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‘Breaking In Is Hard to Do’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Breaking In Is Hard to Do

907. Breaking In Is Hard to Do

Aired November 1, 1990

When Robin sends Rebecca romantic letters from prison, she is desperate for a conjugal visit. Meanwhile, Norm has to keep running to a new parking meter outside Cheers, and Frasier and Lilith discuss Frederick's childcare.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Morning, everybody.
All: Norm!
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's up?
Norm: The warranty on my liver.

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Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Oh, yeah. See, as a rule, your, uh, psycho killers don't have families. Nah, they're, uh, they're loners. They may have jobs, they're good to their mothers, but, by and large, they sit alone at night in a dark room, writing their depraved thoughts in a diary.
Norm: Cliffie, you keep a diary, don't you?
Cliff: l, uh, keep a journal, Norm. A journal!

Quote from Lilith

Frasier: I thought that Frederick might enjoy himself.
Lilith: Enjoy himself in a bar? He's 11 months old. What kind of values can he learn here?
Frasier: Well, I- I thought the place had a lot to offer.
Lilith: Oh, please, he'll never learn to speak in this environment.
Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
Frederick: Norm!
Lilith: He said "Mommy."

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Gee whiz, Cliff, why don't you give it up? It's been an hour. Let's let Frederick have a chance.
Cliff: No, if he wants to play with it, let him ask me himself.
Frasier: Cliff, you know he can't speak yet. And what a cruel irony that you can.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Good afternoon, everyone. Sam, just a quick iced tea. I've got my obsessive-compulsive group to preside over. You can imagine how punctual they are.
Sam: Ha. What time does it start?
Frasier: Well, now. Boy, the next 15 minutes are really going to drive them bonkers. But that's exactly what they need.

Quote from Rebecca

Carla: It's a minimum security prison. How hard could it be? I mean you're allowed to visit him anytime you want, right?
Rebecca: Yeah.
Carla: So what you do is you find some secluded spot.
Rebecca: Oh, you know, the garden area is usually deserted.
Carla: Great, great. I'll stand watch and you can stay with him as long as you want.
Rebecca: Oh, it shouldn't take long. He's English.

Quote from Frasier

Lilith: Frasier, would you like to hear my theory as to why Frederick is not progressing as well as he should?
Frasier: Something tells me I wouldn't, my love. Uh, Woody, uh, two more drinks, please.
Lilith: It's both our fault. We don't spend enough time with him. We're too busy with our careers. He's being raised by a housekeeper. There is no consistency in his life.
Frasier: I agree, Lilith. As you know, we rarely agree, as you're a behaviorist and I'm a strict Freudian, but it does make for some, some, some hot, angry sex in the boudoir. I don't have to tell you. [laughs]
Norm: I wish you hadn't.

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: Let's face facts. We should let the housekeeper go. One of us should be with our child at all times. The only question is: Which one?
Frasier: Well, you, of course.
Lilith: Why me, of course? Because I'm the woman? Why is the man's work automatically more important? I'm making great breakthroughs in my current research project.
Frasier: Yes, well, damn me to an eternity driving a Yugo, but I make more money than you.
Lilith: I write more books in one year than you read, Frasier.
Frasier: Yes, well, I have many degrees.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Carla, you got a minute?
Carla: What do you need, Becks?
Rebecca: I'm trying to write an appropriate reply to Robin's letter. Well, I don't seem to be able to express myself.
Carla: You want to send a "Smut-O-Gram."
Rebecca: And I was wondering if you could help me since you're the closest thing to a sailor I know.
Carla: Step into my office and rejoice in the filth.

Quote from Rebecca

Robin: Darling, darling, darling, you know... You know I want you more than anything, but we just can't take the chance.
Rebecca: Why? I can be quiet.
Robin: [chuckles] Quiet, no, no. No, it's, it's not that - and I'd feel insulted if you were - but I've just heard wonderful news. I'm up for early parole next month.
Rebecca: Oh! That's good!
Robin: You see, so I can't do anything that would jeopardize that, um, and, well, this is one of the few rules, and, um, you know, while l, I burn for you, I must adhere to it or I'll be here for another year. Now, you do understand that, don't you?
Rebecca: Sure, I do. You don't want to be in jail for another year. But what about my needs?! Carla, we're out of here! [men groan]

Quote from Frasier

Lilith: For God's sake, what are we arguing about? Who should stay home with our child? It's not a punishment, it's an honor. I'd love to. I'd be delighted to stay home and nurture my child.
Frasier: Oh, Lilith, you role-play the mother so well.
Lilith: If we can't make a commitment to be with our child at all cost, who can?
Frasier: I agree. The most important thing is to be with Frederick during his formative years. Say, I have a thought. In celebration of this realization, we'll have dinner together tonight, just the two of us.
Lilith: And Frederick.
Frasier: Of course. Oh, oh, did you want to come? [laughs]

Quote from Sam

Sam: Hey, guys, look at this. It's Doug Aducci, one of the best damn umpires in the American League.
Doug Aducci: And, uh, Sam here was one of the best, uh... groomed pitchers in the American League, huh?
Sam: Sit down here. God, I can't believe this. Last time I saw this guy, we were playing the Yankees. You were behind the plate, ninth inning. I was on the mound, up by one. He calls ball four on Munson. Next guy up is Chambliss, knocks one right out of the park. Not that I care, man, but, you know, that was a strike.
Doug Aducci: No, if I called it a ball, it was a ball, Sam.
Sam: [chuckles] It was right at the knees.
Doug Aducci: It must have been low.
Sam: No, no, man, you gave me the same pitch on Roy White.
Doug Aducci: That was 1975, Sam. It's over.
Sam: The point is that Chambliss should never have come up.
Doug Aducci: Look, Malone, I said it was over!
Sam: All I'm asking, Aducci - if that's your real name - is that you be consistent, for God's sake! I mean, that was my livelihood!
Doug Aducci: That's enough, Malone! Go get my drink!
Sam: Hey, get your own drink!
Doug Aducci: What?!
Sam: You heard-- What, are you hard of hearing, too?!
Doug Aducci: That's it! You're out of here!
Sam: You'd throw me out for that?!
Doug Aducci: Take a hike, Malone, right now! I'll take a hike, but not before I do this! You stupid-- I can't believe it! [Sam leaves in a rage] Eh, it may have been a strike. I was going through a divorce that year.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Oh, Sammy, this town is going down the tubes, I tell you.
Sam: Why do you say that?
Norm: Well, they're installing parking meters up there. Yeah, I'll have to carry a big pocket full of change. It's gonna ruin the line of my pants. Have to go up there every two hours, feed the damned meter.
Woody: Well, you want me to tell you when two hours is up, Mr. P.?
Norm: No, I'll know, Woody. Every 87 sips.

Quote from Frasier

Sam: You guys okay?
Frasier: Well, we've just received some very sobering news.
Woody: Well, you're going to have to feed that meter just like everybody else, Dr. Crane.
Lilith: Yes, Woody. Well, the other thing that has us so distraught is our son's development. Frederick is nearly a year old and has yet to speak his first word. Since we were both so concerned, we decided to have our little man evaluated by a colleague who specializes in child development.
Sam: Oh. What'd he say?
Frasier: He confirmed our worst fears. Frederick is... average.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: It's your fault, Lilith!
Lilith: What?
Frasier: Yes, obviously you have an inferior gene pool.
Lilith: Me?
Frasier: Well, I didn't have a grandfather who was a butter and egg man in New Jersey.
Lilith: Mother warned me you'd say you love me, but sooner or later, you'd bring that up.
Frasier: Lilith, Lilith, I'm sorry. My grandfather wasn't even in America at that time. If he had been, he wouldn't be hawking butter and eggs.

Quote from Woody

Rebecca: How can life be so unfair? They put this sweet, wonderful, dirty man behind bars without conjugal visits. Three years I saved myself for a man and what did I end up with? A two-month window of sex.
Woody: Oh, you know, uh, when my brother was in the Army, he used to visit Amsterdam all the time. He said they have a window of sex on every block. Yeah, l, uh, I saved the letters. You might like them, Miss Howe.
Rebecca: No thanks, Woody.
Woody: Okay, Miss Howe. No hurry on those letters, Mr. Clavin.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Afternoon again, everybody.
All: Norm!
Sam: What'll you have this time, Norm?
Norm: A cow, if I have to climb those stairs one more time. I am sick of this. Every two hours, it's up the stairs and down to the corner, over to the meter, put the coin, down the stairs...
Woody: At least you're getting exercise, huh, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: I get my exercise, Woody. What, do you think I just hop off the bar stool and bam, there's a bathroom? No. N-no, n-n-no, it's way down the hall, Woody.

Quote from Sam

Sam: What have you been doing all day?
Rebecca: I've been writing this reply to Robin's letter.
Sam: Oh, come. Hey, write that on your own time, will you, for goodness' sake? How are you going to get work done if all you do is think about sex?
Rebecca: I don't know, Sam. How do you do it?
Sam: I'm a boy, it's my job.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Sam, don't you think you were a little tough on Miss Howe? I mean, she's hardly ever happy. So what if she was late totaling up some dumb old receipts?
Sam: Oh, maybe you're right. Maybe I was a little tough on her.
Woody: Sam, is this all the vermouth we have?
Sam: Yeah, Rebecca was supposed to order some more. She probably forgot.
Woody: Oh, well, now, that's just tops. Hey, Miss Howe, you were supposed to order more vermouth! We pay you for an eight-hour day, we expect eight hours! Sometimes I wonder, Sam, what are they thinking?

Quote from Frasier

Woody: Dr. Crane, I've got some messages here from Mrs. Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Yes, Woody?
Woody: Yes, well, she called to say she thinks Freddy might have a diaper rash and she can't find the A & D Ointment. And then she called back to say she found the ointment, but would it be better to use talcum powder?
Frasier: Mm-hmm.
Woody: And then she called back to say never mind, she's just gonna, uh, leave the diaper off and let Freddy air out his little bottom. And then she called one last time to ask where the carpet cleaner is.
Frasier: Oh, my God.
Sam: Everything okay?
Frasier: Oh, everything's fine, Sam. We just made one horrible mistake.
Sam: What's that?
Frasier: We left the child alone with its mother.

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