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‘For Real Men Only’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Cheers: For Real Men Only

808. For Real Men Only

Aired November 16, 1989

Frasier gets nervous on the day of Frederick's bris. Rebecca is tasked with organizing a party for a retiring executive. Meanwhile, Carla tries to get the Bruins to retire Eddie's number as a tribute.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Uh, yeah, this is nothing anyway. The original rites of passage, uh, started with the jungle tribes down in Borneo.
Norm: Yeah?
Cliff: When young jungle tribal lad was, uh, on the brink of puberty, they'd bring him forward and, uh, take out this large, sharpened clamshell-
Sam: Oh, no, no. Don't tell me.
Cliff: They would, uh, fill it with dip, pass it around with the hors d'oeuvres.
Sam: Oh.
Cliff: Then they'd take these two big jagged rocks...
Norm: no, Cliff, Cliff, Cliff, Cliff.
Cliff: ...bang them together to call the tribes out of the hills. You know, then the, uh, witch doctor stepped up With this long, sharpened bamboo staff...
Woody: Oh, here it comes.
Cliff: ...shoved it into the ground and hung a flag on it. Then they danced around it pretty much till they dropped really.
Sam: Wait. W-W-When do they circumcise the kid?
Cliff: What do you mean, circumcise? There are no Jews in Borneo, you mulyock.

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Quote from Woody

Woody: This is a piece of my very first baby blanket.
Norm: Now, uh, what do those little dots signify?
Woody: Well, that represents my very first childhood disease, smallpox. I almost died. [rubs it against his face]
Cliff: Well, what's that, uh, long green thing there?
Woody: Oh, uh, this is the beanstalk from my first high school play. I fell off of it in the first act, cracked 2 ribs and punctured a lung. I almost died. Oh, this red patch here represents the big fire that burned down my house when I was 6.
Norm: And what, you almost died?
Woody: No, I got out. But while I was running away, I fell in this well, right here and I almost... Well, you know.

Quote from Cliff

Woody: Say, did his bellybutton fall off yet?
Frasier: Any day now.
Norm: What, what do you mean?
Frasier: Well, you see, when the umbilical cord is severed, the remaining umbilicus stays attached to the naval for several days, during which time it, uh, comes to resemble a sort of shriveled, week-old banana.
Cliff: Hey, you know, it's very funny you use that analogy because the, uh, human umbilical cord if memory serves is 90% potassium.
Frasier: Stay away from the baby, will you, Cliff?

Quote from Frasier

Sam: You kidnapped him? What about the bris?
Frasier: Sam, I just couldn't go through with it. I mean, l... You know, I tried to. Tradition and Lilith and all that, but, my god, I'm the... I'm the boy's father. And that guy was about to give my son one hell of a boo-boo. I assure you, Frederick, this won't happen every time we have people over to the house.

Quote from Frasier

Cliff: What, uh... So what did the little woman have to say about all this?
Frasier: Oh, my god, Lilith. You know, I never looked back after I elbowed her into the chopped liver.
Norm: Frasier, as a married man, I think I can give you some advice. You go back, you talk to her, you iron this out. What's the worst that could happen? I mean, she can't kill you. You were dead the moment you said, "I do."
Frasier: You're right. I should go back. But I'd be so embarrassed. I mean, how can you go back to a roomful of people that think you're a total idiot? I mean, how do you do it, Cliff?
Cliff: Well, I don't really like to divulge... Hey!

Quote from Norm

Cliff: Well, Norm, I'm glad we went to the ceremony.
Norm: Me, too, Cliffie.
Norm: I'm kind of proud of myself, you know? Figure if I could eat through that, I could eat through anything.

Quote from Sam

Lilith: You are all coming to the bris this afternoon, aren't you?
Sam: Oh, you bet, we wouldn't miss that bris deal for anything.
Frasier: You know, I can't tell you how much it means to us. As you all know, I was raised without a religious tradition, and I'm determined my son shall not be similarly deprived. I'm so grateful to Lilith and her Jewish faith for providing Frederick a heritage of spirituality. You know, and the ceremony promises to be quite enlightening, too. I mean, after all it's not everyday you're ritually circumcised.
Sam: What?!
Lilith: Well, that's what a bris is.
Frasier: Yes. It's the religious ceremony where the... The baby is circumcised.
Sam: Oh, the baby!

Quote from Frasier

Sam: Come here, come here, listen, listen, I know what you'd tell me in a situation like this. First you'd say lots of gobbledygook that no one could understand but then you'd get me to go back there and face the music.
Admit the truth.
Frasier: Well, you're right, Sam. Confronting one's fears is one of five ways to resolve an inner conflict. Of course the other four being... God, aren't I pompous ass?
Sam: No, you're not pompous.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Hello, everyone. It's Cranes a trois. Look who's making his first trip to the big bar. Ooh, show everybody his little fake l.D., hon.
Lilith: Frasier, please.
Frasier: Oh, I'm just having a little fun. You know, I've tapped into a whole new vein of humor with this baby thing. Oh, for example, how many babies does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: none! Babies don't have the motor skills or the depth perception to change a light bulb. [laughs]
Lilith: That one does get me.

Quote from Frasier

Sam: He looks so different than he did in the hospital.
Frasier: Yes, I know. You know the days flee so quickly. If only we had had the foresight to capture those early days of innocence, but now, they're gone forever.
Sam: How old is he now?
Lilith: About a week.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: All right, let's get this bris show on the road. Chop, chop. Ooh, sorry. Wrong choice of words.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Ok, everybody, I got a petition here I want you all to sign. Clavin, you first.
Cliff: Huh? No, no, Carla, I'm very particular about where I put my John Hancock.
Carla: If you don't sign this in the next 30 seconds, your John Hancock is gonna be a Betsy Ross.
Cliff: Right about here, you say?

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: [mumbling] Why... Why me?
Sam: You want to talk about it, or do you want to whine?
Rebecca: I guess I want to talk about it.
Sam: No, no. We can't do both.
Rebecca: Corporate wants me to throw some idiotic, stupid retirement party for some insignificant middle-management nobody.
Sam: You're retiring? Congratulations!
Rebecca: I wish. You know, I thought I was through with this sort of crap. Corporate hasn't bothered me for months now. In fact, I haven't even heard from those people in I don't know how long. Hey. Wait a minute. You don't think they have somebody else doing this stuff, do you? [gasps] Who's moving in on my turf? I'm gonna make a few calls.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Carla, how's your petition coming?
Carla: Well, it was a little slow at first, but since I started forging people's signatures, it's gone a lot faster.
Rebecca: That's nice. You know, I never did sign that.
Carla: Oh, yeah, you did.
Rebecca: Really?
Carla: Yeah, I worked you in right here between Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson.
Rebecca: Ooh, forge me again.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Well, I feel sorry for that guy. This is probably one of the last parties he'll ever have, and he doesn't look like he's having a very good time. You know, maybe we should liven it up. I'm great at parties. Back in Hanover, I invented the game "Hide Bob's Pants." Boy, everyone loved that game. Well, except for Bob.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Hello, everyone.
Rebecca: Hi, Frasier. You through with the bris?
Frasier: Yes, yes, yes. My son is happy, healthy, and nowhere in the vicinity of this bar. Ouch! Say, uh, just out of curiosity, you know, does anybody in the bar happen to be lactating and in need of some quick cash? Well, if so, just, uh, meet me in the office. Ouch! Damn it, Frederick, give it up. It's just not gonna happen.
Woody: You know what? I think he's got the baby under that coat.
Rebecca: How did you know that, Woody?
Woody: Oh, it's the same basic premise as "Hide Bob's Pants."

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: No, Sam, I'm not gonna let you call and arrange a wet T-Shirt contest. It exploits women.
Sam: What, you got a better idea?
Rebecca: I'll call.
Sam: What about exploiting women?
Rebecca: Well, you know, when a man does it, it's exploitation. When a woman does it, it's good business. [on the phone] Hi! Is this Jiggly Party Queens?

Quote from Carla

Carla: Great. I did it! Eddie's gonna be honored after all.
Woody: Oh, terrific. So the Bruins are retiring his number?
Carla: No, no, the Bruins convinced me that Eddie wasn't a good enough player for that kind of an honor. But they offered me season tickets if I leave them alone, which was pretty much what I was after in the first place. Yeah, wait till I tell the kids. Maybe now they'll respect him.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Hey, everybody! My grandmother cleaned out her attic. Guess what she found?
Carla: Your grandfather?
Woody: No. He doesn't go in the attic. It's a memory quilt that all the women in my family made for me when I graduated from high school.
Frasier: Yeah, I've heard about these things. Lots of women get together and embroider patches that illustrate the happy memories of a young man's life.
Cliff: So these women were, what, authentic folk artists then, huh?
Woody: No, just bored housewives.

Quote from Norm

Sam: Uh, not that I'm questioning you, or anything sweetheart, but what are we signing here?
Carla: Well, you now, when Eddie passed away, uh, I wanted to do something special for him so I started this petition to get the bruins to retire his number, kind of like a memorial.
Norm: Yeah, that will show him that people of Boston won't forget old... Old... What the hell's his number?
Carla: 38.
Norm: 38. Oh, no, no. No, no, 38 will not work. That's like the most popular guy on the team, one of the top scorers.
Carla: Is he dead?
Norm: All right, Eddie's got him there, I guess.

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