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‘Manager Coach’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Manager Coach

208. Manager Coach

Aired November 24, 1983

Coach shows a different side to his personality when he is made manager of a Little League team.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Where do you stand on breast-feeding?
Sam: As I recall, I liked it.
Carla: No. I mean me with my baby in here.
Sam: Well, Carla, I guess it's cheaper than a piano player.
Carla: Look, Sammy, I'm just tired of having to run home to feed her all the time during my shift. I should have done like I did with all my other kids.
Sam: You mean you didn't breast-feed the other four?
Carla: Nah, they went right to raw meat.

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Quote from Norm

Norm: A loan application?
Cliff: That's right. It's a loan we're talking about, not a hand-out.
Norm: I don't want this kind of humiliation, all right? I mean, I wouldn't be asking for this unless I really needed it.
Cliff: All right, Norm, I gotcha. Just kidding around here.
Norm: This is gonna go a long way to pay a lot of bills. You know, I really should think of something nice for Vera, too.
Cliff: Hey, Norm, how about a candlelit dinner for two?
Norm: Great. Come on. We'll talk about Vera later.

Quote from Coach

Sam: How about doing the honors?
Coach: Sure. Fellas, this is Sam Mayday Malone. Probably the greatest relief pitcher baseball ever knew. Then he hit the bottle and he was through in less than a year. Remember that.

Quote from Coach

Mort: I'll introduce you to the kids. They're in the park right now.
Coach: Gosh, things are going so fast. Sam, I'll be back before you know I'm gone. I'l probably be back before I know I'm gone.

Quote from Carla

Coach: [answers the phone] Cheers? Carla, it's your little girl.
Carla: [takes the phone] What? The baby? Well, bring her to the phone. The baby is crying and they can't make her stop. I'll try a lullaby.
Diane: God couldn't be everywhere. That's why He created mothers.
Cliff: And postal carriers.
Carla: You got her? Now put her ear to the phone. Sweetie? Sweetie? Ssh, ssh. Okay, good girl. Now listen to Mama. [sings] Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral Too-ra-loo-ra-li Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral
Norm: [sings] hush now, don't you cry
All: [sing] Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral Too-ra-loo-ra-li Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral That's an Irish lullaby
Carla: She's asleep. [all cheer] Thank you, everybody. Thanks a lot.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Hey, everybody, the drinks are on me. I got my raise.
Coach: Congratulations.
Cliff: Thank you. Hiya, Normie.
Norm: Congratulations, Cliff.
Cliff: Thank you. Ah, Norm. Normie, Normie, Normie. You know, I know you're a proud guy, Norm. You've been out of work a long time, and I feel I've got to at least try to share my good fortune. So, I know what your answer's gonna be to this. Would you please allow me to loan you $500?
Norm: Sure.
Cliff: Uh, I beg your pardon?
Norm: Sure. I'd love it. How soon can I get it?
Cliff: You know, Norm, my greatest fear was that you'd say no in case it hurt our relationship.
Norm: Can I get it in cash?
Cliff: Sure. Yeah, sure. I guess our friendship's pretty solid, huh? Yeah, I mean, we're the kind of guys who know what the other's gonna say before even he says it, huh? Yeah, I was wrong this time.

Quote from Sam

Mort: The coach of my kid's baseball team quit, and I figure you're a natural for the job.
Sam: Oh, boy, I'd love to, Mort, but I don't have any time around here. I spend half my life trying to keep this bar on its feet and the other half trying to keep Diane off hers.

Quote from Coach

Mort: I gotta find somebody. This is a good team. We've got a chance of winning the pennant.
Sam: Wait a second. Does anyone wanna manage the team here?
Coach: Sam, wanna hear a crazy idea? What about me?
Sam: Well, Coach, that's not crazy. That's a great idea.
Coach: Well, I knew it was either one or the other.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Hey, now, there's a fun guy.
Sam: Well, he's not having the fun you're talking about, laughing and giggling and running barefoot through fields. That's woman's fun.
Diane: Woman's fun.
Sam: Yeah. Coach is having men's fun. I mean, he's active, he's working hard, he's getting the job done.
Diane: Do you believe anything you're saying?
Sam: No, I'm lying, but that's another men's fun thing to do.

Quote from Cliff

Diane: Sam, I just got a real strong feeling.
Sam: Carla, watch the bar.
Diane: No. I mean about this idea that Coach will manage the team. I sense disaster.
Sam: Come on. What are you talking about? I mean, the guy's home life is a can of spaghettiOs and re-runs of Baretta. This will be good for him. I mean, every guy needs a hobby, right?
Norm: I wish I had time for one.
Cliff: Norm, you've got time to make your own coal.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Sam, this is serious. Everybody knows that there can be a lot of pressure in children's baseball. The parents take it very seriously. Oh, I'm afraid they'll take somebody as gentle and guileless as the Coach and eat him alive.
Sam: You're kidding me. He's been in the big leagues. This is not gonna be pressure for him.
Diane: No, no. Wait a minute. He was working for somebody else. He was never the boss. I'm telling you, I can't get rid of this feeling something's wrong.
Sam: Hey, Diane, you can have your feelings, but this is... This is guy's stuff. I mean, there's a male bond that happens between men that women just don't understand. Hey, sweetheart. Sweetheart. This is part of me that is private and you're gonna have to stay away from. So hands off, no trespassing, end of discussion. Really.
Diane: Very well. And from now on, there's a part of me that's hands off to you.
Sam: Just my luck, it'll be one of the parts I care about.

Quote from Coach

Coach: Let me introduce my boys to you. This is Peewee, Moose, Juice, Goose, The Tank, The Chancellor, The Bull, The Cannonball Express, Specs, and Dynamic Duo.
Sam: So, what have you guys been working on so far, Coach?
Coach: Nicknames. But the party's over now, Sam, and we start busting some butts. I'll have these guys in shape within the week.

Quote from Coach

Diane: Oh, isn't that the way with children? Delightful melding of their innocence and your wisdom. Yes, we teach them, but they leave their impression on us. [a bespectacled boy grabs Dianne's rear] Whoa! Deviant.
Coach: Forget that, Diane. I can handle this. I got a way of communicating with kids. All right, everybody file out, except you, Specs. Let's go. Move it, move it.
Diane: [to Sam] Okay, okay, maybe this thing will be a good experience for him, huh? Yeah, he's standing a little taller, there's a light in his eye. He's like a whole new person.
Coach: Specs, you get only one chance to make a mistake on this team. Go home and tell your mother you're a flop.
Diane: A whole new person I dislike intensely.
Sam: Hey, Coach, you're gonna kick him off the team just for that one little incident?
Coach: Not that's not the only reason. He's leading the league in errors. The only thing he's had his hands on all week is Diane's keister.

Quote from Cliff

[As Norm and Cliff make baby noises over Carla's crib, she comes out of the back carrying the baby]
Carla: Who the hell are you guys talking to?
Norm: We've been talking stupid to a duck.
Cliff: Well, we kept it quiet.

Quote from Diane

Carla: She's hungry. Well, here's dinner.
Cliff: Whoa, Carla, it makes us a little uncomfortable.
Carla: OK, OK. I'll go in Sam's office.
Cliff: Thank you.
Paul: Whatever happened to modesty?
Norm: Who'd wanna look at something like that?
Andy: You guys seen Miss June?
Norm: What have we got here?
Diane: Oh, dear. Norm's in season again.

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