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‘Teaching with the Enemy’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Cheers: Teaching with the Enemy

1106. Teaching with the Enemy

Aired November 5, 1992

When Rebecca learns some juicy gossip about Lilith, she must keep the secret until Lilith has the opportunity to tell Frasier. Meanwhile, Sam hires a bouncer at the bar.

Quote from Cliff

Frasier: I want you all to know... I'm not blaming her. It's because of me that my life is in the arms of another man.
Woody: Uh, well, you mean "wife," don't you, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: What?
Woody: You said "life." "It's because of me my life is in the arms of another man."
Cliff: Oh, that's a- That's a Freudian slip there, Woody.
Woody: What's a Freudian slip?
Cliff: Oh, that's when you say one thing when you're actually thinking about a mother.

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Quote from Woody

Carla: Can you believe this guy winning 12 million bucks in the lottery? I... I mean, talk about beating the odds.
Woody: Oh, yeah, you want to talk about beating the odds, my Uncle Spence fell 20,000 feet from an airplane and hit the only pile of hay for two miles.
Norm: Jeez. He must be the luckiest man on earth.
Woody: Well, not really. He went through the propeller first.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Just give me a minute to, uh, to brace myself. Uh, I know, I'll simply imagine the worst thing you could possibly tell me, and whatever your news is, it will pale by comparison. In fact, whatever it is, it... It'll be a relief. Okay, okay, uh... What is the worst thing I can imagine? All right, I've got it. Lilith, your news, please.
Lilith: This afternoon, in a moment of extreme weakness I cheated on you.
Frasier: That was it! That was the worst thing!
Lilith: Try to remain calm.
Frasier: How can I remain calm when you tell me you slept with another man?! You slut!

Quote from Frasier

Lilith: This is a very serious matter, Frasier.
Frasier: Yes, it is serious, Lilith. However, I will refrain from indulging in cliched reactions: rage, the crying, the screaming, the hurling of epithets: Tramp, whore, slut, floozy, bitch, ad infinitum.
Lilith: You did call me slut.
Frasier: Yes, but I didn't call you a tramp, whore, floozy or bitch. I have too much respect for you even though you have been a slut.

Quote from Rebecca

Carla: Boy, I'll tell you, having Tiny in this bar is about the most exciting thing that's happened around here in a long time.
Rebecca: Maybe it is, and maybe it isn't.
Cliff: No, I- I think the most exciting thing, uh, contrary to your belief, Carla, was when, uh, Sammy fiddled around with the cable box and we were able to get The Playboy Channel all day long, huh?
Rebecca: Well, you know, some people who didn't know any better might think that that was interesting.
Norm: Well, how about, uh, last week when Phil told us that he did time?
Cliff: Now that was juicy.
Norm: Yeah.
Rebecca: Oh, yeah, real juicy. [scoffs] I don't think so.
Carla: What are you trying to say, Rebecca?
Rebecca: I'm trying to say that I have got major dish bottled up inside me. And it's just dying to get out. Oh, God, here it comes. I can feel it. It's coming up through my chest. I can feel it in my throat. It's...
[Rebecca fills her mouth with Fiddle Faddle, mumbles the secret, giddily covers her mouth and runs away]

Quote from Norm

Frasier: You guys are true friends to stand by me in my hour of need.
Norm: Fras, come on, we all know what you're going through.
Frasier: Oh, oh, do you, Norm? What if you found out Vera was sleeping with another man?
Norm: Yeah, right. And what if it rained beer?

Quote from Lilith

Rebecca: Lilith, I don't want to hear this.
Lilith: Calm down, Rebecca. I've got enough to deal with without you going berserk on me. Yes, that was me you saw in the car, and, obviously, the man with me was not Frasier.
Rebecca: Lilith, you are having an affair!
Lilith: It isn't an affair. It was a one-time fling. I've been working side by side with this man for months, and I'm afraid our latent desires just got the better of us. It's the old story. One moment we were feeding the lab rats and the next thing we knew, we were in a hotel room. What you saw was me saying good-bye to him.
Rebecca: Well, then he must be hard of hearing. You had his ear in your mouth.

Quote from Frasier

Lilith: You're still angry, aren't you?
Frasier: How can you tell?
Lilith: The fact that this park bench used to be chained to that cement block next to the statue of George Washington.
Frasier: I wanted to be alone.

Quote from Woody

Police Officer: This is the third time we've been here in two weeks, Sam. Any idea why you're having so many fights?
Sam: Yeah, yeah, ever since that biker bar closed down, we're getting these big apes coming in here. I mean, what are we supposed to do?
Man: Be grateful.
Sam: You know something, if you'd get over here when I called you, none of this would've happened. Oh, oh, look at this. Woody. Oh, man, are you all right?
Woody: Yeah, I'm okay.
Sam: See, this is exactly what I'm talking about.
Police Officer: We're gonna have to file an injury report.
Sam: You bet you are. Tell him, tell him what happened.
Woody: Well, I was downstairs getting a case of scotch, and there's that one low beam... What happened here?

Quote from Cliff

Norm: So, Tiny, huh? [chuckles] That's a pretty funny nickname given, you know, how big you are.
Tiny: Why? You making fun of my name? You think I got a joke name? Do you think I'm some kind of joke?
Norm: Tell Vera I loved her.
Cliff: Hey, wait, ho! Excuse me here. Tiny there, my main man. Hey, uh, step into my office. I'll take care of this, Normie. You see, Tiny, uh, you know, calling you "tiny," a guy of your, you know, girth, uh, is what we in the comedy profession call a juxtaposition. Right?
Tiny: Yeah.
Cliff: Juxtaposition. See, it's, uh, calling a calling a a bald guy "Curly." Fat guy "Slim." Tall guy "Shorty."
Tiny: I like that. You're smart.
Cliff: Why, thank you.
Tiny: No, that's your new nickname. Get it? I made a joke.
Cliff: And a fine joke it is, too, sir.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Hey, guys. Now I know you sent me out for snack food, but I found this place called The Healthy Alternative. Now they have all your favorite munchies, only organic [Norm groans], with tofu and soy and that sort of thing. So I drove right past it, went to the grocery store, and got you a big box of Fiddle Faddle.
Norm: Hey.

Quote from Rebecca

Lilith: We both know it was a mistake. It will never happen again.
Rebecca: What are you gonna do now?
Lilith: Well, there's only one thing I can do. I have to tell Frasier. Now, until I find the time to tell him in my own way, you must promise me you're not going to say anything to him about this.
Rebecca: Well, how the hell am I gonna do that?
Lilith: What?
Rebecca: Because this is juicy stuff. The more I'm sitting here thinking that I should keep my mouth shut, the more I want to just go out there and blab it all over. I know that's wrong, but it's just me.
Lilith: Please, Rebecca, you'll only have to control yourself for a little while. Frasier and I are going to have dinner with another couple up at Melville's, and as soon as it's over, I'll break it to him.
Rebecca: Lilith, you have a big problem.
Lilith: Yes, I know. My entire marriage is on extremely shaky ground.
Rebecca: No, I mean you only have about an hour until I blow.

Quote from Sam

Tiny: Hi. Welcome to Cheers. You want to feel the plate in my head? I can make it move.
Young Man: No, uh, we're just looking for friends, and, uh, they're not here. So, bye.
Norm: Sammy, that's guy's making me a little nervous, okay?
Sam: What're you talking about? The guy's great. He's already stopped two fights, keeping everybody in line. Best of all, he thinks minimum wage is two dollars an hour.
Woody: Wow, you're cheating him out of 50 cents an hour?

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Here is my question. Now I had the seafood salad. You had the poached salmon. Neither of us had any appetizers. They had appetizers and soup and the lobster special, and yet we split the meal fifty-fifty. Now, am I wrong, or did we just get royally ripped?
Lilith: Frasier, we need to talk.
Frasier: You're darned right we do. I don't know if I want them as friends anymore.

Quote from Rebecca

Sam: I... I... I can't believe that.
Rebecca: I knew the whole time. I have known it for over an hour. And I didn't say a word to anybody. [singsongy] I kept a secret. I kept... Tragic, isn't it?

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