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‘I Call Your Name’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: I Call Your Name

303. I Call Your Name

Aired October 18, 1984

Frasier turns to Sam for help when the girlfriend of a "patient" called out someone else's name in bed. Meanwhile, Cliff turns in a fellow postal worker for stealing a fragrance sample.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Don't be coy. It doesn't go with the sloping forehead.
Sam: Did I tell you your boyfriend stopped by the other night? What's his name?
Diane: You know very well it's Frasier.
Sam: Frasier, right! Damn it. Boy, that's an easy name to forget. How are you two doing, anyway, huh?
Diane: Fine. Is there something on your mind?
Sam: No, why do you ask?
Diane: When there's a spot on an empty canvas, it tends to stand out.

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Quote from Diane

Frasier: How could you betray my confidence, Sam?
Sam: You didn't say no telling.
Frasier: Oh, I see. I see. Obviously I made the mistake of treating you as an adult.
Diane: Why would you tell him anything to begin with?
Frasier: I was hoping for some insight.
Diane: Insight! From a man whose idea of intellectual stimulation is to count along with Big Bird?

Quote from Cliff

Coach: Hey, Cliffie. Boy, can you believe the way those Sox are playing?
Cliff: Oh, boy, I really miss those carefree halcyon days when my only concern was a group of young lads playing baseball.
Norm: Cliffie, you got something on your mind?
Cliff: The shocking truth is, today I saw a fellow postal employee remove a fragrance sample from a magazine.
Sam: So?
Cliff: So, Sammy, that's in direct violation of postal employee regulations. It's a smudge on the arm of every mail carrier who ever donned this uniform.
Sam: So?
Cliff: So? Sam, look, on one hand, I don't want to be a snitch. But, on the other, I can't endorse anarchy. What should I do?
Norm: Compromise, have a beer.
Cliff: Ah, well I see I should look elsewhere for help on this.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Well, I guess my choice is clear. I must follow my conscience and report this.
Sam: Oh, come on, man. It's a fragrance sample. Let it go.
Cliff: Let it go, Sammy? I let this go and tomorrow Hitler is in the White House.
Coach: I can do without that.
Cliff: Yeah, sure, it's only a perfume sample. But if the other employees see him getting away with this, they're gonna start taking things, too. First, whole magazines go missing. Then social security checks. Before you know it, Grandma's fruitcake doesn't make it to little Bobby, Peggy and Sue. And their little hearts will be broken, thinking Grandma forgot them this year.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: You know, while we're on the subject of Boston and the world and all of its people, I have this patient. Let's call him... Oh, give him any old name. Thor. And for the first time in my career as psychiatrist, I don't know how to deal with his problem. But it occurs to me that you might.
Sam: You want my opinion on one of your patients?
Frasier: Sam, believe it or not, psychiatrists do value input from outside the profession. I'd like the benefit of your experience. You know women. I mean, your sexual exploits could be thought of as a majestic panoramic mural.
Sam: And Thor's?
Frasier: A silly little doodle.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Well, Thor's girlfriend, let's call her Electra, cried out another man's name during the act of love.
Sam: Oh, Thor. Ouch.
Frasier: Precisely. So, Sam, tell me. You've been with a lot of women. When you were with one of them, did she ever call out another man's name?
Sam: Well, I don't think so, but then who listens? Usually I've got the stereo turned up and other things on my mind. Tell me, whose name did Electra call out?
Frasier: An old boyfriend's.
Sam: Oh, double ouch.
Frasier: Yes. And although they've decided it means nothing, which it doesn't, Thor doesn't seem to be able to get over it. So, tell me, Sam, if Thor came to you, what would you tell him?
Sam: I'd tell him the truth, that it happens all the time.
Frasier: Really, Sam?
Sam: Yeah, it happens to all guys. As a matter of fact, I think I just remembered it's happened to me before, lots of times. I think I turned the stereo up in the first place because of that.
Frasier: Really? Well, thank you, Sam. I'll pass that along to...
Sam: Thor.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Do you know that in his arrogance, he thought that when I called out "Sam", I was referring to him.
Sam: And you weren't?
Diane: No! It was a different Sam entirely. It was... Sam Goldwyn. His movies always gave me great pleasure.

Quote from Diane

Diane: What actors we are, Sam.
Sam: Huh?
Diane: I'm amazed we could pull that off.
Sam: Pull what off?
Diane: Fooling a man so versed in human behavior. There is a spark, isn't there, Sam?
Sam: Well... Gee...
Diane: I don't think it would take much encouragement to turn it into an inferno.
Sam: Oh, yeah. Maybe you're right.
Diane: Sam, let's stop stopping ourselves. Let's let it happen.
Sam: Happen. Happen, yeah. [Diane kisses him] Oh, Diane-
Diane: Frasier! [they stop kissing] Oops!
Sam: Oh, yeah? Well, ha ha! [screams]

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Well, it's getting late. Thanks for the cold one, Sam.
Sam: You're welcome, Frasier.
Frasier: The beer, I mean, not Diane. [laughs] You know, two sips of liquor and I'm a jack-a-ninny.

Quote from Diane

Sam: No, listen, if I had something to say, I'd say it. I'd even yell it out. Passionately. [goes into his office]
Diane: [follows Sam] What exactly did you and Frasier talk about?
Sam: Oh, come on, Diane. Let's drop this whole thing. It's going nowhere. We both have more important work to get back to. I know I'm running a little behind.
Diane: I hate it when you're smug. It means you think you have something on me. And I emphasize 'think'.
Sam: Ooh, I'm not thinking.
Diane: No, but this is as close as you get.

Quote from Carla

Diane: One vodka rocks.
Sam: Hey, is there anything I can do?
Diane: No. This problem is strictly between myself and Frasier Crane. Suffice to say he insists on making mountains out of molehills.
Carla: He wants you to wear a padded bra?
Diane: Go mate with a squid.
Carla: [to the customers] Please forgive her again. She spent time in an institution recently.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Yeah, well, I guess the bottom line is that it'd be snitching. And I like to think I'm a little above that.
Norm: Absolutely.
Carla: [bawks]
Cliff: What is that, Carla? You announcing the birth of yet another child? Or are you implying something here?
Carla: You'd rat on a little guy.
Cliff: Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to rat on this guy, too.
Sam: Come on, Cliff, don't let Carla goad you into this.
Cliff: No, no, Sammy, as long as I wear this uniform, I have a duty to fulfill. I'll speak my truth and take the consequences. [on the phone] Yeah, supervisor, please.
Norm: Come on, Cliff.
Cliff: No, I don't care about the risk I'm taking. The voice of Clifford Clavin is going to be heard like and clear. [talks in a Scandinavian accent on the phone] Hello, hang on to your yockstrap. I have a terrible thing to report.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Sam. Oh, Sam? Barkeep.
Sam: Oh, I'm sorry, Diane. Do you want me?
Diane: Actually, I want two Becks.
Sam: Guess I didn't hear you calling out my name.
Diane: Is the something amusing you that I don't know about?
Sam: No. No, why do you ask?
Diane: Oh, that stupid look on your face.
Sam: Hey, come on, do I need a reason to look stupid?
Diane: You have the best reason of all.

Quote from Carla

Coach: What's wrong, honey?
Diane: I'm having a bad day. Am I allowed to have a bad day?
Carla: Yeah, you've given us plenty. Keep one for yourself.

Quote from Coach

Coach: What are those little green things in a fruitcake, Cliff? They look like parts of tires.
Cliff: Coach, I think you're getting a little off the point here.
Coach: Well, you brought it up, Cliffie.

Quote from Coach

Sam: Well, who is this menace to society, anyway?
Cliff: Uh, do you remember Lewis, that fella I brought in here before?
Norm: The enormous black gentleman?
Cliff: That's the one.
Sam: Whoa, Cliff, Cliff, Cliff! Come on, I'd think twice before crossing Lewis. It could be dangerous. I mean, he's not exactly the kind of guy who drinks tea with his pinkie sticking out.
Coach: Please, Sam, there are ladies present.
Sam: I'm sorry, Coach.
Coach: Thank you.

Quote from Cliff

Lewis: Someone made an anonymous call to the supervisor and squealed on me for taking a perfume sample out of a magazine.
Cliff: Oh, he fired you for that? What kind of a chicken outfit do we work for? Hey. Hey, Lewis, you smell divine. What's that you're wearing?
Lewis: Oh, Giorgio for Men.
Cliff: Ah, who could blame you for taking it? It's perfect for you.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Oh, Frasier.
Frasier: Hi, Sam.
Sam: Diane left about 15 minutes ago.
Frasier: Oh, darn. Well, I guess I'll have to go over to her house and shoot the breeze.
Sam: Diane is more like a monsoon.
Frasier: [laughs] Yes, her breeze is like a monsoon. [laughs]

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: I guess I've got a little time for some bar room chatter. Might even do the old boy some good.
Sam: Maybe.
Frasier: Well, I'll have a tankard of your finest lager. Well, I understand the local Boston Red Sox baseball franchise has a Herculean task of it to qualify for the post-season tournament.
Sam: Yeah, they really stink this year.
Frasier: Stink? Interesting theory.

Quote from Carla

Coach: Gee, Cliff, Lewis will be here any minute.
Carla: Yeah, what's your plan?
Cliff: Plan? I have no plan. Not unless honesty, sincerity and straightforwardness are a plan.
Carla: No, I meant your medical plan.
Cliff: Oh, your humor's falling on deaf ears here, Carla.
Carla: Oh, good, you won't miss them when Lewis rips them off your head.

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