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‘Get Your Kicks on Route 666’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Get Your Kicks on Route 666

1002. Get Your Kicks on Route 666

Aired September 26, 1991

When Frasier decides to hit the road and discover his inner "hairy man", Sam, Norm and Cliff tag along. Meanwhile, Carla's hunky nephew, Frankie, fills in at the bar.

Quote from Norm

Frasier: What about you, Norm?
Norm: Well, there was one time, uh, we thought Vera was pregnant, and then it turns out she wasn't.
Frasier: I'm sorry, Norm.
Cliff: You never told me that, buddy.
Norm: Well, it turns out she was lying. She didn't tell me till after the wedding. I must have cried for a week.

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Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Ah, here we are wasting away in the desert. I never pictured that the four of us would go out like this.
Norm: How did you picture it, Cliff?
Cliff: Well, I pictured, uh, Sammy getting topped by a jealous husband. Norm, I figured you'd, you know, heart attack. Frasier, here...
Frasier: Cliff, l- I don't want to hear it.
Cliff: You bet you don't.

Quote from Paul

Paul: I could have gone with those guys on that little road trip, you know.
Lilith: I know.
Paul: I just wasn't here when they decided to go.
Lilith: So you've said.
Paul: They, uh, probably tried to call me and hung up on my machine.
Lilith: Hmm.
Paul: Sometimes it doesn't record the hang-ups.
Lilith: Mm-hmm.
Paul: You're not much of a conversationalist, are you?
Carla: Where is everybody?
Paul: Probably in New Mexico by now. You know, I could've gone with 'em if they'd just left a message.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: We're going to die out here. They're going to find our bleached bones.
Sam: Look, let's just relax here, everybody. Everything's going to seem better in the morning.
Frasier: Oh, yes, Sam. "In the morning." When the desert sun comes up. By noon, it'll be 120!
Cliff: Forget it, Doc. You're never going to see 120. At 110, your lungs explode.
Frasier: Cliff, that is ridiculous!
Cliff: Oh, yeah? Well, would you like to make a friendly wager on that?

Quote from Cliff

Frasier: What seems to be the trouble, Sam?
Sam: Well, I know a little bit about engines, and it seems like what we got here is a burned piece of meat.
Cliff: Yeah, how is my, uh, hobo steak coming? Oh, yeah, well, I threw that on the engine back in, uh, Lukachukai.
Frasier: At the risk of hearing your answer, Cliff, why would you do something so stupid?
Cliff: Oh, well, you, you cook in there. You see, you put your food on the engine, and then you can drive and cook at the same time. Oh, hey, it looks like the vegetable kebabs are about done. Maybe they're a little bit too crisp, huh?

Quote from Carla

Lilith: It's perfectly natural. One can be married and still be drawn to the odd magnificent butt.
Carla: For once I'm with you, Doc.
Rebecca: I agree, but you know what I really notice in a guy? His eyes.
Carla: Yeah, but that magnificent butt thing is right up there.
Rebecca: Yeah, well, this guy has both.
Lilith: And talk about biceps.
Carla: Whoa. You're getting me hot. Who are we talking about here?
Lilith: Your nephew, Frankie.
Carla: That is so sick!
Lilith: Carla, surely, as a woman, you can see how your nephew might be considered desirable.
Carla: Sure. You start thinking like that, and you end up with Woody's family.

Quote from Cliff

Norm: Okay, I got one. When was the last time you guys cried? Huh? Cliffie?
Cliff: Uh, well, I guess the, uh, it's probably my, uh, junior prom.
Norm: Oh, no, no, no. Cliffie, this is not that story where, uh, you got stood up and you had to take your ma and everyone laughed at you and pantsed you, is it?
Cliff: No, no, I said junior prom. Yeah, you see, Ma was putting on a boutonniere, and a pin stuck me in the chest, I got a staph infection.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Frasier, where's your hairy man? We can save ourselves here. Yeah, hot-wiring's easy. Buck showed me how to do it on a trip across the states. God, that guy was a whiz with anything mechanical. Yeah, here you go. All you got to do is take these two wires here and connect them. [electricity crackling]
Cliff: You- You okay there, Sammy?
Sam: Diane?

Quote from Carla

Carla: No, I- I was talking about my nephew and Rebecca of Horny Brook Farm.
Lilith: They're in the back. Frankie's helping her move some boxes.
Carla: I'll just bet he is. You know, I'm getting a little sick of the way she's throwing herself all over that guy. I mean, it's disgusting.
Lilith: Carla, I've never seen this side of you.
Carla: Yeah, well You know, Frankie's sweet. One day he's going to meet a nice girl and settle down. And in the meantime, it's my job to keep him away from sleazy women looking for a quick one-nighter.
Lilith: You mean women like you?
Carla: Ironic, huh?

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Say, uh, where's, where's Norm?
Sam: Oh, he's asleep in the back here.
Frasier: Yeah? Well... Well, he's not asleep anymore.
Cliff: Oh, hey, he's gone!
Sam: Well, he's got to be around here someplace.
All: Norm! Norm! Normie! Norm! Normie! Norm! Here, Norm!
Cliff: You, you don't suppose some wolf dragged him off in the night, do you?
Sam: Well, maybe we ought to take a look for him.
Frasier: Not me. I don't want to meet the wolf that can drag off Norm.

Quote from Norm

Sam: Norm! Norm! Thank God you're safe!
Norm: Yeah.
Sam: Where'd you get this thing?
Norm: It came complimentary with the room.
Cliff: What room?
Norm: At the resort.
Frasier: What resort?
Norm: The resort just over the hill, where I spent the night.
Frasier: You mean you stayed in a resort while we slept here in the dirt?! Why didn't you come and tell us? How could you do something like this?!
Norm: You guys want to yell at me some more, or do you want to make the breakfast buffet? It stops in ten minutes.
Frasier: Well, naturally, the buffet.

Quote from Frasier

Rebecca: Oh, shoot! It's a minus! I'm not pregnant. Well, we only started trying last night. I guess we can't expect to get pregnant the first time.
Sam: Well, I thought that's what the fourth and fifth times were for.
Norm: Fifth time. You imagine that?
Cliff: I'm only up to three.
Rebecca: I just want to be pregnant now.
Lilith: Rebecca, why don't you approach this from a scientific point of view? Make a simple plot-point graph, and chart your basal temperature at a fixed hour each morning. After a couple of months, a pattern will emerge, thereby making your peak fertility days absolutely predictable.
Rebecca: Good idea. Thanks, Lilith!
Sam: Whew, boy! You guys went through all that?
Frasier: No, we just got ripped one night and tore one off. Remember that, sugar, huh?

Quote from Lilith

Sam: Hey, Frasier, Lilith. What'll you have?
Lilith: A scotch, Sam. And whatever my Neanderthal husband will have.
Sam: You two fighting?
Frasier: No, on the contrary, Sam, I insist that she call me that.
Lilith: Frasier's been captivated by a new theory of masculinity which suggests within each man is a hidden primal beast, softened by years of civilization and sensitivity. He saw it on Sally Jesse.
Frasier: Yes, and they got a really cool name for this beast. It's called the "Inner Hairy Man."
Lilith: Or in your case, dear, "The Receding Hairy Man."

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: She thinks it's all very childish.
Lilith: No, I don't. Oh, tell your little friends all about your big field trip.
Frasier: Primal journey, Lilith. You see, I'm just gonna get into my car and go. Out on the open road. I'm taking a week off. I'm gonna get in touch with my hidden beast.
Sam: Ah, good luck.
Frasier: Thanks, Sam. You know, actually I was gonna invite you to join me. You see, I get a little nervous when I drive at night.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Yeah, a road trip to Disneyland. Sounds fun. You want to join us, Norm?
Frasier: Well... [stammers] I'm sure you two gentlemen have something to do.
Cliff: Oh, no problemo. I got a couple of weeks vacation coming up.
Frasier: Really?
Cliff: Oh, yeah, my supervisor reminds me daily.

Quote from Norm

Cliff: What do you say, Norm? Huh? The four of us tooling down old mother road, getting in touch with the old hairy man-mobile, huh?
Norm: I don't know. I don't think I could handle sitting still for six hours a day.
Cliff: Well, yeah, it'd be more like ten.
Norm: Oh, then I'm in.

Quote from Cliff

Sam: Boy, I'll never forget, when I was 19, Buck, my best friend. He was a teammate of mine in the minors. He and l, uh, hitchhiked all across Route 66. Boy, best time of my life.
Cliff: Yeah?
Norm: Do they still have the place where the Cadillacs are sticking up out of the ground?
Cliff: Oh, yeah, Cadillac Ranch, in Merrimac Caverns.
Norm: All right.
Cliff: Yeah, once I lost a Hopalong Cassidy watch there when I was ten. Yeah, it just slipped right off my wrist. Yeah, you wouldn't believe it, but as a youth, I had very fine-boned wrists. I can't tell you how many people mistook me for royalty.

Quote from Norm

Norm: What you reading there, Fras?
Frasier: Oh, uh It's called Iron John. It's a best-seller about getting in touch with one's masculinity.
Norm: Mmm. So you're actually gonna try to read in a moving car? Doesn't that make you sick?
Frasier: No.
Norm: I always get sick when I read in a car. The car bounces around, you know, your eyes try to follow the words there. You can smell the gas fumes. Pretty soon, you start sweating and gasping for breath. [Frasier shuts his book] What's the problem?
Frasier: I'm sick.
Norm: You know, I'll bet it's from reading in the car. I'm telling you.

Quote from Rebecca

Carla: Just look at you two. You're acting like a couple of construction workers.
Rebecca: Carla's right, Lilith. I mean, we're treating men just the way we hate to be treated by them.
[Lilith throws her purse on the ground as Frankie walks by]
Lilith: Oops, I dropped my purse.
Frankie: I'll get it for you. [picks it up] Here you go.
Lilith: Thank you.
Frankie: You're welcome.
[As Frankie walks around the corner of the bar, Rebecca throws her purse in front of him. He bends down, picks it up and hands it to her.]
Rebecca: Thank you again.
Frankie: You're welcome.
[As four women sitting along the bar all drop their purses in front of Frankie's path, Lilith and Rebecca high-five]

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: [answers phone] Hello? Hello?
Norm: If it's Vera, I'm not here.
Frasier: Yes, this is Frasier Crane. Oh, thank God somebody called. The batteries are getting sort of low. Look, I don't have much time. Excuse me? Y- Yes, I understand the Democratic party's in trouble, and I'd love to contribute, but I'm in a little trouble myself right now. Oh, damn! The batteries are dead!

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