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‘Showdown, Part 2’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Showdown, Part 2

122. Showdown, Part 2

Aired March 24, 1983

Before leaving Cheers to be with his brother, Diane gives Sam one last chance to tell her how he feels about her.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Maybe I can still catch him.
Sam: Fine. And while you're up there floating around, remember the day I said this: you are the nuttiest, the stupidest, the phoniest fruitcake I ever met.
Diane: You, Sam Malone, are the most arrogant, self-centered-
Sam: Shut up! Shut your fat mouth.
Diane: Make me.
Sam: Make you? My God, I'm gonna... I'm gonna bounce you off every wall in this office.
Diane: Try it, and you'll be walking funny tomorrow. Or should I say funnier?
Sam: You know... You know, I always wanted to pop you one. Maybe this is my lucky day, huh?
Diane: You disgust me. I hate you.
Sam: Are you as turned on as I am?
Diane: More. [they kiss]

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Quote from Coach

Norm: What's wrong, Coach?
Coach: Oh, I didn't get the job in Venezuela. They hired another guy.
Cliff: Oh, jeez, what's the matter? They didn't like your Spanish?
Coach: No, no, the Spanish was fine. They didn't like my English.
Cliff: See, that's too bad, Coach. Sorry.
Coach: Well, que so what, so what.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Diane, do you mind if I say something?
Diane: Of course not, Norman.
Norm: Sometimes a man and a woman are so afraid of being vulnerable to rejection that neither one of them will take the first step of admitting their true feelings.
Diane: Norman, that's beautiful.
Norm: I do have a romantic side, Diane. I know I make a lot of jokes about Vera, but the truth is if that woman ever packed her bags and left me, I don't know what I'd do... first.

Quote from Coach

Carla: Coach. Coach, what did you do that for? That was our chance to get rid of her once and for all. Are you crazy?
Coach: Crazy, Carla? [taps his head] Crazy like a doorknob.

Quote from Coach

Cliff: Well, well, well, Coach, it's just clear we've reached a philosophical impasse here. You know, much like the question of the tree falling in the woods.
Coach: The what?
Cliff: The tree falling in the woods.
Coach: Oh.
Cliff: The question is, if a tree falls in the woods and there's nobody there to hear it, does it make a sound?
Coach: Well, if there's nobody there, how do you know it fell?
Cliff: Well, Coach, we assume that it fell.
Coach: But you don't know.
Cliff: OK, I went into the woods yesterday and saw the tree lying on the ground.
Coach: Well, a bunch of beavers could have chewed on it and then gently lowered it to the ground.
Cliff: Well, you got me there on that one, Coach. How about another beer?
Coach: I'm telling you, Cliff, you surprise me. You're not prepared at all tonight.
Cliff: Yeah, well, I fell asleep while going over my notes preparing for our conversation, today, Coach.
Coach: Oh, you do that too, huh?

Quote from Sam

Diane: Trap you? I'm the best thing to happen to you and you're too stupid to realize it.
Sam: Are you kidding me? You are the worst thing that happened to me. Before you came here, I was a happy man.
Diane: You honestly believe you were happier before you met me than you are now?
Sam: Hell, yes. How do you think it feels to be attracted to someone that makes you sick?
Diane: I could write a book on the subject.
Sam: You can't shut up long enough to write a check. You know, as a matter of fact, you can't shut up at all.
Diane: You are trying to change the subject.
Sam: No, no. The subject is, you can't shut up long enough to kiss me. Yeah, to save your life, I bet you couldn't shut up for 30 seconds. Make it ten.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm.
Coach: How you doing, Norm?
Norm: Coach, I'm on top of the world. Which is a dismal spot in Greenland somewhere.

Quote from Norm

Paul: How's your new job coming, Norm?
Norm: Don't bring that up. I am no longer in the employ of Goldstein, Borman and Kawakami.
Sam: What happened?
Norm: I discovered that so-called medical corporation was a polite term for a den of thieves. They're in the business of cheating on taxes.
Cliff: Oh, yeah, so you resigned in protest, huh?
Norm: Well, I took a long lunch and they canned me.
Sam: The last angry man.
Norm: Damn right, I'm angry, Sammy. Those are rich people cheating on taxes. And who has to foot the bill? Honest folks. Like me and you, and all you nice people at the bar that I've listed as my dependents.

Quote from Coach

Coach: What can I get you, honey?
Diane: I'll have a soda water. You know what, Coach, you never take a day off.
Coach: No, Thursday's my day off.
Diane: You work every Thursday.
Coach: Yeah, but I go a little slower, you know.

Quote from Coach

Diane: Coach, let me ask you a question.
Coach: Diane, you're asking a guy who's taken a lot of fast balls in the head. Are you sure you want to ask the question?
Diane: Coach, do you think I'm a smart person?
Coach: You're the smartest person I ever met.
Coach: Well, l, Diane Chambers, bred and educated to walk with kings, once offered a full scholarship at the Sorbonne, have allowed myself to become attracted to a six-foot-three-inch bubble-gum card.
Coach: Well, gee, I think I can help you with the sore buns, Diane, but... the rest of what you say is all over my head.
Diane: Coach, I'm making a confession here. Not just to you, but to myself. Maybe I'll feel better after I say this. I... I...
Coach: I got it. You're hot for Sam's chili?
Diane: I think Keats would have said it differently, but I'll accept that.

Quote from Coach

Coach: Look, Diane, if you like Sam at all, I don't understand what the problem is here.
Diane: Derek's making a commitment. All I ever get from Sam is adolescent flirtation. I'm not sticking around for that. If he'd give me something, anything, I'd stay.
Coach: Diane. Diane, you don't understand Sam. Sam's the kind of a guy, you know, he keeps his feelings to himself. I mean, the more- The more he cares about something, the less he shows it. I mean, I've been with him through his divorce, through his boozing, through the end of his career. And let me tell you something, the tougher things got, I mean, the cooler he got. You know something, it's a damn sure bet that if he's not expressing himself to you, he's nuts about you. Or he couldn't care less.

Quote from Cliff

Carla: You know, I am sick of hearing about her. Ever since Lady Dye-job arrived, she gets all the attention. I mean, nobody cares about me. Nobody asks what Carla's doing any more.
Cliff: Oh, Carla. Come on, now. Be fair. We weren't that interested in your life before she got here.

Quote from Cliff

Diane: Well, I guess I have no choice but to force the issue. Where's Sam?
Coach: He's in the office, honey.
Diane: I'll tell him I'm going away with his brother and see what he does. If, for the first time in his life, he's honest and doesn't hide behind that tough jock facade, I'll stay. But if he does one of his light, gratuitous jokes, I'm leaving. I swear it.
Cliff: Whoa, wait a minute, Diane. Diane. Hold on. I mean, you're putting your whole future on the line in this one moment, here. You're letting your whole life turn on this one response?
Diane: You're right.
Cliff: Can it wait till I go to the head?
Diane: No.
Cliff: I'll hear about it.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Goodbye, everyone. I'm leaving now. I'll miss you all very much.
Carla: Bye, Diane.
All: Bye-bye.
[As Carla opens the door for Diane, she turns back and barges into Sam's office.]
Sam: Sorry, honey, I'm not interviewing till Monday.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Get this straight. I'm going away with him.
Sam: Good. Have fun.
Diane: This could lead to marriage, you know. Probably will. Probably nothing. Will lead to marriage.
Sam: Great.
Diane: We'll be Diane and Derek Malone. We'll buy a spread somewhere and call it the Double-D.
Sam: It'll make a nice brand.
Diane: Children. We'll have blonde, blue-eyed children everywhere.
Sam: Have them brush after every meal.
Diane: I'll be your sister-in-law. You'll come over for dinner and say, "She sets a good table and she keeps herself up."
Sam: Had to say something. You just fed me.
Diane: I'll send you Christmas cards every year. "To a wonderful brother at Christmas."
Sam: It'll be nice to be remembered on the holidays.
Diane: The cards will have pictures of us. Derek and l, the kids, the dogs.
Sam: The blonde ones will be the kids?
Diane: This is all right with you?
Sam: If you're happy.
Diane: I'm ecstatic. Goodbye.
Sam: See you at the wedding. Do I get to kiss the bride?
Diane: I think you know what you can kiss.

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