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‘Death Takes a Holiday On Ice’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Death Takes a Holiday On Ice

807. Death Takes a Holiday On Ice

Aired November 9, 1989

After Carla learns that Eddie has died in a freak zamboni accident, she's in for another surprise at the funeral service.

Quote from Woody

Father Barry: So we, the friends of Edward LeBec, silently, each in his own way, bid him good-bye, secure in the belief... That he will live in eternal peace.
Woody: I think this is a nice service.
Sam: You've been to a lot of them, Wood?
Woody: What do you mean, Sam?
Sam: Just from the size of your family and all the unfortunate things that seem to happen.
Woody: No, no, no, Sam, you've got that wrong. Very few of those people were killed, just maimed. I had an uncle who lived to be 103. He had both ears till he was 101.

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Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Carla, different people deal with the loss of a loved one in different ways. As such, your stoic behavior is quite understandable, but studies in human behavior tell us that we need to grieve. And until we do allow ourselves that emotional release, we can never really get back on the course of life. You see, some people hold in their grief for literally years and years. And all they accomplish is to prolong the grief and the agony, casting a pall over their own remaining days on this earth. [sobs] Oh! Oh, mommy! Mommy, why you? Oh!

Quote from Carla

Carla: Look, lady, I don't know what you're trying to pull, but I'm not amused.
Woody: Yeah, if you're trying to get a laugh at a funeral, you're going to have to be a lot funnier than that.
Gloria LeBec: I am Gloria LeBec, as in Eddie LeBec. Who the hell are you?
Carla: I'm Carla LeBec, Eddie's poor, grieving widow.
Gloria LeBec: I'm Eddie's poor, grieving widow.
Carla: That's impossible. See this? [holds up her ring finger]
Gloria LeBec: Yeah? Well, see this? [holds up her ring finger]
Carla: Yeah? Well, see this? [holds up her fist]

Quote from Norm

Carla: I can't believe this! I mean, the guy with the best buns on the Red Sox asked me to go out with him, and I have to say no. Man, it's not fair, I swear. I get all the disadvantages of being married and none of the perks.
Norm: Whoa, whoa, wait. There are perks?

Quote from Carla

Frasier: Carla... Carla, it's good to cry. It's cleansing. Try.
Father Barry: At this point of the service, I would like Mrs. LeBec to kindly step forward.
[Carla sobs and blows her nose with a handkerchief as she steps up. At that moment, another woman starts to cry, takes out a handkerchief and stands up. They momentarily stop weeping as they look at each other.]
Father Barry: I'm sorry. I meant his wife to step forward.
[Carla and the other woman both weep as they step forward. They once again stop weeping to look at each other.]
Father Barry: I meant his current wife.
[They both once again weep and step forward.]
Carla: Uh-oh.

Quote from Cliff

Rebecca: Oh, brother. These phone bills are sky high. I've got to find a new long-distance carrier. Let me see, do I go with one that charges by the mile or the time of day?
Norm: Well, why don't you just use the system that we all use.
Rebecca: What is it, Sprint? MCI?
Norm: No, it's, uh, Cheers's phone.
Cliff: [on the phone] Really, Ma? That's... Hey, hold on. You know, it's 12:00 in Tokyo. Is that yesterday or tomorrow?
Rebecca: Cliff.
Cliff: I left a quarter. [on the phone] Anyway... Sorry. Somebody was talking to me here. [Rebecca chops the phone cord with a knife]

Quote from Carla

Sam: Maybe I should go get you a beer, huh?
Carla: Why don't you go to Germany to get one.
Darryl Mead: You seem to know a lot about baseball, Carla. You remind me of my first hitting coach.
Carla: Bet I look cuter in black underwear.
Darryl Mead: Yeah, but he could probably spit tobacco farther.
Carla: Don't count on it.

Quote from Frasier

Carla: Eddie's on the road with the ice show for months at a time. The money he sends back is a joke.
Frasier: Yes, I guess the ice show craze in America never really recovered from the loss of Frick and Frack.

Quote from Carla

Carla: He's never home to help out with the family. And all that would be fine, if I could just visit him for a few bed sprints once in a while. I don't even get that.
Sam: Oh, you're being too tough on him.
Carla: No, I mean it really. He doesn't care or pay attention.
Woody: Carla, it's for you. Some guy from the ice show.
Carla: Case in point, Sammy, I know exactly what that call is. Tomorrow is graduation. It's the most important day in Anne Marie's life. Or is it Serafina? Uh, one of the older kids. Anyway... Eddie's probably having someone call with some lame, stupid excuse why he can't show up. [on the phone] All right. What's his excuse? Uh-huh.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Right. Well, these things happen.
Sam: Can't go to graduation, huh?
Carla: No, he can't.
Norm: What's the excuse?
Carla: He's dead.
Woody: Huh. That old one.

Quote from Frasier

Sam: I just can't get over this Eddie thing. I mean, I understand going out with 2 babes at 1 time, but to actually be married to both, that's sick.
Frasier: Believe me, Sam, in my profession, I've learned that mankind if capable of all kinds of deviant behavior. But of course, now that I have a child to support, I say keep it coming.

Quote from Carla

Sam: Aw, come on, what are you doing here?
Carla: I had to get out of the house, Sam.
Sam: Walls closing in on you?
Carla: No. Too much broken glass on the floor. [throws glasses on the floor]
Sam: Sweetheart. Come on, everything's going to be OK. It's going to be fine.
Carla: Oh, it's not gonna be fine, Sam. It's never going to be fine again. Nothing in my life makes sense anymore. How could this happen? How could he do this? How could I not know? What's wrong with me? What was wrong with him?
Woody: How did he know which pants were in which house?
Carla: How do I know who he really loved? I mean, it was different with Nick. Nick was scum with ear hair. But Eddie... I mean, Eddie was good. The fact that somebody good loved me made me feel good. Now if it turns out he wasn't any good after all, does that mean that all this time I've been a fool?
Woody: I bet he kept jeans at your house and his dress slacks at her place.

Quote from Cliff

Carla: I bet the only reason he married you was because he knocked you up.
Gloria LeBec: How do you know that?
Carla: Babe's intuition.
Gloria LeBec: Yeah? Maybe that's the same reason he married you.
Carla: But with me, it wasn't a cheap thrill. It was a very tender moment in the back of a Datsun hatchback.
Gloria LeBec: Toyota Corolla, front seat.
Cliff: All right, ladies, stop right now, huh? All this talk about conceiving your children in these cars... Just makes me sick. Doesn't anybody buy American anymore?

Quote from Cliff

Gloria LeBec: Well, I better be going. The kids and I have got a 17-hour bus ride ahead of us to Kenosha.
Carla: What are you taking, the polar route? Hey, look, it's been a hell of a day. Why don't you skip the bus and spend the night at my house.
Gloria LeBec: That's nice of you, Carla.
Carla: You haven't seen my house. Well, actually you'd be doing me a favor. I got to work late tonight, and I could use a baby-sitter. Cliff's leaving right now. He'll drive you home.
Cliff: I just ordered a beer there, Carla. Sorry. [Carla pours the beer away] Ahh, that hit the spot.
Gloria LeBec: Know what? You're a pretty nice lady. I can see why Eddie knocked you up.
Carla: Ditto.
Cliff: Did you know that Gloria comes from the Latin "glorioski"? It's an expression of surprise. It was made popular during the depression by the round-eyed waif little orphan Annie. You know, it's no mistake that she didn't have any pupils in her eyes.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Whoa!
Frasier: What is it, Carla? You look like a large-mouth bass. A very fetching large-mouth bass.
Carla: Sammy's talking to Darryl Mead of the Boston Red Sox. I've been thigh-struck over that guy for five years, especially in '88, when he led the league in tight-fitting pants.
Woody: Boy, to know you're the best at something... what an honor.
Norm: Go after him. Go meet him.
Carla: I would love his autograph. Maybe I can get him to sign my breast.
Norm: Well, that should complete the lineup card, then.

Quote from Carla

Darryl Mead: Listen, Carla, you want to call me later? We can go out and have some dinner.
Carla: Are you kidding? I'm there. Wait a minute. I can't go. Damn.
Darryl Mead: Why not? You got to work?
Carla: No. I don't want you to think any less of me, but I'm married.
Darryl Mead: Why should that stop you?
Carla: Sheesh, you're a pig. Now I really wish I could go out with you.
Darryl Mead: Just in case. [drops his phone number down Carla's bra]
Carla: I don't know when a paper cut felt this good.
Darryl Mead: I'll see you, Sam. Thanks for the tips, Carla. I hope I hit a home run tonight.
Carla: I swear, if I was single, you'd have hit one already.

Quote from Carla

Carla: This is bad. This is r... I shouldn't have this. I should not have this. Rebecca...
Rebecca: Uh-huh.
Carla: This paper is my ticket to eternal damnation. So would you do me a favor? Put it in the safe and never give it to me, no matter what I say, no matter how much I beg, do not give me this piece of paper.
Rebecca: Okay.
Carla: Let me just make sure I gave you the right one. [Rebecca hands it back] I told you never to give me this!

Quote from Carla

Sam: What's the problem?
Carla: Eddie's dead. It was a freak accident at the ice show. Happened real sudden. They were cleaning the ice with that big machine after the penguin salsa number. One of the penguins slipped, fell in front of the machine. Eddie dived just in time, pushed the guy out of the way. He never felt a thing.
Sam: Honey, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Carla: Yeah. Oh, looks like table five's ready to order.

Quote from Sam

Sam: You know, a lot of people just remember Eddie as a big, fat, wobbling penguin on the ice show, but before that, he was quite a goalie.
Norm: Yeah, Sam, I remember that night against the Maple Leafs, he stopped, like, 40, 50 shots on goal. I mean, counting 10 that got past him that's one night's work, isn't it?
Sam: But you got to give the man his due. He was one hell of a penguin, too.

Quote from Woody

Frasier: You know, I wonder how many of us would give up our lives to save a fellow human being?
Carla: Time to close up.
Rebecca: We can do that, Carla.
Carla: No, no. It's my night to clean and wash.
Rebecca: Carla, let me just drive you home.
Carla: Why? There's nothing I could do. I'm going to close up.
Woody: Woo! You know, along the lines of what Doctor Crane was saying before, how many of us, when faced with the loss of a loved one, would stay and close up? She is something.
Rebecca: Woody, I think she's still in shock.
Frasier: Maybe I should take the initiative and speak with her.
Woody: Well, many of us when faced with having to talk with someone who's lost a loved one take the initiative...
Rebecca: Woody. Shut up.
Woody: There's my answer.

Quote from Carla

Father Barry: Widows, please. Now, perhaps we can deal with this unfortunate revelation later and continue with the memorial.
Carla: With all due respect, Father, the hell with that noise. Eddie's not going anywhere until I get some answers. [picks up the penguin hat] Lady, you've got a lot of nerve.
Gloria LeBec: Me? What about you? I'm his wife!
Carla: I'm his wife!
Gloria LeBec: I'm his wife!
Sam: Ladies, ladies, let go of the head. Let go of the head. Now just both of you sit down right now, and we'll settle this after the service. Father.
Father Barry: Thank you, son.

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