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‘Li'l Sister Don't Cha’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Li'l Sister Don't Cha

202. Li'l Sister Don't Cha

Aired October 13, 1983

With Carla out on maternity leave, her innocent younger sister, Annette, fills in at the bar. Cliff falls head over heels for her, but it turns out she's not as innocent as she seems.

Quote from Carla

Sam: Should I ask what this sister's called or am I going to regret it?
Carla: No, Sammy, Annette is different than the rest of us. She's always been the good one.
Sam: Well, every family has its white sheep.
Diane: You and your sister close?
Carla: No, no. We never spent much time together. I only see her when I go home to family occasions. Weddings, holidays, stays of execution. Anyway, the thing about Annette, she's real shy. Kind of a wallflower. She doesn't have very many friends.
Sam: We'll take care of her. When are we gonna meet her?
Carla: Soon. I've been in labor for four minutes.
Diane: It was my funny face, wasn't it?
Sam: Carla, why didn't you say something?
Carla: I tried to hold out until my customers left. It was my last shot at a pity tip. [to the customer] Hey, mail it to me. I'll be at Saint Elygius Hospital. Carla Tortelli. Enjoy your drinks while I'm under the knife.

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Quote from Norm

Norm: You know, I think that friendship is two guys who can remember all the good times they shared.
Cliff: Ah, yeah, that's good, Norm.
Norm: Remember all the times we shared?
Cliff: Hey, listen, Norm. If you want a couple of bucks-
Norm: No, Cliff, Cliff, Cliff. Remember when you thought that I was drinking too much? And you felt I really ought to stop. As a friend, I appreciated that.
Cliff: Yeah, you didn't stop, Norm.
Norm: I decided you were wrong, but...

Quote from Norm

Cliff: Who's she been with?
Norm: Everybody.
Cliff: You?
Norm: No.
Cliff: Because you're married, right?
Norm: Cliff, when you're married to a woman like Vera, you don't even think about extramarital sex. You try not to think about marital sex.

Quote from Carla

Carla: [after jumping down the stairs] It won't budge. I think I'm going to be pregnant for the rest of my life. Just like it said in the yearbook.
Sam: Stubborn little bugger, isn't he?
Carla: You know, Sammy, I think he learnt about brothers and sisters and decided to stay inside where it's safe.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Carla, there's a theory that late-born babies are more intelligent. For example, I was born late.
Sam: Hey, so was l.
Diane: Well, it was just a theory.

Quote from Carla

Diane: You have a sister named No-Neck?
Carla: It's her nickname. Everyone in my family has one.
Diane: Just out of curiosity, Carla, what's your nickname?
Carla: Muffin.
Diane: You're kidding?
Carla: What's wrong with Muffin?
Diane: Nothing, it's the most incredible coincidence. You and I have the same nickname.
Carla: No?
Diane: Daddy always called me his muffin because I was so sweet and toasty.
Carla: Well, I'm called Muffin cos my brothers once stuffed yeast in my ears and tried to bake my face.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Sam, she's turned into the thing that devoured Boston. We've gotta tell Carla about this.
Sam: No, we do not have to tell Carla about this. It's none of our business if she likes men. Loves men. She can do whatever she wants with her sex life. It's in the Bill of Rights.
Diane: Where is it in the Bill of Rights?
Sam: Well, you know, the part about the right to assemble and bear arms.
Diane: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Sam: Hey. I thought you said you weren't gonna call me stupid now that we're being intimate.
Diane: No. I said I wouldn't call you stupid while we're being intimate.

Quote from Coach

Annette: Hi.
Coach: Oh, hi.
Annette: I'm Carla's sister, Annette Lozupone.
Coach: Oh, what an interesting name. How do you pronounce it?
Annette: Lozupone.
Coach: Gee, just like it sounds.

Quote from Cliff

Sam: You know, you'd be doing her a favor if you asked her out. She'd feel more comfortable.
Cliff: Well, I don't know. Maybe on the way out. [finishes his beer] Gotta go.
Norm: So soon? Cliffy, the night's young and it's your round.
Cliff: Oh, hey, sorry. Got a big day tomorrow. They've asked me to test-drive a new postal vehicle on my route.
Coach: How come they asked you?
Cliff: Uh, I've got the best safety record in the branch, Coach. Never been near an accident.
Paul: Not since you were born.
Cliff: Was that comment addressed to me, Paul?
Paul: No, Cliff. If it were addressed to anybody, it'd probably get lost in the mail.
Cliff: Well, if I wasn't wearing this uniform, I'd ask you to step outside.
Norm: If you weren't wearing that uniform, we'd all step outside.

Quote from Coach

Sam: So, what do you think? How's the new girl doing?
Diane: Oh, very well. That date with Cliff is the second one she's made here.
Sam: Really? Well, that's good. She's breaking out of her shell.
Coach: Sam, it's Cheers. It's a romantic bar. As many people fall in love here as get sick.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Sam, she's not what Carla thinks she is.
Sam: Yes, she is. She's just... She's naive.
Diane: Sam, I am an excellent judge of character. And I say she's loose.
Sam: Stop, stop. She's not loose. All right, I'll talk to her. I'll keep her from getting into trouble. Annette, can I talk to you in my office? [to Diane] By the way, I think you would do a lot better for yourself if you stop meddling in other people's sex lives and started concentrating on mine. [Diane kisses her finger and places it on am's lips] Oh, that's great. That'll keep me till the end of the minute.

Quote from Coach

Coach: OK, folks. The movie's ready.
Sam: I got the lights.
Coach: Thanks, Sam. Sit down. Get nice and comfy. Here we go. Everyone comfortable? This film I call "A Trip To The Hospital To Visit Carla And Her New Two-Day-Old Baby."
Sam: I like it.
Coach: Thanks, Sam. Here we are in the elevator. Okay, those elevator doors are opening and we go into Carla's room. And, yes, we go in... And... Oh, gee, I made a mistake. That's the dead guy's room. The widow was so upset. I tried to cheer her up with a gift. It just wasn't the right moment. Now, here we are. I'm on the right floor, and there's Carla's room, I hope, and in we go. Yes, it is! All the kids were very good. They were on their good behavior. Then Anthony squirted his water pistol. Here I am wiping the lens. And Seraphina grabbed the camera, crawled under a bed and I begged her for it and I had a heck of a time. Then Ann Marie jumped on my back.
Sam: Coach, didn't you get a shot of the baby?
Coach: Yeah, there she is.
Norm: Which one's Carla's?
Coach: It's the little girl, Norm. Doesn't she look like her mother? That's all.

Quote from Coach

Diane: We are confronted with a problem.
Norm: If we tell him about her, we ruin his life.
Diane: Well, what if we don't tell him about her?
Norm: If we don't tell him about her, we ruin his life.
Coach: Well, if I'm confused, everybody must be.

Quote from Cliff

Norm: Come on. Let's get a beer.
Cliff: Are you kidding? I'm not going back there. The guys are gonna laugh at me.
Norm: No one's gonna laugh at you. Those people care about you and know you're hurting. Anybody who laughs at you has gotta answer to me.
Cliff: Normie, you're about the best friend I ever had.
Norm: You're mine. Wanna hug?
Cliff: No.
Norm: Me neither.
Cliff: I mean, it's not like you pulled me from a burning car wreck or anything.

Quote from Sam

Carla: Oh, no. Here comes another order.
Diane: [to Sam] I need two martinis. One straight up, one over.
Sam: Gin or... vodka?
Diane: Gin. Beefeaters.
Sam: Anything else?
Diane: Yes. There's something else. Something I need... desperately. A Molson Golden ale.
Coach: Sam, you're out of this room.
Sam: Coach, we were gonna kiss.
Coach: We were? Do you mind if I do these first, Sam?

Quote from Carla

Coach: How did it happen the last time?
Carla: Benny Hill did it.
Coach: Benny Hill?
Carla: Well, I was watching him on TV and I was laughing so hard I went into labor.
Norm: Yeah, I heard that could happen.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Well, if laughter's what you need, I have a face that makes people laugh.
Coach: Yeah, but you got a nice personality, Diane.
Diane: No, I'm going to make a funny face. [pulls a funny face]
Carla: I don't think it's gonna help, but go ahead.
Diane: Very funny.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Hi, Annette. I'm Sam.
Annette: Hi.
Sam: We've been waiting for you. I see you already met Coach.
Annette: He must be a good worker.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Annette.
Annette: Diane.
Diane: Well, you must hear about me from Carla all the time, huh?
Annette: No.
Diane: She never mentioned another waitress here?
Annette: Oh, yes, I've heard her talk about Fishface.
Diane: She quit.

Quote from Norm

Coach: Nice kid, that Annette.
Sam: Yeah, she is, Coach.
Cliff: Yeah, she's cute too.
Norm: Cute?
Coach: You like her there, Cliffo?
Cliff: I don't know. I just said she was cute.
Norm: Are you gonna ask her out?
Cliff: No.
Tom: You haven't had a date in months.
Cliff: Oh, there's a simple explanation for that that you riffraffs probably wouldn't understand. I have impossibly high standards for a woman.
Norm: Yeah. She has to like you, right?

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