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‘Endless Slumper’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Endless Slumper

110. Endless Slumper

Aired December 2, 1982

After Sam loans his lucky penny to a Red Sox player in a slump, he experiences a run of bad luck while the player's performance turns around.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Diane: Norman.
Coach: What's the story, Norm?
Norm: A thirsty guy walks into a bar. You finish it.

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Quote from Coach

Coach: Listen, Rick. In my day, there was always attractive young dames outside the stadium waiting for players.
Rick Walker: They're still there, Coach.
Coach: Are you kiddin'? Say hello to Rosie McGonagal for me, will ya?
Rick Walker: Different ones are there, Coach.
Coach: Oh, yeah.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Oh, I believe you had a question there.
Diane: Ah, well, I guess It isn't important now. It's just that I know this bottle cap has nothing to do with baseball and I was sort of hoping that you'd tell me what it's all about.
Sam: I know- I know you've been curious. I didn't wanna tell you the real situation cos you'll think I'm silly.
Diane: Well, would it ease your mind at all if I told you I already think you're silly?
Sam: Yeah. That might help a little bit. You see, that, uh, little bottle cap keeps me from drinking. Silly, huh?
Diane: You don't hear it speaking, do you?
Sam: Well, nothing beyond an occasional little small talk. It is a very little bottle cap.
Diane: All right. I'll bite. How does it keep you from drinking, just out of curiosity?
Sam: It's the cap off the last bottle of beer I ever drank, the last anything I ever drank. I remember holding onto that bottle cap during some pretty rough nights. I mean, I'd wake up in the morning and I'd have its imprint in my palm. It was flat cos I was squeezing it so hard. When I was tempted to have a drink, sometimes I'd look at the bottle cap and it would stop me.
Diane: That's a pretty great little bottle cap, huh?
Sam: You wanna know something really crazy? The last couple of nights, I've really had an urge to have a drink.

Quote from Coach

Coach: Come on, Carla. I'll give you a lift.
Carla: Nah, I don't wanna miss the game.
Coach: You can hear it on the car radio.
Carla: How far away is your car?
Coach: A block and a half.
Carla: Let's wait for the right moment.
Announcer: [on radio] We now pause 10 seconds for station identification.
Carla: Coach, the keys! Which direction?
Coach: One block north and about a half a block east. [Carla runs out] Or did I take the bus today?

Quote from Sam

Miss Gilder: Excuse me. I'm here in response to the ad in the newspaper about Mrs. Tortelli's children.
Sam: Oh, what, is she trying to sell them again?
Miss Gilder: What?
Sam: Never mind, never mind.

Quote from Coach

Coach: [answers phone] Cheers. Yeah. Just a sec. It's for you, Sam.
Sam: Ah, give me a second, Coach.
Coach: I'll put you on hold. [taps the receiver against the bar, then holds it upside down and sings into the phone]
Sam: Thank you, Coach.
Coach: All the classy joints do that.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Sam, come on. Tell me you don't think this is because you've lost your talisman.
Sam: Look what's happening to Rick with that cap. I mean, he's turning into a Hall of Famer. He was on AM Boston this morning.
Coach: No kidding, Sam. What did he say?
Sam: Uh, I don't know, I left my TV by the heater last night. It exploded.
Norm: Were you hurt?
Sam: No, no. Luckily I was unconscious in my bathtub.

Quote from Diane

Sam: Thank you. Thank you for listening.
Diane: Oh, well If I wasn't here, I'd be at home in bed with The Brothers Karamazov. Don't- Don't say anything.

Quote from Carla

Miss Gilder: Here are my resume and references, Mrs. Tortelli. You will see that I teach all subjects. I have a great deal of experience, and, if I may say so myself, I'm very highly recommended by those for whom I've worked.
Carla: Forget that. Have you ever been in any major military skirmishes?
Miss Gilder: What?
Carla: Look, it's very important I know you can handle yourself. Just stand up for a minute. Give me one.
Miss Gilder: Give you one what?
Carla: Your best shot, right here. Coldcock me, honey.
Coach: Don't hold back.
Norm: Waste her.
Sam: Lay one on her.
Diane: Let's go.
Miss Gilder: You don't really expect me to strike you?
Carla: Hey, six bucks an hour. [all groan] Great shot! Sit right down here and we'll work out the details.

Quote from Norm

Diane: Norman, you are looking especially spry today.
Norm: Thank you. In fact, I joined a health club today.
Diane: Ooh, good for you. Nice facilities?
Norm: Excellent snack bar.
Coach: Norm, it's gonna add years to your life, I'm telling you.
Norm: Coach, I felt I had to do something.

Quote from Sam

Cliff: Hey, Sammy, this guy over here doesn't believe me about your bar slide. Would you mind serving one up just to save my good name?
Sam: My pleasure.
Cliff: Thank you, Sammy. Let's get this garbage out of here.
Coach: Clear the runway.
Cliff: OK, Sammy. Any time you're ready.
Coach: There you go, Sammy.
[Sam slides a beer down the bar, around the corner and across to Cliff]
Cliff: Hit the bricks, pal.
Diane: Okay, okay. How do you do it?
Sam: Well, that's just one of my two hidden talents. The other is just as impressive.
Diane: But you can hardly charge a buck for it.

Quote from Diane

Sam: Listen. Now, he's been in baseball for a long time. Maybe there's something to this stuff about sex.
Rick Walker: No, Sam, I appreciate the suggestion here but I just don't think that's the answer.
Diane: Oh, wait. Now, wait just a minute. Don't say it's not the answer until you've tried it.
Sam: Diane, Diane-
Diane: Excuse me. My name is Diane. I have done this for years, and I'll tell you, I would be happy to teach you how to do it.
Rick Walker: Well, Diane, this is very kind of you but I don't think...
Diane: No, no, no. Please. Do me the favor of trying it with me.
Rick Walker: Is she serious?
Sam: Oh, yes. She's serious. She does it all the time. She just said so.
Diane: That's right.
Rick Walker: Er... Do you...
Diane: Oh, are you kidding? Him? He'd just make jokes.

Quote from Diane

Rick Walker: Well, OK, then. OK. What time's good for you?
Diane: Well, personally, I like to get at least half an hour in before breakfast, but... Look. Any time's all right with me.
Rick Walker: Darling, I like you.
Diane: You know, there is something so beautiful about experiencing it outdoors.
Rick Walker: Don't people stare at you? [Sam laughs]
Diane: Yes. Sometimes. But they end up learning something. Sometimes people even join in. You know, all this talk has gotten me so excited. What the hell? Let's do it now!
Rick Walker: Outside?
Diane: Oh, no, no. It's a little cold and I prefer to take my shoes off. Sam, could we use your office, huh?
Sam: Wait. I've let this go too far...
Diane: No, no, no. We don't need to hear from Mr. Sceptic. Rick here is after something and I can show him where it is.
[After Diane and Rick disappear into Sam's office, a slap can be heard. Diane emerges from the office, her face twitching. She addresses Sam with an awkward look before heading to the back.]

Quote from Sam

Sam: You gotta start doing different things. You gotta... I dunno. Maybe discover some rituals or superstitions. Maybe start carrying around a lucky charm. I know that sounds silly, but what you gotta do now is break up your routine.
Cliff: Uh, did you have any superstitions, Sammy?
Sam: Well, yeah, I had one crazy little one. I never pitched to anybody named Reggie, Willie or The Bull.

Quote from Cliff

Coach: What is it today, Sammy?
Sam: Oh, nothing too exciting. I locked my keys in the car.
Cliff: Hey! I won the pool!
Norm: Cliff wins three days in a row. It's uncanny.
Carla: What did you have yesterday?
Cliff: Ah, it was scrapes and nicks, and he cut himself shaving. And the day before that, I had stubbing something.
Sam: It still hurts.
Coach: Tell me. What do you like tomorrow?
Cliff: Uh... I see a mine shaft.

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