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‘Abnormal Psychology’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Abnormal Psychology

504. Abnormal Psychology

Aired October 16, 1986

Frasier is set to appear on a local psychology talk show when he learns that his opponent will be Dr. Lilith Sternin.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Well, as it turns out, you can now watch your game with a clear conscience. I won't be doing that show after all.
Diane: What changed your mind, Frasier?
Frasier: Well, Dr. Foster had to cancel, and, uh Dr. Sternin is going to take his place.
Diane: Lilith Sternin?
Cliff: You mean that-- uh, pardon my French-- woman you once dated?
Frasier: That's a rather charitable description, Cliff. Well, I just hope they can find someone to replace me as readily as they did Dr. Foster.
Carla: Can't handle debating a woman, eh?
Frasier: A woman, yes. An ice cube in heels, no! Look, I have no intention of entering a debate with those cold, gray eyes and those clever, smirking lips. I'd rather clip my nails in a Cuisinart.

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Quote from Lilith

Lilith: Good afternoon, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Dr. Sternin. What a lovely surprise.
Lilith: I hope I can regard that as civility in light of today's situation, rather than sarcasm at my expense.
Frasier: No, that was completely at your expense.
Lilith: You know, I wasn't going to do today's show when I heard you were the other guest, but then I realized I'd relish proving my superiority over you in public.
Frasier: Yes, that appeals to me, too.

Quote from Lilith

Frasier: So, am I to assume that you just naturally thought that I'd be at this drinking establishment?
Lilith: Actually, knowing your obsessive-compulsiveness, I checked with your service, and indeed, you'd left them a very complete itinerary of your day. I trust all went well at the dry cleaner's.
Frasier: Thank you, yes. And I can assume from your questioning that you're attempting to make idle conversation rather than articulating some control dysfunction with my personal habits.
Lilith: That's correct.
Norm: Are they fighting?

Quote from Frasier

Lilith: First of all, I think any mention of our past relationship could tarnish the objectivity factor of the show.
Frasier: You call that a relationship? I mean, we dated one time. The closest we came to physical contact was when you closed the car door on my hand.
Lilith: Are you repressing?
Frasier: Oh! Forgive me. Actually, you're quite right. Yes, I should be straightforward in telling you that you are passionless, stoic and emotionally numb.
Lilith: Apology accepted.
Frasier: Merci.
Woody: Yeah, I'm pretty sure they're fighting. He just asked for mercy.

Quote from Lilith

Diane: Dr. Sternin, excuse me. I overheard Dr. Crane's remarks. If it's any consolation, I can empathize with your hurt feelings. If you'd like to share any of them with me as a fellow woman, I would consider it an honor.
Lilith: Who are you?
Diane: [chuckles softly] Diane Chambers. I'm an old friend of Dr. Crane's, a student, and until my imminent marriage, an employee here at Cheers. Please, let's sit down.
Lilith: Well, I suppose I am just a little sensitive when it pertains to my appearance.
Diane: Well, if I may be so bold as to step into your arena, I believe that Frasier's hostility is masking a deep attraction to you.
Lilith: [subdued chuckling] Thank you, Diane. It's been a long time since I've had such a good laugh.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Okay, the tank's full, and the gear's all loaded. I got everything you could possibly need for a fishing trip.
Cliff: Uh, Woody, look, uh, we're right in the middle of the game, huh?
Woody: I got a battery-operated portable TV in the car.
Norm: We got a few beers to finish here yet, buddy.
Woody: I got a cooler full icing down in the trunk.
Cliff: Yup, I think the kid's outlasted us, Norm.
Woody: Hot dog! Look out, trout! [laughs] Hey, if you guys don't mind, I'll do the driving.
Norm: All right, I got shotgun.
Woody: Wouldn't it be more sporting to use a fishing pole? [laughs] Oh, this is gonna be great!

Quote from Frasier

Moderator: [on TV] You've made many excellent points, Dr. Sternin. How do you respond to them, Dr. Crane? [Frasier is silent] Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Oh, excu- What was the question? Oh, uh, yes, of course. Excuse me, uh... Yes, my method of flooding, uh, seeks out the patient's, well, most sensitive and vulnerable spot in the defense system, and, uh... penetrates... probing deeper and deeper into the patient's psyche, thrusting over and over. And thereby uncovering the reality behind the irrational fear.
Moderator: Thank you, Dr. Crane. Anything to add, Dr. Sternin?
Lilith: Yes. Uh... [clears throat] Although Dr. Crane's method is faster, a slow and methodical approach can be much more rewarding. Gentle stroking of the psyche will bring about a far more intense release of emotion building until the patient quite often will literally cry out in a release of satisfaction and joy.
Frasier: [gasping] Point well taken.

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: Good evening, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Dr. Sternin. It's, uh, nice to see you again.
Lilith: And you. I apologize for my overzealous behavior this afternoon. And for making fools of us both.
Frasier: Yes, well, I would also like to apologize for my completely unprofessional attitude, and I promise you that that sort of thing will never happen again.
Lilith: Fine. I've already penned a letter to the American Psychiatric Association apologizing for my behavior. I would suggest that you do likewise.
Frasier: Of course, of course.
Lilith: And I think perhaps for the sake of our professional reputations, it's best we put this matter behind us and go on with our lives.
Frasier: Oh. That is probably wise. You see, I've already lost three patients as a result of today's fiasco.
Lilith: That's odd. I picked up three.
Lilith: While we're on the subject, Dr. Crane, I suggest that your behavior indicates an unacceptable level of sexual frustration. You strike me as a man who needs professional help. Or perhaps a girlfriend.
Frasier: And you strike me as a woman who could use a good cuffing.

Quote from Cliff

Norm: Cliffy, it was not ten. I had 11 of 'em. 11!
Cliff: You're wrong, Normie, you're wrong, wrong, wrong.
Sam: How was the Gladiator film fest, fellas?
Cliff: Not now, Sammy. We're awash in controversy. You had ten, Norm, just like me.
Woody: Ten what?
Cliff: Anachronisms.
Woody: Huh?
Cliff: Oh, you know, those things that, uh, aren't in the time period in which the film is set. Normie and I like to see who-who gets the most.
Norm: Today it was me. 11!
Cliff: Normie, you had ten just like me. There was no way it was Caesar Augustus wearing Reeboks.

Quote from Lilith

Diane: Dr. Sternin, you're back.
Lilith: Diane, I'd like to thank you for your Pygmalion-like efforts. I'd like to, but I can't, because they led to disaster.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Oh, well, don't you see? What these two people, who are such geniuses at romance, are trying to do is to get you to take your hair down, thinking that it will stimulate me like some sort of Pavlovian dog. So, why don't you just oblige them, get this silliness over with so we can get on with our lives?
Lilith: [sighs] You mean like this?
Frasier: Precisely. You know what?
Lilith: What?
Frasier: I'm going to kiss you. I'm going to kiss you hard, and I'm going to kiss you long. But make no mistake about it, I am going to kiss you. In fact, I'm going to kiss you like you've never... [Lilith kisses Frasier] Yes, like that. Now listen, Lilith, I think you and I have just been too articulate for words. We talk and we talk, and what we really want to do is show how we feel.
Lilith: I think, Dr. Crane-
Frasier: Look, I don't care what you think! We both want to be animals. Now I'm going back to my tastefully decorated townhouse and prove it. Well, l- l suggest you come with me.
Lilith: I think I see what you're trying to do, Dr. Crane, and I just want you to know... it worked. [jumps into his arms] Let's go.

Quote from Diane

Frasier: It's on at 4:00. It promises to be very cerebral, and, uh, I might add, uh, darned entertaining.
Carla: Well, uh, unfortunately, Frasier, it interferes with another highly cerebral event. The, uh, Raiders / Patriots game.
Sam: Yeah, right.
Diane: I realize that football is a rarity on television in the fall, but don't you think we could spare half an hour to see our friend, Frasier?
Sam: Do you have any idea how much action you can miss in a half an hour of football?
Diane: About 18 seconds.

Quote from Cliff

Norm: You want to tell me what the taxicab was doing, uh, parked in front of the Temple of Athena?
Cliff: Yeah. All right, uh, it was, uh... Uh... It was, uh, probably taking Demitrius to the airport.

Quote from Frasier

Sam: Uh, Frasier? There's a theory going around the bar that you're ticked off with Dr. Sternin because you're in love with her. What do you think?
Frasier: Well, that sounds like someone who doesn't know shortcake from Shinola.
Sam: Hey, good guess, good guess. Diane.
Frasier: Oh, well, hmm. That's nothing but mere cocktail-party psychology. Believe it or not, Sam, it's actually possible to have hostile feelings toward someone without being in love with them.
Sam: You mean I can actually hate Diane without having it mean anything more than I hate her?
Frasier: Feel free.

Quote from Norm

Cliff: Nice show, huh?
Woody: Well, if you ask me, there's something wrong with watching televised fishing.
Norm: Not the same impact as watching it live, huh, Woody?
Woody: Hey, you know something? I got a great idea. What's to stop us from taking a little fishing trip ourselves?
Cliff: We don't want to?
Woody: Oh. Come on, it'd be fun. You know, we could go this very afternoon, head out to Lake Winthrop, huh? What do you say?
Norm: All right. Okay. All right, let's get organized here, uh, Woody. Uh, I'd like you to be in charge of bait and tackle, okay?
Woody: Got you.
Norm: Cliffy in charge of, uh, food and the transportation.
Cliff: Okay.
Woody: Well, what're you in charge of, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Finding a reason not to go. Ah, here we go. Gladiator film festival at the Majestic.
Cliff: Yeah, that's a good one. Boom, boom, boom, boom... [humming dramatic fanfare]
Norm: De gustibus non est disputandum!

Quote from Woody

Diane: There's only one man I want to be with. No, no, I'll go alone. And it'll be fine.
Woody: Miss Chambers, I might be back from my fishing trip in time to take you, if I don't stop to clean up first.
Diane: No, thank you, Woody, that's very sweet. Maybe next time.
Woody: Okeydoke, but I don't know when I'm gonna be going fishing again.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Oh, my.
Sam: What's wrong?
Diane: Oh, don't you see? Frasier's in love.
Sam: He's what?
Diane: Oh, come on, Sam. You're forgetting I was once romantically involved with Frasier. I know when he's enamored of someone. Didn't you see his nostrils flare? And everyone knows that hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is.
Sam: Well, whatever you say. I really don't care.
Diane: Touche, Sam. Let's be honest. Quite often you've expressed feelings of antagonism toward me, and we both know how much you love me.
Sam: I- I do not love you, Diane, and I have the nostrils to prove it.

Quote from Cliff

Frasier: Oh, I better cancel that appearance before it's too late.
Sam: There you go.
[Lilith enters the bar]
Cliff: Uh-oh! Frost warning.

Quote from Frasier

Lilith: Secondly, I think perhaps we...
Frasier: Look, Dr. Sternin, if you'll excuse me, I have to cash a check and fill up my gas tank before the show.
Lilith: Yes, I know. Have the attendant make sure your tires aren't as inflated as your ego.
Frasier: You know, you perplex me.
Lilith: Oh?
Frasier: Yes, normally people of your limited physical appeal make up for it with an actual personality.

Quote from Diane

Lilith: Why would Frasier Crane be attracted to me? I'm not that kind of woman.
Diane: Oh, but you can be. It just takes a little softening of the edges. Perhaps loosen the bun a bit to relieve some of the tension in your face.
Lilith: I'm afraid it's not as easy as all that.
Diane: Oh, that's nonsense. Look, I'm not far from here. Why don't you come over to my place, and I'll show you what I mean? We'll just put a little more makeup on. Or some.

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