sam: What a shame, Woody. What kind of dog is it?
Woody: What's the difference? He's gonna die.
Sam: Well, maybe your daddy will let you stay here and take care of him.
Woody: I'd sure prefer that. What about you, pooch? Would you prefer that to dying?
[in the bar:]
Diane: Subtle tug at the old heartstrings there, guys.
Cliff: [crying] Boy, I'll say.

[on film:]
Cliff: Come on in. Pretty impressive, huh, Woody?
Woody: Sure is, Mr. Clavin.
Cliff: Hey, just think, all these letters traveling thousands of miles over oceans and rough terrain, right into the hands of their, uh, intended addressees. Hey, why thanks, Woody. You did that pretty well.
Woody: Thanks.
Cliff: Would, uh, would you like to try one on your own?
Woody: Well, gee, Mr. Clavin, I'm not a government employee.
Cliff: [chuckling] Pretty good, Woody. I was just testing him. Smart boy. Yeah, Woods, next time you lick a stamp and put it on an envelope, drop it in that old mailbox, be sure to give some thought to, uh, the thousands of men and women in the U.S. Postal Service who work very hard, day after day, to make sure that your mail is delivered safely. [chuckles] You know, Woods, you'd make a good postal carrier yourself.
Woody: Yeah?
Cliff: You've got, uh, youth, stamina and a friend down at the post office.
Woody: Oh, who's that, Mr. Clavin?
Cliff: But then again, bartending is a noble profession. But, Woody, you know there's nothing quite like the pride a postman feels on the swift completion of his appointed rounds.
[The residents of the apartment building all come out and exchange their mail]

Woody: I don't know, Miss Chambers. Maybe we better not send this film to my folks.
Diane: Oh, Woody, it's a fait accompli.
Woody: Was it ever.
Diane: No, I mean, I've already sent a copy to your father. For all we know, he may be viewing it as we speak.
Sam: Oh, I think that's a mistake.
Diane: Why?
Sam: Well, your film, uh, didn't have enough... Well, there, there was too much... It needed a little, uh...
Carla: Yeah, and it stunk, too.
Diane: Thank you, Siskel and Ebert. Take my word for it, after Woody's father sees this impassioned plea for individual freedom, there is no way he will be able to order Woody to leave here against his will.

Diane: Here. I want you to have this. It's a copy of Being and Nothingness. My mother gave it to me in grade school.
Woody: Aw, thanks, Miss Chambers. I don't think I've read this one.