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‘Feeble Attraction’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Feeble Attraction

811. Feeble Attraction

Aired December 7, 1989

After Norm fires his secretary, Doris (Cynthia Stevenson), she becomes infatuated with him and won't stop following him around. Meanwhile, Robin surprises Rebecca with an antique desk, and Woody wins a radio call-in.

Quote from Cliff

Woody: Mr. Clavin, how can you be delivering mail on the coldest day in Boston's history except for one?
Cliff: Well, a very good question there, young Woodman. It seems that like any member of your camel family, we Clavins have an extra... No, wait. That's how I can go without water for a week.

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Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?
Norm: Yeah. Now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?

Quote from Norm

Norm: Sammy, I'm trying to. I can't shake the girl. I mean, I come in Cheers, she's here. I go upstairs to plug the parking meter, she's there. I come back in Cheers, she's here. Sammy, it's like somehow she's figured out my whole routine.
Doris: [enters] Oh, Mr. Peterson. I knew I'd find you here when you weren't at the parking meter. Could I warm up your seat for you?
Norm: It's OK, Doris. It's never cold.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Doris, we have to get something straight here, OK?
Doris: Yes, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: I am not interested in you, OK? I'm not interested in any woman except for my wife, and I'm not even interested in her.
Doris: She's a very lucky woman.

Quote from Norm

Sam: Want another one, Norm?
Norm: No, thanks, Sammy. I'm going home. I'm not feeling too great, you know? I just can't shake the sight of Doris staring at me and undressing me with her eyes.
Carla: Now I want to go home.
Norm: Anyway, see you in the morning, I guess.
Sam: Yeah, I may be a little late.
Norm: That's OK. I had a key made.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: You know, a postal carrier is pretty much the Indiana Jones of your civil servants. Just as Indy faces off a pit of rattlesnakes or a sewer full of rats, I have to, daily, mind you, trade wits with the Flannigans' dog.
Doris: Oh, Cliff, when you get out of the service, could we go out together?
Cliff: Well, uh, you know, Doris, there's actually no rule against mailmen dating women. It just sort of turns out that way.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Well, I think I handled that one rather well, don't you, Wood? Could I have a celebratory beer, please?
Frasier: Handled it, my foot!
Norm: What?
Frasier: You mean to tell me you're going to pay that girl week after week just to stop following you and watching your every move, interrupting your beer drinking?
Norm: Come on, Fras, this is nothing. I bought Vera a house.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: All right, you want to talk American heroes? I'll give you numero uno, the only guy who should be on the list, Mr. J. Edgar Hoover.
Norm: What?
Frasier: J. Edgar Hoover was a paranoid, right-wing, megalomaniac who used his position to intimidate presidents and congressmen and smear anybody who disagreed with him.
Cliff: Eh, can't poke any holes in that guy, can you?

Quote from Norm

Norm: Sammy, excuse me, do you know how to spell courteous?
Sam: Yeah, Norm. Just as it sounds. Then check it with Frasier.
Norm: I've got to write this letter of recommendation for Doris. Remember my secretary Doris?
Sam: Oh, yeah. What, did she quit?
Norm: No, I have to let her go. Business hasn't been going too good since I decided to stop working.

Quote from Frasier

Rebecca: Oh, it's gorgeous. Isn't it gorgeous, everyone?
Frasier: You know, I could have had a desk like this once. A beautiful antique, real prestige piece. Something to mirror and dignify my status. But I decided that that sort of display was too ostentatious, so I put the money into pinstriping my Beamer. Looks pretty sporty, too.

Quote from Woody

Host: [on radio] Mr. Boyd, what was the coldest day in Boston's history?
Woody: [on the phone] Well, you don't really care. You're just like all the rest.
Carla: Woody, tell him.
Woody: All right. The coldest day in Boston's history is January 12, 1981.
Host: Mr. Boyd, you've won our grand prize!
Carla: All right!
Woody: The winds were westerly at 20 miles per hour.
Host: You'll be staying...
Woody: Interestingly enough, the coldest day in Boston's history did not start out that way.
Host: ...home of the world-famous mahi-mahi burger.
Woody: The barometric pressure was hovering...
Host: Hey, weatherman, shut up!
Woody: Not till I'm finished.
Carla: [on the phone] Give me that. He'll be right down to pick up his prize.
Woody: What did I win, a t-shirt?
Carla: Woody, you're going to Hawaii.
Woody: I'm going to Hawaii? It's not cold there, suckers!

Quote from Norm

Frasier: How you doing there, Norm?
Norm: Uh, kind of at loose ends, a little bit, you know? Just feels strange not having that sad, pathetic creature following me around all time.
Frasier: Doris kind of grew on you, huh?
Norm: Oh, no. I meant Cliff.

Quote from Norm

Pete: I'm telling you guys, Davy Crockett was the greatest American hero. question.
Norm: Come on! Man, he deserted his wife and kids and one of the worst absentee records in the history congress.
Pete: Well, who's your hero?
Norm: Bambino. Babe Ruth. Sultan of Swat. Built Yankee Stadium.
Cliff: Come on, stop, will ya? From what I hear, the guy was a glutton, a regular eating-and-drinking machine.
Norm: Oh, who am I supposed to pattern my life after, Gandhi?

Quote from Norm

Woody: Oh, boy. Hey, everybody, guess what. I was reading "The Farmer's Almanac." Guess what. This is an historical day. This is the second coldest day in the history of Boston.
Norm: Yeah.
Woody: And don't you want to know when the coldest day in the history of Boston...
Norm: Uh, Woods, things are pretty boring around here, but I don't think we've quite sunk that low yet, OK?
Rebecca: Guess what, you guys. Robin Colcord bought me a new desk.
Norm: So when was the coldest day in the history of Boston, Wood?
Woody: Interestingly enough, the coldest day in Boston's history did not start out that way. Yeah, it started out relatively warm, but then, by noon, the temperature began to drop.
Norm: So, you got a new desk, huh?
Cliff: [enters] Hey, Normie, you want to see where the Flannigans' dog almost bit me?
Norm: Well, congratulations, Cliff. You have just won the Boston Bore-Athon.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Anyway, she's on her way over here. I got to finish this puppy.
Sam: Well, what do you got so far there?
Norm: I got... All right. "To whom it may concern, Doris..." And then there's this big middle chunk that I'm still working on. Then I close with, "And I hope the Red Sox win the Pennant. Norm Peterson." That's how I end all my correspondences.
Frasier: Actually, Norm, you have to use upbeat adjectives like, um... Oh, hardworking, loyal, professional...
Norm: Good. Good, good, good.
Cliff: How about prompt?
Norm: Ooh, prompt. Cliffie, all right.
Frasier: If I might make a suggestion, too, why don't you write it on stationery instead of a cocktail napkin?

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Boy, you know, I bet it was murder for Robin to get that desk delivered on a cold day like this.
Woody: Yeah, I bet there was only one day in Boston's history when it would've been harder to get something delivered.
Rebecca: If you pretend like you're interested in my desk, I'll pretend like I'm interest in your weather.
Woody: Deal, Miss Howe. You know, interestingly enough, the coldest day in Boston's history did not start off that way. Like, the barometric pressure in the morning...
Rebecca: I'm sorry, Woody. Wait. I bit off more than I can chew.

Quote from Frasier

Norm: All right, guys. I think I got a good start on this. I open up with all that courtesy crap, and then I go, "I'm sorry to let Doris go. No reflection on her. She's a fine worker. And I'm sure she'll be an asset to any company.
May the Red Sox..." Yada-yada. Norm Peterson.
Sam: That's good.
Norm: Yeah.
[Doris enters wearing a yellow raincoat]
Norm: Uh-oh. Oh, there she is.
Frasier: My God, he's going to fire the Morton Salt girl.

Quote from Woody

Man: Could I please just have my beer?
Woody: All right, but just guess. What was the coldest day in the history of Boston?
Man: Am I gonna have to talk to the manager?
Woody: She don't know.

Quote from Carla

Rebecca: Guys, guys. Robin just faxed me this message about the desk. "Dear Rebecca, by now, you've received your desk. You should know that it has a hidden secret that's going to make you very happy. But don't look for it, because I want to be there to share the surprise. I will give you one hint. The key word is... Ring." It's a ring, Carla. There is a ring hidden in that desk. Isn't that romantic?
Carla: My ex-husband hid my engagement ring in an X-rated soap on a rope. He scrubbed me raw for two hours before I found it. Now, that's magic time.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: I have had it with giving out this free psychological advice. It's bad enough I do it as a living. I mean, I have to come to the bar and do it here, too? I'm not about to analyze this poor, pitiful creature who obviously is suffering from a very low self-image and finds in you a validation of her sense of self in her own personality. Damn it, I did it again!
Norm: So what you're saying is that I basically appeal to her desperate nature?
Frasier: Clinically speaking, she'd go for anything that could lumber up to her under its own power.
Norm: OK, now, how do I get rid of her?
Frasier: Well, try building up her self-confidence. If she feels better about herself, she'd be less inclined to degrade herself by going for the likes of you. I mean no offense. I mean, when I say, "the likes of you," I don't mean you personally. Just any unappealing, go-nowhere loser.
Norm: So why should I take offense?
Frasier: Good man.

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