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‘Woody Interruptus’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Woody Interruptus

913. Woody Interruptus

Aired December 13, 1990

Woody fears he will lose Kelly when she returns from France with a man, Henri.

Quote from Woody

Woody: I can't believe Kelly would be so mad at me just 'cause I stood up to Henri. It's like she's starting to like him better than me. Hey, Sam, you don't think that maybe they've been to...
Sam: To the back of the barn?
Woody: I was gonna say to bed together. What- What is the back of the barn? What does that mean? That- That's- That's where the compost heap is. I can't think of any place less romantic.

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Quote from Woody

Woody: Kelly's coming back from France.
Frasier: Ah! She's hopping the pond, eh?
Woody: The what?
Frasier: The pond. It's a reference to the Atlantic.
Woody: Uh, the Atlantic is an ocean, not a pond, Dr. Crane. How many of those have you had?
Frasier: Apparently, not enough.
Woody: Boy, I am really nervous. It seems like Kelly's been gone a year.
Frasier: How long has she been gone?
Woody: A year. Can I put some ice in that drink for you, Dr. Crane?

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: Henri, you're gonna love this. Woody thinks you really are trying to steal me away from him.
Henri: Oh! [laughs] Oh, that's so funny. I am, you know. Right out from under your nose. [laughs]
Kelly: See how he is, Woody? He really cracks me up.
Woody: [laughs] Yeah, that's a good one. Now, I got one for you, Henri. Get your hands off my girlfriend.
Kelly: Henri, if you'll excuse us a moment. Woody, I think you were a little rude to Henri just now.
Woody: Yeah, well, I think Henri was a little rude, too.
Kelly: He's supposed to be rude; he's French.

Quote from Rebecca

Woody: Well, I always figured we'd wait until after we were married. That's- That's the way everybody in Hanover does it. Except for that couple that teaches art at the high school.
Rebecca: I think waiting for marriage is a wonderful idea. I wish I had. I also wish that I had studied harder in college and maybe gone for a different career. Maybe engineering. And, you know, Boston was a bad move. And then, I mean, of course, you can't choose your own parents. But if I could have, I would have chosen two that were more supportive, you know, like Brian Keith and Maureen O'Hara in The Parent Trap. Woody, is this helping you?
Woody: Well, even if it isn't, just thinking about The Parent Trap for a moment made me feel good.

Quote from Norm

Woody: What do you think about premarital sex, Mr. P?
Norm: Well, Wood, there's an old saying, you know, uh... "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Then of course, you, uh, you get married, you wake up one day and realize: "Oh, my God. I've married a cow."
Woody: Thanks, Mr. P.

Quote from Carla

Cliff: Hey, guys! I just put a down payment on immortality!
Norm: Oh, yeah? What are you talking about? [Paul nudges Norm] I'm s- I'm sorry. It just slipped out.
Cliff: The miracle of cryogenics.
Rebecca: Oh, that thing where they freeze you?
Cliff: Yeah. Go ahead, take a look. You know, when my number is up, uh, I'll be frozen and preserved in a subzero container moments after a doctor declares me legally brain dead.
Carla: Boy, that's a tough call.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Oh, good, you're still dressed. Thank God I'm not too late. I knew I would find you guys here. I gotta talk to you guys before you make what could be the worst mistake of your lives.
Kelly: What's she talking about, Woody?
Carla: I'm talking about you two getting together in this motel room for all the wrong reasons.
Woody: She's talking about the two of us getting together in this motel room for all the wrong reasons.
Carla: Kids. Making love is a very special thing between two people. You don't want to throw that away just so you can beat some Frenchman to the punch. Believe me. I came to this motel when I was 16 years old. You know what happened? I got knocked up. And, uh, here I am, eight kids later, trying to talk you kids out of making the same mistake.

Quote from Carla

Norm: Oh, no! You got some car trouble?
Carla: Oh, yeah. Every time it gets cold, my stupid battery dies.
Norm: Gotta get a new one?
Carla: Ugh! No, that's all right. I got one right here. [grunts] Here. Norm, close the hood. Start walking real fast.

Quote from Carla

Rebecca: You know, in this brochure, the containers look kind of small.
Cliff: They don't freeze your entire body. No, just the brain pan.
Rebecca: They cut off your head and freeze it?
Cliff: Uh-huh.
Rebecca: What do they do with the rest of your body, throw it away?
Carla: Well, it's a start.

Quote from Cliff

Norm: Cliff, uh, this corporation wouldn't be owned by a dog food company, would it?
Sam: I want to get this straight. So, when it's time for you to thaw out, what do they do? They, like, uh, put your head in a plastic bag and plop you in some boiling water for three minutes?
Carla: Sammy! Sammy, this is science, not Lean Cuisine.
Paul: Hey, Clavin on ice. That's nice.
Frasier: Now, wait a minute. Why is everybody making fun of Cliff? Now, I'm not saying that I believe that Cliff's severed head will be brought back to life in the year 2278 to charm and delight a new generation of Bostonians, but who knows? I mean, who can predict the future?
Carla: [holds up a bag of ice] Hey, look, everybody-- it's Clavin's family reunion!
Cliff: That's it, I'm out of here. I'll have real friends in 2278!
Norm: Oh, yeah. You and the other severed heads can go bowling or something.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: I brought you a present. It's a real French beret. Tada!
Woody: Oh, wow!
Kelly: It was between this one and the one with the arrow through it.
Woody: Oh, well, this one's nice, too.
Kelly: Surprise! I got them both!

Quote from Woody

Woody: Oh! This is gonna be fun. This is gonna be just like old times.
Kelly: I can't wait. So what do you feel like doing?
Woody: I don't know. What do you feel like doing?
Kelly: I don't know. What do you feel like doing?
Woody: Gosh, this is just like old times.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: Henri, my new best friend from Paris. Woody, this is Henri. Henri, this is Woody.
Henri: Ah, Woody. Yes, I've heard so much about you. Yeah. Give me 40 bucks, please. I have to pay for the cab. Thanks. I'll be right back. [exits]
Woody: Kelly, that guy just take me for 40 bucks, kiss you twice and leave?
Kelly: Woody, you're so American!
Kelly: Henri is my photography teacher. He's the greatest. He showed me all of Paris, taught me all about French food, taught me not to be ashamed of my body, and he... He lectured me in history and art.
Woody: Wait. Wait. Wait. C- Can we go back to that body thing?
Kelly: Henri took some art photographs of me. They were very tasteful.
Woody: You guys aren't...
Kelly: Ugh! No, of course not! He's just here on vacation. Sure, he's always joking about how he's gonna steal me away from you, but he's only kidding.

Quote from Sam

Sam: I'm, uh, Sam Malone, by the way.
Henri: Oh! I've heard about you in France.
Sam: Oh, yeah. You follow baseball?
Henri: No. Stewardesses.

Quote from Carla

Carla: You know, Woody, I I'd watch out for that guy, if I were you.
Woody: Oh, I know he's annoying, Carla, but Kelly swears that he's just joking around to get my goat.
Sam: I don't think he's joking around there, Woody.
Carla: Yeah, I don't think so, either. I mean, the French aren't exactly known for their sense of humor.
Woody: What do you mean?
Carla: Well, let me put it this way: Their, uh, comic hero is Jerry Lewis.
Woody: What's your point?
Sam: Yeah. What's your point?

Quote from Woody

Kelly: Oh, Henri, that's impossible! No one can do that!
Henri: No. It's true. I'll show you.
Woody: What are you guys doing?
Kelly: Henri says he can teach me to tie a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue.
Henri: Here, uh, we'll demonstrate. I'll be the cherry stem.
Woody: Hold it. Hold it. That's it, frogman. Get away from my girlfriend! I know what you're thinking. You're thinking you're more sophisticated than me, and classier than me, and smarter than me, and that and that you got better hair than mine, and that you're taller than me, and... and you got that strong jaw line. What was my point? Oh, yeah. You get out of here before I kick your butt back to the Eiffel Tower!
Henri: Very well. But I do feel I should be allowed to say something in my defense.
Woody: Go ahead.
Henri: I'm going to steal your girlfriend.

Quote from Woody

Sam: I don't think they've slept together yet, Woody, but I- I would be concerned about Henri. I mean, I know guys like this. I mean, I am a guy like this.
Woody: Well, what can I do, Sam?
Sam: Well, how's- How's your love life? I mean, the physical part?
Woody: Well, I can't speak for Kelly, but I'm looking forward to it.
Sam: You're- You're telling me that- That you and Kelly haven't slept together?
Woody: Well, uh, we... We did once, when we went to see Old Gringo, but the whole row was snoring.

Quote from Sam

Woody: Hey, uh, Sam, what if we do it and it becomes like a crutch, and we rely on it for the rest of our lives?
Sam: Well, then you know you did it right. But you better hurry or Henri's gonna beat you to it.
Woody: All right. I'm gonna go through with it.
Sam: All right!
Woody: Yeah, right. But if it's gonna happen, it's gotta be wonderful. Where can we go? We can't go to her place, 'cause her Dad's home.
Sam: Well, then why don't you go to a motel?
Woody: This is all second nature to you, isn't it, Sam? [Sam slips Woody something below the bar]
Sam: Look at him. Walking out of here a boy, and he's gonna come back a happy boy.

Quote from Cliff

Rebecca: Ooh, weird-looking box. What's in there?
Norm: Um, I don't know. Why don't you look?
Rebecca: Okay.
Sam: No! No, no, don't do that! There's a frozen severed head in that thing.
Rebecca: Oh, give me a break, Sam.
Paul: She's right. There's no head in there.
Tony: Then why doesn't somebody open it?
Norm: Yeah, you're kind of in charge of all body parts around here, aren't you, Sam?
Sam: All right, we'll... I'll open it up take a quick look, see that there's no head in there and then I'll just shut it up again, all right?
Rebecca: Okay.
Sam: [chuckles] This...
[As Sam opens the box, a cloud of smoke emerges]
Rebecca: Well?
Sam: I can't see anything in there.
Male Electronic Voice: Help me.
[As Sam and the gang all run off screaming, Frasier, Cliff and Dr. Eugene Eckworth rush out of the back room laughing]
Cliff: Ha! Ha! Hey! Hey! Well, look who's laughing now, huh?
Male Electronic Voice: Help me Help me [switch clicks]
Cliff: Ha! You guys were running away from a tape recorder!
Frasier: Cliff, I must admit that was funny. Thanks a lot, Gene.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Hey, Doc, that was great. Congratulations. We make a good team, you and me. Ah, we showed them. Hey, how would you like to play a trick like that on somebody else tomorrow, huh? Wouldn't that be great? Lot of people I'd like to get even with. Guys down at the post office. All the people in my apartment complex. Ma! Ooh, I'd love to nail her!
Frasier: [mimics electronic voice] Help me!

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