Carla: Where do you stand on breast-feeding?
Sam: As I recall, I liked it.
Carla: No. I mean me with my baby in here.
Sam: Well, Carla, I guess it's cheaper than a piano player.
Carla: Look, Sammy, I'm just tired of having to run home to feed her all the time during my shift. I should have done like I did with all my other kids.
Sam: You mean you didn't breast-feed the other four?
Carla: Nah, they went right to raw meat.

Norm: A loan application?
Cliff: That's right. It's a loan we're talking about, not a hand-out.
Norm: I don't want this kind of humiliation, all right? I mean, I wouldn't be asking for this unless I really needed it.
Cliff: All right, Norm, I gotcha. Just kidding around here.
Norm: This is gonna go a long way to pay a lot of bills. You know, I really should think of something nice for Vera, too.
Cliff: Hey, Norm, how about a candlelit dinner for two?
Norm: Great. Come on. We'll talk about Vera later.

Sam: How about doing the honors?
Coach: Sure. Fellas, this is Sam Mayday Malone. Probably the greatest relief pitcher baseball ever knew. Then he hit the bottle and he was through in less than a year. Remember that.

Mort: I'll introduce you to the kids. They're in the park right now.
Coach: Gosh, things are going so fast. Sam, I'll be back before you know I'm gone. I'l probably be back before I know I'm gone.

Coach: [answers the phone] Cheers? Carla, it's your little girl.
Carla: [takes the phone] What? The baby? Well, bring her to the phone. The baby is crying and they can't make her stop. I'll try a lullaby.
Diane: God couldn't be everywhere. That's why He created mothers.
Cliff: And postal carriers.
Carla: You got her? Now put her ear to the phone. Sweetie? Sweetie? Ssh, ssh. Okay, good girl. Now listen to Mama. [sings] Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral Too-ra-loo-ra-li Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral
Norm: [sings] hush now, don't you cry
All: [sing] Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral Too-ra-loo-ra-li Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral That's an Irish lullaby
Carla: She's asleep. [all cheer] Thank you, everybody. Thanks a lot.

Cliff: Hey, everybody, the drinks are on me. I got my raise.
Coach: Congratulations.
Cliff: Thank you. Hiya, Normie.
Norm: Congratulations, Cliff.
Cliff: Thank you. Ah, Norm. Normie, Normie, Normie. You know, I know you're a proud guy, Norm. You've been out of work a long time, and I feel I've got to at least try to share my good fortune. So, I know what your answer's gonna be to this. Would you please allow me to loan you $500?
Norm: Sure.
Cliff: Uh, I beg your pardon?
Norm: Sure. I'd love it. How soon can I get it?
Cliff: You know, Norm, my greatest fear was that you'd say no in case it hurt our relationship.
Norm: Can I get it in cash?
Cliff: Sure. Yeah, sure. I guess our friendship's pretty solid, huh? Yeah, I mean, we're the kind of guys who know what the other's gonna say before even he says it, huh? Yeah, I was wrong this time.

Mort: The coach of my kid's baseball team quit, and I figure you're a natural for the job.
Sam: Oh, boy, I'd love to, Mort, but I don't have any time around here. I spend half my life trying to keep this bar on its feet and the other half trying to keep Diane off hers.

Mort: I gotta find somebody. This is a good team. We've got a chance of winning the pennant.
Sam: Wait a second. Does anyone wanna manage the team here?
Coach: Sam, wanna hear a crazy idea? What about me?
Sam: Well, Coach, that's not crazy. That's a great idea.
Coach: Well, I knew it was either one or the other.

Diane: Hey, now, there's a fun guy.
Sam: Well, he's not having the fun you're talking about, laughing and giggling and running barefoot through fields. That's woman's fun.
Diane: Woman's fun.
Sam: Yeah. Coach is having men's fun. I mean, he's active, he's working hard, he's getting the job done.
Diane: Do you believe anything you're saying?
Sam: No, I'm lying, but that's another men's fun thing to do.

Diane: Sam, I just got a real strong feeling.
Sam: Carla, watch the bar.
Diane: No. I mean about this idea that Coach will manage the team. I sense disaster.
Sam: Come on. What are you talking about? I mean, the guy's home life is a can of spaghettiOs and re-runs of Baretta. This will be good for him. I mean, every guy needs a hobby, right?
Norm: I wish I had time for one.
Cliff: Norm, you've got time to make your own coal.