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‘Airport V’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Cheers: Airport V

619. Airport V

Aired February 25, 1988

After Eddie takes a job across the country, Carla is afraid to fly out to see him. Meanwhile, a reviewer visits Cheers.

Quote from Carla

Carla: I am not afraid to fly. I'm not! I'm afraid to crash.
Tom: Did you have a bad experience?
Carla: Yes, I did! First time in an airplane. It was on my honeymoon with Nick. We're going to New York - short flight, no problem, right? Well, suddenly, the plane hits turbulence, right? Me and Nick were thrown all around that bathroom. I haven't flown since.

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Quote from Cliff

Norm: Whoa, Cliffie, new Weekly Gabber I see, huh?
Cliff: Yeah, you betcha. Look at this headline here. "Suicidal Twin Kills Brother by Mistake."
Frasier: Oh, Cliff, you don't actually believe that pack of lies, do you?
Cliff: Well, Dr. Crane, it just shows you how much you know about free press here in America. I mean, uh, they can't print it unless it's the truth. Well, granted, you know, some of these stories might be a bit exaggerated, but, uh, I guarantee you at the core of each is the kernel of truth. Allow me to demonstrate. Hey, hey. Come here, fella. Listen, I just won five bucks in the lottery. Pass it on, will ya? Thanks a lot. The truth has begun its journey now around the bar. When it returns, it may be a little bit distorted, you know. People will be saying I won $500, maybe $5,000, maybe five million dollars, but I guarantee you the essence of the message will be the truth.
Pete: Hey, Norm, get this. Some geek brain's all jazzed because he just won five bucks.
Frasier: Touche.

Quote from Norm

Murray Treadwell: So I stand by my original review, "the Hungry Heifer is a trough."
Norm: Okay, fine. But listen, if you can find a better 25-ounce steak for $1.99, pal, you just let me know, all right?

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Well, you know, Carla, I've done a lot of reading lately about fear of flying. I've always wanted to conduct a workshop for people with your problem. I'm sure I could scare up a few people like you. Oh, no pun intended. None noticed, I am sure.
Carla: No way, Frasier. I am not going to wind up in your office, strapped to some table with electricity shot through my head.
Frasier: Carla, that's not part of the therapy.
Carla: Oh, yeah? What about Diane?
Frasier: Now, look. I never treated Diane with any kind of shock inducement. Of course, now I wish I had.

Quote from Rebecca

Norm: He gave Cheers a really bad review a couple years ago. Really bad. I almost stopped coming here.
Rebecca: What did he say?
Cliff: Well, a bar full of bores.
Norm: Yeah, oafish clientele.
Sam: Dumb lug of a bartender.
Rebecca: Well, we're under new management here. A lot of things have changed.
Sam: Like what?
Rebecca: We have ferns. Didn't he say anything nice?
Sam: Yes, as a matter of fact, he said the one saving grace was the refreshing lack of ferns.
Rebecca: You guys are just trying to rattle me. With the changes I've instituted and with Carla locked in the storage closet, everything's going to be fine. 86 the ferns, Woody.

Quote from Carla

Frasier: What's the problem?
Sam: Well, Carla wants to visit Eddie on the West Coast, but she's afraid to fly.
Frasier: Well, do you mean, by afraid to fly, what? Um... she's claustrophobic, agoraphobic, or acrophobic?
Carla: Death-o-phobic.

Quote from Woody

Carla: All right, all right. Can it, you clowns. You know, a lot of people criticize hockey players. They say they're wasting their time. After their careers are over they're not prepared for anything. Well, my Eddie just proved them wrong.
Eddie LeBec: Thank you, Carla.
Carla: You walked around in public in that thing?
Eddie LeBec: I thought you'd get a kick out of it. Listen, uh, Carla, I got to fly to Seattle tomorrow.
Woody: You can't fly in that thing, can you?
Eddie LeBec: No, Woody, I'm going on an airplane.
Woody: I know, I mean you're not going to fly in that thing, are you?

Quote from Carla

Cliff: Hey, uh, Carla, I couldn't help but notice that Eddie calls you every single day asking you to go out there, and you just keep giving him the brush-off. I mean, hey, what gives here, little lady?
Carla: Drop it. Or I'll set your face on fire and beat out the flames with your butt.
Norm: Well, does that satisfy your curiosity, Cliff?
Cliff: Totally. But it does raise a series of other questions.

Quote from Sam

Rebecca: He wants me to have dinner with him. That means he expects something for a good review.
Sam: I'll get the petty cash.
Rebecca: Sam. He wants me to compromise myself.
Sam: Honey, we all do.
Rebecca: Why do I even talk to you? I'm not going to make a big deal of this. It's just going to be another business dinner. That's all. Everything will be fine.
Sam: Listen to me. Listen. If, uh, one thing should lead to another tonight and you wake up in the morning and find out you done something you wish you hadn't, I just want you to know, I'd love to take you out tomorrow night.

Quote from Sam

Sam: [on the phone] All right, all right, sure thing, Eddie. Okay, listen, break a wing. [chuckles] I know, I know, I know, you hate those jokes. Listen, just keep a stiff upper beak. [laughs] I'm sorry. All right, bye-bye, bye-bye.

Quote from Rebecca

Sam: That was your husband on the phone there, Carla.
Carla: Why was he calling you?
Sam: Well, he's upset. He wanted me to ask you, find out why, you know, you won't go see him.
Carla: How can l, Sam? I can't afford a plane ticket to Seattle.
Sam: Well, now I could loan you the money.
Carla: Great. But who could get the time off?
Rebecca: If it's for the sake of your marriage, I'm sure we could work something out. If you'd like to take a leave of absence for say, a year, that would be fine.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm! Norm!
Woody: What's the story, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: "Bobbsey Twins Go to the Brewery." Let's just cut to the happy ending.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Carla, now you're being silly. Listen, statistics prove that this is...
Carla: The hell with statistics. Does the words "ice on the wings" mean anything to you?
Frasier: Oh, that is simply the sun glinting off the wings. Does that look like ice to you? [the plane shakes]
All: Meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
Frasier: Will you stop that incessant caterwauling?
All: Meow, meow, meow.
Frasier: Why aren't they serving drinks?
Carla: Hey, Fras, you okay?
Frasier: I'm fine. Fine.
Carla: You look a little green.
Frasier: I'm perfectly all right. Where is that damn cocktail cart? What was that?
Carla: What?
Frasier: That pinging noise. I heard it. I heard a ping, a ping, ping. What, have you all gone deaf or something?
Carla: Hey, hey, ease up.
Frasier: Do you feel cold air rushing in here?
Carla: No.
Frasier: My God! There's a leak in the fuselage!
Carla: Calm down, Frasier.
Frasier: Oh, God, look! It's the wings! They're flapping around like a wounded duck! We're all gonna die!
Carla: Frasier! You're not in your happy place.
Frasier: What do you mean? In a grave? We're going down! We're going down! I got to get out of here! Mommy! Mommy!
Carla: Frasier!

Quote from Woody

Woody: Sam, you don't really think Miss Howe would do anything she shouldn't have to get a good review, do you?
Sam: No, of course not.
Woody: Then why do you keep teasing her?
Sam: Well, haven't you ever noticed how her chest kind of heaves when she's angry?
Woody: I always avert my eyes.
Sam: You're kidding me.
Woody: No. I'm a leg man.

Quote from Sam

Rebecca: Listen up, everyone. One of the most influential reviewers in the city has been going around to different bars in the area reviewing them. Need I say more?
Woody: Yes.
Rebecca: Woody, in case he comes in here, I want everybody on his best behavior.
Sam: Aw, gee, does this mean we're going to have to cancel the midget tossing contest?
Rebecca: Sam, please don't joke about this. This really means a lot to me.
Sam: Oh, don't worry about it. I'm sure we'll do great. As long as the reviewer doesn't happen to be that SOB Murray Treadwell. You remember him?
Rebecca: Well, I'm not saying it is, but what if it were?
Sam: Well, then you better kiss your butt good-bye. Actually, that sounds more like a job for me, doesn't it?
Rebecca: What's the matter with him?
Sam: He's a hater. The guy hates everybody. I hate people like that.

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