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‘The Improbable Dream (Part 1)’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: The Improbable Dream (Part 1)

801. The Improbable Dream (Part 1)

Aired September 21, 1989

Rebecca is horrified when she has a sex dream about Sam.

Quote from Cliff

Sam: OK, one more thing here. What do you think is going to make her go to sleep faster, Brahms's "Lullaby" or "The Sounds of Spring Showers in a Rain Forest"?
Cliff: You know, Sammy, that question has plagued mankind since the beginning of time. How to lure to our bed the elusive Morpheus, son of Hypnos, known to the sand dwellers of Rome as Somnus. Now...
Norm: If you really want to put her to sleep, Sam, record him.

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Quote from Norm

Frasier: Gents, mind my Corona with lime, will you? I've got to see a man about an equine.
Woody: There goes one elegant guy.
Norm: Yeah. Nothing says class like a chunk of fruit floating in your beer.
Cliff: Oh, come on, Norm. It's yuppie nouveau to have a little fruit floating in your beer.
Norm: Call me old fashioned, Cliff, the only thing I like floating in beer is my liver.

Quote from Carla

Carla: If I were Rebecca, I guarantee this would work. Somehow you get me to go to sleep.
Sam: Go on. Go on.
Carla: All right. Now, you sneak into the room, wait until I'm dreaming about you. You're going to know when that is because of the moaning and rolling around.
Sam: "Moaning," "rolling," good, good.
Carla: When I'm just at my most receptive, if you get my drift, you lay a kiss on me that will melt diamonds. I wake up, but I think I'm still dreaming, so I don't resist, and then we make hot and sloppy till the cops arrive.
Sam: Carla, you're a genius. Rebecca's going to go for this in a big way.
Carla: The hell with Rebecca. It was my idea.

Quote from Carla

Sam: I'm going to go get some stuff to help her go to sleep. Woody, cover for me, will you?
Woody: You got it, Sam.
Carla: Yeah. Woody, would you cover for me, too?
Woody: Where are you going?
Carla: Home. I just remembered I left something turned on.
Woody: What?
Carla: Me.

Quote from Rebecca

Sam: [whispers] Rebecca. Mmm. Rebecca, this is your recurring dream. How does it start again?
Rebecca: [grabs Sam's neck] What are you doing in here?
Sam: I'm not here. I'm in your dream. Go back to sleep. Go back to sleep.
Rebecca: You know. You know. How do you know about my dream?
Sam: What dream?
Rebecca: Oh, man, I hate you. I hate you! You didn't tell your stupid friends about this, did you?
Sam: Oh, please, give me some credit, will you?
Rebecca: You told them! I hate you for knowing. I hate you for telling your friends. I hate you for being in my dreams! I hate my dreams! I hate myself for dreaming my dreams.
Sam: Hey, then smack yourself for a while!

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Don't you understand what I'm trying to say? I was taught to win, to strive, to achieve. I was taught to never ever settle.
Sam: Sweetheart, how do you explain working in this bar for the last three years?
Rebecca: Has it been that long? [sobs]
Sam: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That was a low blow. I know settling stinks, but there are a lot of things that are worse, like never taking a chance, always waiting for something better to come along. What if something doesn't come?
Rebecca: It will.
Sam: Sweetheart, when was the last time you had a close relationship with a man?
Rebecca: What do you mean by close?
Sam: Close.
Rebecca: [scoffs] Oh, yeah, like, if you mean close, close, close, well, that would've been just right before I started working here.
Sam: Three years ago.
Rebecca: [sobs] Has it been that long?

Quote from Rebecca

Lilith: So who is it... Mel Gibson? Harrison Ford? That young man with the wavy brown hair and the leg muscles who comes in here all sweated up after bowling and has nodded hello to me twice?
Rebecca: It's Sam.
Lilith: Sam Malone?
Rebecca: Can you believe it? He's the last person I would want to see in my dreams. I mean, I played Donald Trump's board game, I watch Ted Turner's network, I just finished Robin Colcord's new book, and somehow in my dreams, I end up dancing on my back with Sam Malone.

Quote from Sam

Rebecca: God... I don't believe this. Look at what I'm dreaming about! A bartender in an off-the-rack shirt with a button missing.
Sam: It's not missing. I always keep it unbuttoned so I can scratch my stomach.
Rebecca: Oh, God! God. You know, I used to dream about being swept away by some rich, powerful, successful man. And now, even in my dreams, I'm settling for a stomach scratcher.
Sam: Hey, rich people scratch.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Oh, god, Sam, maybe you're right. Maybe my dreams are right. I mean, what the hell, I mean, it's not like the Donald Trumps and Robin Colcords of the world are exactly beating down my door. All right, Sam, I'm going to do it. I'm going to take the plunge. You and I are going to take a shot at it.
Sam: All right. OK. What do you say l, uh, pick you up around 8:00?
Rebecca: Pick me up now. [kisses Sam]
Sam: Mmm. Hoo! Boy, I like the way I pick you up. So, come on, tell the truth. Isn't this better than waiting around for some Mr. Wonderful to come walking through the door? Huh?
Robin: [enters] Oh, sorry to interrupt. I'm looking for Rebecca Howe.
Sam: What?
Rebecca: Robin Colcord.
Robin: Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.
[Rebecca pushes Sam onto her desk chair and back into the stock room. Boxes of beer fall on Sam's head and an open bottle of spirit pours down on Sam.]
Robin: Have I caught you at a bad time?
Rebecca: No... You caught me just in time.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: You know, it's quite remarkable. To float something as heavy as a wedge of lime, beer must have quite a high buoyancy factor.
Carla: So do your loafers.
Pete: Do you think an olive could float in beer?
Cliff: Yeah. Only one way to find out, my friend.
Norm: Well, I guess it doesn't. But, you know, I think maybe an orange rind, being of the citrus family and a close cousin of the lime, just might float.
Cliff: Ah! Your hypothesis has been proven correct, Dr. Peterson.
Norm: Thank you very much, Nurse Clavin.
Woody: I always wondered if a lit match would float in beer.
Norm: You always wondered that, huh, Wood?
Cliff: All right, Woodrow. Ooh.
Woody: Not only does it float, it smells like heaven.
Carla: I got one. How about his car keys?
Norm: Oh, good.
Woody: Here he comes. [Woody and Carla fish the car keys, match and assorted fruits out of Frasier's beer]
Frasier: Ahh. Now I've room enough for you, my friend. Boy, that lime really adds something.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Oh, Sam, yes, yes. Yes!
[wakes up:]
Rebecca: No! Oh. Oh, god. It was just a dream. It's just a dream, Beck-Beck. It's just a dream.
Sam: [enters] Morning, boss.
Rebecca: You shut your fat face right now!
Sam: I was just going to tell you if you want me, I'm out fixing the window.
Rebecca: I don't want you. I don't want you at all.
Sam: Aw, somebody got up on the wrong side of bed.
Rebecca: Don't you use the word "bed" with me. I forbid you to use the word "bed."
Sam: Sorry.
Rebecca: You make me sick.
Sam: Last time I buy after shave at a gas station.

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: Frasier, don't use your gold card. I exceeded the limit this morning buying biodegradable diapers. They're not cheap, they're not pretty, but they'll disintegrate within 50 years.
Frasier: She loves her earth.
Lilith: And look at these marvelous toys I bought today.
Frasier: Oh, our child will love these. I'm sure he can't wait to be born. Monochromatic, high contrast...
Woody: What, did they run out of colors?
Frasier: Oh, no, Woody. You see, tests have proven that simple black and white geometric designs stimulate the young infant's mind to a remarkable degree.
Woody: Oh, I don't know. I was raised on pink and blue, and look how I turned out.
Cliff: In your face, doc.
Lilith: The evidence at hand notwithstanding, current child development experts agree that infants respond with great excitement to toys like these.
Norm: Whoo. Yeah. They say "this stuff cost a fortune. My parents must be rich."

Quote from Frasier

Lilith: What about Russell and Pam?
Frasier: Oh, hang Russell and Pam. They just want to weasel some free psychological advice out of us anyway. So, Rebecca, go on about your dreams.
Rebecca: I guess you could say the main problem is that this guy who's... I don't know, I guess you could say he's starring in these dreams... Is somebody I definitely should not be dreaming about.
Frasier: Ah... Because even though he's a sexy and successful doctor, he's also happily married and about to be a father. Yes. There is no fruit so sweet as that which is forbidden.
Lilith: Frasier, stop before you embarrass yourself further.
Frasier: What?
Lilith: Darling, you're the love of my life, but even I don't have erotic dreams about you.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Just please tell me that it's not Sam Malone in my dreams, so I don't have to take a bath with my electric toaster.
Frasier: Well, Rebecca, there are those who believe that dream imagery is basically symbolic. If you subscribe to that theory, Sam could signify any number of things... It could be a need for you to get back in touch with your inner self. It could be spiritual awakening. It could be you and your god.
Lilith: It's Sam.
Frasier: It's Sam.
Rebecca: It's Sam. Oh, god, some evil, disgusting, perverted little part of me is attracted to Sam. I'm going to kill him.
Frasier: Now, Rebecca, it's not his fault. Sam doesn't know what your dreams are.
Rebecca: You're right. And he can never know. Because if it ever, ever got out that I've been having sex dreams all week about Sam, I could never ever show my face in this bar again.
Frasier: Well, fear not. You have confided in professionals. Your trust is sacred.
Rebecca: Thank you.
[As Rebecca, Frasier and Lilith walk away, Sam winds up the shutters next to the booth, where he's been working on the window]

Quote from Norm

Pete: Hey, how did you find out, Sammy?
Sam: Well, I accidentally overheard Rebecca telling Frasier and Lilith.
Norm: Shrinks get all the great scam, huh?
Cliff: You ought to get an earful of a mailman's day, pal.
Norm: Yeah, I do, Cliff.

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