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‘The King of Beers’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: The King of Beers

1103. The King of Beers

Aired October 8, 1992

After Norm is invited to a beer tasting panel, his impressive palate gets the attention of the local brewery. Meanwhile, Rebecca is down on her luck when Cheers gets a slot machine.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Sam: What's the story, Norm?
Norm: Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy gets another beer. In this performance, the role of the boy will be played by Norm Peterson.

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Quote from Rebecca

Norm: Going a little bit overboard here, aren't you? After all, it's just a silly little machine.
Rebecca: It's not a silly machine, Norman. It is- It is a metaphor for life. It is. Everybody gets to pull the handle, and sometimes they win, and sometimes they lose. But I always lose. I pull the handle, and I get cherry, lemon, [voice breaking] Bell!
Norm: Rebecca, has it ever occurred to you that maybe the reason you always lose is because you think you're going to lose?
Rebecca: Oh, don't give me that crap! I tried that positive thinking stuff, and I knew it wouldn't work, and sure enough, it didn't!

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: If I were you, I would be a nervous wreck. You know, I had a shot at my dream job.
Norm: Yeah?
Rebecca: And I- I did really, really well. And then it came time for me to meet the big boss, and I choked. I went in, and- and I complimented him, and then I realized, "Oh, God, I'm kissing up." So I took back the compliment, and then it looked like I was insulting him. So then I started telling jokes, and they were really bad. And then... And- And then, the next thing I knew, I was singing, "Knick knack paddy whack" song. And I was just singing and singing at the top of my lungs. And I just kept burying myself deeper and deeper. And I lost my dream job. And when I walked out of that House of Pancakes, I felt two inches tall.
Norm: Well, Rebecca, that's about the most depressing thing I've ever heard in my life.

Quote from Norm

Marketing Analyst: Excuse me, sir. I represent a market research company. We're doing a survey.
Norm: Oh, I'm really not interested. Thanks. [walks away]
Marketing Analyst: Okay. How about you, sir?
Paul: Okay.
Marketing Analyst: We're looking for volunteers to taste several brands of beer.
Norm: [rushes back] Uh, excuse me, Paul, we were having a conversation here. You were saying?
Marketing Analyst: Uh, uh, well, if you're available, just come to this address at 2:00 this afternoon.
Norm: Hey, listen, uh, uh, what exactly do I do?
Marketing Analyst: Well, you'll be in a room with several other volunteers, and you'll be tasting several varieties of beer. We'll pay you for your time.
Norm: Excuse me, sir. This is gonna sound like an odd question, but by any chance, were you born in a manger?

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Well, Norm, I must say I've never seen you look happier or- or more fulfilled.
Norm: Well, thanks, Fras. I still don't have the job officially yet. I got to meet the president of the brewery. But I tell you what, I feel like I've found my calling.
Frasier: Yeah, that's a wonderful feeling, isn't it?
Norm: Yeah.
Frasier: You know, I remember the first day I decided to go into the healing arts. Yeah, just the thought of helping my fellow man it gave me a sense of purpose, a mission in life. [rhythmic beeping] Oh. Oh, surprise, surprise! Mrs. Davis. "I had a bad childhood." Join the club, sister!

Quote from Norm

Mr. Hoffmeyer: Norm, I hear you're doing excellent work for us.
Norm: Thank you very much, sir. [sighs] Nice pants. [chuckles] I can't believe I just said that. Look, I'm not trying to kiss up, sir. I take back what I said about those pants, okay? Not that they're not nice pants. I mean, of course they are. They're- They're- They're great pants, you know. I just don't want you to think that all I'm doing is looking at your pants. I'm also looking at your face, sir, and- and your shirt, your tie, all of which are lovely. Like a manly kind of lovely. You know what I mean? Good Lord, I'm not making much sense, am l, sir? Let me just start all over again. Hello. My name is Norm Pants. Ooh! Yay. That didn't come out right, either, did it? [laughs] I'm gonna laugh about that one tonight, sir. And I'm sure you will, too, when you take those pants off tonight. Not that I'm thinking about you taking your pants off, sir! Nothing could be further from the truth! I mean, well, now, don't get me wrong. You know, it's not like I would be grossed out if you took your pants off. Go ahead, run around naked for all I care! After all, you'll do whatever you want to do. You're Mr. Hoffmeyer, for crying out loud! [laughs] Oh, come on, lighten up, will you?! Why are you such a sourpuss? Come on. What's it going to take to put a smile on that face, huh? [sings] With a knick knack paddy whack, give a dog a bone This old man came rolling home!

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Everybody step up while Lady Luck thumbs her nose at Rebecca Howe. [bell rings] I got my nickel back.
Frasier: [to Carla] I thought that thing was supposed to pay off.
Carla: [to Frasier] It's been paying off all week. I guess it's empty.
Sam: Oh, I'm sorry.
Rebecca: Sorry? This has never happened to me before. I broke even. I've never broken even before. I'm not a loser. I'm a break-evener. Norm is a loser. See him eating his ice cream? You know what this means? It means that my life isn't so terrible. It's... It's so-so! [laughs] Isn't this great?! [exits]
Norm: Hey, guys, did Rebecca call me a loser?
Frasier: I'm afraid so, Norm.
Norm: Good. I thought she said, "Leave me some."

Quote from Frasier

Cliff: Plus, he's got that wedding ring. Now, that is a real babe magnet.
Norm: Please, it's an old wives' tale.
Cliff: Not so.
Norm: Yeah?
Cliff: Oh, it's been scientifically proven that women are more attracted to married men.
Frasier: The whole notion is ridiculous. Look, I'll... I'll prove it to you. You see those two attractive young females over there? I'll go over and hit on them relentlessly, all the while displaying my wedding ring. See how long it takes them to give me the cold shoulder. [walks over to the two women] Hi. You two ladies need some company? Oh, sure, I'm married, but, uh, you know, I'm not dead. I figure, well, uh...
[When Lilith walks in behind Frasier, the guys in the bar rush into the back room]
Frasier: Lilith is here, isn't she?

Quote from Norm

Mike: I was, uh, looking over your sample comments, and, uh, well, must say they're very impressive.
Norm: Thank you.
Mike: Uh, now, remember, this is just a trial, but I think you're gonna do great.
Norm: Thanks, sir.
Mike: Uh, the job's very simple. You'll drink random samples of beer off the line and give us your opinion. That's it. [both chuckle] Well, uh you ready to see the brewery, Norm?
Norm: Oh, I've been ready for 43 years, sir.

Quote from Frasier

Rebecca: [sighs] A slot machine. [gasps] I've never played one of these, but I've always wanted to.
Sam: Hey, hey, come on, no, don't don't do that, please, it's illegal. This is the last thing this bar needs. I'm gonna call and tell them to take it back.
Frasier: It's just as well, Rebecca. These are the devil's own machines. They systematically rob you of your cash and your dignity, one nickel at a time. Allow me to demonstrate.
Sam: Oh, hey, come on, Frasier, don't do that.
Frasier: No, relax, Sam. This is merely for educational purposes. Good-bye, nickel. [coin clanging, bell ringing, coins clanging] [chortling] Free money! The doctor is hot!

Quote from Norm

Marketing Analyst: You've been selected to take part in this study due to your ages and your drinking preferences. Norm, there seems to be a typo here on your average beer intake. [Norm shakes his head] Wow. Now, gentlemen, I'd like you to each take a sip from sample A and give me your impressions. Ray, what do you think? Would you serve this beer in your home?
Ray: Yeah, sure.
Marketing Analyst: And Chuck?
Chuck: Very tasty, uh... Good after-taste, too.
Marketing Analyst: And Norm.
Norm: I don't know.
Marketing Analyst: Didn't you just drink some?
Norm: Yeah, but it wasn't in my mouth long enough to really taste it.
Marketing Analyst: Hold it in your mouth a little longer. Try savoring it for a second, and then swallow it.
Norm: This is great. Wow, does anyone else know about this savoring thing?

Quote from Norm

Marketing Analyst: What about, uh, sample C?
Norm: Let's see. Now, this one misses for me, okay?
Marketing Analyst: Mm-hmm.
Norm: It's like the carbonation is is fighting the flavor, and the flavor is losing. This is really getting too easy for me. You want to challenge me a bit here?
Marketing Analyst: Okay. Let's try samples D through V.
Norm: Oh, D through V. Now, hang on a second. I may need to cleanse my palate. Do you have any pizza?

Quote from Paul

Paul: Say, uh, Rebecca, uh, can I give it a try?
Rebecca: Go ahead, Paul. It's obviously empty.
Paul: [bell ringing, coins clanging] Hey, hey. Wow. Nine nickels. Hey, I wonder, if those chicks over there saw me win, huh?
Rebecca: Yeah, Paul. I'm sure the lack of that 45 cents is what kept you out of that menage.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Come on come on. Be there, be there. Damn! What is wrong with this machine? Frasier won, Paul won, Carla won. Maybe it just hates women.

Quote from Cliff

Norm: Sammy, I want you to pour a round for the house and put it on my tab.
Sam: Ooh.
Cliff: Oh! Oh, thank you. What's the occasion there, big guy?
Norm: Well, I think I got a job.
Sam: Hey, all right, Normie.
Cliff: All right, everybody. Stand back, I'll take care of this. All right, mister, I don't know what pod you crawled out of... but you're not welcome in our world. Now, go in peace and give us our Normie back.

Quote from Carla

Rebecca: What do you want?
Carla: [whispering] You are acting crazy. You're standing there talking to a machine, pretending like it cares who's feeding it nickels. It doesn't have anything against you personally.
Rebecca: You're right. Thank you. And why are you whispering?
Carla: I don't want it to hear me talking to you.

Quote from Norm

Mike: You'll be sampling beer and submitting your comments to the master brewer who will evaluate them, and in turn, he'll... Are you are you crying, Norm?
Norm: Nah, just got something in my eye there.
Mike: I'll get you a Kleenex. [exits]
Norm: [kisses a tank] Honey, I'm home.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Hey, Mike. Look, if you don't mind, I'm gonna knock off for lunch, okay?
Mike: Yeah, sure. You had a great first week, Norm.
Norm: [laughs] You don't have to tell me, sir. It was the happiest week of my life.
Mike: Here you go, Norm.
Norm: Huh? What's this?
Mike: It's your pay-check.
Norm: Oh, no, sir, I couldn't. No, no, absolutely not, not for this.
Mike: Go ahead, take it!
Norm: Really?
Mike: You've earned it. You know, you were right about that timer being off on number three tank. That's, uh... That's something our computer should have picked up a long time ago.
Norm: Well, sir, a computer can't love.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Listen, if you don't mind right now, I've been tasting beer all morning, okay? So, I'm just gonna take a break, change my clothes and go over to Cheers and hoist a few.
Mike: [laughs] You're, uh... You're kidding, right?
Norm: Yeah. These clothes will be fine.

Quote from Carla

Sam: Well, there must be some way we can fix that machine so you can win just one time. Now you're good at this stuff, Carla. Can't you rig it?
Carla: Why should l?
Sam: Well, because she'd feel better about herself, you know, maybe even feel happy.
Carla: No, really. Why should l?
Sam: Because there's a $20 bill in it for you.
Carla: Deal. [Sam chuckles] I'd have done it for ten. No wonder you're going out of business.

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