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‘Any Friend of Diane's’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Cheers: Any Friend of Diane's

106. Any Friend of Diane's

Aired November 4, 1982

An old friend of Diane's, Rebecca (Julia Duffy), comes to Cheers looking for a night of unbridled passion with a man. Meanwhile, Norm brings his boss to the bar.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Afternoon everybody.
Sam: Ho, Norm.
All: Norm!
Coach: How's life treating you, Norm?
Norm: Like he caught in bed with his wife.

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Quote from Carla

Coach: Cliff, answer that for me, will you?
Cliff: You betcha, Coach. [answers phone] Cheers. Carla? Yeah. Carla, it's for you. Sounds like trouble with the kids.
Carla: [o.s.] I'm not here.
Cliff: Carla.
Carla: All right, give it to me. Give it to me. [takes the phone] What is it? Seraphina's where? Well, cut her down. No, I don't care if it helps the TV reception. Cut her down. And if I get home and find you've flushed the car keys again, you've had it. And by the way, any more problems tonight and you're adopted. [looks in the phone book] Your real mother is Doris Slobotkin, 555 8921. [hangs up]
Cliff: Think that's gonna work?
Carla: One-in-a-million chance but I gotta take it.

Quote from Carla

Carla: I love sailing. After seeing Ordinary People, I've been trying to get my kids interested in it.

Quote from Coach

Rebecca: Pardon me.
Coach: Hi.
Rebecca: I'm looking for a Diane Chambers.
Coach: You're in luck. We've got a Diane Chambers.
Rebecca: I beg your pardon?
Coach: I hope you only want one.
Rebecca: Do you sense this conversation is an exercise in futility?
Coach: Oh, thank you very much. My name is Ernie Pantusso but you can call me Coach.
Rebecca: Rebecca Prout.
Coach: Hi, Becky.
Rebecca: Diane and I shared a suite at Bennington.
Coach: No kidding? Sam and I shared a Chunky Bar in Cleveland.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: That's the beauty about being a mailman, Normie. I don't have to play smoochy-woochy with my superiors the way you do.
Norm: Cliff, believe me, it's worth it for accounting. I love numbers. God help me, I love them.
Cliff: Me, I like the challenges. Dogs, vicious kids, those hard-to-find mailboxes.
Norm: [chuckles] You think accounting's boring, eh? I miss one digit, a company goes in the toilet.
Cliff: I'll tell you when it all makes sense. It's Mother's Day. Delivering a card to some old hag. Ah, watching her eyes mist up, well, it kinda gets me right behind the old ballpoint, you know what I mean?
Norm: You want to talk sentimental, pal? Take that same old crone, save her a couple of hundred bucks on the short form. Then I know why the Big Guy put me here.
Coach: I actually get paid to stand here and listen to great conversation.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Come on. Look, I'm just kidding you. Nothing happened. All right?
Diane: He compounds it by lying.
Sam: No, no lie. I swear, nothing happened.
Diane: You mean Rebecca came to her senses?
Sam: No. No, I stopped it.
Diane: Oh, I get it. You got angry because she considered you nothing but a stud service?
Sam: No, I like that. The problem was that I couldn't shut her up. Now, no offence but your friend is very boring. She's depressing and she's long-winded. I mean, those dismal Russian poems. They don't even rhyme. After listening to two hours' worth of frostbite and famine, I decided to get my balalaikas out of there.

Quote from Diane

Sam: Sounds like you had a pretty nice day off.
Diane: Well, it was so nice I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it yet. However, if you insist. I went out with David from the Anthropology Department. He took me up to New Hampshire. We walked in the woods, we communed with nature. We stayed in a little inn where John Adams slept.
Sam: Yeah, lots of guys sign the register that way.
Diane: Well, now I know why I didn't wanna talk about it.
Sam: You know, I had a pretty nice day off myself. Taffy and I went sailing up at Marble Head.
Diane: Taffy? Sailing? You?
Sam: You got a problem with that?
Diane: Oh, no, no. It's just thought your idea of romance was brunch and a cockfight.

Quote from Norm

Sam: How about a beer, Norm?
Norm: Yowza!
Norm: Sammy, I'm gonna bring some company in this afternoon.
Coach: Who are you bringing in, Norm?
Norm: My new superior. I gotta butter him up a little bit, you know. I figure I'd bring him in here for a drink, maybe catch some dinner upstairs.
Carla: Why don't you take him to your house?
Norm: My wife lives there.

Quote from Sam

Rebecca: Hi there.
Sam: Hi there.
Rebecca: Come here often?
Sam: Yeah, just about every day. I work here.
Rebecca: Ah. I couldn't help noticing your arms.
Sam: Yeah, I get a lot of comments on these. They go all the way down to my hands here. What's your name?Diane: Uh, Sam. Change.
Sam: Why? I like myself this way.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Sam, that woman over there is a dear friend of mine. Now, she is going through a very difficult period. So whatever she asks you, please, just say "no".
Sam: What?
Diane: "No."
Rebecca: Diane?
Diane: Yes.
Rebecca: Would you excuse us a moment?
Diane: Fine. [walks away]
Rebecca: [to Sam] Would you object to joining me in my hotel for an afternoon of animal passion?
Sam: [loudly] No. What's your name?
Rebecca: Does it matter?
Sam: No. [hops over the bar and walks out with Rebecca]

Quote from Sam

Diane: You turned a woman down?
Sam: Yeah. Now, here I am all primed for a wonderful afternoon...
Diane: You can't admit the truth, can you?
Sam: What? What is the truth?
Diane: Decency finally won out. You did the right thing. You were noble.
Sam: No, no. I was bored.
Diane: Unconsciously, you were sensitive to her suffering and you didn't want to take advantage of that.
Sam: Think so?
Diane: Yes. Sam Malone, you're a better man than you're willing to admit.
Sam: Maybe you're right. Maybe I am kinda turning into a sensitive guy. Maybe I'll never look at a woman again and see her as a mere sex object. [looks at Diane] No, scratch that thought.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Rebecca. You are a very desirable woman. He does happen to be going with somebody, that's all. Me.
Both: You?
Diane: We can tell it now. Yes. Today we had a tiff right before you came in. And Sam used you to make me jealous and then, when push came to shove, he finally remembered what a wonderful thing we have together. Isn't that right, sweetheart?
Sam: Oh, yeah. Sure. You bet ya.
Diane: Yes, Sam and I are deeply and passionately in love.
Rebecca: I can't believe it. You two? It's incredible. I'd never have put you two together.
Diane: Well, I know. It does test the limits of human logic. But, like you, I was growing bored with bright, articulate men.
Sam: You were, huh?
Diane: Sure. I was looking for meat and potatoes. Sam here, the old side of beef, really fit the bill.

Quote from Sam

Sam: You know, I was getting kinda bored with beautiful, sexy, sensuous women. I decided to go for pleasant. [chuckles]
Diane: Yes, believe it or not, I actually prefer a man who's thick and ordinary.
Sam: You know, I guess I'm kind of old-fashioned. I like a woman who does what her man tells her. Oh, hey, lookee there, my shoe's undone. Will you get that for me, honey?
Diane: What, darling?
Sam: Would you tie my shoesy-woosy for me? She loves doing these little things for me. That's a little tight there, honey.
Diane: How's that, sweetheart?
Sam: Wow, that's much better. Thank you.

Quote from Coach

Norm: Oh, one thing, you guys, you don't know me in here, OK?
Sam: Why?
Norm: I don't want him to think I'm a bar fly.
Coach: Good.
Norm: Don't call me Norm, all right?
Coach: Gotcha, Norm.

Quote from Carla

Diane: Rebecca.
Rebecca: Diane.
Diane: What a wonderful coincidence. I never come into a place like this. I'm doing research for a paper...
Carla: Hey, hey, hey. What the hell's going on here?
Diane: Oh, a serving girl. [winking at Carla] Would you bring us a bottle of wine?
Carla: Only if I can spit in it.

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