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‘From Beer to Eternity’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Cheers: From Beer to Eternity

409. From Beer to Eternity

Aired November 28, 1985

After suffering a humiliating defeat to Gary's Olde Towne Tavern in softball, the Cheers gang try to reclaim their pride in a bowling match.

Quote from Norm

Norm: You got the cheering under control. I'll mosey up to the bar for a beer.
Cliff: You're gonna miss the game, Norm.
Norm: Then that's a perfect plan, huh?
Sam: Hey, Cliffie, how're we doing here?
Cliff: Fifty pins down, sinking like a stone, Sammy.
[Norm walks into the bowling alley bar:]
All: [o.s.] Norm!
Sam: How the hell do they know him here?
Cliff: He's got a life, you know.

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Quote from Diane

Diane: Excuse me, but you've obviously come here to belittle my friends. Why? I can only speculate. Perhaps you're compensating for some physical shortcoming. I don't know. But it's tragic that you place such stock in a silly competition. What of higher attainments? What of loftier pursuits? What of art? And philosophy? What of music?
Gary: I graduated magna cum laude in American Literature from Princeton.
Diane: Oh? Couldn't make summa?

Quote from Woody

Sam: Say, Woody, it's still not too late to change your mind.
Woody: Don't you understand? I maimed a man.
Sam: Bowling accidents happen. You read about them in the paper all the time.
Woody: He was only an innocent maintenance man.
Sam: Come on, man. He knew the risks.
Woody: I still don't know what happened. You know, one minute, I was picking up the eight-ten split, and the next thing I know, the ten pin flies and hits old Sully right between the eyes and he goes down like a sack of wheat. Sam, I ruined the man's life.
Sam: Oh, come on. I'm sure you're exaggerating.
Woody: Oh, no. No, I'm not. Old Sully got too dim-witted to stay in bowling maintenance. Last I heard, he was a clown at children's birthday parties.
Sam: Well, what's wrong with that?
Woody: He wasn't invited to them.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Ah, the alleys. Thanks. It's really a sensory experience, you know. The scent of Aqua Net on a beehive hairdo. The roar of polyester against old Naugahyde. The sight of a cigarette stubbed out in a patty melt. All this, plus the anticipation of placing your feet in shoes only 7,000 others have worn before you.

Quote from Diane

Diane: [to Woody] Give me your shoes. Give me your shoes.
Cliff: Oh, Diane, are you bowling?
Diane: Yes.
Sam: Come on. Well, are you any good?
Diane: Yes. And if you whisper a word of this to anyone who matters, I'll find you and I'll kill you. Did you think I came by my utter contempt for the sport by accident? Hardly. I took it in college.
Sam: You bowled in college?
Diane: Yes. I needed the PE credits. I could read between frames, and you didn't have to run. I spent six semesters sweating in a tawdry bowling alley.
Carla: Bowlers don't sweat.
Diane: They do when they're wearing tweed. In spite of my complete disdain for the experience, I have no intention of letting this Ivy League lounge lizard insult me and my sorority sisters and send Cheers to ignominious defeat. [Diane bowls a strike] Your mama!

Quote from Diane

Diane: Back so soon from the sport of the great unwashed? How was the audition?
Sam: Tryout. Diane, in sports, it's called a tryout.

Quote from Carla

Carla: I gotta hand it to you, Whitey. For once, you did something that didn't make me wanna shove a rat in your mouth and sew your lips shut.
Diane: Such praise. I blush.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Buon giorno, Norm.
Norm: Cliffie.
Cliff: Yeah. Kind of bright out there today, huh?
Norm: Yeah, I wouldn't know.
Cliff: Yeah. I feel sorry for all those people that have to squint.
Norm: Say, Cliff, those wouldn't be new glasses, would they?
Cliff: Oh, hey, you noticed, huh? Yeah, Italian imports. Sixty-five smack-a-roonies. That's right. Notice the sleek, European styling there, the sturdy reinforced frames, and the hi-tech, shatterproof reflective lenses that allow me to scope out the dollies without drawing attention to myself.
Carla: You could walk up to them naked with your hair on fire and not draw attention to yourself.
Cliff: Yeah? What would you know? They only work on women.
Carla: You! They seem to have given you courage. Prove it.
Cliff: Well, what do you mean?
Norm: Yeah, I wouldn't mind seeing a little demonstration myself.
Cliff: All right, all right. All right. All right!
Norm: You've got the shades. What are you worrying about?
Cliff: [to a woman] Excuse me.
Woman: Oh, perfect! [applies lipstick while looking at her reflection in Cliff's glasses] Thanks.

Quote from Woody

Sam: Damn! Now I know why they weren't afraid to let me play. They were great out there. They were like the '27 Yankees.
Woody: He's exaggerating. There were only nine of them.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Come on, guys. We can't just sit around crying in our beer here.
Diane: Norman's right.
Norm: We don't have any. Come on, Diane, step on it, will you. I feel a tear welling up here.

Quote from Diane

Cliff: Well, at least some of us looked good out there, huh?
Alan: Yeah, Cliff, the less of your face showing, the better.
Diane: Oh, listen to yourselves. You're letting a minor setback in some trivial competition ruin what is an otherwise lovely day. Forget it, Sam.
Sam: You just don't get it, do you? It's not just that the guys from Gary's beat us at basketball, volleyball, darts and every other sport known to mankind. It's more than that. I'm a jock. This is a jock bar, but if we keep losing, all the jocks are gonna say, "Hey, Cheers is for losers. Let's go drink over at Gary's."
Diane: Oh, they'll never say that. They'll say, "Me no like Cheers. Let's go to Gary's."

Quote from Carla

Sam: Bowling?
Carla: Don't worry. I got this theory, Sam. You see, all of those other sports required real athletic ability, but with bowling, we got the makings of a great team!
Sam: Oh, Carla, I-
Carla: Oh, listen, listen! You go to any bowling alley, what do you see? A bunch of out-of-shape couch potatoes who do nothing but sit around and swill beer.
Norm: All right, we're number one!

Quote from Sam

Sam: Come on, Woody. Listen, man, I've never begged for anything in my life... [Diane clears her throat]... that I actually enjoyed once I got it. Come on. Please. Come on, join the team here.

Quote from Norm

Woody: I can't! Since the accident, I haven't been able to set foot in a bowling alley.
Sam: Well, why don't you just try it today. Maybe the memory's faded. You don't understand what's at stake.
Woody: Can't you hear me? No!
Norm: Sammy, I'll take a crack at him here. [to Woody] Listen to me, all right? Now, every once in a while you just gotta look beyond yourself, okay? And think about the team. Like my old high school football coach used to always say: "Give the ball to Peterson. He'll know what to do with it." But, hey, I didn't want that responsibility, but for the good of the team, you understand, I took it. We went ahead and we had a great season.
Woody: Were you the fullback, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: No, I was the equipment manager. But that's not my point.

Quote from Carla

Gary's team: [chant] Old Towne Tavern! Old Towne Tavern! Old Towne Tavern! Old Towne Tavern!
Gary: Quiet, you guys. Let's show our worthy opponent a little courtesy.
Carla: Back off, buster, or I'll put Vaseline in your finger holes.
Gary: Just try to touch my ball.
Carla: I'm talking about your nose.

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