Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson. You got room for beer?
Norm: No, but I am willing to add on.

Cliff: So, hey, Normie, so how's business going?
Norm: Lousy, Cliffie. I'm so damn busy painting, I haven't had time to stop in here and visit with my best friend.
Cliff: I missed you, too, you big lug.
Norm: Actually, Cliffie, I meant Mr. Beer.
Woody: So, the painting business is that good, huh?
Norm: Too good, Woody. Today I had to choose between two really great jobs. I couldn't make up my mind.
Woody: So what did you do?
Norm: Skipped them both. Came in here. I think I made the right choice.

Dennis: OK, but I'm kind of pressed for time. I've got to get to my hair stylist.
Sam: Good. Good. Oh, very good, very good. Hair stylist. All right. All right, this will be pretty simple here. Just a few multiple-choice questions.
Dennis: Great. Shoot.
Sam: Number one. "It's high noon. You're driving in Harvard Square. Parking's limited. Do you A: Park in a handicapped zone, B: Park in a regular spot under a tree, C: Drive around till a space opens up?"
Dennis: "C."
Sam: What, are you nuts? I can't believe it, man! That's a trick question. You don't drive this baby at nigh noon, man! Sun damage, bucko. What the hell's wrong... What do you want to do, oxidize the paint? Get out of here! You make me sick! I can't believe that! He wants to drive my car at high noon in Harvard Square.

Frasier: Norm, your situation puts me in mind of a wonderful play by Bertolt Brecht.
Norm: Yeah?
Frasier: Yes, it's about a poor put-upon woman, who, similar to you, is having trouble dealing with the people that are taking advantage of her.
Cliff: Oh, what did she do?
Frasier: Well, she developed a entirely new and different personality to handle these people. It's set in the orient. It's "The Good Woman of Szechwan."
Norm: Hmm. Sounds good.
Frasier: Oh, yes, it's one of Brecht's masterpieces.
Norm: No, I mean, Chinese food. I know a great place. Phone book, Woody?
Frasier: I don't know why I try to have an intellectual conversation with the two of you. All you think about is... Say, how's their kung pao shrimp?

Cliff: Hey, Normie, how did you think up that name Kreitzer?
Frasier: You know, I've been meaning to ask the same thing. Was he a bully back in school? A sadistic C.O. back in the Coast Guard? An authority figure who used to torment you?
Norm: No, no, no, it's Vera's maiden name.

Norm: [on the phone] Hi, Rudy, Rudy, hi, it's Norm. Listen, I'm afraid I have some bad news about your patriots game plans this weekend. Uh, I think you guys are going to have to kind of work. No, no, no, relax. It's not me. It's my new business partner.
Frasier: Good, good. Now give the guy a name. Make it authentic.
Norm: Uh, it's this guy, Mr. Kreitzer. He has this crazy idea, man, that you guys should, I don't know, paint. What? [covers the phone] He wants to talk to Kreitzer. Help, Frasier.
Frasier: No, no, no you dug the hole, Norm.
Norm: Woody. Come on. You're an actor. Be Kreitzer. Come on.
Woody: Okay, where am I from?
Norm: Uh, Pittsburgh.
Woody: OK. Now, did I come from a happy childhood...? And why am I on the phone at this point in my life?
Norm: Oh, come on. Just give me the phone. Forget it. Forget it. [shouts into the phone] All right, this is Kreitzer. Now listen up, you bunch of gutless, sniveling little wimps. I don't care what Peterson said. That lowlife does not lay down the rules. Hey! Hey! Any more lip out of you, and I'll rip your face off and stick it up your lunch bucket! [slams the phone down] That was kind of fun. Think maybe I ought to call Vera, huh? [Woody takes the phone away]

Norm: [on the phone] Hey, Rudy, Rudy. Just relax, OK? I'll tell you what. Go ahead. Take a 5-minute break for lunch. For God's sake, you're hungry. We all have to eat. We're only human. [chuckles] OK? I'll tell you what, if Kreitzer asks, I did not say anything. [hangs up] I must say, this Kreitzer stuff is going very, very well. I told the guys they got to work extra nights next week. They didn't even say boo. I love being Kreitzer. I don't have to paint anymore, right? Business is booming. I've hired a secretary. I've rented us offices.
Frasier: Now, when you say us, who do you mean?
Norm: Me and Kreitzer.
Frasier: When you say Kreitzer, who do you mean?
Norm: Me.
Frasier: When you say me...
Norm: [chuckles] Frasier, don't worry about it. I'm not going crazy. It's just a front. You see, my office door actually leads into an office. But Kreitzer's door opens onto the back alley where they keep the garbage. Well, both offices are furnished about the same.

Rebecca: Hi, everybody. Sorry I'm late. I was at another business seminar. This one was all about accentuating the positive and all you can accomplish by focusing on the good instead of the bad.
Woody: How was it?
Rebecca: The worst. But you know, I like the idea of positive reinforcement in the workplace, so I'm going to give it a shot.
Carla: Man, you got to be a real moron to buy that load of crap.
Rebecca: Way to speak out, Carla. Ooh, way to pour that beer, Woody! Way to run up that tab, Norm. Way to...
l, uh...
Cliff: I got a new haircut.
Rebecca: No...
Cliff: My thumbnail grew back.
Rebecca: No... But just give me a little time.
Cliff: Wait! I think I got it. Nah, everybody's got a pulse.
Carla: Way to make a dork out of yourself, Clavin.
Rebecca: Way to nail him, Carla.

Carla: Sammy, you're never going to buy the bar back at this rate.
Sam: What can I do? I'm tapped out. By the time I pay for gas and tune-ups and Philippe the chamois boy...
Rebecca: Why don't you sell the car? [Carla gasps] It's just a car.
Sam: Honey. Let me explain something to you here. We're not talking about just a car. We're talking about Sammy's Vette. The studmobile, the babe-catcher.
Rebecca: You're right, you're right. I mean, where would Sam be without his crutch? You know, all those years, those women weren't making love to you, they were making love to your car.
Sam: No, that's where you're wrong. They were making love in my car.
Rebecca: Really?
Sam: Come on. Girls don't go out with me just because of my car.
Rebecca: That's right. All the women in Boston are just lining up to go out with Sam Malone and his bus pass.

Sam: Hi, guys. Hey, Gordo, buy you a beer?
Gordo: Uh, Sam...
Sam: At the rate that I'm saving the bucks, Cheers is gonna be mine again in a few short months. And when I'm running this place, things are going to be different.
Woody: How?
Sam: I'll be running the place.
Carla: So, you've really been socking it away, huh, Sammy?
Sam: Yeah, yeah, wish I had a nickel for every dollar I've saved. Just this week, by skipping lunches, working overtime, and having sex-only dates, I've managed to save over $200.
Gordo: This means you only owe me $130.
Sam: What, my retainer's all gone? Well, I can't be too mad at the guy. He gave me a radiator flush for my birthday.