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‘Behind Every Great Woman’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Behind Every Great Woman

319. Behind Every Great Woman

Aired February 21, 1985

When Sam tries to impress a reporter who questions his intelligence, he tries to tap an unwitting Diane into sharing some pointers about art.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Sam: What would you like, Norm?
Norm: A reason to live. Keep them coming.

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Quote from Frasier

Sam: [comes out of his office] Diane, am I pronouncing this right? Giv-er-ny?
Diane: [French accent] Giverny.
Sam: Thank you.
Frasier: It seems every time we have a discussion about something, it turns into- What was that all about?
Diane: Sam is developing an interest in the Impressionists.
Frasier: Hmm.
Diane: Hmm, what?
Frasier: Hmm, this is suspicious. I think it's part of Sam's grand design to win you back.
Diane: Oh, not this again. You're starting to sound like a broken record.
Frasier: Oh, now you're saying that I'm redundant. That I repeat myself. That I say things over and over.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Cliffie had the Ton O'T-Bone. For less than four bucks you get 24 ounces of USDA choice beff.
Cliff: Beff? No, you mean beef.
Norm: Beef? Don't be ridiculous, Cliffie, that stuff is beff. It's a Hungry Heifer trademark for a processed, synthetic... What, uh, meat-like substance.
Cliff: Oh, no.
Norm: What do you expect for four bucks? You see me complain about the loobster?

Quote from Norm

Cliff: You look a little peaky there, my friend.
Norm: I'll be all right as soon my dinner settles in.
Sam: You didn't eat at the Hungry Heifer again?
Norm: Yes, I did. The place is all right. I just didn't order the right thing. I just couldn't resist the muscles.
Cliff: Hey, I love seafood.
Norm: No, there's a big burly waiter. He makes you shut up and eat.

Quote from Carla

Sam: Guys, does anybody remember anything that Diane has said about Impressionism?
Carla: No, but I know she makes a bad first one. After that, it gets worse.

Quote from Carla

Sam: I found out Paula likes French Impressionists, so I got to find some smart things to say. Yeah, she's an art buff and I'm a Paula-in-the-buff buff.
Carla: Give up on this one, Sammy.
Sam: Listen, I'm doing just fine. I've had two dates with her. As long as I keep throwing out Dianeisms, there's no problem.
Carla: Haven't you had your fill of dames like that? I thought that disaster with Diane would have soured you on brainy women. Or women. Or life.

Quote from Cliff

Norm: [enters with Cliff] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Cliff: Afternoon, everybody. [silence]

Quote from Cliff

Carla: So how was your meal at the Hungry Heifer?
Norm: Well, Cliff was a little fussy at first, but I think I made a convert out of him.
Carla: Really?
Cliff: Well, yeah, my steak was a little gristly, but what do you expect from a place decorated with a mural depicting the Heimlich manoeuvre?

Quote from Sam

Sam: Oh, hey, guys, I got a letter from Coach. He's in Ohio.
Larry: What's he doing in Ohio?
Sam: Uh, a family reunion. There's some pictures in there of him with everybody.
Carla: Let me see.
Cliff: Whoa. Hey, that's a very attractive family there, Sam, but how come everybody but the Coach is black?
Sam: Well, that's not his family. He was sent an invitation by mistake. He didn't want to hurt anybody's feelings by not showing up.
Carla: Well, looks like they've accepted him.
Sam: Are you kidding? He's been going for the last six or seven years. In fact, I think next year they're going to have it at his place. It says here, "Send my love to everybody at Cheers." Then he signs it, "Uncle Whitey".

Quote from Sam

Diane: [to Frasier] You do repeat yourself on this subject. And it's very cynical of you not to believe that Sam is developing an appreciation, a genuine appreciation, for culture.
Sam: I'm sorry, Diane, just one more art question here.
Diane: What is it, Sam?
Sam: All right. Excuse me. Okay, now, this Rubens guy. Is this the same guy that invented that sandwich?
Diane: No, I don't think so.
Sam: Well, okay. I was just wondering, boy, 'cause I tell ya, the women in his paintings look like they really tuck away the groceries.
Frasier: [to Diane] You're right. He'll be a curator in no time.

Quote from Carla

Cliff: Va-va-va-voom, eh, Norm?
Norm: I beg your pardon?
Cliff: Hot babe there at twelve o'clock. I think it's the next notch on the old Clavin bedpost.
Carla: The only notches on your bedpost come from banging your head in frustration.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Excuse me, Sam? I'm afraid I was all too brief in my response to your inquiry about Cezanne. Backgrounds were always very important to him, even during his early period. Eventually however, he completely broke with Renaissance perspective.
Sam: A-ha. Now, that makes sense. Thank you very much.
Diane: But that's still not the reason his paintings looked, as you so eloquently put it, "like he was goofed on skunk weed."
Sam: You know what I was talking about.
Diane: No, no, I'm not putting you down. I think your new-found interest in the arts is completely laudable. And I'd like to think that I had something to do with it.
Sam: Well, you did.
Diane: Keep it up, big lug.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Hey, Diane, how about those pointillists, huh?
Diane: Oh. I think Seurat was the finest naturalist of his time.
Sam: Yeah, you and me both, sister.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Sammy, I hate to cast a shadow over your good time, but have you given any thought to who will be making drinks tomorrow while you're making whoopee?
Sam: No, damn. I didn't think about that. Well, you can handle yourself behind the bar, can't you?
Carla: Give up waiting on tables? Aw, I get my heaviest tips in my third trimester.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Sam? If it makes it any easier, I know what you're going to ask.
Sam: You do?
Diane: Yes. I overheard your conversation, perhaps I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it. You're going to ask about this weekend, aren't you?
Sam: Yeah. Listen, I know the first time we tried this, it didn't turn out too hot... But I'm going to take full responsibility for that.
Diane: Well... I'm sure that I was at fault, too.
Sam: Well, whatever, whatever. I think the important thing is that it'll be better this time, now you know where everything is.
Diane: Well, I suppose that's true.

Quote from Diane

Sam: Yeah, I'll tell you what. If you like this weekend, maybe we can talk about making it permanent. What do you say?
Diane: Permanent? Is that you want, Sam?
Sam: Well, I'm not making any promise, here. Let's just see how the weekend goes, OK? Is tomorrow at three okay? Because I already made reservations.
Diane: I know. I know. Sam, I'm just overwhelmed.
Sam: Oh, come on. You don't have to be nervous. Listen, after your first couple of drinks, you'll relax, get into, and I think you'll actually enjoy it.
Diane: Well, it does seem to help. Oh, Sam!
Sam: What, what, what?
Diane: Oh, everything's going so fast. My mind is a tumult. I feel like we're on a runaway train. Where will it end? I've got to think about this. I'm sorry.
Sam: Boy, you really are taking this seriously. Hey, listen. Don't worry, if you break anything, I'm fully insured.

Quote from Diane

Paula: You know, it's my first weekend with this guy and I just hope I'm not making a big mistake. Frankly, he's got me puzzled. I start to think he's a big, dumb jerk and then he says something kind of intelligent.
Diane: Well, I'm lucky, I know mine's a dumb jerk. But we have something that just won't die. Kinda like crab grass.
Paula: Well, that's a lovely thought.
Diane: You know, I know I may be making the biggest mistake of my life. I'm seeing an eminent psychiatrist now.
Paula: Well, so am l. Is it helping you?
Diane: No, no. I mean romantically.
Paula: Oh.
Diane: And I may be giving all of that up just to rekindle a mostly physical relationship whose only appeal may be its danger.

Quote from Diane

Sam: What's with the suitcase?
Diane: Oh, that's not my suitcase. Who said it was my suitcase? No, no.
Sam: Well, it looks like yours.
Diane: Oh, well, there are a million of these around. No, this one belongs to this gentleman. Sir? Really. Now don't leave this lying around. Anybody could just walk right off with it.
Al: It'll never happen again.
Diane: Well, have fun, Sam.
Sam: Yeah, yeah. Thank you, I will. [exits]
Diane: [to Al as he rumages around in Diane's suitcase] You! [slaps his hand]
Al: Still, that's the most fun I've had since 1958.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Delicious, Sammy. Fortunately, I've saved room for another.
Sam: Coming up. Whoa, gentlemen, the keg is dry.
Cliff: Whoa. A new keg coming out, gents.
[After Larry starts humming taps, the other patrons join in as Sam goes to replace the keg]
Cliff: We'll miss you.
Sam: Hey, guys, do we have to do this every time?
Cliff: We don't have to, Sammy, it's an honor and a privilege.
Larry: The keg is dead. Long live the keg.
[The guys start humming "Hail to the Chief"]
Cliff: Norm? Normie, are you OK?
Norm: Oh, Cliffie, I swore it wouldn't get to me this time.

Quote from Cliff

Paula: Hi, I'm Paula Nelson.
Norm: Oh, Norm Peterson.
Paula: Norm.
Cliff: Hi. Cl... cl... Cl... cl...
Norm: This smooth talker is Cliff Clavin.
Paula: Hello, Cliff.
Cliff: [mumbling]
Paula: May I buy you and your immigrant friend a beer?

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