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‘The Cape Cad’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: The Cape Cad

502. The Cape Cad

Aired October 2, 1986

After rejecting Sam's proposal and seeing the offer rescinded, Diane returns to Cheers and hopes to win him back. As Sam tries to get his mind off Diane with a romantic trip to Cape Cod, she gatecrashes his weekend break.

Quote from Norm

Cliff: Boy, Carla, you know, I never thought you'd be able to unload all those kittens in one night.
Carla: Yeah, it was just a simple matter of marketing technique, you know. Giving away a beer with each kitten really did the trick.
[Norm comes out of the backroom with a beer in his hand and a litter of cats in his arms and pockets]
Norm: Here, Toots, time for your first cab ride. You know you guys are really gonna love Vera. She has legs just like a scratching post.

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Quote from Carla

Carla: Hi, everybody. [dejectedly:] Hi, Diane. Welcome back.
Diane: Carla, you don't seem surprised that I'm working here.
Carla: I knew you'd return. Your kind always does. Like roaches after atomic testing.
Diane: Well, I must say I'm relieved to see you act this way. I was expecting something a little more violent.
Carla: No. I'm glad you're back. You see, I got this theory. If you and Sam hang around each other long enough, one of you is going to kill the other. Now, if Sam kills you, fine. If you kill Sam, I'll turn you in, get a reward, and you'll get the chair. [imitates electrical crackling] Either way I come up a winner.
Diane: I think we're becoming friends. Let's have a slumber party sometime.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Sam, two nights ago on the boat, you demonstrated in no uncertain terms that you and I are inevitable. You said those words I had hoped to hear for so long, "Will you marry me?" Before thinking, I responded no. But then I realized all I needed was some time alone to clear my mind. Now I have returned to you with a resounding "yes." Say, Sam, I don't like it any more than you do, but I've decided to accept it. Therefore, I am going to work here so that when you finally accept it, as we both know you will, we can move forward to build and nurture our relationship. Excuse me. I have customers to wait on.
Sam: No, you- Listen, listen, l, I don't want you here. I don't want you in the building. I don't want you on this planet.
Diane: He's crazy about me.
Sam: No, I'm not crazy about her. You make me sick to my stomach. That's how I am about her.
Diane: We have kind of a little thing going. Now, what would you like? I'm sorry. This isn't my table.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Fine. I couldn't care less. I'll just continue on, secure in the knowledge that you love me.
Sam: I did- I did not say I loved you.
Diane: You proposed to me. Love and marriage go together. Why else would you propose to someone? Nevertheless do what you will, but keep in mind that you might try to sabotage this tryst of yours because deep in your heart, you know it's not right. We are.
Sam: Oh, yeah, I see what you're doing here. You're trying to plant a little seed in my brain.
Diane: Oh, don't be silly. I know of nothing that grows in solid rock.

Quote from Woody

Sam: Whew, do you believe that? She canceled on me.
Woody: Women. Reminds me of what my Uncle Henry used to say.
Norm: Oh, yeah? What was that, Woody?
Woody: Women.

Quote from Diane

Sam: What the hell are you doing here?
Diane: Mm, you know, all your talk of a lovely weekend at the Cape made me realize how much I needed to get away myself. It's just the most incredible coincidence that we ended up at the same place.
Sam: I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to rattle me, but the joke's on you, because I'm better under pressure. I don't rattle.
Diane: Only when you shake your head.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Sam, what I said before about our relationship, I'm... I'm sorry I said it. I was upset. It may not be ideal, but it hasn't been without its moments.
Sam: Speaking of moments, this, uh, is beginning to feel like one here.
Diane: Yes, I think I've decided what I want, and it's not on the menu.
Sam: Oh, you want to skip the main course and jump right into the "Sammy Souffle"?
Diane: I see you haven't lost your way with word.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Miss Chambers? You know I'm your friend and friends should stick together, so I'm really happy you're back.
Diane: Oh, Woody, thanks.
Woody: Well, kind of happy, 'cause Sam's my friend, too. So I can't be too happy or else he'll can me, which will make me really sad. And I know you, as my friend, wouldn't be happy about that. So, whatever you do, don't tell Sam what I just told you.
Diane: What did you just tell me?
Woody: Perfect.

Quote from Carla

Woody: Hey, there's a kitty-cat in here.
Carla: A guy gave 'em to me on the way in this morning. You know my kids have been giving me a lot of crap about not having any pets, so I figure Max here ought to shut 'em up for a while.
Woody: Well, what do you call the little one?
Carla: What little one? You know, all that wheat's making you hallucinate. Oh, great, she's having babies! There's another one! You're a farmboy. What are you supposed to do to stop this?
Woody: Well, it's too late to go to the drugstore.
Carla: I swear, I swear, this cat was not pregnant when I got it. The minute it becomes a Tortelli, it starts dropping 'em like...

Quote from Sam

Diane: I don't want to get caught up in a war of words with you. What I'm feeling right now is very special, and I think we should go upstairs and be with each other and figure out what it means afterwards. Let's go.
Sam: No.
Diane: What?
Sam: I- I gotta be clear what I'm doing here. I mean, my gut's telling me one thing, but my, my head's telling me something quite different.
Diane: I don't believe what I'm hearing. [Sam chuckles] Oh!
Sam: Gotcha. [laughs]
Diane: You were joking?
Sam: [laughs] Yeah. How's it feel? I mean, how do you like it when you get your motor all revved up and then someone jerks the rug out from under you?
Diane: Well, mixed metaphors aside, I don't like it a bit.
Sam: Yeah.
Diane: But your point is well taken, and I deserved that.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Sam, what do you think of Vivaldi at the ceremony?
Sam: You can invite anybody you want. I don't care. I'm not going to be- As a matter of fact, nobody's going to be there 'cause there's not going to be a wedding, but if you want to work here, that's fine. You got my blessings.
Diane: I'm glad you've come around to see the wisdom of it.
Sam: Oh, there's wisdom in it. There's tons of wisdom. Let me tell you why. I want you to have a front-row seat here for all the luscious babes I'm going to have marching through here every night. As a matter of fact, from now on, it's casaba city, and you're looking at the mayor.
Diane: You'll pardon me if I don't refer to you as "Your Honor."
Sam: You know, I'm going down to the Cape this weekend for a little R&R. That's Rhonda and room service. [all hooting]
Diane: I love the Cape. We spent so many happy hours there. Sightseeing, talking...
Sam: Yeah, well, Rhonda and I aren't going to have any time for sightseeing. We're going to be just coming up for air long enough to order some of that fish head soup.
Diane: Bouillabaisse.
Sam: No, I mean it.

Quote from Sam

Sam: [on the phone] Oh, hey, Rhonda. I was just talking about you. Oh, oh, no, don't do this to me. Well can't you be born again on Monday?

Quote from Sam

Cliff: Hey, uh, Sammy, don't let Diane hear about Rhonda. She'll load that info into her shotgun and take aim, huh?
Sam: Yeah, no one is going to ruin Sam Malone's weekend, no matter what Diane says. [dials the phone] Yeah, hello, Vicki? Yeah, it's Sam Malone. Yeah, yeah, listen, uh, how, how does the idea of, uh, 48 hours of sun and surf up at the Cape grab ya? Oh, yeah? Well, if that grabs ya, how's the idea of me grabbing you grab you? Yeah, all right. All right. Yeah, me, too. Okay, l, I'll see ya in about two hours then, Vicki. All right. Bye-bye. [hangs up]
Cliff: Yeah.
Diane: I thought her name was Rhonda.
Sam: Well, uh... Rhonda canceled. But that's good. That's good because I like, I like Vicki better than Rhonda. As a matter of fact, I kind of hope that, that Vicki cancels because I have somebody even better waiting in the wings.
Diane: I know. Me.
Sam: No, no, not you.

Quote from Sam

Waiter: Have you decided?
Sam: What'll you have?
Vicki: Ah, what's the Catch of the Day?
Sam: You mean besides me? [laughs] Ah, this is great. Isn't this great? We're having fun, right.

Quote from Diane

Sam: You know, someone tried to convince me that this weekend was going to be a total disaster.
Vicki: Really? Who?
Sam: That person right there!
Diane: Sam!

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