Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Baby Balk’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Baby Balk

1001. Baby Balk

Aired September 19, 1991

After deciding they want to be parents, Sam and Rebecca get away from the bar to try conceive.

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: [on the phone] I'm sorry. Please continue.
Rebecca: You know, Sam and I are trying to have a baby. All right, tonight when we were... Just when things got all you know, heated and involved, well he left for no apparent reason. I mean I don't think Sam was turned on.
Lilith: Oh, my God. The seventh sign.


Quote from Lilith

Carla: Phone call for you, Chalk Face.
Lilith: Thank you... Velcro Top. I've been waiting to use that.

Quote from Carla

Sam: Hey, uh why don't you have the, uh, smokers sitting in the smoking section?
Woody: Oh, of course. Where's my head?
Carla: Probably in the pumpkin patch wondering when the mix-up occurred.

Quote from Lilith

Rebecca: [on the phone] Lilith, what am I doing wrong? A- Am l, am I not hot enough? Am I not sexy enough?
Lilith: Actually, Rebecca, perhaps you're too sexy.
Rebecca: What do you mean? And thank you.
Lilith: Well, Sam is the type of person for whom sex has always been down and dirty. Now that he's trying to father a child, dirty sex is the furthest thing from his mind. He wants it clean.
Rebecca: So what do I do?
Lilith: Well, don't act hot and sexy, that's for sure. Just keep reminding him that he's making a baby. The evening should be sacred and holy. That'll get his engine running.
Rebecca: I got it, Lilith. Thank you so much.
Lilith: All right. [hangs up]
Frasier: Who was that on the phone, dear?
Lilith: I was just counseling Rebecca.
Frasier: And I was counseling Sam. Recreational versus procreational sex?
Lilith: Exactly. They're so lucky to have us.

Quote from Sam

Rebecca: You could've done both of us a favor if you had just told me what I was doing wrong.
Sam: No. Oh, come on, you weren't doing anything wrong. It wasn't you. It was me. I mean, I've had sex millions of times, but it's, it's never had a purpose before. Well, that's not true. It had a purpose, but, uh... It didn't it didn't have a goal. No, it had a goal. It just... It's complicated.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Quite a night, huh, Norm?
Norm: Yep.
Cliff: Yeah. I can't believe old Sammy wants to be a dad.
Norm: Yep.
Cliff: He's got to be real careful about choosing a mother. A lot of things to consider. Like, for example, how the genes match up. Yeah. Wish my parents had given that a little bit more thought. Yeah. Maybe I'd be able to jump a little higher, run a little faster. You know, there's a jumping gene in my ma. It's called the "J" gene. It's... It's recessive. You know, so, if my ma had gotten matched up with a guy with a dominant jumping gene.. You know, let's see. Like, uh, Carl Lewis. I'm telling you, Norm, it could have been a whole different playground for little Cliffie Lewis.
Norm: Cliffie, I hate to interrupt, but, uh, we're here.
Cliff: Normie, how come you always drop me off at least six blocks away from my house?
Norm: Well, this time it's a mile. Get out.

Quote from Norm

Man: [enters] Hey, everybody, guess what. My buddy just bowled a 300!
Norm: Great. Like anybody cares, huh?
Man: A round of drinks on me!
Norm: All right! Way to roll that melon, buddy!

Quote from Lilith

Man: There you go. Here you go, bud. Oh, sorry, missy.
Lilith: What for? You think I won't enjoy a cigar because I'm a woman? I'll save it for the George Sand Film Festival.
Frasier: [chuckles] You see, what you don't understand is that my wife just made a a very funny literary reference to a woman that used to dress as a man, and lived in France.
Man: Was he a bowler?
Frasier: Sure. What the hell.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Sammy, we have a smoking section?
Sam: Yeah. Over by the piano.
Norm: We have a piano? [Sam points to Norm's right] Oh. I gotta turn my head more.

Quote from Woody

Sam: Woody, we're out of here. You're in charge of the bar.
Woody: Well, why bother, Sam? Whenever you put me in charge, nobody ever listens to me. I just get laughed at, and get drinks poured over my head.
Sam: If anyone does that to you, you just sic Carla on them.
Woody: I'm talking about Carla.
Sam: Oh. All right, listen up, everybody! Whenever Rebecca and I aren't in the bar, uh Woody's in charge.
[As the bar erupts in laughter, Carla pours a drink over Woody's head]
Sam: That better?
Woody: Kind of. At least it's not a margarita. Those get salt in my eyes.

Quote from Frasier

Norm: Sammy's acting kind of weird, huh?
Cliff: Yeah.
Carla: Can't you beer butts figure it out? Sam's been searching for weeks to find a perfect woman to have his baby. Obviously, he's given up and asked Rebecca.
Norm: No way. Something that big, Sammy would have told us.
Lilith: Why do you assume the rest of the world lives by your outdated code of male bonding? Do you think that every man goes around telling his buddies when he decides to sire an offspring?
Norm: Frasier did.
Frasier: Anyhoo...

Quote from Sam

Frasier: Sam, your whole life, has been a string of meaningless, albeit enjoyable, sexual encounters. Now, for the first time, you're engaging in a meaningful, productive pursuit... See, it's a common conflict between what we call recreational sex and procreational sex.
Sam: What?
Frasier: Well, dirty sex and clean sex.
Sam: Oh.
Frasier: Now, it is this conflict that is making you unable to function.
Sam: Oh. Oh, yeah. That's good. All right. Wow. For a minute there, I thought maybe there was something wrong with the seal on my microwave.

Quote from Rebecca

Sam: Honey? Oh, thank God you're still here. I'm sorry I ran out like that.
Rebecca: Sam, don't say another word. Everything's going to be just fine. [they kiss]
Sam: Oh, yeah. Oh, this is hot.
Rebecca: Mmm. With heat like this, you'll fertilize my egg in no time.
Sam: Yeah, uh... Anyway, anyway, uh... Just... Why, I tell you, you are looking so sexy tonight.
Rebecca: Yeah, I'm about to grow your child inside my womb.
Sam: Hotcha, hotcha, hotcha.
Rebecca: And then I'll give birth to a new life, and you'll be there to cut that cord.
Sam: Are you gonna be talking like this all night?
Rebecca: You... You ain't heard nothing yet, O, giver of life.
Sam: Giver. Excuse. Excuse me just a second. Hang on.
Rebecca: [o.s.] What's going on in there Daddy?
Sam: Uh, I'll be right out, Mommy. Uh, I mean Mama.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: I'm going to be a mommy! I'm going to be a mommy!
Sam: Rebecca, honey? Honey?
Rebecca: What, Sam?
Sam: Are you sure you're ready for this?
Rebecca: Well, don't I look ready?
Sam: Maybe I'm thrown off by the coatrack.
Rebecca: Oh, I hate it when I do that.

Quote from Sam

Rebecca: Well, you think we're ready, don't you? I mean, you don't think that we're rushing this, do you? Do you need a little time to think it over?
Sam: No sweetheart, sweetheart, come on, turn around. I think we're both very excited by this. You want to be a mommy, right? And I want to be a daddy. I think that the decision has been made here.
Rebecca: Sam, just give it a yank.
Sam: Ow! Ooh!
Rebecca: Are you hurt?
Sam: No, no. I'm fine.
Rebecca: Okay, what do you think? You want to give it till tomorrow?
Sam: [high voice] Please.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode