Frasier: I want you all to know... I'm not blaming her. It's because of me that my life is in the arms of another man.
Woody: Uh, well, you mean "wife," don't you, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: What?
Woody: You said "life." "It's because of me my life is in the arms of another man."
Cliff: Oh, that's a- That's a Freudian slip there, Woody.
Woody: What's a Freudian slip?
Cliff: Oh, that's when you say one thing when you're actually thinking about a mother.

Frasier: Just give me a minute to, uh, to brace myself. Uh, I know, I'll simply imagine the worst thing you could possibly tell me, and whatever your news is, it will pale by comparison. In fact, whatever it is, it... It'll be a relief. Okay, okay, uh... What is the worst thing I can imagine? All right, I've got it. Lilith, your news, please.
Lilith: This afternoon, in a moment of extreme weakness I cheated on you.
Frasier: That was it! That was the worst thing!
Lilith: Try to remain calm.
Frasier: How can I remain calm when you tell me you slept with another man?! You slut!

Lilith: This is a very serious matter, Frasier.
Frasier: Yes, it is serious, Lilith. However, I will refrain from indulging in cliched reactions: rage, the crying, the screaming, the hurling of epithets: Tramp, whore, slut, floozy, bitch, ad infinitum.
Lilith: You did call me slut.
Frasier: Yes, but I didn't call you a tramp, whore, floozy or bitch. I have too much respect for you even though you have been a slut.

Carla: Can you believe this guy winning 12 million bucks in the lottery? I... I mean, talk about beating the odds.
Woody: Oh, yeah, you want to talk about beating the odds, my Uncle Spence fell 20,000 feet from an airplane and hit the only pile of hay for two miles.
Norm: Jeez. He must be the luckiest man on earth.
Woody: Well, not really. He went through the propeller first.

Carla: Boy, I'll tell you, having Tiny in this bar is about the most exciting thing that's happened around here in a long time.
Rebecca: Maybe it is, and maybe it isn't.
Cliff: No, I- I think the most exciting thing, uh, contrary to your belief, Carla, was when, uh, Sammy fiddled around with the cable box and we were able to get The Playboy Channel all day long, huh?
Rebecca: Well, you know, some people who didn't know any better might think that that was interesting.
Norm: Well, how about, uh, last week when Phil told us that he did time?
Cliff: Now that was juicy.
Norm: Yeah.
Rebecca: Oh, yeah, real juicy. [scoffs] I don't think so.
Carla: What are you trying to say, Rebecca?
Rebecca: I'm trying to say that I have got major dish bottled up inside me. And it's just dying to get out. Oh, God, here it comes. I can feel it. It's coming up through my chest. I can feel it in my throat. It's...
[Rebecca fills her mouth with Fiddle Faddle, mumbles the secret, giddily covers her mouth and runs away]

Frasier: You guys are true friends to stand by me in my hour of need.
Norm: Fras, come on, we all know what you're going through.
Frasier: Oh, oh, do you, Norm? What if you found out Vera was sleeping with another man?
Norm: Yeah, right. And what if it rained beer?

Rebecca: Lilith, I don't want to hear this.
Lilith: Calm down, Rebecca. I've got enough to deal with without you going berserk on me. Yes, that was me you saw in the car, and, obviously, the man with me was not Frasier.
Rebecca: Lilith, you are having an affair!
Lilith: It isn't an affair. It was a one-time fling. I've been working side by side with this man for months, and I'm afraid our latent desires just got the better of us. It's the old story. One moment we were feeding the lab rats and the next thing we knew, we were in a hotel room. What you saw was me saying good-bye to him.
Rebecca: Well, then he must be hard of hearing. You had his ear in your mouth.

Lilith: You're still angry, aren't you?
Frasier: How can you tell?
Lilith: The fact that this park bench used to be chained to that cement block next to the statue of George Washington.
Frasier: I wanted to be alone.

Police Officer: This is the third time we've been here in two weeks, Sam. Any idea why you're having so many fights?
Sam: Yeah, yeah, ever since that biker bar closed down, we're getting these big apes coming in here. I mean, what are we supposed to do?
Man: Be grateful.
Sam: You know something, if you'd get over here when I called you, none of this would've happened. Oh, oh, look at this. Woody. Oh, man, are you all right?
Woody: Yeah, I'm okay.
Sam: See, this is exactly what I'm talking about.
Police Officer: We're gonna have to file an injury report.
Sam: You bet you are. Tell him, tell him what happened.
Woody: Well, I was downstairs getting a case of scotch, and there's that one low beam... What happened here?

Rebecca: Hey, guys. Now I know you sent me out for snack food, but I found this place called The Healthy Alternative. Now they have all your favorite munchies, only organic [Norm groans], with tofu and soy and that sort of thing. So I drove right past it, went to the grocery store, and got you a big box of Fiddle Faddle.
Norm: Hey.