Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, would you like a beer?
Norm: No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass.

Rebecca: I think it's time for me to pack it in.
Sam: Uh, you know, I don't think you're in any condition to drive, Miss Howe. Let me give you a lift home, all right?
Rebecca: I don't know. I've never been alone in a car with such a hairy guy. Are you sure you weren't in The Planet of The Apes? Can anybody else please take me home?
Anthony: There's room in our car. You can sit on my lap.
Annie: Darling, you're married now. You don't have a lap. [Rebecca laughs]
Sam: Come on. You think I'm so ugly? I'll let you get a bag and put it over my head, all right?
Rebecca: Just a minute. Let me get my bag. And yours.
Sam: I'm not crazy about the way that girl flirts.

Eddie LeBec: They cut me from the team. They're going with the youth movement. They tried to trade me, but nobody wanted me. I'm sorry, Carla. I guess all the superstitions finally caught up with us.
Carla: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I can blame a lot of things on superstition, but you aren't the greatest goalie in the world, honey.
Eddie LeBec: What are you saying to me, Carla?
Carla: Well, you know, the end of last year you were losing it, and now you're older, and your reflexes are shot.
Eddie LeBec: Oh, thanks a lot. I'm feeling a lot better already.
Carla: And if that wasn't because of superstition, then maybe the twins aren't bad luck either. I mean, could it be possible that I'm just having twins because the eggs split? Whoa, whoa! And maybe your mother hates me because she's stupid. And Anthony hates you because he takes after his no-good rat-faced father. And all those things that we thought were bad luck had nothing to do with superstition. It was just life. Unfortunately, it happens to be my life. What the heck? I'm married and in love with a great guy. So, I guess that evens things up. No, it doesn't. But it makes life worth living. No, it doesn't. But it's something. So let's get on with it. What do you say, hubby?
Eddie LeBec: I say let's get on with the honeymoon, eh?
Carla: See you at 2:00 A.M. Somebody's got to work in this family. Hi. I'm Mrs. Eddie LeBec. What'll you have?

Bandleader: And now as the hour draws late, it's time for the bride to throw the bouquet.
Carla: Okay, come on, come on, everybody. You all ready? Okay, heads up, you old maids.
Woody: Dr. Crane, a girl's supposed to catch the bouquet.
Frasier: Well, then the girls should have been a little bit quicker. [to Rebecca] Here, knock yourself out.

Norm: Men, you are looking at one sharp bargainer. Not only did I get Carla and Eddie eight sterling-silver place settings, but I also got Bruce to throw in matching weenie tongs and lemon zester.
Sam: That's great, man, except the wedding's been called off.
Norm: Ah. So what happened? Eddie freaked out about being a father?
Sam: No. Eddie's mom met Carla.
Norm: Hate at first sight.
Sam: Yeah, how'd you know?
Norm: Well, that's the "law" part of "mother-in-law," see.

Frasier: So Eddie's not going to marry Carla because his mother doesn't approve.
Cliff: I tell you, it's pathetic to see a grown man so tied to his ma's apron strings.
Woody: Well, that reminds me, Mr. Clavin, you mother called and said she couldn't make it for dinner tonight.
Cliff: Oh, great. What am I supposed to do with that casserole, just throw it away?

Rebecca: Mr. Malone, remember that reception you talked me into? Well, it seems that the bride is in my office and she's having a little problem with the groom. She wants him to die with festering boils.
Sam: It's just the usual prenuptial jitters. It'll be all right.
Rebecca: It will not be all right. I invited my boss, and he's really excited about this. Now, if Mr. Drake shows up here expecting a reception and there isn't a reception, I'm gonna have egg all over my face.
Cliff: Actually, uh, you know, most complexion experts swear by the old egg facial. It tightens one's pores. [off Rebecca's look] Although yours look pretty tight to me.

Woody: Sam. Father Berry at Carla's church said we gotta hurry because he's got two weddings planned after Carla's, a bake sale, a slide show of the Knights of Columbus' trip to the Holy Land, and a CYO hootenanny.
Sam: Thank you, Woody.
Woody: Sam?
Sam: Mmm?
Woody: I'm, uh... I'm thinking of becoming Catholic.
Sam: We'll talk about it later.

Rebecca: How's it going?
Sam: Pretty good, pretty good.
Rebecca: It better be, or my butt's in a sling.
Sam: Is there room for two in there?

Carla: [snapping pencils] Eddie's arm. His neck.
Sam: How's it going?
Norm: Oh, not too bad. I don't think we've broken anything vital yet.
Carla: Eddie's foot.
Sam: Sweetheart.
Carla: Eddie's femur.
Sam: Sit down. Hey. Stop, stop. Would you give the guy a break, please?
Carla: He had to break a mirror, right? He had to spill the salt. He had to thumb his nose to the Fates, and look what happened. They turned him into a wuss.
Sam: The important thing is that the wuss came back.
Carla: Does he have a note from his mommy?