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‘I Do, Adieu’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: I Do, Adieu

526. I Do, Adieu

Aired May 7, 1987

Ahead of Sam and Diane's wedding, Sumner returns to tell Diane he submitted one of her books to a publisher.

Quote from Frasier

Norm: All right, I got 20 bucks says they won't do it.
Cliff: All right, well, I got, eh, 30 here says they, uh, tie the knot-ski tonight-ski.
Frasier: I'd like a piece of that, Cliff. Because you see, I'm convinced that the words "l do" are not in the woman's vocabulary.

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Quote from Norm

Cliff: Oh, boy, yeah, that was one of your major league dumps, too. Poor little Diane, left there on our doorstep, you know, turning to us for, uh, shelter from life's storm. Boy, oh, boy, it seems like a long time ago, doesn't it, Normie?
Norm: Yep.
Cliff: A lot's changed since that fateful night, eh?
Norm: Yeah. As I recall, you were sitting over there, drinking a beer, and I was sitting right here having a beer, kind of wishing you'd shut up.
Cliff: Good memory.
Norm: Yeah.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Look, you got to do this book. You have to.
Diane: I don't care about the book. I care about you. Go ahead, from the beginning, please.
Carla: This is inhuman.
Justice of the Peace: You, Sam, and you, Diane, have complied with the general regulations and the laws of the Commonwealth-
Sam: No, no, w- w- w- wait- wait. Look, l- l- l don't want to be married to a woman who's going to be always asking, "What if"? I'll tell you what. Y- Y- You're bad at ballet. You're terrible at acting. You don't you can't draw worth a lick. You're bad at- at poetry, photography, cinema and omelets. I mean, they're going to have to start inventing things for you to be bad at.
Diane: Make your point, Sam.
Sam: You're- You're good at writing. I mean, I think we finally found something you don't stink at.
Diane: But, Sam, I... I...
Sam: Look, look, this is important for you. I mean, l- l- l had my day in the sun. I- I may not have been the greatest relief pitcher in the world...
Steve: Yeah, you were, Sammy.
Sam: Thank you. The point is... The point is I took a shot. You've got to take your shot.

Quote from Woody

Sumner: Excuse me, young man. I'm Dr. Sumner Sloane. I'm looking for Diane Chambers.
Woody: Gee, I hope she's not sick.
Sumner: No, I'm not a medical doctor. I'm in the Literature Department at Boston University where I occupy a chair.
Woody: Huh. Hey, don't worry about it. That's all I did in school, too.

Quote from Carla

Cliff: Hey, that's Sumner Sloane there.
Frasier: The famous Sumner Sloane, the man who jilted Diane?
Carla: Yup. He made a bigger doofus out of her than she made out of you. No easy trick.

Quote from Diane

Sam: You know, what's the rush? I mean, it feels like you want to do this fast so that you don't change your mind.
Diane: You're the one who seems to be changing his mind.
Sam: No, no, I'm not. No, I'm not.
Diane: Well, good, then there's no problem. Let's marry tonight.
Sam: Well, maybe we will, maybe we won't. We ought to think about this.
Diane: All right, fine. You sit down and think about it. I'll make us some tea. If you get stuck, call me. I'll come in and jiggle your head.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Hello, I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. Perhaps you've heard of me.
Sumner: Not till this moment.
Frasier: Well, it just so happens that I was once engaged to Diane, too.
Sumner: Ah. Is there anyone in this bar you haven't been engaged to?
Frasier: Well, I believe the floor is now open to nominations for "pompous ass of the year" award.

Quote from Diane

Sumner: When I heard of your impending marriage to Sam, I thought perhaps I had overestimated you. So, I pored through everything that you'd written: letters, poems, short stories. The pages burned with your talent, Diane, and I was singed.
Diane: Why are you telling me this?
Sumner: I was so impressed by one of your unfinished novels, I took the liberty of sending it to a friend who's an editor at Houghton Mifflin.
Diane: You had no right to do that.
Sumner: While he concurs with me that it's rough, embryonic and immature, he loves it and thinks it has a very good chance of being published.
Diane: Published? I knew it. I felt it. I've never been more alive in my life than when I was writing that. Which one was it?
Sumner: Jocasta's Conundrum.

Quote from Sam

Justice of the Peace: I understand that this has been a long time in coming. So without further delay, uh, we'll get to the matter at hand. You, Sam, and you, Diane, have complied with the general laws of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, and there are no apparent impediments to this marriage. [Carla wails] Therefore, do you, Sam Malone, take this woman, Diane Chambers, to be your lawfully wedded wife till death do you part?
Sam: I do. [Carla shrieks] [phone rings]
Woody: [answers phone] Cheers. Oh, just a second. Miss Chambers, it's for you.
Diane: Woody, I'm kind of busy.
Woody: Oh. Uh, listen, she's getting married. Can I take a message? You're kidding. Oh, that's... Yeah, that's great. That's unbelievable. You're welcome. [laughs and hangs up the phone] Go ahead.
Sam: No, no, don't go ahead. Woody, what is it?
Diane: They're going to publish Miss Chambers' book. They're giving her a big advance to finish it.
Justice of the Peace: Um, to, uh, continue Diane Chambers, do you take this man, Samuel Malone, to be your lawfully wedded husband till death do you part?
Diane: What? Oh, yes, of course. Why wouldn't l?
Justice of the Peace: Well, then, by the powers vested in me by the governor of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, I now pronounce you man-
Sam: No, you don't. I want to change my answer.
Carla: What did he say?

Quote from Sam

Diane: Well, Maine awaits. See you in six months.
Sam: Right.
Diane: Right. [they kiss] Next time, let's have our wedding somewhere else.
Sam: Anything you say. [Diane sighs as she prepares to leave] Hey. Have a good life.
Diane: "Have a good life"?
Sam: What?
Diane: Well, that's something you say when something's over. Sam, I'm going away for six months. That's all. So no more of this "have a good life" stuff.
Sam: You never know. You- You could die. I could die. The world could end. One of us could bump our heads and, uh, wander the streets for the rest of our life with amnesia. Or maybe one of us will decide they want something else.
Diane: None of those things will happen. I'll be back here. I will. I'll see you in six months. Okay?
Sam: Okay.
Diane: Okay. That's better. [kisses Sam then exits]
Sam: Have a good life.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Sammy, got three questions. One, who's going to fix the ball return on the pool table?
Sam: Okay, I'll check that today.
Carla: Check. Two, how much vermouth do you want next month?
Sam: Uh, an extra case.
Carla: Check. Three, why, why, why?!
Sam: Oh, come on, don't start with me about the wedding, will you?
Carla: Oh, Sammy. Sam, it actually looks like you're going to go through with this horrible thing. Why do you want to marry this woman?

Quote from Diane

Diane: Yes! [giggling] I'm going to be a novelist. I'm going to be a novelist.
Sumner: Now, this doesn't guarantee publication. He has other people to convince. And he'll have to see the finished work.
Diane: Actually, I haven't quite finished it. I haven't written for five years.
Sumner: That's about the same amount of time you've been interred in this, uh, tomb of thought.
Diane: Oh, roughly.
Sumner: Well, then it's imperative you get out of here and finish this novel immediately. You can use my cabin in Maine. It's where I go to do most of my profound thinking. You'll love it! Ted Koppel has a little place right down the road.
Diane: I can't. I'm going to marry Sam.
Sumner: Do you realize the implications of the choice you're making?
Diane: There's no choice. A woman can be married and write, too.
Sumner: Oh, I get it. You're going to write the great American novel in between driving the kids to Little League games, changing a litter box and teaching Sam pinochle so you can finally have the Mundanes over to dinner.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Well, even if I can't do both, I don't care.
Sumner: Of course you don't. Sam's bludgeoned all the spirit out of you and dragged you back down to his level.
Diane: No one was dragged, Sumner. Sam and I walked arm in arm to his level. I think you'd better leave now.
Sumner: Yes, I'll leave. But the time will come when you'll look back on this moment and realize you've made a terrible mistake. I'm glad I won't be around to witness that.
Diane: So am l.
Sumner: Touche. How appropriate that as I take my leave of you, you are holding the eight ball. Good-bye, Diane.
[As Diane throws the eight ball into the pocket and walks out of the back room, Sam emerges from under the pool table with a screwdriver in his hand and the eight ball wedged in his mouth.]

Quote from Sam

Sam: Hey, wait a minute. You know, this this could work out perfectly. Why don't we why don't we postpone the wedding?
Diane: Postpone it?
Sam: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you- You could go off and finish your book, and it'd give me a chance to do something I've wanted to do all my life.
Diane: What?
Sam: What do you mean what? You want me to name it?
Diane: That'd be good.
Sam: Well, l, uh, take a trip to the Orient. Yeah, yeah, I always wanted to go to the Orient.
Diane: You've never said anything about a trip to the Orient.
Sam: Well, not in so many words, but I mean, you know how much I like Chinese food. It's...

Quote from Sam

[fantasy:]
Diane: Tea time, dear.
Sam: I've had a great life. My grandson's a 25-game winner with the Red Sox. Got the prettiest wife in town. And I can still fire off the old booster rockets now and again.
Diane: And don't forget your pinochle's coming along quite well.
Sam: Yes, yes. You know, now that I got the hang of it, I kind of like that game. Who called there a minute ago?
Diane: That was your granddaughter, Samantha. She said to tell her gramps that she has a new boyfriend.
Sam: Uh-oh. What's he like?
Diane: Well, he sounds like a fine young man. She said he has his doctorate in laser beam demolecularization.
Sam: There's only one thing that kept me from going into that myself. I don't have the brains of a turnip.

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