Cliff: Hey, Norm, look at this. I just got myself a brand-new video camera.
Norm: Ooh, nice one. Looks kind of expensive.
Cliff: Oh, yeah, it is, it is, but it- it'll pay for itself in no time at all.
Norm: Yeah?
Cliff: Yeah. Yeah, I plan to stage some footage for those programs, you know, like America's Funniest Home Videos, Rescue 911, Nightline, stuff like that.
Norm: Cliff, I don't think Nightline is staged.
Cliff: You are so naive.

Cliff: Speaking of which, uh, I could use an assistant for my video endeavors. Uh, what do you say? I could start you off at 20, uh, 15 bucks.
Norm: I could use the money. I've got to get Vera a Christmas present.
Cliff: Uh, Christmas was a couple of weeks ago.
Norm: Oh, my.

[on answering machine:]
Woody: Hi, this is Cheers. Well, it isn't actually Cheers, it's Woody Boyd. Cheers is actually the bar, and as such, it couldn't be expected to talk.
Sam: Woody, start again.
Woody: Why? I'm doing fine. Anyway, uh, there's no one here to take your call right now. Well, actually, if you called right now, we could take your call, but if you call when you're...
Sam: Woody, would you cut it out? It's sounding stupid.
Woody: I am not. W-W-Why do you always treat me like I don't know what I'm doing?
Sam: It sounds stupid, Woody.
Woody: It does not. [machine beeps]
Woody: Hi, Sam, this is Woody. Uh, I guess you were right. It does sound stupid. I'll change it tomorrow.

Cliff: Hey, whoa, whoa, hey. Whoa, whoa. Excuse me, there, buddy boy. l, uh, couldn't help overhearing that you're looking for a photographer?
Peter: That's right.
Cliff: Well, you are in luck. I'm Clifford Clavin, one of the best camcorder jockeys in all of Boston.
Peter: If you're in the video business, why are you dressed as a mail-man?
Cliff: Costume party down at the Directors Guild.

Sam: Are you crazy? Did I just hear you turn down a date with that girl? Come on, man, reel her in.
Frasier: Oh, Sam, you don't seem to understand. Look, I just came off a seven-year marriage. It's hard to think of replacing Lilith.
Carla: Just go to the morgue and open any drawer.
Sam: Listen, listen, listen, listen. I'm not, I'm not saying you got to replace the corpse- Replace Lilith. All I'm saying is, you know, ask- ask her out on a date.

Carla: I told you we're closed. It's a private party. Employees only.
Paul: Please. I'll tell them I own the place. I do it all the time.
Carla: For the last time, go home! [hits the door]
Paul: Ow!
Rebecca: Carla, will you stop being rude to the customers?
Carla: It was Paul.
Rebecca: Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't see through the glass.

Frasier: Okay, now, I brought some of his toys here. We've got his, uh, his choo-choo.
Sam: Hmm.
Frasier: And his blankey.
Sam: Mm-hmm.
Frasier: And his toy soldier. Here you go.
Sam: Ooh, cool.
Frasier: And, uh... Well, let's see... Bag full of educational crap that Lilith got him.

Frasier: And his, uh, favourite book The Runaway Bunny.
Carla: You keep that book away from me.
Woody: How come, Carla?
Carla: I have eight kids. I've read that book a thousand times, and every time I read it, I bawl like a baby.
Woody: Oh, no kidding. "Once there was a little bunny..."
Carla: Stop it. No, stop it.
Woody: "who wanted to run away..."
Carla: Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

Frasier: All right, Sam, now listen, here's a list of numbers. Here's, uh, my beeper. This is, uh, Shauna's house. And this is Lilith at the eco-pod.
Sam: They got a telephone at the eco-pod?
Frasier: Well, no, it's just for emergencies, but, uh, listen, call her, yank her chain for me. I won't have a chance to do it tonight.
Sam: [laughs] I'll see if I can get to it.

Rebecca: There you are. Everything's all set. I took the liberty of making name tags for everybody. See? Hello, my name's Rebecca. And this one is for you, Peter. And your name is?
Woman: We're all family. We know each other's names.
Rebecca: Well, let me make one out for you anyway. B-l-T-C...