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‘Rebound, Part 1’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Rebound, Part 1

301. Rebound, Part 1

Aired September 27, 1984

Coach is worried about Sam's drinking and partying so he makes a visit to Diane, who's been away from the bar for six months. Diane wants Sam to get help from a psychiatrist she met, Dr. Frasier Crane.

Quote from Coach

Carla: Norman, are you sure you want to have a kid? You know, once the monster comes along, your whole life is gonna be different.
Norm: Yeah? Well, Coach, you've had kids. Does a baby change you?
Coach: Are you kidding, Normie? It can't even change itself.
Norm: Well, I'll have to remember that.

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Quote from Diane

Diane: I entered Golden Brook of my own volition for a little rest, relaxation... [Sam laughs] What are you laughing at?
Sam: Well, I've had women get depressed when they left me, but I've never had one that went... [makes goofy noises]
Diane: Charm like yours is a hard thing to live without all right. It had nothing to do with you, Sam. After I left here, I decided I needed to regroup. I needed to go some place and take a good look at myself.
Carla: Ah, shock treatment.
Diane: Carla, let's help Sam first. And when the psychiatric profession has gained confidence from that triumph, we'll put every man Jack of them on your case.

Quote from Sam

Carla: We lost another waitress because she said she found out she wasn't the only girl in your life.
Sam: Oh, nonsense, Carla. She's been listening to vicious rumors.
Carla: Sammy, this means that I have to work alone again. And we can't keep a waitress in here because you keep breaking their hearts.
Sam: Well, obviously I need a good talking to.
Carla: [screams] Sammy, this is serious! [Sam kisses Carla on the forehead] We have gone through eight waitresses in six months.
Sam: Bet you I can remember all their names. Dee Dee, Carlene, Angela, Sneezy, Dopey, Donner and Blitzen.

Quote from Carla

Carla: He's turning into a real jerk, you know. He spends all his time boozing, chasing skirts, and loving and leaving waitresses.
Norm: I wonder what set him off. Suppose maybe it might have been Dia- [Norm groans as Carla grabs him by the hair] Diabetes!
Carla: You were going to say that name, weren't you?
Norm: No, I wasn't.
Carla: Yes, you were. You know my rule.
Norm: But I didn't say it.
Carla: I don't even want you to think it. Use that name and I will give you a sunroof.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Well, I'm back.
All: Norm!
Coach: What'll it be, Normie?
Norm: A transfusion with a head on it.

Quote from Carla

Coach: Because a friend of yours is dropping by this afternoon, and I kind of promised, you know, I'd keep you here.
Sam: Oh, hey, great! One of my old buds? I smell high times coming.
Coach: Well, actually it's one of your old girlfriends.
Sam: Ooh, better still. Hope it's one of the wild ones, Coach. But then again, they were all wild, weren't they?
Coach: Well, no, they weren't all wild.
Carla: Hold it right there, Coach! If you are talking about the- [rips off Coach's clip-on tie] If you are talking about the stick, I'm going to pull your lower lip up over your head like a cabbage leaf.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Well, let me tell you something, Sam. I have two birthdays now. One to mark the occasion when my mother bore me, and one to commemorate my glorious rebirth when I walked out of here.
Sam: Just once more time. You did not walk out of here, I kicked you out. And I would do it again, except no man deserves that much pleasure in one life.
Diane: Your brain could find shelter in the shade of a snow pea.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Good afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Coach: Beer, Normie?
Norm: You know how to make it sound tempting, you fast talker!

Quote from Coach

Diane: Who is it?
Coach: [o.s.] It's Ernie Pantusso.
Diane: Coach? What do you want?
Coach: [o.s.] Diane, I have to talk to you. It's important.
Diane: Coach, you're a dear man and I love you and I've missed you, but you're part of a period of my life that I want to see fade into memory. Do you understand, Coach? [silence] Coach?
Coach: [o.s.] Western Union.
Diane: This is a man I could never resist. [opens door] How have you been?
Coach: I'm fine, honey. How have you been?
Diane: I'm OK, thank you.
Coach: I'm sorry I had to fool you that way.

Quote from Coach

Cliff: So, hi, Coach.
Coach: Hi, Cliffie.
Cliff: Boy, did I have a spectacular time down there in Florida. Basking up the old Florida sunshine. Whoo, I'll tell you. I really got my head screwed on straight, too. You know, Coach, that experience changed me. I'm now at one with the cosmos. [Coach starts the blender] No more getting caught up- At one with the cosmos, Coach.
No more getting caught up in the [blender] petty irritations of day-to-day life, I'm just the kinda guy- Yeah, I stood on many a wind-swept beach [blender] and felt a oneness, felt a-
[Cliff stops the blender, removes the lid, grabs Coach's clip-on tie, stuffs it in the blender, and turns it on. Coach stops the blender and removes his soaked tie]
Coach: Anybody want a Mai Tai? [laughs] Mai Tai, Cliff! Lookiy look! You get it? Mai Tai, Cliffie!

Quote from Norm

Cliff: So, Norm, how's Vera? Any luck getting her in the family way yet?
Norm: Still working on it.
Man: Hey, Norm, you want a kid?
Norm: Not really. I'm just kinda going along with it to shut Vera up. Says she wants to start a family so she'll have something to do.
Cliff: Poor Norm here's been shooting blanks for the last couple of months.
Norm: Little louder, Cliff, huh? We'll dance to it.
Cliff: Hey, don't worry, Normie. You'll be planting your seed before you know it.
Norm: I hope so. The doc says if something doesn't happen soon, we may have to take a drastic step.
Cliff: You mean...?
Norm: Sleep together.
Cliff: Our prayers are with you, big guy.

Quote from Norm

Coach: [answers phone] Cheers. Uh-huh. Yeah, he's here. I'll give him the message. Normie, it's Vera. She says to hurry home. Her cycle is at its peak.
Norm: Again? Her cycle has more peaks than the Adirondacks.
Cliff: Hey, all systems are go there, big fella.
Norm: Even Secretariat got to wait till he was in the mood once in a while.

Quote from Diane

Coach: Listen, Diane, have you given any thought about stopping by the place and saying hello to everybody?
Diane: Coach, that wouldn't be a good idea. Why? Does anyone there ask about me?
Coach: No, that Carla won't let them. Diane, listen, I want you to come back to Cheers and have a talk with Sam.
Diane: Talk with S- [stutters]
Coach: Yes, it's very important.
Diane: Maybe S- [stutters]... Maybe the bartender there didn't tell you about our last conversation, but it ended in wrath and acrimony. I vowed never to return to Cheers. And I want to make this clear to you, nothing in heaven or hell will ever get me back there. Sam.
Coach: Diane, you might be my last chance. Sam's boozing again.
Diane: Oh, dear. Poor S- [stutters] Poor, dear S- [stutters]
Coach: ..am!

Quote from Coach

Sam: Come on, cut it out, Carla. Diane's not coming back here. [Sam picks up Coach's clip-on tie and puts it back on him] She said she's not coming back.
Coach: Well, she just might come by.
Sam: What makes you say that?
Coach: Because I asked her.
Sam: You- [rips off Coach's tie] Come on, what the hell did you do that for?
Coach: I knew you were gonna hate this. But please just listen to what she has to say. Promise me.
Sam: Oh. Oh, I know what this is all about. It's this drinking crap, isn't it, Coach? How many times do I have to tell you I'm drinking because I like it, because it tastes good, and because I want to. Oh, God. Coach, I don't want to see Diane Chambers.
Coach: [rips his own tie off] Well, you're going to have to see her because she'll be here any second now!

Quote from Carla

Carla: God! We are all sitting around here like we're at the Queen's tea, and that thing is on its way. In fact, it's very close. I can sense it. [gasps as she looks out the window, which Diane bends down to look through] Ugh! It's here! And it's going to walk in and say something.

Quote from Sam

Coach: Oh, for God's sakes, will you stop it, Sam? You've been boozing with two hands ever since Diane walked out on you.
Diane: Sam, I'm so sorry.
Sam: You know, you both are crazier than hell! I threw her out of here and my drinking has got nothing - repeat nothing - to do with Diane Chambers. You hear that everybody?
All: Nothing!
Sam: No, you're all wrong.
All: Sorry!
Sam: I did start drinking when she left. I was celebrating. Celebrating the day I got rid of you. You hear that, everybody?
All: Celebrating!

Quote from Norm

Sam: Are you listening to this, guys?
Norm: Sammy, I just want to say this becauseyou're my friend, right? Don't get all defensive, but maybe you are drinking a little more than you should.
Sam: Well, so are you.
Norm: I already have a mother, lush face. Sorry, I just think maybe you ought to hear the guy out.

Quote from Frasier

Sam: Okay. If I go see this guy and he tells me that I'm just a happy, well-adjusted souse, which he will, if the quack has a brain in his head, would you all please leave me alone?
Diane: Of course. Won't we?
All: Yeah, sure.
Sam: OK, fine. Tell him to drop by. I'll try to fit him in between dames.
Diane: Why don't you say hello to him right now?
Frasier: Hello, Sam. I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. I'm sorry I startled you.
Sam: This is weird.
Frasier: Diane told me that you're basically a good, open-minded person and you would be responsive, so I took the liberty of dropping by a little early.
Sam: She actually said something nice about me, huh?
Frasier: She says a lot of nice things about you.
Sam: Really?
Frasier: So what say we go somewhere and have a cup of coffee and... get to know each other?

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Hey, everybody. I'm back from my Florida vacation. Yeah, good to be home again, back with the old gang. Hey, how you been, pal? Glad to, buddy. Ah, look at that. Here's the old bar, huh? It hasn't changed a bit.
Man: Hey, you're back! Good to see you.
Cliff: Hey, it's good to be back.
Man: Oh, it's you. You know, from behind you looked like a friend of mine.
Cliff: Oh, hey, you kidder. I'll get you for that.

Quote from Norm

Cliff: Guess who, buddy.
Norm: Hey, Cliffie. Missed you the last couple of days.
Cliff: I've been gone two weeks, Norm.
Norm: I know.
Cliff: [laughs] Oh, God, I missed this guy!

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