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‘Thanksgiving Orphans’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Cheers: Thanksgiving Orphans

509. Thanksgiving Orphans

Aired November 27, 1986

Although Diane plans to spend Thanksgiving at the home of her literature professor, she talks Carla into opening her home up to the gang from Cheers.

Quote from Frasier

Woody: You know, uh, Rudolph is my favorite guy in the Christmas songs.
Sam: Yeah.
Frasier: You know, apparently then, Woody, you're unaware that the story of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is one of the most unrealistic, and therefore potentially damaging in all of children's music. It gives them a horribly distorted view of reality.
Woody: Yeah, but you gotta admit, it's easy to whistle.
Frasier: Look, I'm serious. You know, first the other reindeer tease and then ostracize him. And then when his abnormality proves of service, they use him. But then do they allow him to play in their stupid reindeer games?
Both: Yes.
Frasier: Oh, no, no, no, I know how the song goes. In fact, not only do Donner, Blitzen, et al, not love him and laugh out with glee, but they doubly despise the bulbous-nosed little wimp. Well, I gotta be off. [cheerful] Happy Holidays!

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Quote from Norm

Carla: [doorbell rings] I'll get it.
Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Carla: Where's Vera?
Norm: She's, uh, she's gonna put on a little more makeup. That, uh, first coat didn't really take.

Quote from Diane

Diane: All right, I guess I need to give you an indication of what I had in mind. Now l, too, am very thankful for my health and for my dear friends. But on this very special occasion, my mind goes back over the years to the people who have influenced me. And I would like to name some of them for you. Teilhard de Chardin, George Sand, Caravaggio... Oh, Emily Dickenson, the Buddha, Frank Lloyd Wright... [time lapse] Jean d'Arc, Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Okay, we'll be sitting boy-girl, boy-girl. Clavin, you can sit anywhere.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Is it all right if I hang some Christmas decorations in here?
Sam: Sure. Boy, is it that time again? Wow, Christmas comes earlier every year, doesn't it?
Woody: No, I think if you check, Sam, it always comes on the 25th of December.
Sam: Of course, of course, of course. Thank you, Woody, thank you.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: What a wonderful opportunity for you, Diane. You know, perhaps in the evening you can establish a rapport with Mr. Styron while passing the yams. Who knows? Come pie time, he may well have taken you under his wing and launched you into the literary galaxy.
Diane: Frasier, you and I are of like mind.
Frasier: Except one of us is kidding.

Quote from Carla

Diane: Wait a second. Listen to you. Carla, you have a new place. You could have a little gathering.
Carla: Forget it.
Diane: Oh, come on. What could be more enjoyable than opening your heart with holiday cheer?
Carla: Opening yours with a can opener?
Woody: That sounds great! No, I meant the first part, Miss Chambers.

Quote from Frasier

Carla: Well, why not? But it's gonna have to be potluck. Sammy, why don't you bring your date and join us?
Sam: All right. Tell you what, Carla. I'm good for dessert. So I've been told.
Frasier: You know, I'm glad to see that you're all fending off the holiday blues. This time of year is filled with arguments, suicides, murders. Yeah, I guess it's the seasonal happiness of others tends to throw a glaring light on the flaws in our own interpersonal relationships. But see, of course, that's no problem for me. I'm alone.
Carla: Wanna join us for some bird, Frasier?
Frasier: Could l?
Carla: Sure. The more the merrier.

Quote from Carla

Cliff: Hey, so, uh, what time do you want us there, Carla?
Carla: What do you mean "us," Clavin?
Cliff: Well, you know...
Carla: This party is for lonelies, not homelies.

Quote from Norm

Norm: No, I can't make it this year.
Sam: Why not? I mean, we never even met Vera.
Carla: Yeah.
Norm: No, we gotta go to Vera's mother's. Such a drag. No beer, no TV, heat turned up to 80.
Cliff: That's all right, Normie, you know. You gotta do what your little wifey wants you to do. You either got 'em or you don't.
Norm: All right. You know somethin', Cliff, you're absolutely right. Eight years I've been goin' to that old bat's house. I think Vera owes me one, all right? I'm gonna march into that house. I'm just gonna say, "Vera, this year we're goin' to Carla's for Thanksgiving. That's the last I wanna hear on the subject."
Cliff: Hey, all right!
Carla: Good for you, Norm. Okay, Norm's out.
Norm: Just count me in, all right? You'll see.

Quote from Carla

Cliff: Yeah, hey, uh, Carla, look, l, uh, I really wanna tell ya how much I appreciate you, uh, invitin' me over here.
Carla: Don't mention it.
Cliff: l, uh, really appreciate it.
Carla: No, I mean, don't ever mention to anyone that I let you in this house.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Oh, hey, no waitin' around for my contribution. Here ya go.
Woody: Popcorn balls!
Cliff: Chow down, hear?
Woody: Hey, aren't these what you brought to the Halloween party?
Cliff: Well, yeah, they're a perennial favorite, Woodman.
Woody: Yeah, but aren't these the ones you brought to the Halloween party?

Quote from Carla

Sam: Come on, open the door.
Carla: No, no...
Sam: It's Thanksgiving, Carla.
Carla: Oh! Okay maybe she'll choke on a drumstick.

Quote from Cliff

Diane: Isn't this game over yet?
Woody: Not yet.
Diane: Well, their uniforms are different colors than before.
Cliff: Uh, well, they gotta change them every time they score a touchdown, Diane.

Quote from Woody

Sam: Somebody save me a seat. I got to see a man about a horse.
Woody: He doesn't really have to see a man about a horse.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Uh, guys, uh, listen, I'm having a slight, uh, problem with the damn bird, all right?
Diane: What color is it now, Norman?
Norm: Well, I think we're moving into the earth tones.

Quote from Norm

Carla: This better be good news, Norm.
Norm: Look, uh, I'm sorry, guys. The little pop thing won't pop out. There's something wrong with it.
Carla: There's something wrong with you.
Norm: No, no, it's the little pop thing. Hey, could somebody please explain to me where the little pop thing is on the turkey? I mean, 'cause maybe it's different in the city, but in the country where I come from, turkeys aren't born with little pop things.
Frasier: The little pop thing has a name! It's called a thermometer! Now can we all please say "thermometer."
All: [yell] Thermometer!

Quote from Carla

Carla: Well, pass me my peas. I made them so I know they're okay.
Norm: Was that remark, uh, directed at me, Carla, by any chance?
Carla: No, it was directed at your stupid turkey and your stupid stuffing and your stupid gravy.
Norm: What's wrong with my gravy?
Carla: Oh, nothing, except you could walk across the skin on top of it.
Norm: Oh, well, I'm sorry, Julia Child. Here's your perfect peas. Oh, look, I spilled one. [flicks a pea at Carla] Sorry.
Carla: Thank you. Norm, I'm sorry about what I said about your gravy.
Norm: All right.
Carla: It's okay.
Norm: Fine.
Carla: And so are the carrots. [throws a carrot at Norm]
Cliff: Uh, anybody want some of these, uh, lovely yams? [flings the yams at Frasier]
Frasier: Woody, would you care to test the gravy skin? [splashes gravy at Woody]
Diane: People! People! People! Stop this immediately! I have never been witness to such a silly, soph- [Sam throws cranberries at Diane] Sam Malone kiss your butt good-bye!
Carla: Food fight!

Quote from Norm

Norm: [o.s.] Vera. You came. Honey, I'm so happy. Hey, you guys, uh... Come on, Vera, come on in, meet all the guys.
Sam: This is great. We finally get to meet Vera.
Diane: Sam think fast!
[Diane throws a plate of pie in Sam's direction, but he ducks, sending it straight into the living room. Norm walks in with a woman whose face is covered in pie]
Norm: Everybody, this is, uh, Vera. [fade to black]
Vera: Charming friends, Norm. Get your coat.
Norm: Yes, dear.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Prithee, friends, what thinkst thou?
Sam: You look ridiculous.
Diane: I beg your pardon. This is an absolutely authentic example of feminine colonial headwear.
Sam: I'm sorry. Thou lookest ridiculous.

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