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‘Love Is a Really, Really, Perfectly Okay Thing’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Love Is a Really, Really, Perfectly Okay Thing

901. Love Is a Really, Really, Perfectly Okay Thing

Aired September 20, 1990

After Robin decides not to run from the law and returns to Boston, he walks in on Rebecca in the office with Sam. Meanwhile, Sam decorates Cheers the way it used to be now he's the owner once again.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Well, fellows, that's the bell announcing Clavin's midmorning brain twister.
Carla: Oh, you going to get up and try to walk again?
Frasier: Is this going to be along the same lines as yesterday's little pearl? If the Lennon Sisters, the Maguire Sisters and the Andrew Sisters all came to a four-way stop, which would have the right-of-way?
Cliff: No, no, no, no. This one is, uh, based on historical fact. Now listen up. How would the Civil War have changed if Lincoln had had octopus tentacles instead of a beard?
Frasier: For God's sake, Cliff. There is no practical answer to that question.
Norm: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Now we can assume that the Gettysburg Address would have been written on the back of eight envelopes.
Cliff: Very good. Very good answer, Normie.
Woody: Also, he could have disarmed John Wilkes Booth and still applauded the play.
Cliff: Now, in a related query, what if Herbert Hoover was able to expand his face like a blowfish?

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Quote from Sam

Sam: I don't know. It's, like, maybe I was looking forward to it too much, you know? Like when you're really excited about a new movie. Like The Bad News Bears. Remember that? For weeks, people kept coming up and telling me what a great movie it was. But when I finally went to see it...
Rebecca: So it wasn't that great.
Sam: No, it's just Tatum O'Neal throwing a ball around.
Rebecca: Not that.
Sam: Oh, you mean us? I told you really, it was fine, honey.
Rebecca: Fine?! But it was a letdown, like The Bad News Bears.
Sam: No, it was... [sputters] much better than The Bad News Bears.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Sam, we have been friends for too long to let it end this way. And I just came back to say that I'm sorry I ran out earlier in a huff. And that I knew you weren't coming on to me, and that when you said I wasn't good, that it wasn't just some trick to get me back into bed, it was because you were being honest, because I am a lousy lover.
Sam: No, sweetheart, you're not lou-
Rebecca: No, Sam, it's all right. It's not like I haven't heard it before. I have to learn to accept it. You know, some people are bad at math. Some people can't skip.
Sam: No, no-
Rebecca: You're a fantastic lover. I am a dud and I know it. Robin just didn't realize it because he's English.

Quote from Norm

Sam: Hey, Woody. It says here that you and Carla haven't had a raise for over two years.
Woody: That's right, Sam. I guess that's why I been so darn moody lately.
Sam: Well, that's one of the things that's gonna change around here. Starting tomorrow, you guys get a $20-a-week raise.
Woody: Wow, thanks.
Sam: Another thing here, while I'm at it, to celebrate the new management, I am wiping out everybody's bar tab.
Norm: Sam Malone, I am not a man for mushy sentiment, but I want you to know something - if you ever need a liver donor, I've got one like yea big.

Quote from Norm

Bartender: Man, how about all that stuff that's going on over at Cheers?
Man: What's that?
Bartender: You don't know about that? Well, Rebecca, the babe who runs the place, you know she's been dating Robin Colcord, the multimillionaire.
Man: Uh-huh.
Bartender: Well, he tried to pull a hostile takeover of her corporation and she was implicated in the deal. So the corporation dumped her. Guess who ended up owning Cheers. Sam Malone.
Man: You're kidding.
Bartender: Wait, you haven't heard the best part. Now, Colcord skipped the country, so Rebecca's ended up having to take a waitress job at Cheers.
Man: Wow. Where do you get this stuff, anyway?
Bartender: I got my sources. Another round on the house, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Thank you very much.

Quote from Carla

Robin: Well, my attorney's spoken to the prosecutor and I... I have to go.
Rebecca: Can't we at least wait till morning?
Robin: Well, my attorney says that if I turn myself in now, I can avoid a media circus. Do you have any idea what these sleazy tabloids would pay for a picture of Robin Colcord the fugitive?
[As Robin opens the door to the bar, Carla is standing there with a camera. Rebecca gasps as Carla takes a Polaroid.]
Carla: Okay, let's try another one. Only, this time, look a little bit more guilty.
Robin: Guilty?!

Quote from Norm

Sam: What do you guys think, huh? I'm finished.
Norm: With, uh, with what, Sam?
Sam: With putting my old stuff back on the wall.
Norm: It was gone?
Sam: Yeah, it was gone. Three years gone, man. Rebecca had her stuff up there.
Norm: Ah.
Sam: Are you so taken with your own lives you don't notice the changes going on around here?
Norm: Sammy, we notice the important things, all right? By the way, is Diane coming in today? [off Sam's look] Hey. [laughs]

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Sammy, I just realized, I forgot to call Ma and tell her the good news. You know how she loves you. Boy, she's gonna be tickled pink when she hears you got the bar back. [on the phone] Hello, Ma! Guess who the new owner of Cheers is. No, it's not me, it's, uh, it's Sam. Well, I'm, uh, still a mailman, Ma. Well, I know you had high hopes for me, Ma, but I couldn't finish college and that's all there is to it. [hangs up] She was thrilled.

Quote from Woody

Woody: So, what's new, Miss Howe?
Rebecca: I just got back from visiting Robin in jail. They're not going to let him out on bail since he jumped bond earlier. They're gonna charge him a huge penalty, even if he pleads guilty. I don't think they're gonna give that poor guy any breaks at all.
Woody: I got a raise.
Rebecca: You deserve it, Woody. [walks away]
Woody: I deserved it two years ago. Who was the boss then? Let me think.

Quote from Carla

Rebecca: What were you guys talking about?
Frasier: Former presidents with fish parts in their faces.
Rebecca: Come on. Do you really expect me to believe you were talking about something that stupid?
Carla: Where have you been all these years? Hello!

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Maybe I was a little off. I don't you know? I mean, I knew that I'd been depressed and I'd been crying for a couple of days and... Wait a minute.
Sam: What?
Rebecca: I know what you're doing. You are trying to convince me that I was not good in bed, so I will go to bed with you again to prove how good I can be.
Sam: I swear to you, Rebecca-
Rebecca: No, wait a minute. We did it once and that's all we're gonna do it. And no matter how much we might want it and no matter how great it was for both of us, we're never doing it again.
Sam: Fine.
Rebecca: I mean it, never again.
Sam: Gotcha.
Rebecca: You should listen to me, there is no more.
Sam: I hear you and I agree with you. It was a terrific moment that you and I had together, but the truth is, you know, I can see that you love Robin and Robin loves you, so, truthfully, I'm liberated. I feel, I feel good. But I just hope we can, you know, remain friends.
Rebecca: Oh, get your mind out of your pants.

Quote from Woody

Sam: Hey, wait-wait-wait! Come back here. I wasn't trying to do anything there.
Rebecca: Oh, stop caressing me. I have had it with this constant sexual harassment! I am quitting this job and I'm never coming back here.
Woody: Me too, man. 20 lousy bucks after two years. Man, I'm out of here. Wait up, Miss Howe, wait up-
Sam: Woody, that was a personal thing between me and Rebecca. It had nothing to do with your raise.
Woody: Well, still, 20 lousy bucks...
Sam: Well, that's fine, 25. Now, let's get back to work. Come on.
Woody: Hey, keep your hands off.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Oh, man. This is terrible.
Frasier: What?
Carla: Sammy finally struck out for real.
Frasier: Ooh. [customers muttering, murmuring]
Sam: What are you talking about here?
Carla: We all knew that it was taking a long time, but we thought that, eventually, you two would be doing the horizontal hokeypokey.
Norm: But I guess that's it, huh? Lower the flag.
Carla: The end of an era. First, the Communist bloc crumbles, and now Sammy's studhood.

Quote from Sam

Sam: What I can't figure out is why, why I don't want to tell any of my friends. No, that's not true. I- I do want to, but I can't. Why? That's- That's- You know, maybe it was such a letdown that I didn't feel like bragging about it. Or maybe it was not a letdown and I was just ticked that she dumped me as soon as her boyfriend walked in. Or maybe she's right and I'm just trying to get her in the sack again. I don't know. God! I- I just l- l'm just a simple guy trying to deal with this complex problem. Or maybe maybe I'm a complex guy trying to deal with a simple problem, I don't know. What do you think, Father?
Father Barry: Am I to understand that you had relations with a woman who is not your wife?
Sam: Yes. That's, uh... That's correct, Father. Uh, what do I need to do?
Father Barry: Say three Hail Marys, four Our Fathers, and nine rosaries.
Sam: Thank you, Father. Nine rosaries? That's a lot.
Father Barry: We're cracking down!

Quote from Carla

Sam: You mean that I- l have to do that for each one of these beads?
Carla: Hey, it's not a religion for wusses.

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