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‘Rich Man, Wood Man’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Rich Man, Wood Man

1019. Rich Man, Wood Man

Aired February 20, 1992

When Woody and Kelly return from a trip to London paid for by her family, the guys at the bar notice Woody's personality has changed. Meanwhile, Frasier tries to get in shape.

Quote from Frasier

Sam: What the hell's wrong with him?
Frasier: Well, it's a common phenomenon, really. A young, impressionable lad, such as Woody, gets his first taste of a foreign country, and he comes back a little affected. I mean, give him a few hours, he'll be fine. You know, I remember when I came back from my first trip abroad. Oh, God, I was pompous and unbearable! Condescending to all my old friends. Of course, I wouldn't expect you fellows to understand. It's a complicated matter.

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Quote from Kelly

Norm: You're gonna have to give up an awful lot of stuff. For example, no more limousines.
Kelly: Oh, that's okay. I can take taxis.
Norm: No, Kelly, I don't think Woody can even afford taxis. You'll have to take the subway.
Kelly: The what?
Norm: The "T". You know, the subway.
Kelly: Come again?
Norm: The subway, the the little trains that run underground, carry people back and forth.
Kelly: Right, an underground train. You're such a joker, Mr. Peterson.
Norm: Kelly, they exist, and, and most people take them to work every day.
Kelly: Sure they do, Mr. Peterson. All right, I'll take your little underground train tomorrow morning. Underground trains! Woo-woo!

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: Hi, everybody. Where's Woody?
Rebecca: Well, he's out looking for you. What happened, Kelly? Did you get lost?
Kelly: No, I was having such a great time I didn't want it to end. I love the subway.
Rebecca: Wait a minute, you liked the subway?
Kelly: Not at first. I got real angry because a lot of other people tried to get on my subway car. And then I met some young people who apparently work for the city because they were spray-painting the walls, and they let me write, "Kelly loves Woody," in a big red heart. And then the pigs came and we ran.

Quote from Frasier

Sam: I am proud of you, man. A lot of people would have quit after that little bout of vomiting.
Frasier: Thank you, Sam. I feel that from this point on, I can live a life of healthful moderation and physical fitness.
Carla: [enters] Okay, everybody, Lud is trying to raise money for his class trip to Colonial Williamsburg. Now who wants to help by buying some chocolate bars?
Frasier: I'll take 15 boxes!
Carla: Boy, that's great, Doc. All you got to do is fill out this order form, you'll have your candy in two weeks.
Frasier: Two weeks?! I want them now! Listen, Lud. Lud, here, go down to the store for me, get me a couple of KitKats, and I will personally drive you to Colonial Williamsburg.
Ludlow: Sorry, Dr. Crane. Two weeks.
Frasier: Oh, forget it, then, you rotten kid. No sale. You should have the chocolate on you. What do they teach you in that school of yours anyway?
Sam: Come on, Fras.
Frasier: Well, it's true. What the hell am I paying property taxes for?! Oh! Sam! [voice breaking] I hurt so much!

Quote from Woody

Woody: Mr. Peterson, more crisps?
Norm: What the hell are crisps?
Woody: Well, they're what you call potato chips. Although what I call chips, you would call French fries.
Norm: So, what are you saying, we have French fries?
Woody: Oh, Mr. Peterson, there's so much you don't see from your little bar stool.
Norm: Stop teasing me, Woody! Do we have French fries, or don't we?

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Boy, oh, boy. Woody and Kelly split up, huh?
Frasier: Yes, well, I guess having access to all her money made him feel a little like a leech.
Cliff: You, uh, seem to make the word "leech" sound, uh, pejorative, there, Fras. An educated man would be proud to be called a leech. Leeches are a boon to mankind.
Frasier: I take it you're referring to the practice of using leeches as a medical cure-all, a practice which has been discredited for centuries now.
Cliff: Discredited or covered up?
Frasier: Well, you've got me there.
Cliff: Sure, your big drug companies don't want you to find out about leeches. You know why? Leeches are free. Yes, sir. I- I have great respect for the leech.
Frasier: I'm sure the feeling's mutual.

Quote from Carla

Rebecca: Carla, what are you doing?
Carla: Uh, would you hand me that bucket of ice water, please?
Rebecca: Sure. When you tell me what you're doing.
Carla: Well, Clavin's almost done with his route, see? So I'm gonna put this bucket up here on the ledge...
Rebecca: Oh, and then the water will fall on his head. How mature.
Carla: You know, that's your problem, Rebecca. You don't know how to have any fun.
Rebecca: Sure I do. It's just not at the expense of other people. I just go out with my friends and have a good time. Now, don't you ever get together with your friends and- and just have fun?
Carla: Well, I guess I would, but nobody ever asks me to do anything.
Rebecca: I'm sorry, Carla.
Carla: Yeah. Sounds like fun. I don't know.
Rebecca: Say, Carla, do you want to...
Carla: Yeah?
Rebecca: I don't have anything to do later. I mean, want to go grab a pizza, or see a movie or something?
Carla: You and me?
Rebecca: Well, if you want to.
Carla: Yeah. I think I'd really like that.
Rebecca: Yeah? All right, we'll do it. I mean, who knows? Maybe it'll be fun. Let me just grab my coat.
[As Rebecca walks into her office, a bucket of water pours on her head]
Carla: So, what time should I be there?

Quote from Cliff

Norm: Okay, at the beginning of that cartoon, Casper, the friendly ghost, had no friends whatsoever. By the end of the cartoon, of course, he's surrounded by friends. Next cartoon will start, Casper won't have any friends again. What is it we're not seeing between cartoons?
Cliff: Could be, uh, Casper sating his thirst for human blood.
Norm: Right.
Cliff: Oh, think about it, Norm. We are talking about a ghost here.
Norm: Yeah?
Cliff: You see, very often, the, uh, walking dead crave the taste of human flesh. And things aren't that much different in the cartoon world, I'm sure.
Norm: Was it really hot on your route today, Cliff?
Cliff: Yeah, yeah. Oh, blacked out a couple of times. Why?

Quote from Carla

Kelly: Hi, gang!
Woody: Hi-ho, chaps.
Sam: Wood!
Carla: Whoa! Well, look at you. If it isn't Oliver Twit.

Quote from Woody

Cliff: Boy, check out the threads on that dude, huh?
Woody: Oh, just a little something I picked up at Savile Row.
Sam: Oh! Savile Row! I guess the trip to England made a big impression on you, huh?
Woody: Ah, it's a fabulous place, Sam. Very civilized. You know, when you drive on the left-hand side of the road over there, they don't scream and honk at you like they do here.
Norm: Got anything in the, uh, bag?
Woody: Here we go. Toilet water for everyone. Don't worry, it's not what you think.

Quote from Rebecca

Kelly: Woody, we've got to be going.
Woody: Right. If James has to circle the block more than once, he has a hissy fit.
Kelly: Boy, chauffeurs, huh, Miss Howe?
Rebecca: Oh, yeah. I have that trouble with mine all the time.
Kelly: Really? What do you do?
Rebecca: I wake up.

Quote from Frasier

Sam: Keep going, man. You're doing great. [Frasier pants] What's the matter, jump rope too much for you?
Frasier: Forgive me but a jump rope is a delightful children's toy used to while away delightful spring days. I'm not a delightful child. I am a miserable, overweight wretch who is praying for death.
Sam: Got a saying, Frasier: no pain, no gain.
Frasier: I also have a saying, Sam. I can't feel my right arm!

Quote from Carla

Carla: Hey, Rebecca, Lud is trying to raise money for his class trip. Now, how many chocolate bars do you want?
Rebecca: I think you're taking advantage of us.
Carla: Oh, Lud, Miss Howe doesn't want to buy any candy. Why don't you go into your sales pitch?
[Lud folds his arms, turns away from Rebecca and holds his breath]
Rebecca: It's not gonna work, Lud. You can breathe now. Okay, fine. I am just gonna go about my work as usual. [whistling] All right, fine! Five bars! [Ludlow sputters]
Carla: Isn't he great, you know? He helped knock 500 bucks off the price of our last car. Remember that, Lud?
Ludlow: Part of it.

Quote from Woody

Rebecca: Norm, you don't have to get upset with Woody. He's just been on the trip of a lifetime, and it rubbed off a little bit. That's not such a surprise.
Woody: Say it, don't spray it. This is cashmere, Miss Howe.
Rebecca: You little snot! I knew you back when you were just an ignorant farm boy. That was about a week and a half ago!
Woody: You're right. That was about a fortnight, wasn't it?
Rebecca: Oh.

Quote from Woody

Sam: Come here. I want to talk to you for a second.
Woody: Yeah, what is it, Sam?
Sam: I don't know how to put this. [slaps Woody's head]
Woody: Ow! What's the matter with you, Sam?
Sam: I'll tell you what's the matter. You're acting like a real ass.
Woody: I think you mean "arse." [Sam slaps Woody again] That's starting to hurt! You know, it doesn't take a fool to see what's going on here, but I do. You're all jealous. This is a case of "Poor little us." We don't have the money to do the things that Woody can do." Well, as we say back in merry old England... tough!
Norm: Woody, Woody, Woody, Woody, come here. Look...
Woody: Yes, Mr. Peterson.?
Norm: All Sam was trying to s- [Norm slaps Woody's head] Ow! That was for the French fries, okay?

Quote from Woody

Woody: What's the matter with you guys? Why are you all hitting me?
Cliff: Well, 'cause your hanging around with rich people has turned you into a little monster.
Woody: What are you talking about? I'm no monster. I'm still the same old Woody Gaines. Wait a minute, I'm Woody Boyd, right? Oh, Sam, I have changed, haven't l?
Sam: Yeah, I'm afraid you have. [goes to hug Woody]
Woody: Ah, don't don't hit me again, all right? You don't have to beat it into me, all right? I know I'm a jerk! I'm the biggest jerk that ever lived! [crying]
Cliff: Hey, uh, how come I didn't get a chance to smack him?
Kelly: Hi, Woody. I just dropped David and Arlene off at the hotel, and... Uh-oh, something's wrong. I can tell.
Woody: [crying] I'll tell you what's wrong, Kelly. All your money has changed me. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm pretending to be English. I'm pretending to be something I'm not. My life has gone completely down the loo!

Quote from Norm

Norm: Kelly. There, there.
Kelly: Mr. Peterson, you're so understanding.
Norm: Uh, well, uh, yes...
Kelly: Thanks for reaching out.
Norm: Yeah, Kelly, uh... [laughing] Cheer up!
Kelly: It's just that I'm so alone. I feel that all the love has gone out of my life. Am I bothering you, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: No, no, it's either, uh, listen to it here or listen to it at home.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Okay, finally. Daddy's home.
Sam: [enters] Oh, I couldn't catch up with Woody. I saw saw Kelly going down the street. Is she all right?
Norm: Oh, no, Sammy, she looked real really upset. You better go after her.
Sam: All right, all right. [exits]
Norm: [pours beer] Sometimes I swear it'd be easier to just buy these things.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: Woody!
Woody: Oh, Kelly, thank God you're okay.
Kelly: Woody, what happened to you?
Woody: Oh, I got mugged on the subway.
Kelly: Oh, my poor Woody. Come and sit down. Do you want me to call the pigs?

Quote from Woody

Woody: I'm okay now. They didn't get much. They just scared me a little. Kelly, I don't ever want you to ride that subway again.
Kelly: Oh, but Woody, I just wanted to show you that I can live without all my money.
Woody: Well, I don't want you to live without your money. I- I think it's wrong for someone to have to give up their money. Kind of came to me as I was handing over my wallet.

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